Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Trump is Rubber, You Are Glue


(image via gawker)

There is something refreshingly kindergarten about Donald Trump's unselfconscious -- and trigger-happy -- impulse to revert to name-calling. He goes nuclear over nothing and sees nothing shameful about telling, say, Daryl Hannah that she is in need of a bath (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment). But something truly odd happens when he takes on The Corsair's new BFF Graydon Carter and, well, his spitballs seem strangely self-directed. Note to trump: Never -- and we mean NEVER -- insult someone else's bad hair. Not a swift move, nah mean? According to those intrepid PageSixxies:

"DON'T invite Donald Trump and Graydon Carter to the same party. Trump read the Page Six story about Carter's recent interview with Bergdorf Goodman magazine, in which Carter seemed to gloat that his Spy magazine dubbed Trump 'the short-fingered vulgarian.' 'In fact,' Trump tells us, 'my fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well documented, are various other parts of my body."

Oh dear. Way more information provided than we ever wanted to know about a man whose ...shortcomings .. must needs him to erect phalluses (phalli?) -- with his name emblazoned -- all across Gotham.

But with regards to the "short fingered vulgarian" remark, lets explain this in real small sigle-syllable words so that even a Trump can catch our drift. The fingers described here are metaphors. We know that Trump is all surface sheen -- the tacky fascination with subservient Eastern European golddiggers, the son with the weak chin, the baby actually named after a title in Debretts Peerage (Averted Gaze; Why not name him "My Lord"?) -- but understand, Trumpy, and understand this well: That Spy meant Trump's greediness. To wit, from FHM March 2004:

"Trump: If I see a penny on the sidewalk, I always pick it up, because, psychologically, I want to do that."

"FHM: Seriously?

"Trump: Absolutely. I do it all the time. That's the way I am."

Namely: a short fingered vulgarian. But Trump goes on:

"'From what I hear, the same cannot be said of editors of the failed Spy. Spy was a total failure and they're trying to resurrect its memory from the ashes. The magazine went out of business, and everyone lost a lot of money, including Graydon Carter.' Trump flatly denies he ever signed a 64-cent check, a 32-cent check, or a 16-cent check, 'and I would like them to try and show it to me.' As for Carter? 'While I have always liked Graydon Carter, he is lucky to be working for Si Newhouse, especially with how badly Vanity Fair magazine is currently doing. Without Si, he'd just be another overweight editor with bad hair.'"

Bad hair remark notwithstanding -- Who to believe: Trump, who admits to picking up pennies, presently denying that he cashed a 16-cent check? Or Kurt Anderson and Graydon Carter? Hmmm. Give me a minute ...

Or, a second.

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