The Corsair Versus Larry Dobrow
The Corsair can take criticism with the best of them. If one dishes it out, one must be prepared to take the hits along the way. That's only fair. But someone named Larry Dobrow of MediaDailyNews took it to another level.
We need to discuss his little article, which starts as a review of Razor Magazine and then sort of singles me out with screaming caps and artless lines. Dobrow begins his one-man-media critique by opening, on Razor Magazine, that "at times it boasts the manic twitch of Tom Arnold after 18 Red-Bull-and-vodkas."
Charmed, I'm sure. Tom Arnold ... Red Bull Vodka's -- and the punchline is? Clearly, Dobrow is on a tear. He thinks he is, anyway. Or, maybe Dobrow is on a rapidly approaching deadline with a deficit of wit. Our gassbag continues, leaking, noxiously:
"Here's the thing, though: Razor doesn't need to try as hard as it does. For about 75 percent of the mag's May issue, one gets the sense that it's about to settle in comfortably between Maxim and GQ on the men's publishing food pyramid. But the other 25 percent... medic!"
That "25 percent," apparently boils down to my 1,000 or so words in the May issue. Mathematics not being Dobrow's forte, not when Dobrow's got an axe to grind, to wit:
"Take 'The Corsair,' a column by blogger dude Ron Mwangaguhunga."
"Blogger dude." (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment) The tone is set. The roles are cast in this ... bad Larry Dobrow operetta. The Corsair is "blogger dude," and Dobrow can hereafter be my sidekick, "Bubbles."
The 25 percent the aforementioned "Bubbles" says Razor needs to ditch is naught else but yours truly. Sour grapes? Sucky job? Hemmorroids? Who knows. Not I. Not, former Editor in chief of Macdirectory -- just ... "Blogger dude," (Averted Gaze) ladies and gentlemen of the jury. We'll presently proceed:
"In it, he ranks his top 10 women of the moment, referencing how Aisha Tyler 'fills out a bathing suit exquisitely' and how model Helena Christensen's face 'gets hotter and more interesting through the passage of time.'"
In The Corsair's defense, the other, oh, say, 987 words in the column are the stuff you have come to expect. Dobrow just zeroes in on his "25 percent," with maniacal glee, blind to the grand design. More bloviating:
"Honestly, I had to re-read it to see if I'd missed some blatant FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, THIS IS CLEARLY SATIRE notation, but none was forthcoming."
No, but forthcoming is a little piece of advice: turn down the volume, asshole. Pop a Klonopin, picklehead. All caps makes you look like an hysterical fool. All caps do not amplify the meaning of the sentence or the sentiment involved, as was your intention; all caps only draws attention to the lack of wit at your command. But Larry Dobrow has no "shame in his game":
"As a writer and a dude, I'm ashamed for both my profession and my gender."
As to the shame you profess to feel for your gender ... we will pass that over in considerable silence. We'll only say that such gender shame may color his observations on the genre of men's magazines. As to his proud claim that he is, in fact, a "dude," we'll let the dated quaintness of the term stand as a reminder that bad surfer movies do influence weak and rudderless minds.
In my article that -- on the whole -- was quite brimming with excellence, Larry Dobrow AKA "Bubbles," picked two of The Corsair's not-that-excellent lines (16 words in total) and makes them into all sorts of twisty shapes to the purpose of skewering The Corsair. (Did The Corsair spill a drink on you at a media party?) In the process, he has made an ass of himself.
What is the cause of Larry's obvious axe to grind? If "axework" is Larry's choice of arms, play on! But we think he'll find The Corsair's "Razor" sharper still. We all have our less-than-stellar moments, like this one that Mr. Larry Dobrow had in his review of Vanity Fair:
"...My horoscope informs me that in May, I'll be 'heading into uncharted territory without a Sherpa to guide [me].' Good thing I'm not planning on summiting Everest anytime soon."
Horoscope reviews? (Disgusted Gaze) This is supposed to be a media critique of Vanity Fair, my good man. Are they paying you by the word, Lar? Poor Larry Dobrow, paid to media navel gaze got caught contemplating "Uranus." (Averted Gaze)
That writing can only be properly construed as -- at best -- lazy, Mr. Taurus the Bull. At worst, that was Taurean bullshit.
Finally, Larry Dobrow reveals his odd personal animus (Did The Corsair interrupt you at a media panel?) never more clearly than in these telling lines:
"And yet Razor recovers from this grievous offense against the English language only a few short pages later. Flint Wainess invests his 'Breakup Guy' column with the self-deprecatory wit and self-awareness that Mwanga-whatever-his-name-is lacks."
"Mwanga-whatever-his name is." What is this, grade school? Larry Dobrow: Class dismissed.