Friday, May 09, 2008

On The Creepiness Of John Mayer



There is something super-synthetic creepy about John Mayer. He's not, like Vince Vaughn's brand of creepy. Vince Vaughn is Big-Goon-Creepy in a sort of "I'm Playing Nice Guy Romantic Comedy Roles, But What I Really Love To Do Is Fight In Seedy Dive Bars." Vaughn is like "Secretly I'm Wearing Tightie-Whities" kind of creepy. And that's, you know, sort of okay- creepy in a non-metrosexual straight guy-ish kind of eccentricity, nah mean? One does not feel the need necessarily to lock up one's daughters at the approach of Vaughn, right? He's just sort of older-bachelor creepy, in need of some renovations by a girlfriend. John Mayer, however,is another kettle of fish altogether. From ABCNews:

"For now, everyone seems to be talking about Mayer's blooming romance with Aniston. But he, for one, can't understand what the big deal is.

"'This is not a scandal, this is not an issue, this is not a problem, this needs no spin control,' he told 'Entertainment Tonight' at the Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute gala earlier this week. 'This is me living my life. ... There are much worse problems in the world. Everything's cool!'"


No it's not, bro; it really and truly isn't. Mayer is the creepy predator type that preys on women of a higher social strata with low self-esteem. You know the type. Shifty-eyed and toussel-haired, guitar at the ready to perform a "soulful" (read: shitty) ballad to the pretty girl on the re. That's a ghoulish gig, to be sure, even for show business, but the thing that makes us really stand up and take notice is that Mayer feigns this synthetic air of moral superiority when the blogosphere or the press reacts to something that is being done so publicly. Like it's totally OUR fault that we think it is noteworthy to mention that John Mayer serially, habitually dates famous women with haunted, broken eyes. Note to Mayer: If you don't like coverage for dating famous women, date non-famous women. There are, we hear, quite a few of them on the planet.

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