Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Has Paris Hilton Finally Jumped the Shark?

Whoopsie! (image via chadmuska.org)

Quite frankly if Paris Hilton were to actually Jump a Shark (Averted Gaze), we wouldn't want to witness those procedings. We're pretty sure she wouldn't be wearing panties -- and then there's the whole Valtrex thing that (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment). Elijah Blue Allman was wise to wash his "wenis" off with Tilex post-coitus with Racist Hilton.

Have you noticed the absence of Paris Hilton on the cultural landscape? Me neither. Last we heard the viennese, in their ancient cultural wisdom, buffetedher skank ass with hot cigarette butts. Fitting. Our cultural obsession, ladies and gentlemen, is almost over. We may have to collectively take penecillin for a few weeks just to be sure, but the prognosis looks good.

Paris may have jumped the shark, or, at any rate, jumped into a Fellini movie (One of the few bad ones). From those intrepid Page Sixxies:

"HOLLYWOOD A-listers shunned celebutard Paris Hilton's 26th birthday in Las Vegas in favor of hanging out in New York for Untitled Entertainment founder Jason Weinberg's 40th birthday at Midtown hot spot The Grand on Friday night. The power player toasted his big day with close friends Clive Davis, Kanye West, Marissa Tomei, Amy Sacco and Naomi Watts. Weinberg even had his 'Happy Birthday' sung to him by Blondie legend Debbie Harry. Meanwhile, Hilton held her party at Body English at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Vegas, but the bash turned out to be more of a bust. 'There were no names there except for [sister] Nicky Hilton and Nicole Richie,' said our source. But even without many boldfaces, things at the after-party at the Penthouse Suite got a little odd. After downing TY KU liquor and bottles of Dom Perignon, guests reported seeing Hilton play with a monkey while a band of midgets led a pack of goats around the room.'"

Paris and her monkey. Like we said: A bad Fellini movie.

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