Thursday, May 27, 2004

A Little of the Old In and Out

In: Are Enrique Iglesias and Anna Kournikova ... married ... and pregnant? According to Ananova, via The Daily Star:

"The Daily Star reckons Anna is already pregnant following a 'secret' wedding five weeks ago.

"The couple apparently revealed they were married while walking along Miami Beach.

"A passer-by noticed Anna's huge pink diamond ring and congratulated them on their engagement.

"Enrique reportedly replied: 'That's old news. We were married five weeks ago.'

"That would have been around the time the couple were pictured in Bali on a holiday that the Daily Star now thinks was their honeymoon.

"And the paper says a friend was spotted rubbing Anna's tummy and congratulating her during a recent dinner in LA."

So, either Anna's preggers or Enrique might want to have a real personal conversation with that "friend," who amplifies on conversational points by rubbing his fiance/wife's belly.

Out: Princess Michael of Kent, according to the addictive Page Six, is so very out:

"The Pushy Princess, as she is known in Britain, had been trying to launch a career in the United States along the lines of Sarah Ferguson's successful efforts with endorsements and children's books.

"But yesterday � following her outburst at Da Silvano, where she told a talkative table-ful of African-Americans they should 'go back to the colonies' � her publicist, Dan Klores, dropped her as a client."

Bravo to Dan Klores.

In: Ambition -- but has it ever been "out"? A cynic might describe daily social existence as the clashing of the trajectories of egos in ascent. And there is no man more ambitious name among the boldfaces than Andrew Cuomo, Our Great Enemy, he who reeks of testosterone, thwarted statewide office, and the seedy mantra: "restoration of family honor ..." against the common good: The Cuomos. Fuckers, all. They never quite knew the right dance moves, if you know what I mean. Andrew just couldn't hold on to the Kennedy trophy wife, he couldn't refrain from naming her lover in the papers, he just couldn't parlay a sub-Cabinbet housing position into his dad's old job. Always the rushed energy, that kinetic frenzy, that in a better, wittier and more nimble player might result in the realization of fortuna.

There was never any good old Italian planning a la Machiavelli, with Cuomo, never a sense of pacing and slow progression -- his opera was all presto and no andante.

Mario, who sired that sloppy clan of climbers, could have run against Bush The First, he could have been a Supreme Court pick under Clinton ... but he didn't quite have the vocabulary down pat. Spin it as Hamlet on the Hudson, if you will, but, at the end of the day, we know the truth: we know Mario forgot his jockstrap at home and couldn't really play with the big dogs. Fo shizzle.

And, similarly so with his son Andrew, who smarmily cost H Carl McCall the chance at being the first African-American governor with a quixotic primary run, which weakened McCall to the point that Bill Clinton himself had to intervene, asking The Smarmy One to drop out. I fucking hate Andrew Cuomo's ambitious ass.

Page Six lets us know that the ambition still runs in Cuomo's veins, but what goes around, it appears, comes around:

"LOYALTY only goes so far in politics. Andrew Cuomo is believed to be positioning himself to run for state attorney general, assuming Eliot Spitzer decides to vacate the post to run for governor. Mark Green and Westchester Assemblyman Richard Brodsky are also said to be eyeing the AG job. But now there's another potential candidate, Charlie King, who was Cuomo's top aide at HUD and his running mate for lieutenant governor when Cuomo briefly challenged Carl McCall in the Democratic gubernatorial primary. When people ask King how he dares to run against his former boss, King cockily replies: 'The question is, will Andrew dare to run against me?'"

There is justice in the universe.

Out: The Monica Bag has been Lewinskied. According to British vogue:

"THE Monica bag may be a thing of the past. Monica Lewinsky, who launched her handbag line in September 1999, seems to have given up on it. TheREALMonicainc.com is said to be 'hibernating while designing for next season' and is currently announcing to all users that 'no one is in customer service either', while msnbc.com reveals that Henri Bendel in New York, 'no longer carries that line.' On launching the bag line, the former White House intern announced to the world via her website that designing had helped her through the dark days when her affair with the then President Clinton erupted into the world's press. 'Reawakening my creative senses has helped me cope during an almost unendurable time in my life,' she said on her website. 'As I have learned from this extraordinary experience, I hope that you recognise the importance of being free spirited with your creativity.'"

Creativity?

In: Tom Sizemore. Tough guy. Former fiance to Hollywood Madam Heidi Fleiss got a dressing down from Bobby D recently, according to that significant cultural artifact, The National Enquirer:

"Tom Sizemore has a surprising guardian angel Robert De Niro.
Sizemore, the star of 'Black Hawk Down,' has been down in the dumps over recent run-ins with the law, so the veteran Oscar winner talked to him, hoping to straighten him out.

"The 39-year-old actor landed in hot water recently when he reportedly tested 'dirty' for methamphetamine use."

The Corsair grabs a bucket of salt free popcorn and sits at his screen rapt.

"The Los Angeles City Attorney's office filed a notice of probation violation against the troubled actor -- who still has to serve a minimum of 90 days for domestic abuse against his former girlfriend, infamous Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss.

"Sizemore's lawyer insists his client's drug test yielded a false positive -- possibly triggered by a medicine prescribed by his physician.

"But 'Analyze That' star De Niro analyzed his pal's problems and decided to give him some advice, revealed an insider. The two met on the set of "Heat" in 1995 and have remained close.

"'Robert took Tom for a drive and gave him a stern talking to,' divulged the insider.

"'Bobby asked him to seriously consider what the heck he was doing and what ramifications his negative actions would have on his life.

"'De Niro said: Tom, what are the odds of becoming a movie star? Especially a guy like you.'

"'Tom knows he's not box office beautiful like Brad Pitt. He's got a gravelly voice and odd features. He used to wake up at 5 a.m. to take a New York subway to work -- where he'd cut melons for corporate breakfasts!

"'De Niro told him he was beyond lucky to have gotten as far as he had -- and he shouldn't throw it all away. Basically, he told Tom he was blowing it.'

"Sizemore confirmed to a reporter: 'Bobby De Niro talked to me when I was having problems. He said you're going to ruin your life, your health ... if you don't stop doing this stuff.'"

Out: Poopy Girl. Gawker covers the sad, sad tale of a girl who drank a little too much at the office party. It's a cautionary tale:

"Be prepared for one of the funniest stories you will ever hear.. [MAN'S NAME] just told me over the phone and this is completely factual because my roomate [X] was there and witnessed the whole thing..

"[WOMAN'S NAME] currently works for some advertising firm and this week they
have the whole industry attends a bunch of these big parties held by each of the major networks because they are trying to attract more sponsors, etc... Let me get this straight (these parties are huge and have tons of celebrites and
stuff) so even the newspapers cover these fiestas..

"Anyway, guess who gets so drunk, sh*ts themself and is carried out on a
stretcher from one of the Fox Networks parties in Central Park last
nite.. If you are thinking of our class representative who sends an update on what every geek from [SCHOOL'S NAME] is doing and has an enormous cranium, then you are correct. At least she is making [SCHOOL] proud.

" ... I have also been informed that everyone in the industry has been talking
about this the entire day and [WOMAN'S NAME] is as popular as Ashton Kutcher in Hollywood circles nowadays ..."

Working in the media is such a bitch, no? If she were a paralegal, we could prolly put just get beyond this and move on. Now the poor gal will most likely leave New York. Sad, but very very funny.

In: Dick Morris. Say what you will about this Francophile with a predilection to whores, he makes acute political observations. His latest column examines the recent history of fundamentalist Arab terrorist groups and how they insinuate themselves into the democratic elections in their Western enemies:

"The terrorists have always shown a proclivity for participation in the democratic process by distinctly undemocratic means. From the bomb that shattered the prospects of the favored and ruling pro-Aznar Party in Spain to the terrorist attacks on the West Bank and in Israel that doomed the Labor Party and inaugurated Benyamin Netan-yahu�s party in Israel, the terrorists are well aware of the political implications of their mayhem on democratic elections. They follow the polls and time their interventions with a skill any American political consultant would envy.

"Their capacity to disrupt elections in the United States was evident in the destruction of President Carter. Furious at the former president for sheltering the Shah of Iran, the Iranian militants seized American hostages and used their more than 400 days of captivity to make Carter appear even weaker and more vacillating that he was. Only when the Georgian was soundly defeated did they finally consent to the release of the hostages, ending the crisis along with the Carter presidency.

"Now it is evident that the terrorists in Iraq are trying to do to Bush what their Shiite
brethren did to Carter. By manipulating the pace and ferocity of their guerrilla war, they are moving the poll numbers in America more surely than the combined efforts of the Kerry campaign and his allies in the 527 community. If George Soros himself were orchestrating their timing, it could not have a more profound effect on the U.S. election campaign.

"Since the Iraqi terrorist offensive started in earnest, Bush has lost 15 points in job approval and 10 points in the head-to-head vote share. And still counting."

wow.

Out: Saks Fifth Avenue and Macy's, after The Corsair's favorite socialite, Miu Von Furstenberg gives us the scoop:

"Apparently women in New York City have something else to worry about while shopping for lingerie (other than the touchy feely lingerie sales people). Local a news broadcast stated that Saks Fifth Avenue and Macy's, had tried to resell returned undergarments. Ew ew ew. Personally I don't think that lingerie should be able to be returned at all.

"Spokeswoman Elina Kazan said Macy's does not sell worn undergarments and posts signs in changing rooms that intimate apparel should not be tried on for size on top of bare skin.

"'We train our associates to inspect the merchandise upon return and if in salable condition, return it to the sales floor,' she said. 'Any items that are soiled ... are not returned to the floor.'

"Saks did not return calls for comment."

To which, Miu concludes:

"I know where I'm not buying my lingerie from."










2 comments:

central booking said...

I feel bad for that poop girl. Can you imagine shitting yourself?

Ron said...

I have to agree. At least her name never got out. I know I've gotten drunk at company parties and said embarassing things, but this takes it to a whole new level.