A Little of the Old In and Out

In: The penultimate Soprano's episode for the penultimate Sopranos season is on Sunday night (The Corsair rubs his hands together and chuckles softly in anticipation). Molte buono! And so it begins (munches on zeppolli). As the HBO website describes the episode, "With the feds pulling a new trump card, Adriana ponders her options. Tony B. unloads some heavy baggage on Tony, and vice-versa; Johnny Sack makes Tony an offer he can refuse; and Tony offers Carmela a deal to make her real-estate dreams come true. Don't miss the all new episode 'Long Term Parking' on Sunday May 23rd at 9PM ET."

(The Corsair digs into a plate of pounds of shrimp scampi)

So, does that mean Adriana gets whacked, Ninja style? Or does she convince Christufuh to go into witness protection or what? What heavy baggage? Were the Tony's victims of child abuse when they were younger? Is that what made them the men they are today, capish? (The Corsair chows down on veal marsala, making wild Mediterranean hand gestures)

Out: Senator John Kerry, he of the Gilbert Stuart-like crafted face, delaying his acceptance of the Democratic nomination for strategic reasons. Bad fucking move.

Already the Repubican spin machine is playing this little fiasco as another example of the flip floppy Taxachuesetts liberal's indecision and, quite frankly, lack of a core. Thirty year old bideo tape of an idealist Kerry against the war on Dick Cavett does not an exciting man make. Kerry has not yet found the G-Spot of the Democratic Party, and The Party is getting restless and unsatisfied. Why have a convention without the traditional "happy ending"? The Republicans have a point. The Conventions are geared like a NASA mission, with the candidate launched -- officially and with great fanfare -- on the last day, in prime time; a culminating speech without accepting the nomination is, to be sure, a zipless fuck. The NY Times observes:

"If he goes through with the idea, Mr. Kerry would still give a culminating speech amid the traditional pomp and circumstance of his party's convention here in late July. But he would formally accept his nomination at about the time President Bush does at the Republican convention in New York in early September, aides said.

"Such a move could offset what otherwise might be a severe financial disadvantage for Mr. Kerry under the arcane rules for the public financing of campaigns. Both he and Mr. Bush are planning to use federal funds in their general-election campaigns, and thus will be limited to spending $75 million apiece on television commercials and other expenses in the fall.

"But that spending cap kicks in at the moment a candidate is nominated by his party or on Sept. 1, whichever comes first, according to federal election officials. And with the Republican convention pushed back this year until Aug. 30 to Sept. 2, Mr. Bush has five more weeks in which he can spend an unlimited amount of money, while Mr. Kerry has to make his $75 million allowance last that much longer.

"'Think about it,' said one Democratic strategist who spoke on condition of anonymity. 'You're John Kerry. You're raising more money than any Democratic candidate ever has, you've just this last month out-fund-raised a sitting president of the United States who's a record-breaking fund-raiser himself, and despite all of that, the clock is ticking on when you can spend that money, and you know that for more than a month, you're not going to be able to use it. It would be self-crippling not to keep raising money as long as you can.'"

It would also be crippling, we cannot fail to note, if the Republicans began to attack Senator erry, who, increasingly, is allowing his campaign to appear stagnantly Al Goresque while he is out whoring for his campaign lucre. The Republican spin machine can characterize Kerry as being entirely a creature of strategy and compromise and, we must not fail to note, however regrettably, "The French Connection."

In: On a lighter, fruitier, Chateau D'Yquem note, According to Ananova, via The Sun, "Keira Knightley has admitted having cosmetic surgery.

"The Pirates Of The Caribbean star has confessed she had treatment to give herself a fuller upper lip, reports The Sun.

"The 19-year-old actress's treatment is similar to that which gave Leslie Ash her infamous 'trout pout'."

Which is understandable considering that those loveable Brits sometimes are -- how does one say this gently -- deficient in the smackers?

Comment here or on VH1's Best Week Ever Blog, where I have been known to post.

Out: Yodel-rockers: The Darkness. And I must say that this is one of the more disgusting, anatomical-biological stories I've ever blogged on, so, uhm, if you have eaten a meal in the past 10 minutes or are in the process of digestion of some repast, you might want to skip this one over. That having been said, according to Ananova, via The Sun:

"The Darkness frontman Justin Hawkins has had to undergo surgery in order to save his voice from his own stomach acid."

(The Corsair dry heaves)

"The flamboyant singer was forced to cancel a series of dates on the band's US tour earlier this year because of health problems.

"Hawkins told The Sun: 'I had a hiatus hernia and acid reflux. Basically, there's a sphincter inside your throat, as well as up your bottom. It's supposed to control how much acid is let up into your throat.

"'But mine was broken so my stomach was spitting acid into the throat. It was literally burning my voice up.'

(The Corsair nods, knowingly, mouthing the words 'that yodel')

"Doctors warned that if he didn't have treatment, he was in serious danger of losing his voice.

"The singer added: 'Doctors stuck a tube down my nose to measure the acidity. Three per cent is normal. They operate at 12%.

"'But I clocked a whopping 82%. It was one of the worst cases in medical history. I was taking indigestion tablets to stop it. But they weren't working. So I had to go through with the procedure."

"Although his voice is now permanently cured, Justin has been left with marks from the operation."

And we, who read this story, also have been left with marks, no less acute, though less visible.

In: California. Say what you will about Arnold Shwarzenegger: his 16 year old mistress, the hookers, the steroids ... Arnold did what he said he was going to do and the Democrats failed miserably at doing: and California is looking better, much better. Upgrade to Ca-lee-forn-ee-a, and the Governator. Now, go get annudder "ploh-jahb" from another ambitious young actress in the trailer.

Out: Michael Moore wins the Palme D'Or in Cannes. Didn't you know that he was going to win, though? His second win in as many years. The anti-administration politics, the buzz, the French. I actually loved Roger and Me, and will see this film as well. But it was just so political and I believe Cannes should be about the Global Arts, you know, honoring films like Wild at Heart, Cries and Whispers (my favorite fucking movie in the universe), 8 1/2, and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. How many years in a rown has it been that political films attacking internal United States culture have won the Palme d'Or? And I'm a moderate and I notice this.

In: A royal wedding in the rain. What could be more elegant. Reuters reports:

"Spain's Crown Prince Felipe has married former television presenter Letizia Ortiz in a glittering ceremony symbolising a new dawn for Spain two months after the deadly Madrid train bombings.

"A torrential downpour began as Letizia entered Madrid's Almudena Cathedral on Saturday for the capital's first royal wedding in nearly a century.

"But the rain did not dampen the spirits of tens of thousands of well-wishers straining for a view of the couple or watching the ceremony on huge screens in central Madrid.

"'Letizia, take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity to you...,' the prince said, at one point forgetting his lines, during a televised ceremony beamed to a billion people worldwide."

Sunshine is for amateurs, it is when a marriage can endure the rain that it can last a lifetime. Congratulations to the royal couple.

And also In: Jeff Zucker, getting monster buzz from the Observer:

"Last week, after 39-year-old Jeff Zucker was crowned president of the newly merged NBC Universal Television Group�now the biggest broadcasting company in America�the only question remaining for the NBC loyalists under Mr. Zucker�s management was: Why stop there?

"'I think Jeff would settle for President of the United States,' said Lawrence O�Donnell, a writer for NBC�s The West Wing, talking about Mr. Zucker�s insatiable ambition. 'He might take a rest after that.'"

"But Mr. Zucker would not respond to the call to duty.

"'Luckily for the United States of America,' he said on Tuesday, May 19, 'we�re not going to find out.'"

He might want to try a pharamceutical for that self confidence problem.