The Girly Helen Gurley Brown

That significant cultural artifact Star Magazine interviewed Helen Gurley Brown, and the results were fascinating. Here are some highlights:

"Star Magazine: Burt Reynold's centerfold in Cosmopolitan's April 1972 issue was hot! What did he think of it?

"Helen Gurley Brown: He said we kept him from having a great movie career -- I think that was a little ungrateful of him!

"Star Magazine: Why did you choose him for the inaugural spread?

"Helen: It's that hairiness that's so sexy! He looks primitive!"

Simultaneous Translator: We were competing with National Geographic.

"Star Magazine: Do you think Cosmo readers would like to see Donald Trump bare all?

"Helen: I don't think people would mind seeing him naked. In fact, in the '90s I asked Donald to be a centerfold, but he didn't want to do it. There was no official reason. He just said no."

Simultaneous Translator: Trumps rump is a pasty pink glutinous mass of capitalist excess (for further reference, see Steve Forbes).

"Star Magazine: You write about rubbing Smirnoff on your body. What's that about?

"Helen: I did it with scotch! Alcohol is cool on the body. The best part is if you're having a kind of sexy date, you can drink some of the alcohol and use the rest for the rubdown."

Simultaneous Translator: Back in the day, Helen Gurley Brown was a freaky ho.