Joyce Wadler Gets Elbowed In The Breadbasket!

Imagine our surprise when we read in the Metro section of the New York Times that their Boldface Names Columnist Joyce Wadler took an elbow to the ribs as a parting gift from P Diddy's bodyguards! Ooof!

Or at least this is what hapless readers (Corsair included) were led to believe. Let's run through the evidence like Diddy in the city:

The column begins with Tuesday's opening of the Marquee, the 'ultralounge.' Wadler runs into Fisher Stevens, AKA the ex-Mr. Michelle Pfeifer, who says he is "shy." His best bud Matt Dillon, rides shotgun and is, as usual, negotiating with a beautiful blonde, unable to close the deal. So far so good, everything is as it has been since the beginning of time; Joyce is okay.

Then she meets Chelsea Clinton and Ian Klaus. They cannot do an interview but are polite about it, all told. So far, so good.

Then (El Greco lighting, dramatic Buxthehude organ music) things go wrong .. horribly wrong: P Diddy is in the building. Joyce writes:

"Mr. Diddy did not converse. He stopped just long enough to do the ritual 'what's up?' handshake to the chosen few: open-thumb grip, slight bow of the head, grave expression.

"Then Mr. Diddy and the guard recreated into the chilly entrance hall where Mr. Diddy's men formed a moat around him while he made 'a private cellphone call.'

"'You can have two questions,' Mr. Diddy told us, after he had hung up.

"Weasked him to describe for us his perfect environment."

"'I'm not answering that,' he said, waving us off."

"A little later, when Mr. Diddy was leaning on the DJ booth where Q-Tip was spinning, we asked one of the bodyguards who was standing in front of him if we could ask another question.

"'He doesn't want to talk to you, he already told you that,' the guard said. Then he elbowed us in the ribs, ultrahard."

Say what?!

I am not kidding, this is the verbatim report from Joyce Wadler. Is she okay? Is this a joke of some kind? Should I arrange a convocation of bloggers to address the issue? Are we to inquire as to the state of her health?

I really hope that those bodyguards did not lay a hand on our collegue Wadler. 'Cause we're drinking milk!