Paris Hilton: Homewrecker!

The National Enquirer reports that Paris Hilton, while taping her reality show The Simple Life, wrecked the relationship of two high school sweethearts in Altus, AK, and then got the hell out of town quicker than a wayward preacher faced with a shotgun wedding!

Caroline Cains --the earth angel-- told the Enquirer:

"Thanks to Paris, the future Trae (Lindley) and I were building was ripped apart within a matter of days ... As lovers, Trae and I are back to square one."

Caroline Cains and Trey Lindley were Mr. and Miss Ozark High in the 2003 yearbooks, but apparently, Trey thought being Paris' Arkansas fling was a more prestigious title. Or, at least cooler for a high school kid when in the locker room with the guys. Men.

Trae spoke out in the same interview:

"There's a chance Caroline and I can mend our relationship, but it's going to take a lot of work. Caroline just doesn't trust me anymore."

Noo: really? Ah, young naive love. Why can't the Real World be as exciting as this? Come to think of it, when was the last time that TRW was even exciting?

A source told The Enquirer:

"(Paris) admitted to at least one person in Altus that 'The Simple Life' producers encouraged her to find a romantic counterpart because they thought it would make for 'good TV.'

"It wasn't very difficult for her to find a fall guy, because Paris was the first celebrity most of the townspeople had ever met. And she used that star power to cast a spell on Trae."

The story goes on (Corsair munches popcorn distractedly, leans in to computer screen) ...:

"'Paris met Trae at the Altus bait shop where she and Nicole were working, and Trae was smitten.

"'Then Paris ran into him a few nights later when she and Nicole were carousing, hanging out with some neighborhood kids at a local gas station.

"'Trae is a handsome guy, so when Paris saw him again she made it pretty clear she wanted to hook up. And as the evening progressed, she continued to pursue him.

"'As soon as Paris learned about Caroline through one of Trae's friends, she giggled and said, He has a fiancee? Well, we'll see about that!

"'She started rubbing against Trae, batting her baby blues, and flipping her hair.

"'By the end of the evening, Trae had forgotten all about his fiancee and had become Paris' toyboy — whatever Paris wanted to do with him, he was game. It was really sad to watch Paris take a couple who were so madly in love and destroy them without a care in the world."

Bait shop. Gas station. Leg rubbing. Hooking up. This story has it all: the heartland, an uptown girl, reality tv, and romantic betrayal (Corsair claps). You've got to read it to believe it. Oh good job, guys; inquiring minds are satisfied.

Now, if only we could fit a Golum into the story.