Hell, no, he won't go. (image via newsweek)
Methuselan Master of the Universe Sumner Redstone, who, legend has it, fought valiantly in the Punic Wars (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment), is putting the kibosh on any unsettling rumors that he will relinquish the Wagnerian Ring of the Niebelung to his daughter, Shari, early. And -- you'd better duck -- he's tossing aside some serious feline references in the process. According to Newsweek:
"Newsweek: Any chance that you'd hand over your post to your daughter, Shari, short of dying?
"Sumner: How do I look to you? I get up in the morning everyday at 5 o'clock ... I'm on a bike for 35 minutes, exercising. I then swim a number of laps. I'm very conscious of nutrition and exercise. I don't remember a time in my life when I felt better. I've lost over 15 pounds recently. You know why? Starved cats live longer than fat cats, and I would prefer to be a starved cat. There's no chance of me retiring."
Testy! But if we were to compare Sumner with a cat -- starved or no -- it would be our favoritest song-and-dance cat of all, the ratlike Andrew Lloyd Webber's finest T.S. Elliot-inspired creation: Old Deuteronomy. Says Catanna:
(image via catanna)
"Old Deuteronomy's lived a long time/
He's a cat who has lived many lives in succession /
He was famous in proverb and famous in rhyme/
A long while before Queen Victoria's accession /
Old Deuteronomy's buried nine wives/
And more I am tempted to say ninety-nine/
And his numerous progeny prospers and thrives .."
Granted, the Wifeys were not so much buried as they were well-compensated. Still, sounds like Our Sumner. (Newsweek)
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