Drudge on Monday's Bush in 30 Seconds Awards


Look at The Harlequins! That was the title of a hauntingly beautiful work by the now-forgotten novelist-poet Vladimir Nabokov (United States of Amnesia?) that from time to time breezily wafts in and out of my consciousness like that elegant Russians beloved butterflies, or, ven more oddly,like the melodies from the antique music boxes that cluttered my childhood.

Anyhoo: Matt Drudge is drawing our attention once again to those waifish clowns, our harlequins, and he's armed with transcripts -- transcripts!, like The Church Lady spazzing out on java, with an --"Isn't that special?" -- at the ready ...

Our Matty Boy. Matt Drudge has some of the transcripts of Monday night's event for Moveon.org's Bush in 30 Seconds Contest that is sure to catch the attention of tommorrow's tabloids.

Included among the banter of the left-leaning comedians (operative word here, Matty, is comedians) is the charming if ... politically overagressive ... Margaret Cho, who I have interviewed in the past, and who happens to say some of the more outrageous things (nooo ... you don't say), for example:

"Despite all of this stupid bullshit that the Republican National Committee, or whatever the fuck they call them, that they were saying that they're all angry about how two of these ads were comparing Bush to Hitler? I mean, out of thousands of submissions, they find two. They're like fu--ing looking for Hitler in a (haystack). You now? I mean, George Bush is not Hitler. He would be if he fucking applied himself. (big, extended applause) ... I mean he just isn't."

Good to know, Margaret. And:

"... They could have moved the Ten Commandments to Bush's office -- which he needs them, desperately. Or maybe he needs a new version of the Ten Commandments -- George W. Bush's Ten Commandments: Thou shalt not steal...votes. (big applause) Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's...country. (big applause) Thou shalt not kill...for oil. (big applause) Thou shalt not take grammar...in vain. (big applause) I mean, whatever fucking happened to separation of church and state? I mean, you can't like, impose your god on my god. God has many names. God is God, God is Jehovah, God is Allah, God is Buddah, God is Beyonce. (laughter)"

Drudge also drudges up harmless quotes from obscure rapper Chuck D:

"Son of a Bush and his crew is at it again, because, we do not want 8 years run by a Colon, a Bush and a Dick." (big applause)

Finally, the terminally unfunny jerk Al Franken rounds out this cast:

"I'm Al Franken. I'm here to present the funniest ad award. I'm a last-minute substitution, former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill was supposed to be the presenter, but unfortunately he was murdered."

Funny, Al: How could Stuart Smiley have tanked with oh-so-swiftly crafted lines like that? The Corsair would like to ask the near-hysterical Matt Drudge (he has the vapors) if he doesn't realize that these are comedians and one bitter rapper who lost his spot at the top for coining anti-semitic lines.

Is it just a slow news day in Miami, Matt? In America, one is entitled to say whatever one wants to his or her heart's content assuming, of course, that said content does not include yelling fire in a crowded movie theater, or that sort of thing. Besides, what kind of a threat do these guys pose to warrant top billing on the Drudge Report?

Alas, the country is growing more and more polarized, tragically, between the comedians and the evangelicals -- who also sometimes moonlight as clowns. Someone call David Brooks, fast! I need this situation clarified for me in a manner as only his soothing prose can do.