Friday, March 12, 2004

Neil Strauss Dumps The Old Grey Lady

Gred Lindsay of WWD informs us that Neil Strauss is giving The Old Grey Lady the old heave 'ho, and it's probably better for all involved in that sordid mess. He'd been doing a three way with Old Lady and Jenna Jameson, but something had to give way, in the , uhm, end. And when it's a choice between and Old Grey Lady and a Young Blonde Starlet, *snaps* well, you know how 'tis. Lindsay explains:

"Neil Strauss, the music critic who signed up to ghostwrite porn star Jenna Jameson�s memoirs without telling his superiors first, is leaving the paper to work on his book projects. 'Neil has resigned, and I have regretfully accepted his resignation,' said cultural news editor Steve Erlanger.

"While Erlanger insisted that the Jameson affair hadn�t come between them, it is certainly hard to imagine the Times tolerating the (fully clothed) cameo in Jameson�s next film that Strauss was reportedly considering. Strauss will theoretically continue to write for the Times as a freelancer, but not regularly, and his critic�s slot will be filled. 'He made the choice to concentrate on these larger projects,' Erlanger said in a telephone interview."

Affair? Coming between them? Larger projects? Why not call a spade a spade Erlanger, Strauss is pursuing larger "assets," if ya nah whatta mean. Silicon enhanced assets, cornbread.

Lindsay continues:

"Besides Jameson�s book, entitled 'How to Make Love Like a Porn Star,' Strauss is writing another book based on his January first-person piece on being tutored in the art of picking up women. Columbia Pictures has already bought the film rights for the low six figures."

Hmmm. I wonder how Strauss decided to leave the Times:



Boy, Man, that Old Grey Boss Lady takes good care of my sorry ass. How cool is that? And older women are insatiable, you can't go wrong. She's okay and East Coast respectable and all that, but I'm a wild and innocent youth. I need to sow my oats with some tighter flesh. I wish I could find someone younger. The Old Gray Lady, she's just a little bit country, and I'm a little bit rock and roll ... (sighs)


I think I took a wrong turn somewhere. This is such a big building.


Nah, honey, you took the right turn


Oh dear, I can't believe I got lost in the men's room. Can you help me get to HarperCollins? I'm writing a hardback ...

NEILL STRAUSS, sort of half-sliding and half-oozing from the chair.

I'll show you a hard back, baby.

music seeps


The two are interrupted by Jayson Blair, YOUNG BUCK, walking in without knocking, prancing around the newsroom wearing a Persian head wrap that covered his face, Kermit the Frog on his shoulders and a giant fake fur coat.

Oh, excuse me, is there anyone in this men's room that wants to swap sexual favors for crack? Are ... -- wait. What are you two doing? That's so hot, it's burning down my master's house.


Sweetie, why don't you come on over here and have a piece of this Metro Section?


Yeah, the more the merrier, it's all Arts and Liesure in here. As they say, all the news that's fit to ...

(Abrupt Sven Nykvist close up as The Old Grey Lady walks in, angry)

What is the meaning of this?!

STRAUSS, BLAIR and JAMESON all look frightened into the camera.

Freeze screen.

70s porn music and fade away.

End credits