Wednesday, May 14, 2008

How Stupid Is West Virginia?



(image via wvculture)

Trailer logic prevails! This is what the mountain people, in flatus to be sure, call "The Goat's Rope (The Corsair uncorks a vivid Chardonnay)." By the way, did you know that West Virginia consistently ranks at 51st or near the bottom of states in education?

Poring over some of these West Virginia numbers is a true venture into trivilaity. For example, according to a CNN exit poll, 50% of voters said Obama's shares the views of Jeremiah Wright. Forget the fact that they now hate each other. Do they get cable or even talk radio there? One can only assume that they answered that exit poll through a mouthful of boiled peanuts. Ah, to be able to fathom the uneducated -- and uneducable -- mind (Averted Gaze).

The collosal level of Fucking Stupid prevalent in Appalachia is nothing short of goddam dumb-founding. Ponderous! For example, former Senator John Edwards, who left the race several months ago, got as much as 7 percent in West Virginia yesterday! Do they consume news in West Virginia ... or just possum! Did someone explain, very slowly, that Edwards was no longer an option? Are newspapers and internet access kryptonite to the residents of the mountain state? Or is that just salad.



Who needs a rod-and-reel when you've got 6-fingers? (image via proteinpower)

Cousin-loving notwithstanding (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment), let's not forget the mathematical near-impossibility of Senator Clinton ever achieving the nomination? Or the vaguely concession-ish videos the Senator from New York has sent to her donors. Little things like facts don't really matter, it seems, to a West Virginian with a belly full of moonshine and an eighth-grade education. It was a real Baby Boomer jump-the-shark moment, Hillary, surrounded by people who aint never gunna vote f'r the ni'gra. Nice, Senator .. Nice (The Corsair slyly shoots a glare of withering contempt).

They are a rebellious lot, never removing the Marlboro from their lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss their ass. They probably don't care that for the next generation, because of that "rebellious" vote, they are to be considered the nation's joke -- at home and abroad. God bless West Virginia, really and truly, they make such well-considered life decisions (Averted Gaze).

You do your thing, West Virginia you ... do ... your thing.

UPDATE: This is probably one of the more caustic Corsair blog posts of all time. It is aimed at the WV electorate that willfully voted for the doomed Clinton candidacy as a protest vote against electing an African-American President. It is not meant personally for every single inhabitant of the mountain sate.

3 comments:

CatBird said...

Dear Corsair,

Your commentary would carry more weight if it were even a little grammatically correct and not in the form of a simple diatribe.

I hope you know that, despite the poster you found and used as an illustration of WV narrow-minededness, during the Civil War, West Virginia was actually on the Union side. In fact, the origin of the state of West Virginia dates to when that portion of the then-state of Virginia seceded from the rest of Virginia, when IT seceded from the Union.

I am aware of WV's place in the US state rankings for population age, education, poverty, etc. However, before assuming everyone there is an inbred "idjit" you should look at the way the state and that area of Appalachia in general has been exploited by mining companies, timber companies, and almost every other company that exploits natural resources. Unfortunately for WV and Appalachia, there are few other employment opportunities than working for those who exploit the area's natural resources and population.

And, WV is not the only state in the Union to openly exhibit racism at the thought of nominating a black presidential candidate. The sad fact is, racism, overt and covert, is still rampant in this country, in ALL of the states, and it's not going to change in time for the election in November.

Best Regards,
CatbirdNYC, a granddaughter of WV

Ron said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ron said...

I'll concede my error in saying that WV was not on the Union side. I'll not comment on that bitchy grammar remark chiding me to be "even a little grammatically correct" because that speaks, quite awkwardly, as to who it is actually judging me. Judge not lest ye be judged, CatbirdNYC.

All Corsair blog posts, BTW, are in the form of diatribes, darling. Have you ever seen "A Little of the old In and Out"? My take on the creepiness of John Mayer? I do non-diatribe journalism on the sites where I get a paycheck. This is more fun; this is more me. And while WV is not alone in exhibiting racism in electing an African-American -- Pennsylvania was a pretty obvious case -- the fact that WV voted so heavily in favor of a candidate who has all but lost in all categories from popular vote to superdelegates was the most sonorous slap in the face to Obama and, of course, to African-Americans. The reports, on NPR and other media outlets, of people who said, without ant shame, that they would not vote for a black man shocked me. As to "The sad fact is, racism, overt and covert, is still rampant in this country, in ALL of the states, and it's not going to change in time for the election in November," I'll say this: New Yorkers would never be so wholly without shame as to say to a reporter's hot microphone that they would never vote for a black man. And while I can understand your pride in the place that you were born, the fact remains: that shameful act of a 41% margin has made West Virginia something of a national joke. This post is kissing kind compared to what other sites -- Wonkette, for example -- are saying about WV.