Letourneau to Fualaau: 'Recess Is Over'



The Corsair doesn't know precisely how the little (air quotes) "relationship" between Mary Kay Letourneau and her young lover, Vili Fualaau, will play itself out, publicly, but it certainly doesn't look like it's going to be another Ron and Nancy Reagan love affair to remember, now, does it?

The Corsair dramatically undoes his belt in order to perform a more thorough public lashing.

For one thing, (The Corsair feels his oats) there is a deep discrepancy as to how each of them perceives their "relationship." Fualaau saw it, as any 14-year old kid would, as a purely sexual conquest of his teacher. End of story. No deep seeded feelings involved. He became sort of an unintended stud overnight, an odd cultural phenomenon, the biggest fish in the little pond of the Seattle suburbs; and his arrogance, all these years later, was on full display in New York just last week -- first on the Today Show, then, later throwing back drinks at Suede, acting demanding, ever the diva, famous merely for having impregnated his teacher. Clearly, Fualaau has developed into a narcissistic asshole; one can only hope that in the fullness of time he gains some modesty. Fat chance, though.

Mary Kay, unfortunately, has her own very distorted vision of what they "are," and what duties he "owes" her because she gave up her own husband and children (they live mortified in hiding in Alaska) and her reputation and freedom for him.

Letourneau appears to believe -- I could be wrong on this, but, more likely, I am not -- that Fualaau will take care of her into her senectitude, that he is grateful, that he's in this for the long haul, that -- somehow -- they will be a family, and he will be faithful, now that she's out of the big house. Fat fucking chance, says I, as the proverbial genie is now out of Fualaau's pants, I mean, bottle; either Letourneau has serious problems drawing a bede on reality -- which I believe, and, quite frankly, am horrified, but not surprised, that someone so damaged could be a public school teacher -- or she is being led on by a kid.

According to that significant cultural artifact, The National Enquirer, things are about to get juicy with a capital J:

"Cradle-robbing sex scandal teacher Mary Kay Letourneau threatened to kill her boy lover when she found out in prison that he was seeing other girls."

The Corsair mouths: On. Like Gray. Poupon.

"An in-depth ENQUIRER investigation has uncovered shocking documents written by the Seattle teacher that reveal her murderous rage.

"'This is not a small-time love crime -- I'll find my way over the fence here and shoot him myself,' Mary Kay rages in a jailhouse letter to Faavae Fualaau, the older brother of her baby-faced Romeo, Vili Fualaau."

The Corsair empties a tall glass of Cutty Sark, and sits mesmerized by the screen.

"'Don't let any foreign ho' b**** in the house. They can't look at and play with our beautiful babies and then think they can ride the (bleep) that created them. 'Enough of that, tell him 'Recess is over.'"

The Corsair rings the end of recess bell, signaling, through Pavlovian conditioning, Fualaau to stop riding "the bitches" and "the ho's".

"The sex-crazed teacher complains to Faavae that she's 'doing time' for Vili and although she doesn't expect him to 'forget he has a penis' there are 'other ways' to get sexual gratification without having intercourse."

The Corsair contemplates the "other ways," and wonders why Letourneau, in the clink, would carry any water with Fualaau. Damn that National Enquirer and their reporting on "other wats.". No they didn't.

Prognosis: Not good. Fualaau milks his fame, possibly gets a reality show or recording contract or at least a magazine layout, gets lots of women as a result, parties in LA and NYC; Letourneau has some sort of breakdown, despondent she seeks revenge against Fualaau for not standing by her after "all she's done for him .."

Louisiana Politics: The Big Sleazy

The Near-Infinite Corruption of Louisiana Politics is sometimes hard to fathom even after years of skeptically following that scene. Only last week, Louisiana's sleazy Congressman, Rep. Alexander switched parties, accidentally on purpose, at the last possible moment, in the darkness of the night, increasing the Republican advantage by one in the House, simultaneously diminishing the Democrats by a vote by one, finally nixing any chance of the Dems -- his old party -- an even break to run a challenger against Alexander's new Republican seat. Oilier than a N'Orleans muffaletta.

Now, according to TheHill:

"The Louisiana Republican Party�s endorsement earlier this week of Billy Tauzin III in that state�s 3rd congressional district has attracted intense criticism from some Republicans and led one prominent state GOP leader to submit her resignation.

"Collette Vizier, a member of the state�s central committee, announced today that she would step down as deputy director of Louisiana�s Republican Party in protest of the endorsement.

"Vizier resigned from the state executive committee because she thought the party had deserted her. She did not resign from the central committee itself.

"'I would rather jump from a bridge and commit suicide than vote for Billy Tauzin,' Vizier told The Hill. 'So I�m jumping from a bridge and committing political suicide.'She criticized the process of how Tauzin was endorsed and noted that none of the executive committee members who backed Tauzin are from the Louisiana�s 3rd congressional district."

Now, to keep this criticism in perspective here -- Vizier is a Republican in good standing, trying to run a clean ship. Frankly, Louisiana is just as nasty business with the Dems, but lately the Republican Party has gotten overly bold, overly corrupt, so we're going to break our general air of nonpartisanship to put up the dukes.

"In response to Vizier�s resignation, Tauzin III said, 'It is her right to disagree with the executive committee, just as it is the committee�s right to make an endorsement. Clearly, the party believes that I have the best chance among conservatives to retain this seat.'

"Her resignation came one day after state Sen. Craig Romero, one of two other Republicans in the race to succeed Tauzin�s father, Rep. Billy Tauzin, Jr. (R), said the Louisiana GOP�s endorsement was a ploy to allow the junior Tauzin access to his father�s extensive campaign coffers.

"'It�s all about the million dollars in the campaign account,' Romero said, referring to the almost $950,000 the elder Tauzin still has in his war chest, according to the Center For Responsive Politics.

"'The little boy ain�t going to make it on his own.'

"On Tuesday, Louisiana�s Republican Party broke from tradition and formally endorsed Tauzin III, commonly referred to as 'Little Billy,' even though there are two other Republicans � Romero and physician Kevin Chaisson � in the race.The Louisiana GOP endorsed Tauzin because they thought they had a chance to win in the Nov. 2 general election and avoid an unnecessary runoff, said Jon Bargas, executive director of the Louisiana Republican Party.In Louisiana�s non-traditional election system, the November ballot is open with the top two candidates competing in a December runoff ... If Tauzin wins in November, the Louisiana GOP could focus its money and personnel on other races, Bargas said, primarily Rep. David Vitter�s (R) Senate campaign.

"... The Louisiana GOP�s decision to endorse Tauzin took only 16 minutes, according to the official minutes of the meeting, which were included in an e-mail that accompanied Vizier�s resignation letter.Romero, who had raised more money than Tauzin � $514,661 to $341,441 � said this decision was alienating Louisiana Republicans from their own party.'There�s economic distrust,' Romero said, adding that the RNC has been unsuccessful in Louisiana in past elections, most notably the 2002 Senate race and 2003 gubernatorial races, because it ignores the concerns of state voters.'This money will be used to perform a David Copperfield magic show,' Romero said about the elder Tauzin�s campaign money. He charged the 13th term congressman with trying to fix the election in his son�s favor."

So, now you know. It's no wonder that political insiders call Louisiana by the nickname, "The Big Sleazy."

Madonna and Kabala: Splitsville?

"Mama told me one day it was gonna happen/
But she never told me when./
She told me it would happen when I was much older./
Wish it would've happened then."

Is This The End, New Edition

There are reports around the ethers that Madonna's Kabala phase may be drawing to a close, going the way of her South Beach Latina phase, her Black Basketball player phase, her Club Kid phase, her lesbian phase, and her British Aristocrat phase, all in the dustbin of her history, her sloughed off ethnic skins.

According to FemaleFirst:

"Madonna is reportedly becoming disillusioned with The Kabala Centre, an insider has been reported as saying to the Star newspaper.

"The source is quoted as saying that Madonna is upset that they have apparently been marketing off of her.

"The source was also quoted as saying that she is also tired of them constantly coming to the well for money, and she was furious they leaked she was to visit to Israel. The insider said that Madonna and hubby Guy Ritchie have had enough of it feeling leaders have become too intrusive in their lives.

"It was reported recently that during rehearsals for a performance Guy Ritchie was so angered with the constant interruptions that he ended up scuffling with one of the Kabala rabbis."

That having been said, Madonna apparently still has an interest in the religion itself and it's texts, even as she has issues with its worldly leaders and representatives, according to a recent Ananova, where:

"Pop star Madonna has bought Britney Spears a priceless 12th century Kabala book to celebrate her engagement to dancer Kevin Federline."

The Corsair says aloud: 'Now, what is Britney Spears going to do with a book?'

"The singers are followers of the mystical offshoot of Judaism, so Spears in fascinated with the special bound edition of Zohar, also called the Book of Splendour, and travels everywhere with it.
"'It paints a bigger picture than even the Bible. It's just so interesting to me because I've never read stuff like this before,' Spears was quoted as saying."

One can imagine Britney, poring over the ancient text, using a dildo as a bookmark, stopping only for a moment to get some "fixins," and to help Federline get the right Fosse angle for his baseball cap.

A Little of the Old In and Out

In: Rock Chicks. Liv. Kimberly. Liz. Riley. Leah. According to Hello! Magazine:

"Making it in the world of modeling is no easy task, even if you are blessed with the looks. But having a surname that is already synonymous with fame and glamour may be a big help. And these days not a few rock stars' daughters are making their mark on the fashion industry."

We love rock royalty, guys, almost as much as we heart Page Six.

Out: The Exorcist Prequel. An unprecedented two versions of the same film, one going to theaters, one going to DVD. Livin la vida loca, people. FlyOnTheWall throws down, in furious anger:

"The penultimate issue of The L. A. Weekly had a very interesting and dishy article about the complete fiasco behind the making of The Exorcist prequel, titled Exorcist: The Beginning, which opens today. If you live in LA, you've probably already read the piece. If you're an out-of-towner, you can read the entire article for free here.

"It's a great trip behind the curtain to see the uglier side of the Hollywood moviemaking reality. In a nutshell, acclaimed writer and director Paul Schrader (Taxi Driver, Raging Bull) made a version of the film you'll never see. Certifiable hack Renny Harlin (Cutthroat Island, The Long Kiss Goodnight), the former Mr. Geena Davis who was also fired as the director of Alien3, completely reshot the film with a radically different script, and that's what's opening today. (For those who didn't keep up with their tabloids, Geena divorced Renny for banging and impregnating his personal assistant.)

"I've heard from a few people who have seen both versions that Schrader's is a far better movie, but Harlin's has all the amusement park scares that studios want in their summer releases. Translation: Schrader had quality; Harlin has scary gorefest crap. Hopefully, someday we'll be able to see Schrader's version. I'm guessing greed factory Morgan Creek will release it on DVD at some point in the future."

In: Sarah Jessica Parker goes Ga-Ga for Kerry. According to Fashionweekdaily, SATC star and Gap ad pitchwoman (what the fuck is up with her all over the city?) is pitching Kerry on her very own body:

"Kicking it up a notch we hear Sarah Jessica Parker already has THE hottest Kerry accessory of the season: is it true she swapped her diamond 'CARRIE' necklace for one that reads 'KERRY'? We have a feeling that they will be coming soon to a store?or website?near you."

Out: Eminem and Dre Denied Entry. According to the Daily Dish (3rd Story Down):

"Hip-hop superstar Eminem was reportedly denied dinner at a Florida restaurant, because he was 'rude and obnoxious.'

"The rapper spent time at theme park Walt Disney World's Ritz-Carlton Orlando with his 8-year-old daughter Hailie and mentor Dr. Dre recently, but what should have been a relaxing break reportedly turned into a trip full of conflict.

"Sources say that because of their alleged bad behavior, they were denied dinner at the Ritz restaurant.

"A source tells Us Weekly, 'Their bodyguards threw one of the waiters into a plant, causing him to fall on the floor. We said we didn't need their business. Plus, they were dressed terribly!'

Averted gaze.

In: The Anti Kerry Ads Controversy. According to TheSmokinggun:

"The broadside against John Kerry's war record is particularly bizarre in light of what one of the leading bomb throwers had to say about the Democrat while both served in Vietnam. George Elliott, a key member of Swift Boat Veterans for Truth who appears in the anti-Kerry group's virulent TV commercial, recommended Kerry for a Bronze Star in 1969. In the below Navy report, Elliott, a lieutenant commander, recounts how Kerry was 'highly courageous in the face of enemy fire' during a fight on the Bay Hap river in March 1969. During that skirmish, Elliott noted, Kerry dodged sniper fire to save a colleague who was knocked overboard when a mine detonated. In a March 1969 evaluation, Elliott reported that Kerry was involved in 'several enemy initiated fire fights' and 'exhibited all of the traits desired of an officer in a combat environment.' A December 1969 fitness report was equally laudatory, with Elliott giving Kerry the highest possible grade available ('Is not exceeded') in most categories, including loyalty and moral courage."

Out: Jerry Hall Going Back to Texas. Ask Janice Dickinson, Mick Jagger can even make a girl forget her roots. British Vogue writes today that Jerry Hall is trying to exorcise the her last sympathies for that rock and roll devil:

"JERRY HALL is going home to Texan to rediscover her accent. The 48-year-old supermodel has landed the part of cowgirl Calamity Jane in a new West End production of the play that was first made famous by Doris Day. But, having lived in London so long, she is concerned that she might not have the right voice any longer. 'I'm going to have to go back to Texas for a while to brush up,' she told CONTACTMUSIC.COM. "

You've always been a Texan, Jerry, Dallas doesn't wash off: London is just a temporary state of mind.

In: The Nation. In the summer of 1995 I got my intro to the New York media chattering classes as Christopher Hitchens' intern at The Nation. Clinton was president, so the magazine had a vital role in criticizing the administration, and, to my joy, my phone calls for documents and quotes were promptly returned.

Fast forward: 2000. The pendulum swings. George Bush assumes the Presidency. One might think that such a change would augur badly for a left-contrarian journal like The Nation, the times, evidently, were a changing.

Au contraire. Nation subscriptions and newsstand sales actually improve during a GOP administration, just ask Paul Colford of the Daily News, who writes:

"As the nation awaits the formal start of the presidential race on Labor Day, The Nation has picked up the most support among political magazines.

"Circulation of the liberal journal, a weekly voice of opposition to George W. Bush, has risen 71% during his presidency so that it's now the top seller in the field of opinion mags.

"At 165,000 copies, The Nation's circ is still dwarfed by the size of The New Yorker (1 million), The Atlantic Monthly (448,000) and other glossies.

"But The Nation's growth in the past four years, including some 24,000 new subscriptions since the Iraq war began, is striking compared to the performance of the three other leading political mags.

"Circ in the first six months of 2004 was out this week from the Audit Bureau of Circulations."

Also, Joanne Wypijewsky, the sexiest and most cerebral Catholic labor writer of all time, has summed up Jesse Jackson's legacy to the democrats Party magnificently here.

P Diddy Runs the City (Ibiza)



No posts today Friday due to work commitments.

According to The Daily Dish:

"Sean 'P. Diddy' Combs was forced to flee his $6.3 million yacht after armed security men raided his private party in the Mediterranean.

"The rapper grabbed his fur coat and sprinted through the streets of the Spanish isle of Ibiza after 20 guards mistook his boat guests for a crew of thugs and burst into his party as part of a drugs purge."

The Corsair tries to wrap his mind around the concept of P Diddy sprinting through the streets of Ibiza in a fur coat with shorts on underneath.

"A source tells Britain's Daily Star newspaper, 'It was insane, Puffy was throwing one of his usual bashes.

"'It was exclusive and very chic. The last thing we expected was a bunch of armed security guys coming through the door.

"'We were just getting down to cocktails after the famous Ibiza sunset when they burst in and screamed, 'Everybody down, this is a raid.'

"'Puffy just freaked. He's always worried that people are out to get him because of his fame, so he just ran for it."

The Corsair sips wanly on his Cutty Sark, intrigued at this un-Scorpionic behavior from Diddy.

"He'd been chilling out in the hot tub in his shorts and just flung a fur coat on. He got the shock of his life.'

"Once the security officers realized their mistake, they were 'most apologetic.'

"The source adds, 'They even stayed and had a few drinks and offered to buy a few beverages for the star.'

Livin La Vida Loca.

Comment here or on VH1's Best Week Ever Blog

Michael Alig and James St. James



For the past three weeks, Steven Saban's WorldofWonder has transcribed unintentionally hilarious tape of phone interviews between James St. James and the fascinating and notorious club kid killer, Michael Alig (prisoner #97A-6595, incarcerated for smothering Andre 'Angel' Melendez with a pillow, then allegedly, injecting him with drano), is currently serving some sweet time at Rikers.

According to the NY Times, back then: "He appeared in court with his underpants showing through his trousers and with no laces in his shoes. After three days on Rikers Island, the man who once announced that he wanted to be 'the most famous freak in the world' was reportedly beaten by fellow inmates.' Said Angel's brother, 'What this guy did to him is not even human. I hope he gets the electric chair."

Well, he didn't get the chair. Our wonderful criminal justice system instead hooked him up with a delish piece of proson trade named Cowboy, with budonkadonk, more of which later.

But here's this weeks wacky installment in la vida loca a la Michael Alig, in which the inmates complain of sub par java:

"Alig: ...There was this animosity towards me in every little thing that I�d do. (The inmates) would get mad at me. Like I�d try and serve them coffee and the coffee in here is really poor quality. People in here have an ego problem, they have Napoleonic complexes, some of them get offended if you offer them this coffee because it�s really awful quality and their attitude is, 'What, you think I can�t afford to get my own coffee?' But then again, if you don�t give it to them, it�s like, 'Give me everything I�m suppose to get� � so you lose either way. '

James: Now, what other jobs do you have?

Michael: That�s the only one. I quit. I quit. Well, that was when I was dating Cowboy. Remember Cowboy?

James: No

Michael: I didn�t tell you about Cowboy?

James: No. Tell me about Cowboy.

Michael: James, Cowboy was the one who killed the Prince of Park Avenue!

James: Michael, I don�t know about this.

Michael: Well, you know the case.

James: Oh, is this the whole Screaming Rachael thing? Oh yeah yeah yeah.

Michael: She was dating, supposedly, this Prince of Park Avenue character and coincidentally this boy, his name is Cowboy, he was 17 and he was with this older guy and they were jewel thieves and they broke into this apartment on Park Avenue, this prince, and they stole all his crowns and all his jewels, all the crown jewels of his country, and they killed the prince and three other people in the house. Well, Cowboy is from a trailer park in Georgia and a really sexy baseball player, he was going to be a professional baseball player, and he had no idea the value of these jewels and so he takes his share back to his trailer park in Georgia and he�s doing the laundry and walking the dog and shooting raccoon wearing this king�s crown thinking it�s fake gold or something. And it was solid gold with rubies and emeralds and priceless, you know. So anyway, he gets caught, and they give him a hundred years for that and he�s in Attica with me and, as it turns out, Screaming Rachael also testified against him. So that was our connection. He was so hot � I mean, with this beautiful white trash Southern accent and had no idea, could not understand why it was so sexy to be this white trash trailer-park boy named Cowboy.

James: Oh totally.

Michael: So we became friends and he was coming at me, you know, with this Southern charm. They called him 'The Gentleman Killer' because he was like ...

James: 'Yes sir, no sir.' I love that. So hot."

Which Michal Alig Club Kid are you?

A Little of The Old In and Out

In: Beyonce's Hair. Her hair is very, very wealthy, thesmokinggun reports:

"The pop singer's five-year endorsement deal with L'Oreal is worth a maximum of $4.7 million and requires the 22-year-old star to work just ten days annually (though the company can ask for two extra ten-hour "service days" at the bargain daily rate of $25,000). Along with the ten days worth of photo shoots, promotional gigs, and personal appearances, Knowles must apprise the cosmetics giant of "any radical changes to her hair any concert tour may necessitate" and has to maintain her luxurious auburn locks "in excellent condition." ... The lucrative contract ... also gives L'Oreal the right to actually inspect Beyonce's hair as long as she gets two weeks notice."

Out: Beyonce's Toe. Although Beyonce has rich hair, her toe is broken by a bodyguard nicknamed, "Shorty". Ananova reports:

"Beyonce's bodyguard has broken her toe after standing on her foot. The singer was on a shopping trip in New York when her bodyguard nicknamed Shortie, accidentally stood on her foot while trying to shield her from a crowd of fans.

"According to MTV a source said: 'There were some fans on his tail and he was too busy watching them to see where he was putting his feet.

"'Beyonce let out a shriek and hobbled back to her car, wincing in pain. She looked angry at first, but then she burst out laughing because you would have thought she had been shot by the way he was reacting.'

"Doctors have told Beyonce to rest for a couple of weeks.

"A friend said: 'Beyonce knows that Shortie is there to protect her and she also knows that he will always do his best to be by her side.'"

No word yet on whether or not Jay Z is going to Get Shorty.

In: The Frost Versus Sessions Texas Congressional Race. That's hott. The thirteen term Democrat, Martin Frost, is in the most expensive congrssional race in the nation. Add hijinx to the mix, and we're so there. According to TheHill:

"Rep. Martin Frost's (D) campaign released a police report yesterday revealing that his opponent this fall, Rep. Pete Sessions (R), was stopped by police in 2002 for removing lawn signs from a highway median a few days before his last reelection.

"The 2002 police report released by Frost shows that Dallas police officer Jana Brewster stopped Sessions and a Washington, DC, staff member in 2002 as they removed lawn signs from a Dallas highway for Sessions' then-opponent, Pauline Dixon, who he eventually beat with 68 percent of the vote.

"Sessions and the staff member were pulling up Dixon's lawn signs and loading them into the bed of his red pickup truck when Brewster pulled up to ask the two men what they were doing. Brewster then asked Sessions if Dixon knew he was pulling up her lawn signs. He replied, 'No."

The Corsair softly chuckles.

"She then asked him if he was running against Dixon. Sessions said, 'Yes.' The police report has attracted widespread media attention in Texas over the last couple of days.

"Frost's campaign released the report because Sessions's campaign blamed them for plastering signs all over Lakewood Elementary in the first place, said Justin Kitsch, a spokesman for Frost's campaign. The ensuing war of words provoked them to release the 2002 report, Kitsch said. Earlier this year, Frost and Sessions vowed to run clean campaigns."

Not in this ultra-partisan environment. No how. No way.

In: Bitney's My Prerogative Update (link via Stereogum). According to MTV News, here's a sneak peak at her "My Prerogative" video:

"The singer ignores streetlights and traffic laws as her sports car speeds up a dark road in the Hollywood Hills toward a hillside manor, which has an air of old Hollywood about it, according to a copy of the video treatment obtained by MTV News. A party is in progress, which the singer gladly disrupts, jumping the curb in her car, crashing through a fence and splashing into the pool.That sort of thing might put a damper on most people's party plans, but Spears just crawls atop the car as it sinks and starts singing, 'Everybody's talking/ All this stuff about me/ Why can't they just let me live?'

"Her dress soaking wet and clinging to her skin, she steps off the car and goes into the mansion, giving partygoers a look that commands respect and fear. She passes couples making out on the couches as she makes her way into a stainless-steel kitchen, where gourmet food is on display. She grabs a butcher knife, walks across the kitchen brandishing the knife, and just as she steps out of the room, she cuts the straps off her wet dress, letting it fall to the floor.While it's not clear if she's wearing anything now, Spears walks into a study, where a man sits in the dark with his back to her, watching a black-and-white film projected on a pull-down screen. It looks like a skin flick from the 1940s or '50s, but as he watches it, his cigar smoke curling up and illuminated in the projector beam, it becomes clear that the sexy footage is actually of Spears."

More here.

Out: Disneyworld. The LA Times reports (link via defamer) that, "Although the storm forced Disney to shut down Animal Kingdom for a day, it caused only minimal damage to the resort, which opened three of its parks the next morning after extensive cleanup efforts by employees." Minimal damage. Damn. It's a small world after all.

In: Heatherette. According to Fashionweekdaily: "Heatherette designers Richie Rich and Traver Rains are going back to school this September. But don�t go searching the halls of Parsons just yet�the only school supplies that the two are likely to employ won�t be found in any desk, but rather on the runway at the Bryant Park Tents. Rich and Rains have themed their September 8th fashion show 'Heatherette High 2005.' And to keep with the high-school theme, the pair enlisted friend Boy George to create the show�s invitation, drawing on the motif�cliques, cheerleaders, and jocks�that the entire show is designed around.

"Encased in a marble composition notebook-designed cover, the invitation features a photo of notables Lydia Hearst, nighttime personality Amanda Lepore and the designers themselves. 'The reason why the show is a tribute to high school is because I never went to school,' Rich said. 'I�m making up for time lost. Besides, the nightlife scene I�m in acts like �The Breakfast Club� with all its cliques.'�

30 is the new 20; 40 is the new 30

The Corsair likes his women a bit older. They have character. Think: Julianne Moore. Or, try: Dianne Lane in Unfaithful. *The Corsair shudders* Even Demi Moore -- her knock knees notwithstanding -- is terribly hott.

Evidently the modeling agencies are finally coming around to the charms of the older woman, according to that significant cultural artifact, Star Magazine:

"Super-young supermodel spokeswomen are suddenly out of fashion. Instead, high-wattage celebs in their 30s and 40s are in demand with top-name advertisers. Neal Hamil, executive vice president of Ford Models, tells Star, 'It's the right time for actresses who are in their mid-to-late 30s to be pulling down contracts, because in many cases they are the age of the consumers.'

"Adds Suzie Sugerman, an agent at NYC's Karin Models: 'Companies feel they are going to sell more with celebrities that people instantly recognize than with models.'

"NAME Kristin Davis
"CAMPAIGNS: Maybelline New York and Weatherproof
"FYI: Just six months after her first Weatherproof ad debuted, Kristin was tapped as Maybelline New York's new face in July.

"NAME Patti Hansen
"CAMPAIGN: Ann Taylor
"FYI: Patti will appear in the retailer's fall ads, shot by shutterbug-to-thestars Annie Leibovitz."

"NAME Julianne Moore
"CAMPAIGN: Revlon
"FYI: 'Julianne is the perfect example of today's modern woman,' Revlon's president said when the actress signed on in November 2001."

"NAME Ashley Judd
"CAMPAIGN: American Beauty, by a division of Est�e Lauder
"FYI: The skin-care and cosmetics line will debut in Oct. 2004 at select Kohl's."

"NAME Halle Berry
"CAMPAIGN: Revlon
"FYI: Halle's first TV commercial for Revlon aired during the Academy Awards in March 1996."

"NAME Queen Latifah
"CAMPAIGN: CoverGirl
"FYI: 'I'm already a covergirl and I come from music, so it's an automatic fit,'says Latifah of her new CD."

Cassini Versus Scaasi

British Vogue writes today that you probably don't want to get in between either of these men. Meeow:

"OLEG CASSINI has heard all the rumours before, but he still won't let them go undisputed. The designer who made his name by dressing Jackie Kennedy is refuting claims in Arnold Scaasi's new book, Women I Have Dressed (And Undressed), that his popularity with the Presidential household was down to a habit of bringing beautiful models to the fittings 'for the benefit of the horny young president waiting upstairs'. 'That's a great one,' Cassini scoffed to Women's Wear Daily. 'That is patently untrue. This man is absolutely dreaming.' Still untrue, says Cassini, are the repeated rumours that the clothes he made for Kennedy were not designs that he came up with himself. 'These are accusations I have heard all the time,' he went on. 'The reason for them is that it was such a terrific job and everyone else wanted it. I have a career of 75 years and on that I have to be judged. I didn't have to copy. I have my own style.'"

I have a solution. Marquis of Queensbury Rules. Extra emphasis on the Queens, with all due respect, in the case of these two elderly gentlemen. Hey fellas: this was all over waay back in '68, now, shake hands and decompose quietly.

New York Times Style Magazine: T

According to Fashionweekdaily, the Old Gray Lady is getting a makeover:

"The Gray Lady plans to get its groove on next Wednesday when it joins Barneys New York in hosting a block party to celebrate the launch of its new lifestyle magazine, T, the New York Times Style Magazine.

"Working with Barneys New York creative director, Simon Doonan, the event will take place on the 60th Street side of the store, where the indie rock-meets-Brazilian-beats trio Chris Root, Juju Stulbach and Jon Marshall Smith of the band Mosquitos will perform.

" ... The first issue of the magazine features a gold 'T' prominently affixed to the cover"

And what about the 'A'? When are we going to see the Old Gray Lady's splendiferous 'A'?

"... Actress Kate Winslet, photographed by Raymond Meier, graces the cover of the first issue, which debuts in the Sunday edition of the Times on the 29th. 'We wanted someone recognizable, of course, and Kate was the ideal woman we wanted to reach,' Tonchi explained. �She�s an actress that�s into fitness, her children and family and fashion�but not obsessed. We also believe that she will be nominated for an Oscar for her performance in �Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.�� The actress also has �Finding Neverland� debuting on September 8 at the 61st-annual Venice Film Festival, at which Tonchi said there is a possibility that they will hold a press conference to introduce T to the international press, though he said there was a logistical issue to iron out, with New York Fashion Week starting that same day.

"The new T�whose edit staff includes executive editor Andy Port, deputy editor Horacio Silva, creative director Janet Froelich, fashion director Anne Christensen, editor-at-large Lynn Hirschberg and writers Suzy Menkes and Tyler Brule�will feature the return of the masthead to the magazine. While previous Style issues have had one masthead�specifically, in the first issue of the year�T will have a traditional magazine-style one."

The Tinkerbell Hilton Diaries

An except from the Tinkerbell Diaries (with kudos to dong resin):

Friday, August 13: I can't take the pink coats and "wee booties" that Paris dresses me in anymore. My very "dogness" is at issue here. It goes without saying that "the bitches" are not feeling my vibe. And how could they? Dogs are supposed to be naked. I am rapidly becoming an accessory here, like her goddamned Louis Vuitton bag. The recent burglary has made me a little dodgy about whether or not I want to be doing this for the rest of my dog years. It's like Rilke says, I must change my life.

Saturday, August 14: I've run away from Paris. I'm headed to Mexico to find my Chihuahua roots. As I write this with shivering paws, I am on the road, like Kerouac, and the soundtrack to my life has a crunk feel to it. I feel like Max Von Sydow in the Seventh Seal playing chess with death. Number 5 is alive!

Sunday, August 15: Shared a tin of Vienna sausages with a bitch I just met. She wanted it. So I made competent love to her, doggie-style. See, that's another thing I could never do with Paris Hilton around. While she was getting her freak on -- often -- I was locked in the $1500 doggie tote bag. Dogs have needs.

Monday, August 16: The time is short, and the interim is mine. My all possessing ambition is to attatch myself to Benji's entourage. "Benji the Hunted" influenced me deeply. Or maybe that Jack Russell terrier on Frasier. That's the life. Dog yummies and bitches. Mmmmmm. Didn't rapper Ice Cube say it best? "Life aint nothing but bitches and money." So true.

Tuesday, August 17: Narrowly avoided an unscheduled trip to the pound. The dogcatcher was out in rare today. I was rapping to a little bitch when the flow of my discourse was firmly arrested by a crudely crafted lasso that just narrowly missed my neck. Fuck. I ran as fast as I could but, as you know, chihuahua legs are short. I managed to duck into an empty tin of sardines, and the dogcatcher rushed by. The bitch was not so lucky.

Wednesday, August 18: That new writer on Gawker, Jessica Coen, suggested that I might be a gooey undiscovered ungent at the bottom of Paris' Louis Vuitton. Grrr. Frankly, though, life on its own terms is not quite what it's cracked up to be. Excepting the pussy, of course; Paris never looked out for my interests where that was concerned. I'm going back to collabo with Paris, Mexico be damned. Sure, the booties and the outfits are a serious insult to my doggie manliness. But, then, I got to go to some kick ass parties. And I never had to worry about dog catchers. But I'm too cute to be out to sleep. And I could use a doggie pedicure. That's hott.

She's Not That Innocent



Oops she did it again. Not that Britney ever gave off anything vaguely resembling an equestrienne air, but Britney slithers one oily inch lower on the Great Stripper Pole of trailer park trashdom with her latest escapade. The 3AM Girls write today:

"The 22-year-old singer left motormouth Popworld presenter Simon Amstell speechless during a recent interview.

"When he asked her what was the last thing she'd had in her mouth, she replied 'a dildo'.

A bit more information than we needed to know there, Brits! Way more. But, (The Corsair puts on his best fake smile) thanks for sharing.

"Simon says: 'I was doing this interview with Britney and I had my usual set of silly questions. I thought her answer would be something like chicken escalope.'

"The Channel 4 star said her response was a surprise.

"But he revealed: 'Anyway, her people stepped in and cut that bit out.'"

Comment here or on VH1's Best Week Ever Blog

Mase to P Diddy: Only A Brief Cameo

As a Scorpio Sun Sign, and thus gifted with an innate insight into the mysteries of the human personality, P Diddy should have instinctively known that making a man sing and dance in a jersey emblazoned with the number "2," while he got his groove on unfettered with a jersey boldly proclaiming his staus as number "1," probably was not, in retrospect, a good idea. That's kind of like saying that you are P Diddy's bitch, or something.

Men are prideful creatures, doubly so in the gritty urban world of hip hop where strength and money and bling bling prevail, and even if, say, some among the number don't roll like alpha dawg gangstas, one doesn't advertise that fact in a music video. That's what we call in parlance: playing yourself.

Apparently Mase, who famously played himself in the Can't Nobody Hold Me Down video, is getting payback, realeasing years of simmering resentment in the process. According to SOHH (the link, and much thanks, go to the eagle eyed Tom at TheMediaDrop):

"As the release of his comeback LP nears, Mase recently criticized Sean 'P. Diddy' Combs for stealing his artists' spotlight and is readying his second single.

"While all seems well at Bad Boy, Mase, whose Welcome Back will be released through Fo Reel/Bad Boy Records said that Diddy should focus on promoting his artists instead of dominating screen time in their videos. When Mase first stepped on the scene in 1997, Diddy was featured all over the rapper-turned-pastor's videos like 'Feel So Good.' However, on Mase's Welcome Back, Diddy is limited to a brief cameo.

"'I have to say this: It is a total robbery to the artist, because how can you really focus on a person's career. I mean really, this time I can't lie. I can't sugarcoat it. That wouldn't help me. I'm saying this not just for Puff but for everybody else too,' Mase told Southflorida.com regarding Diddy's excessive appearances on his artists' material. 'Can I give you an example: Take Donald Trump. He got all this property, right? He is the CEO of the company. If he starts going out and selling property, he's taking food out of the broker's mouth. And you the CEO! Let the brokers eat. Does that make sense?'"

I don't know, does it?

A Little of the Old In and Out

Mixed: Spike Lee versus QT. In the latest round of trash talk between hothead paisan Quentin Tarantino and perpetually angry black man Spike Lee. Our favorite dusky Napoeleon does an interview with King Magazine:

"King: In one of our previous issues, Quentin Tarantino said he could ...

"Spike: ... He said he would beat me, Steven Spielberg and Martin Scorcese in a fight. Yeah, I read that. That's infantile, talking about directors who could beat up other directors. That's all I have to say about that."

comment here or on VH1's Best Week Ever blog.

In: New York is So Cool. I am sitting here at my desk laughing at this song (link via Stereogum via Lindsayism). Best line: "Man you can party like crazy party out there. Hip kids are into, like, smoking crack. New York is so cool." And, runner up: "Oh my god, that section where they show people out on the town in Paper Magazine? Check this out, I'm in the new issue standing next to Amanda Lepore, and Moby. New York is so cool."

Out: Wanna Be in a Britany Spears video? Are you a beefy weightlifter? As the ad says, if you are 18-45 and "extra large," you could make a fast $500. Britany wants you: do it for pop culture. Who knows, this might even be for that "My Prerogative" remake.

In: Paris Hilton has taken a hands-on approach to the recovery of Tinkerbell. Keep it tuned here, The Corsair is forthwith renaming itself The Tinkerbell Recovery Network. And, as you can see, Paris has upped the ante, increasing the reward on the whereabouts of the missing pooch from $1,000 to $5,000, and even going so far as to put up flyers herself (link via defamer) in search of that teacup chihuahua.

Yes, it's delicious isn't it? (The Corsair pops open a bottle of Larrivet Haut Brion Graves, 1998) Absolutely yummy.

Out: Bill Clinton's sex drive. According to Leslie at the LA.Com blog, Bill Clinton is still horny after all of these years -- surprise, surprise:

"Even though I'm on vacation this week on Martha's Vineyard, I have to share my presidential sighting. My friend and I were sitting at a caf� this afternoon when Bill Clinton and his bodyguards rounded the corner. He was wearing a hot pink polo shirt, khaki shorts, and his legs were white as a ghost. (Bill, ever heard of sunless tanner?) I smiled. He didn't say hello but I definitely caught him checking out my rack"!

Greeat: Instead of discoursing on US policy in Iraq, he's busy checking out Leslie's ... uhm, well: "raq."

In: Silver. Silicon enhanced fembot Pam Anderson-backed Olympic hopeful gymnastic team took home the silver medal in the Olympics. But anyone whose seen the Pam and Tommy video knows that in the sport of gymnastics, Pam is all gold. Stay gold, ponygirl ... stay gold.

Out: Penny Arcades. David Blaine invested his "magic" money in a first-edition, vellum-bound 1532 Machiavelli's "Il Principe." You would think that with all his "magic" money, David Copperfield would invest in something more interesting than penny arcades, but the great David Patrick Columbia, our favorite New York diarist, tells us in today's social diary:

"Last night?s book launch was a textbook demonstration of the team?s talents not only for party-giving but promotion. The Copperfield penthouse which was built in the 1970s originally for General Motors heir Stewart Mott (I?m not sure he ever lived there) has a swimming pool on its top floor, and 360-degree views of the city in all its glory. You can see clear out to New Jersey, north, west and south, Westchester, Connecticut and Long Island. It?s beyond breathtaking. Mr. Copperfield who made his fortune (as everybody knows as the world?s most famous magician, has a huge museum collection of penny arcade games from the late 19th, early 20th century. And, they all work, so the far flung room was filled with guests inserting their pennies (there were buckets of them about the room) and playing. "

A likely story, to be sure. But David "Copper" field was simply making everyone's spare change disappear. First -- you put the penny in the arcade and, presto! David is one cent richer. Now: repeat! "Magic" can't possibly pay for a 360-degree panoramic view of this city. I'd lay 50-50 odds that right about now Our David Copper is rolling up enough pennies to vacation in Aspen.

In: Aspen. According to Fashionweek Daily:

"The Hamptons and Malibu might be the humid havens of the semi-rich?but the truly rich (and more chill) like to summer in Aspen. Since there are very few flights a day?from Phoenix or Denver?it means it's almost the exclusive domain of those who can afford or commandeer private planes. A lot artsier than partying on Puffy's boat in St-Tropez, there are think tanks, music festivals, opera, art openings, and galleries galore.

"... At night, in restaurants like Cache Cache, Campo di Fiore, or Aspen's Matsuhisa, it's the same look, but with more diamonds. Days are spent hiking up the Ute (a famous steep trail), with a baby in a backpack, having a much needed massage afterwards, then lunch at the pool at Little Nell?now owned by the Crown family?followed by an Altitude Martini (Stoli, cranberry, peach, and a little soda)?a nap, and a great dinner. Post dinner, the evening continues with limoncello at the Caribou Club, owned by Harley Baldwin?who owns much of the prime real estate in Aspen. He also just opened a furniture and design store, with great deco looks dating from the twenties to the forties. However, the famed Caribou is famous for its antler motifs?and its roaring fires, even in the summer.

"Spotted around town last week were Jamie and Steve Tisch, who were hosting Mary Alice Stephenson, the New Museum's Lisa Phillips, Don Johnson and wife Kelly, Walter Isaacson interviewing Sandra Day O'Connor at the Aspen Institute, and Sherry Lansing, licking an ice cream cone outside the Paradise Caf�?home of Aspen's best brownies and chocolate chips cookies, excellent post-hike, well-earned carb-calories."

Vincent Gallo Likes Em Young

The Boldface column of today's NYTimes captures the light banter between Chloe Sevigny and Vincent Gallo at the premiere of Brown Bunny:

"'Yeah, (Chloe Sevigny) has weird hair. But I thought she was the most pretty girl I had ever seen, and I really mean that. I really thought that that was the person that I'd hoped to see my whole life. And for some reason, because I hadn't made a film yet, I wasn't thinking of making a film, I thought we would look nice together in a movie.'

"'And then we chitchatted a little at the party,' Mr. Gallo continued. And she was nice. She was nice to me' - to Chlo�, You were nice that night, yeah!' - back to the audience, 'and I had a big crush, but she was very young at the time'' (17, by our calculation, and Mr. Gallo, 30) 'and uh, anyway, we had our ups and downs over the years. I had thought of her when I did Buffalo 66, but I felt that we should be in a better film than that.'

"'You owed me $500,' Ms. Sevigny said. The audience hooted. 'Yes. Yes. Yes. Good,' Mr. Gallo responded, 'That was a lot of money in those days. I hadn't become rich yet.'"

Like school on Saturday ... But The Corsair is fascinated by Gallo's obsession with casting very-close-to-jailbait leading ladies. Chloe was 17 at the time they met. What's up with that? Christina Ricci ended up starring in the ill fated Buffalo 66, which led to their estrangement. How did the two fall out?

We go to US Weekly, way back in '98, to see Gallo's oily, feral vole-like MO:

"US Weekly: How did Gallo persuade you to do Buffalo '66?

"Christina: He ran for a block in the rain to get me matches for my cigarette. He's like a professional charmer. He can seduce anyone."

And we go back to a Mr. Showbiz interview:

"Buffalo 66 is supposedly very close to your own background in Buffalo. How close?

"Vincent Gallo: Ten years ago I'm driving cross-country in a car with 100 of my cassettes, and at the end of the B-side of some punk-rock thing there's this old, dirty, sun-baked tape, and I hear that recording of "Fools Rush In," and I'm stunned at my father's [singing] talent and my 13-year-old engineering skills. And that's the inspiration for the whole movie that and my feeling about Christina Ricci the moment I first saw her in Mermaids. I knew at that point, driving in that car, that one day I would make a movie, and that there would be a scene in it of the father character singing that song."

Hello? Ricci was 8 years old in Mermaids. The Corsair thinks that maybe Gallo and Mary Kay LeTourneau have a lot in common.

Throwing Up Gotti ... No Disrespect



TheSmokinggun has an interesting feature on The Gotti's -- no disrespect intended -- and the video surveillance of their prison visitations. It dovetails neatly into my pet theory of the evolution of human personality. Threats and force are the particular pedagogical tools of the Gotti Clan, gained from the many generations in the strong arm business, thus enabling the next group. Just take a gemlike glare at where those overly-gelled heads came from, and you can already see who they are now, and where they are going, with their anger management issues and unremarkable grammar -- no disrespect intended. The Smokinggun throws down in furious anger:

"Despite grandpa's suggestion that he pursue a legal career, little John says he'd rather be an athlete. The Dapper Don, however, doesn't want anyone in his family leading the degenerate life of a baseball or basketball player. Bristling, the lil' wiseguy announces that he'll instead opt for a less glamorous career. That sass doesn't sit well with the incarcerated hoodlum, who threatens the kid with bodily harm and tosses him from the visiting room. Raging at the child's bad attitude, Gotti blames his own wife Victoria: 'That shit comes from your fucking mother, not from me,' he tells his daughter. "

This is hilarious, you have to listen to the audio to get the true jailhouse family visitation feel of the word "dysfunctional."

And the ignorance on display here -- no disrespect -- I'll transcribe:

John Gotti, Sr: There's a good chance that you might go to school to become a lawyer, (his grandson) John, I hope so ...

Victoria: No, daddy, he is going to become a lawyer.

Lil' John (then, 10 years old): No, I'm not.

Victoria: --Really? Lil' John: No I'm not (emphatic), I'm gonna be a basketball playa.

John Gotti, Sr:-- You aint gonna be no basketball playa.

Victoria: Don't get smart, smart aleck.

Lil John: -- A Baseball playa.

John Gotti, Sr: You aint gonna be a baseball playa or a basketball playa.

Lil John: Of course I am.

John Gotti, Sr: --Let me tell ya somethin'

Victoria: He's being smart today.

John Gotti, Sr: Let me tell ya somethin' --

Lil John: You're gonna tell me what I want to be.

John Gotti, Sr: Let me tell ya something about basketball playas and baseball playas. To be a good basketball playa or a baseball playa, first of all, you gotta to be a good liar. A good lowlife. And --

Victoria: -- Take a lotta drugs.

John Gotti, Sr: -- You gotta take steroids. You. Must. Take. Steroids. And anybody that takes steroids is a garbage pail.

Lil John: Alright (inaudible)

John Gotti, Sr: I don't care if you wanna be nothin' ... You'll get an ass kicking from me ... you'll never forget the ass kickin you get from me, you understand? .. I'll put my foot right up your ass ... I'm serious as cancer, boy.

Priceless. Now you can see why those boys turned out to be such punks -- no disrespect intended.

A Little of the Old In and Out

In: Michael Musto. Sometimes we take Michael Musto for granted, we are so used to his charm, his scoop, and his sense of fun. This is not such a time. Today he has a feature in the Village Voice that is simply magnificent:

"And speaking of confusion, the biggest shocker of all is that McGreevey's gay-gay-gay revelation has somehow spelled unemployment for him but so far not anything resembling marital termination. In fact, right after the admission, the scandalized politico and his missus went away for some quality time together. Where�to the Fire Island 'Meat Rack'? What's it gonna take to break up this arrangement? The whole point of a fake marriage, people, is to keep it going only until people find out it's fake. And you certainly wrap it up when the wife finds out it's fake!

"But�someone's gotta say this�Dina's no dummy and he's no genius of discretion. She had to have known! Everyone else, from reporters to Web posters, had buzzed about the supposed liaison for years, so how could she not have gotten the memo? Despite the anonymous source running around claiming that Arianna, I mean Dina, was homo-clueless, I bet the McGreeveys have a de-lovely, we-know-what-it's-about situation and enjoy sharing a home base, even more so when power is tasted. Did you see wifey's face at the press conference? This was no Mrs. Kobe Bryant�type squirmer. The woman almost looked proud! She practically seemed at peace with his having gotten a piece! Maybe this is the marriage of the future�one completely open in its duplicity. "

Isn't this why we've all loved Musto for years? You have to read this.

Out: The LA.com blog's blind item is a bit mild, and we prefer our gossip salsa spicy, but it is a goodie:

"What's causing many a sleepless night for a well-known producer of high-profile TV projects? It seems Mr. Big-Time Producer�s famous minx of a wife has been staying home way too much lately to indulge in her all-consuming obsession--which isn't plastic surgery, drugs, booze, younger guys or women, as have been rumored. It seems the deep-pocketed lady has taken to spending every waking hour outbidding anyone who dares cross her path on eBay. Her junkin� jones started with little tchochkes, but now she�s buying high-ticket items, overpaying enough to make her husband gently but firmly suggest therapy. Apparently, she believes her face and name are so well-known that she�s better off on Internet auctions than showing up at live auctions. Talk about deluded. "

Fuck if I know who this is, but I'll make a blind guess at Barbara Bosson, wife of Steven Bochco. votes for Mrs. Asaad Kelada go here.

In: Cheap Chic. Doesn't it seem like every magazine is now doing a piece on how women buy knockoff designer bags to keep up in our acquisitive capitalist culture? And, frankly, the phenomenon is so large as to actually be considered the norm. That's "cheap chic," I suppose; needing to be competitive in "postmodern" America with the designer handbag, but not having the scrilla, hence, the knockoff boom, which is technically illegal, but only if they catch you in the act.

Anyhoo: Although Vogue has targeted the "no knockoff" high end fashion world, AP writes of them:

"Vogue magazine's powerful editor Anna Wintour may be an ambassador to the rarefied world of haute couture, but the fur-wearing trendsetter says she has nothing against the growing trend of 'cheap chic.'

"'When you see that someone like Isaac Mizrahi is designing for Target and also doing his couture line, or Karl Lagerfeld is designing for H&M, that's all to the good and to the benefit of our industry,' said Wintour, clad in a Chanel tweed shift dress and sitting in her pastel-toned office overlooking Times Square. "

They continue:

"Vogue has enjoyed a 10.5 percent newsstand circulation increase in the first half of the year, compared with a year ago and its 832-page September issue hitting newsstands this week is the magazine's biggest ever, with 647 ad pages and weighing around 4 pounds."

Which, coincidentally, is roughly the weight of an editorial assistant at said magazine.

Out: Kevin Costner is not an ass. He is a prick, actually, if you must know. According to FlyOnTheWall (link via Defamer):

"Aging former A-list actor Kevin Costner, not Jennifer Aniston, was the reason first-time director Ted Griffin recently was fired by Warner Bros. the first week into shooting the Graduate sort-of-sequel, according to a crewmember who witnessed the onset fireworks. (For background on the movie, see The Fly's earlier story here.) Griffin's sudden termination has been one of the hottest Hollywood gossip topics of late, and many media outlets have blamed Aniston, the untitled film's star, for the firing.

"'It's totally Costner's fault, not Jennifer's,' the crewmember confided to The Fly. 'He was constantly in Ted's face about what he was doing wrong, criticizing him repeatedly about his setups in front of Paula [Weinstein, one of the film's producers]. He said several times loudly to anyone who would listen, 'this movie'll take a year to shoot if you don't get rid of Ted.' It was more and more difficult for Ted to maintain any kind of respect from his crew with Costner constantly bitching at him around the clock. Finally, Ted asked Costner rather firmly, but not loudly, to return to his trailer. Costner screamed, 'I will not! Not until you change the lighting set-up like I told you!' At that point, Griffin wrapped filming for the day, notwithstanding that nothing had been shot. He was fired that evening.

"'Kevin acted like he was directing the movie,' our spy reports. 'He repeatedly rubbed it in Ted's face that he had directed three movies. I heard him say at one point, 'I won an Oscar for directing, Ted, so listen to me.' (For those who may have forgotten, Costner also lists 'director' on his resume, having helmed the Oscar-winner Dances With Wolves before ruining his career with the box office stinkbomb The Postman.)

"Costner's arrogant behavior also bothered co-star Shirley MacLaine at one point, who commented loudly to Mena Suvari, 'There once was a time when actors respected their director.' Costner reportedly turned to MacLaine and shouted, 'You keep out of this!' For her part, Anniston spent most of her time in her trailer rehearsing her lines, according to the eyewitness. 'She was always very sweet to Ted when she was on the set,' the crewmember reports. Rob 'Meathead' Reiner has been hired to replace Griffin. Filming is on hiatus until Wednesday."

Hold on, Shirley MacLaine is still alive? That is a newsflash. Those rat packers, still causing a ruckus, even after Old Blue Eyes quietly decomposes. But this Flyonthewall tips appears to me to be someone in the Anniston camp dumping a bowl of hot spaghetti on Costner's ass. You'll not how Anniston, in this account, was just 'innocently reading her lines in the trailer.' Hmm. A likely story.

In: New York City Subway Scams. Who would have thought that there are so many subterranean subway scams going on? Those dirty, shifty people underground. We prefer taxis, but they are so goddamned expensive lately. The otherwise cheery crowd at Gothamist.com kicked it a little sinister today when they started discussing their personal familiarity with hustlers, scam artists and genuine lowlives, and the tension only grew:

"(The old bait and switch) happened to my mom. We were going in the subway, and she was having trouble swiping the all-day card she had bought moments before -- it kept giving her errors. Suddenly a guy appeared out of nowhere to "help" her. He grabbed her card, swiped her through and handed it back.

"Unfortunately, he pulled a switch. A few hours later when she tried to go into the subway again, the turnstile said her card was empty.

"Hope the free day of subway rides that guy stole from her was worth the eternal damnation he's in got in store.

XXX Aug 17, 2004 10:16 AM

"It really sucked. I lost $70!"

"XXX Aug 17, 2004 10:45 AM

"I had the exact same thing happen to me as well, even though I knew�I knew!�there was something fishy going on and I should swipe the card myself instead of letting him do it. This was in the 16th Street entrance to the 14th Street F station, downtown-bound side, and when I got to Second Avenue, I checked my card and reported it immediately. I even spoke with a cop, too, but nothing ever came of it. But I bet that if you staked out that station around 2-ish every afternoon, you could find the guy doing the exact same scam. Anyone wanna bust a scam artist?"

XXX Aug 17, 2004 10:52 AM

"Yeah, I had the same thing happen. I had a very large suitcase that I was trying to manuever through the station. A guy offered to help me through the service gate instead of using the turnstile. He said he'd swipe my card through and then hand it back to me, but instead of the seven-day pass that I handed him, I got back an expired card. Luckily, I had only a couple more days left on it, so I wasn't out much. Now, I never hand my card over to anyone I don't know."

XXX Aug 17, 2004 10:54 AM

"It sucks if you're traveling for the next couple of days, but if you buy the unlimited cards with a credit card, you can call a number and they'll give you a pro-rated refund if the card gets lost (or stolen or whatever). Which came in handy the time I lost my monthly two days after I bought it."

XXX Aug 17, 2004 10:57 AM

"XXX-- it happened to me in the same area of the station. It seemed like the guy had keys to the locked main turnstile area, though someone suggested to me that he might have picked the lock and it just looked like he was unlocking it.

"I wish I could buy my monthlys with a credit card. Transit Checks don't allow you to do that-- you have to hand in paper tickets at the booth.

XXX Aug 17, 2004 11:47 AM

"XXX,

"Damn, I soooo want to put the sting on that guy. I wish I was a cop. How can we get this guy? Thinking about this puts me in a vengeful mood."

Out: Neil Strauss, generally had a good week, garnering respect for the excellent Tom Cruise Rolling Stone cover story, but on Mediabistro, where he speaks on the craft involved in writing the Jenna Jameson biography, he fucked the whole shit up. I was almost a Neil Strauss man until this little chestnut right here:

"I just tried to spend as much time with her and in her world as possible. And that means everything from spending weekends going through photo albums and meeting her family to writing films for her with her husband, Jay, to watching photo shoots, interviews, and Internet chats to just hanging out in Vegas or water-skiing on the lake. To write a book for someone who's a complete stranger beforehand, you need to try to absorb every facet of his or her personality."

Okay, Strauss: the job of the biographer does not include writing porn films for Jenna Jameson with her husband, Jay. Don't even try to sound journo about that, Mr. "Pick Up Artist."

In: Brown Bunny Premiere. I was not a fan of Vincent Gallo, but goddamn, this guy knows how to handle the media. I've never seen anyone consistently wrap the newspapers, the gossip columnists, the hip magazines, the tv shows, the film festivals around his finger like Gallo. He's out of hand.

Anyhoo: The Gawker gang crashed the Brown Bunny Premiere and came away with some interesting pics and, no doubt, wicked hangovers.

It's Her Prerogative



According to MTV News:

"Britney Spears plans to knock Bobby Brown's socks off by covering his trademark hit, 'My Prerogative.'The singer has chosen to remake the 1988 song for the first single off her next project, a greatest-hits album due November 16 that is now to be called, Greatest Hits: My Prerogative, according to her label ... The choice of this particular song could also be interpreted � like 'Overprotected' and 'Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman' � as a statement on the singer's life and the media reaction to some of her recent decisions, including her engagement to dancer Kevin Federline ... The song's lyrics read, 'Everybody's talking all this stuff about me/ Why don't they just let me live/ I don't need commission/ Make my own decisions/ That's my prerogative.' The song, which will hit radio on September 14, will be one of two new tracks on the collection. A separate greatest-hits DVD will be released on the same day as the album."

No word yet on whether or not Britney is going to do full homage to Bobby Brown by urinating in a cop car and gouging four letter words in the apholstery, recording "Humping Around," give Kevin Federline a cut lip and bruises, collapse in a recording studio as a result of a (air quotes) "seizure," and possessiing less than an ounce of marijuana while speeding and having no driver's license or proof of insurance.

Jazzy: The Dog That Keeps on Giving

The kidnapping of Tinkerbell is just the tip of the iceberg this week in media pooch news, as Cindy Adams, friend of dictators, writes: "ONE year ago today my 31/2-year-old Yorkshire terrier, the only creature left in my life, was delivered to me � dead. Those who handed over Jazzy's cold, bloodied body never explained. Nor since called. Nor sent a note, condolence card, flower, message c/o a friend, his photo with just a scrawled: 'We loved him, too.' Nothing. " The Corsair knows full well that Adams tends to get, uhm, gory on the subject of her dead canine Jazzy. Cindy Adams is way too into gore for a Park Avenue Ladies-Who-Lunch type. Way too into it.

She continues:"My lawyer ran to be with me that night. Barry Slotnick understands cross examination. Their statements disquieted him. His wife, Donna, no expert in deposing witnesses but a dog-owner, said, after hearing them, 'Something's fishy.'"

And so, like all elderly 5th Avenue widows, Adams concocts a tasty little mystery, just so for the late summer, and it involves high powered sleazy lawyers named Slotnick to spice up her achingly boring existence. Adds a dash of adventure. Our Nancy Drew is on ... The Case of the Twisted Trainers:
"(Jazzy's trainer's) statements didn't make sense. He'd suffered bloody diarrhea at their upstate New York farm."

Whoawhoawhoahwhoa ... way too much information, Widow Adams; but the game is afoot and Cin is on the hunt:

"On a summer Sunday bumper-to-bumper night, in driving rain, they were hauling a hemorrhaging dying adored dog expelling projectile blood, hours by car to a vet on Long Island!?"

Whew! Purple prose and scarlet body fluids. This, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, is precisely why people over the age of 70 should not be writing daily columns. They totally blur the line between that which is of universal interest, and issues of personal crankiness, like the cotton in pill bottles, hence the word curmudgeon, and, to wit, you get Andy Rooney. When last we left, the widow Adams was screaming, shrilly:

"Why? None on site? No emergency facilities nearby? No animal medical hospital in all of upstate?"

"Jazzy's veterinarian, Dr. Lewis Berman, pronounced Jazzy 'beautifully healthy' just before going to these trainers. His autopsy's deadly E.coli revelation stunned him. Jazzy's breeder Paula Segnatelli reported: 'They told me, 'We never lost a dog before.' Please . . . I'm doing this 40 years.'

A trainer, a vet, a pompadoured "dog parent" -- this dog was livin la vida loca. It was only a matter of time before it had a rock and roll death.
"Last summer, my Jazzy died in their care. This winter, my investigator was told: 'We never, ever lost a dog.' "Lest any other dog parent have to suffer my pain, I hired former Police Commissioner Howard Safir's security firm."

I'm going to let the fact that this lonely old lady has thus far brought in lawyer Barry Slotnick, former Police Commissioner Howard Safir's security firm, and, finally, all the reasers of the New York Post into her dementia. At what point does someone dose her with a strong sedative and take the column away from her before she induces further slumber among the reading public?Back in November, back when I was funnier, I wrote of all this Cindyana:

"Yesterday The Corsair came down hard on Cindy Adams' deceased lapdog and faithful companion Jazzy. Admittedly, coming down on a dead eight pound pooch with the full wit and ironical resources of The Corsair seems a bit much.

"But Cindy couldn't leave well enough alone, could she?

"And so with my morning coffee I was assaulted once again by a full page devoted to that annoying Yorkshire Terrier, Jazzy. A picture of the moist eyed mutt interrupting my french toast. Even in death that dog has found a way to get under our skin! Adams writes:

"'My pain was such that I lay in bed in a fetal position. I told almost no one because I couldn't stand it. Or understand it. I still don't. The trainer he's known since the Dec. 9, 1999, day he came to me has an upstate farm. He went for the weekend with his Yorkie sister, Juicy. He never came back to me. Sunday he was dead.'"

"Okay, let's just gloss over the fact that Cindy named the other damned dog "Juicy". Let's leapfrog the issue of Juicy for a moment. Let's just ... oh fuck it. I thought I was mature enough to walk away from it, but I'm not. Fuckin' Juicy. Fuckin' J-u-i-c-y. What's up, sister? (In his best Leroy Johnson from 'Fame' voice) You're old man's sick?

"Okay: back to the main argument: Just why is Cindy in the fetal position? I know that a beloved pet's death can hurt, but wouldn't her sympathies better serve the people of the Phillipines who suffered under the Marcoses while Adams was defending them in print to US audiences?In her new book The Gift of Jazzy she recounts the gory details thusly:'They said blood and everything was coming out from everywhere.'

"Only in New York, kiddies, only in New York!"

Will Jenna Jameson Bump Bill Clinton?

Granted, Bill Clinton's autobiography My Life has been on the New York Times Bestseller list for almost two months, selling nearly 2 million copies since the summer began. And granted, Bill Clinton still draws record crowds whenever he signs the book, like he did yesterday in Martha's Vinyard. And granted, pirated copies in Asia are selling like hotcakes, which, although are not profitable, show that his popularity reaches every nook and cranny of the globe.

All that having been said, Jenna Jameson's autobiography is out today -- ghosted by Neil Strauss -- and, at least in my media-saturated mind, one wonders, okay, I wonder: will Jenna Jameson's bio "bump" Bill Clinton from the number one slot of the New York Times bestsellers? And ... would Clinton really be upset about being "bumped" by Jenna Jameson in the first place?

Bill Clinton's My Life has taken on all comers, like David Sedaris' Dress Your Family in Courduroy and Denim, a worthy challenger, to be sure. But Jenna Jameson has considerable, ahem, "assets." It would, of course, be a minor embarrassment for Clinton to get bumped by a porn star, especially, considering that his reported $10 million advance would have been considerably less if Clinton glossed over the Monica episode (several million dollards less). Clinton went for the big dollars and dove full-on in the Monica sex scandal. But Jameson's book is all about sex.

We'll see who "wins".

Brooke Shields At 40



I have a vague but solid recollection that during my Junior 2 year at the UN School, a pretty young teenager named Brooke and "her people" met with some kids from my class weekly to put on a Thanksgiving finger puppet show that, ultimately, never happened. I cannot be 100 percent sure of this, as I was 9 at the time, and, to be frank, I don't know how you go about factchecking a school program 24 years after the fact, but I'm pretty sure it was her. There were not too many teenage VIPs named "Brooke" in 1979 who could disrupt the studies of the children of world diplomats ("diplobrats").

At the time, celebrity sightings and "projects" involving kids were a big thing at UNIS -- remember, the 70s were the Carter years, where the UN received unprecedented prestige -- but, more often than not, everything was abandoned and the self-indulgent celebs left the UN school teachers to explain to mystified kids why whatever they had had in the pipeline quite simply wasn't going to occur. Welcome to Hollywood.

Anyhoo: every Thursday, for several weeks, we were pulled out of our classroom, sent to the Library, where we "discussed," with a disinterested young Brooke and, more interested people, how our puppet show would be commandeered. I think a script was produced, although, even now, I'm not sure, but there was the task of making the puppets, which duly evaporated. I was to be Squanto.

Like a true Gemini, Brooke pulled out, or, perhaps, her agent or people did, whatever. I'm sure it sounded like a good publicity deal at the time until the work involved in pulling it off got in the way of a good international kids photo op. I do remember being disappointed that no one ever mentioned the fact that Old Brookie flaked out on this Thanksgiving puppet show, what, with 1979 being the UN Year of the Child and all.

I cannot say my childhood was ruined as a result of that, though, but I was surprised when -- fast forward to 2004 -- reading the excellent New York Mag this morning, re: Brookie, it said:

"Brooke Shields was only 15 when Calvin Klein had her pronounce, 'I�ve got seven Calvins in my closet, and if they could talk, I�d be ruined,' and we didn�t believe it. It�s still hard to. But Brooke was never the 'living, breathing doll' that Warhol described her as being, and that we probably all agreed she was. She�s a real woman, nearly 40, who does yoga at Jivamukti and carries her child on the subway in a Baby Bj�rn. After her divorce from Andre Agassi, and the end of Suddenly Susan, in 2000, she started over with Spin City writer Chris Henchy. It took more than a year of aggressive fertility treatments to have their daughter, Rowan Francis, last year, but for all the joy the baby brought them, Shields got severe postpartum depression. Now she�s writing a book, to be called Down Came the Rain, to help other mothers who suffer the way she did ..."

Alls forgiven, Brooke -- if indeed that was Brooke. And, good luck on the book.