Fuck Joan Rivers

No, don't fuck her literally, as with all that plastic surgery, such an operation may be on the impossible side. Besides, any chance of finding a supple piece of flesh on Old Phoney Joaney is highly unlikely. I'm being figurative here. I mean, who does Joan Rivers think she is anyway? Her fifteen minutes ended the instant she rat fucked Johnny Carson with that low grade piece of ass late night comedy show on the Fox network all those many moons ago. But nooo, never ever count on Joan Rivers to make an elegant or timely exit.

Instead, Joan Rivers, like the proverbial guest who will not take the hint that the party is indeed over, has extended her stay on the national landscape, taxing all of our patience, and generally fucking up our good time as media voyeurs. Insinuating herself on to the red carpet with that bitter, venomous mouth that we all know and hate, Joan Rivers gets to stand in between legitimate celebrities and their entrance to the Oscars and, of late, the Golden Globes as well. With her talentless "offspring," . With her talentless daughter, Melissa in tow, Joan aggressively barrs celebrities from making an entrance unaccosted to an event that they have indeed been invited to.

The Corsair has a feeling that celebrities are too affraid to be mean to Joan because they fear the opprobrium of the E! Network or, even worse, a cutting remark on their perfect night. Remember Lynn Redgrave, nerves on end after allegations of her husband's affair, hoping to win Best Supporting Oscar, in abject horror as Joan asked her who she was "wearing."

Publicists can get panicky as well; celebrities with jitters as to whether or not they will get an award are naturally vulnerable. And, like the puff adder that she is, Joan Rivers has anticipated that vulnerability and preys on it, plays it like a Stradivarius. Rivers plays on the fear to judge these stars on their sufaces -- their looks and their fashion. Imagine the shame of an elderly woman so shallow as to judge celebrities on their surfaces. But then, Old Lady Rivers seems immune to shame.

Everyone: celebrities and journos and viewers alike are waiting -- with baited breath -- for someone, anyone to deliver a much needed bitchslap to Madame Joan Rivers' surgically stretched cheek.

Retire, Joan ... retire!