"I've seen her in her underwear, but I've never seen her with a mop!"

The above quote comes from celebrity dummy Nick Lachey speaking on the subject of his wife, Jessica Simpson, who has eyes the color of weak tea, by the way, in the latest Star Magazine.

The interview is significant for several reasons, the most important being: who the hell gives an interview to Star Magazine anyway? Isn't Star one of those magazines where if one finds oneself ensconsced therein, the right response is to recoil in horror? Don't publicists commit hare-kare as a result of the failure to get their clients stories out of the pages of Star? Isn't Star the embodiment of shadenfreude? Has Star ever run a positive piece about a celebrity?

Apparently Nicko doesn't mind -- if you'll excuse the pun. In the interview, when asked if he and his dim wife were worried about overexposure, he replies, "I've always said that's a good problem to have. We're certainly enjoying ourselves."

Okay, Sally Kirkland!

The interview goes on, painfully:

Star: "People are fascinated that Jessica made you wait two years, until you were married, to have sex.

Nicko: "I wish it were only two. It was three.

Star: "And you were faithful the entire time?

Nicko: "Uh, yeah. Let me give you the exclusive scoop: I wasn't with her because I wanted to sleep with her. If that was the case, I would have been gone early on. I fell in love with her for many other reasons. I was very much dedicated to her and very faithful to her.

Star: "You've said you'd never even seen her naked before you got married?

Nicko: "I'm not talking about this stuff. It's not anybody's business."

Uh huh, read all about it.

And in other breaking boy band news: Nick Carter fires his manager mother. I know, I don't really care either.