Michael Not Biological Father of His Kids?

That significant cultural artifact and guilty pleasure The National Enquirer is reporting that the biological father of Jacko's kids may be an anonymous sperm donor.

The article, which, with the tabloid, goes on sale today, but is teased online here goes on to say, "Jackson was also caught in a lie about his third child Prince Michael II, (the article) tells how his credibility could become a major issue in the child molestation case."

In other Jackson news, Machiavellian lawyer Mark Gregaros, on Larry King last night, tried to quell the hullabaloo over Jacko's Nation of Islam "conversion," and whether or not Metternichian Johnny Cochran was going to replace him, saying:

"The fact of the matter is -- you want to know where this originates from? It's the PR firm that the prosecution hired ... And what they did is, they played the race card. They're trying to inject Johnnie Cochran into this. They're trying to inject the Nation of Islam as some kind of a buzz word into this."

But the only buzz word, or "buzz inducer" anyone is focusing on at 11:30 am Friday morning is what the hell is the "intoxicating agent" that Michael Jackson used. Multitudes of purveyors of hard beverages are hoping against hope to profit from the Grand Prize in the "Ford Bronco" and "ugly assBruno Magli Shoes" sweepstakes of Product Placement in Celebrity Crime Award.

Better known as 'The Juicies,' these awards are lucrative, but not as prestigious as, say, sitting next to Dominick Dunne, enthralled, as he gloms celebrity off our latest bad-celebrity-cocktail-chatter episode, like an engorged wood tick feasting on an unfortunate tabby cat.

Greeat. Has Geraldo got his Michael Jackson theme song at the ready? Such are the rituals of shadenfreude and democratic levelling in progress. Or maybe The Corsair is playa hating and moralizing with such high falutin terms because he isn't profiting from the Bonfire of Vanities? Don't even entertain the thought.

We report, you decide.

Update: "MilkNCookies" writes, "In the words of Maury(Pauvich), Michael Jackson, "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!"

Update: "NeedMoolah" writes, "Mike is a mess someone on another BB said they saw on the news that when Mike was being booked he said his eyes were chocolate:

"Officer: Eye Color?
Mike: Chocolate
Officer: Chocolate?
Mike: yes, chocolate
Officer: That's not a color
Mike: I said Chocolate
Officer: I'm putting down brown"