Stop With The Fucking Text Messages!

(Update: The most excellent Rush and Molloy report that both Kidman and Cruise's PR people deny that the incident took place)

Britain's 3AM Girls give us an interesting scoop about the cold front that exists between Cold Mountain helmer Nicole Kidman and her ex husband Tom Cruise.

Sure, their break up was bitter, leaving Kidman adrift in a sea of sharkish paparazzi, not to mention Lenny Kravitz. But who knew that after all these years there is still, well, rage.

Apparently Cruise was writing Kidman unsolicited text messages.

The 3AM gals write:

"Cold Mountain star Nicole, who lost out to Charlize Theron in the best actress category, marched up to Tom and snapped: 'Can you please stop sending me those stupid f***ing text messages?!'"

Oh, it's on like Grey Poupon!

They continue:

"Startled Tom, who also missed out on a gong for his performance in The Last Samurai, hissed: 'Not here, Nicole!'

"The furious exchange left onlookers stunned and is bound to shatter the myth that, despite their divorce, the couple remain the best of friends."

The Corsair leans towards screen, riveted

"'It all happened so quickly,' a shocked witness tells us."

The Corsair shakes his media addled head, knowingly: doesn't it always?

" 'Nicole went up to Tom and it looked like they were just going to have a catch-up chat. But Nicole had an ice-cold look on her face. She grabbed his hand, squeezed it and then started telling him that she was fed up with his texts and wanted them to stop.

"Tom made it clear that it was neither the time or place for such a conversation. He didn't want to be drawn into a public slanging match. Everyone was talking about it afterwards. It's not every day you get the biggest names in Hollywood bickering like teenagers.

"Goodness knows what the texts said but they left her with steam coming out of her ears. The fact that she didn't win anything at the awards can't have helped."

And so, in snarky fashion, here are some possible text messages that Tom may have sent to Nic:

1) That dress does not flatteringly expose your cold mountains

2) The Best Actor in a Drama category, which you have duly announced, is an almost complete chronicle of your romantic life during the past year. Does that offer you any personal insights?

3) Charlize brings off yellow better than you do.

4) Lose the headband

5) Where's Lenny?

Oh Nicole, I love you, but how could I resist?