A Little of the Old In and Out

In: Ladies and gentlemen: Heeeere's ... Viscountess Grace Jones, slave to the rhythm (Grace is our second favorite sassy mamma, the first being, of course, the queen of sass herself, Oldhag). Is there even such a thing as a British peer of African descent? Don't they disown people for similar social misdemeanors (averted gaze)?

Anyhoo, according to the style wonks at British Vogue, "super-icon GRACE JONES is courting the ultimate fashion status symbol - a title. Party boy and social commentator Nicky Haslam is telling anybody who'll listen that the 56-year-old Amazonian actress is planning to marry his cousin, Viscount Ivor Wimborne. 'A final date hasn't been set, but Ivor is as in love as ever,' Haslam told The Daily Telegraph, adding that Jones had already ordered her dress and a Philip Treacy hat for the big day. 'It's unusual to sort out the dress before the date, but that's Grace,' he went on. 'People have been saying they'll marry at his home in Northamptonshire, but it wouldn't surprise me if they got hitched somewhere really hip instead.'"

Grace is about 20 years older than the 35 year old aristocrat, and she has been married three times previous. Her milkshake pulls all the boys in Debretts.

Out: Justin Timberlake. Frankly, The Corsair lost all interest in Timberlake when he ran away from the Janet Jackson nipplegate flak like a true punk; he lost all his street cred, his pimp juice. But The National Enquirer says, and enquiring minds really do want to know, that Justin turned down an autograph for two ten year old kids who had worked up the courage to ask him for the better part of their dinner:

"The girls -- both under 10 years old -- plucked up their courage to ask Justin for his autograph as the couple ate dinner at Dakotah's restaurant in Delray Beach on April 30.

"But they were crushed when the handsome pop star snubbed them! 'Justin was so involved with Cameron that he just said no when the little girls asked him,' a source told The ENQUIRER."

Now ... was that Justified? Justin Timberlake ... gets the gas face.


In: Vasaline, that viscous petroleum jelly, so very in; at least according to the wags at TheSmokinggun.com:

"Meet Robert Chamberlain. The 44-year-old Virginia man was arrested earlier this month and charged with felony criminal mischief for damaging a Motel 6 room in upstate New York. But Chamberlain, who has spent time on the pipe, wasn't breaking windows or throwing the television off the balcony. He was nabbed for slathering Vaseline on every single thing in Room 205--mattresses, pillows, sheets, furniture, carpeting, blankets, the TV, etc. A motel clerk discovered the damage after Chamberlain checked out and called the Broome County Sheriff's Office. When Deputy Kevin Smith arrived, the greasy m.o. rang a bell--a couple of weeks earlier a room at a nearby Super 8 was also apparently slimed by Chamberlain (though the owner declined at the time to press charges). A check of Room 205's trash turned up 14 empty containers of Vaseline, drug paraphernalia, cocaine residue ..."

(The Corsair shivers) I'm sorry, I just can't continue with this story in this vain. I was dreaming when I blogged this, forgive me if I go astray.

Out: Jimmy Fallon made his last appearance on SNL, and is now headed out to the world of film, cautiously, like the fox, or le renard in French.

According to Page Six:

"The cuddly comic played down his heartthrob image by turning down big roles in teen movies (he was offered the Josh Hartnett role in '40 Days and 40 Nights,' for example) in favor of smaller parts in Woody Allen's 'Anything Else' and Cameron Crowe's 'Almost Famous.' Last Saturday's show, co-hosted by Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, was Fallon's last. 'Being a cast member on Saturday Night Live was a childhood dream come true,' he told (Page Six)."

(The Corsair follows the reasoning closely) Fallon resurrects the dying SNL brand; burns no bridges in the process, cultivates a hearthrob image, and moves from small parts from indies on up. (The Corsair nods, a Machiavellian smile procedes along his African face) Smart.

In: Catwoman, the impending biggest bomb in the history of film. Scott Stereogum's pimp hand is strong, and his crystal ball is clear as to the portents of the future. You know when you saw that freaky tumor-like catwoman mask on Halle Berry, with the tits and ass revealing costume (and how is she supposed to deal with the criminial element in that outfit?), the shark was circling her career, ominously, with the John Williams Jaws soundtrack growing louder. Someone call homeland security, Catwoman is a bomb!!

The Palestinian Liberation Organization is sending people over to study the mechanics of catwoman for further research.

okay, enough (although I could go on forever)

Out: April Lavigne is not cool (The Corsair shakes his head and makes the gasface). Never has been, probably never will be. But Amy Poehler's impression of the angsty angry grunge rocker is very very cool; it's so choice, I highly recommend it. Apparently Lavigne realizes that she is quickly becoming a joke and is nipping it in the bud, according to Ananova, it was all a case of bad nutrition:

"Avril Lavigne says lyrics in her songs were angry because she was eating the wrong kind of food.

"Lavigne, who is currently promoting her new album, Under My Skin, says she was 'eating bad stuff, lots of sugar and carbohydrates, junk food all the time.'

"The Canadian singer added: 'It makes you very irritated. I spent some time with a nutritionist and learned I had low blood sugar. Now I eat accordingly.'"

In: Sure, Naomi Campbell is the skankiest girl in all the world (averted gaze), but when has that ever stopped a man in l'amour (goes to the window, looks out listlessly, melancholy)?

She is so round .. so firm .. so .. fully packed.

Anyhoo: her 34th birthday party for 800 of her closest friends sounds like our cup of tea. Obvs. According to Hello!:

"Invitees � who have been instructed to wear red or white � will jet into the celebrity hotspot for the three-day party, which will include a show by famed performance troupe Cirque du Soleil. Few other details about the extravaganza, which is being organised by the catwalk star's friends and family members, have been disclosed, but Naomi has revealed she'll be wearing an exclusive gown by Alexander McQueen.

"While many models might be coy about getting older, the sexy British cover girl, says she has no problem with the number of candles on her birthday cake. 'I'm 34 years old and proud of it,' she declared. 'I never lie about my age.'"

I'll forgive the fact that she has Cirqu du Soleil at her party, which is really tacky, for the fact that she is so goddamned hot, she lies in beauty ... even in her skankitude.