Buying "Melons," Indeed



Under the vaguely hilarious headline "Buying 'Melons,'" comes a story teeming with all the swellegant class that surrounds that rogue metropolitain province, Suffolk County -- the teased hair capital of the Western World (Averted Gaze). Fuggedaboudit. Amy Fisher and "Roads" scholar, Joey Buttafuoco may or may not be back in some sort of a relationship -- Eew -- and looking to run the remaining time on the clock that is their 15 minutes of fame (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment). Oh, and Amy Fisher, for those of you who care, has had a breast job. From "Buying 'Melons'" -- ha,ha -- in the NYPost:

"The Long Island Lolita's hubby Lou Bellera, 55, filed for the divorce on Long Island, where they still live together, according to the Suffolk County clerk's office.

"But Fisher's confidant, TV producer David Krieff, said Bellera will soon be moving out. They have two young children.

"The divorce action was filed last Friday - on the same day that Joey Buttafuoco's second wife, Evanka, also filed for divorce in Los Angeles, amid reports that Fisher and Buttafuoco - the man busted for her statutory rape 15 years ago - had renewed some kind of relationship."

Altogether now: Eew.

"Krieff, who is currently pitching a show to the networks about celebrities and the rich and famous behind bars, confirmed Fisher's breast augmentation and said he is also trying to get the cute ex-con into Playboy.

"'She has a Playmate's kind of body. She's perfectly proportioned, no waist and perfect, large breasts,' said Krieff."

Class (The Corsair expectorates into the blogosphere). That last line was delivered, no doubt, in the crispest Suffolk County accent. Elan.

"'It's something she's wanted to do for a long time,' said Krieff. 'Get a divorce, get a boob job. I think that's God's order.' Krieff also said he is in talks to book Amy and Joey with Howard Stern and on 'Saturday Night Live.'"

From God's plan to Amy's tits. -- And if that doesn't work out, buttercup, there is always Public access teevee. (Buying 'Melons')