Annette Bening To Host SNL



(image via celebrities)

Wow. Sucks to be Seth Meyers right about now. Not so much because he has the vaunted job of SNL head writer (call me?), but because of the task before him: namely, making Annette Bening look hilarious. Granted, Annette Benning is one of the foremost actors of her generation. She is beautiful and charming and she MADE Being Julia. But something tells me she kind of sucks the funny out of any room she walks into.

And so when we heard that Seth Meyers and the writers over at SNL had to conjure up some skits for Mrs. Warren Beatty our sympathies went out to them. Although all the i's have been dotted and the dress rehearsal done, here's how we might have approached it.

Here's some of the territory The Corsair might have covered if faced with the catastrophe of writing funny for Annette Bening:

SKIT #1; How to keep a Man: Maya Rudolph plays one of those obnoxious "Self-Help gurus" shlocking naught else but simple shit on the theme of "How To Keep a Man (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment)." Benning, because she "tamed and kept" Warren Beatty all these years is asked what her "secret" is. As Bening tries, demurely to let Maya know that there is no secret, just trust and understanding and listening to one another, Maya's character continues to pry for salacious sex secrets and bedroom magic. As Bening politely declines to answer, Maya is emboldened going so far as to inquire if she "ever smells Madonna's perfume on Warren's sheets," and if he looks at himself in the mirror during coitus.

Maya: How can you tell if your man is getting Bugsy?

Bening: (Averted Gaze) I'm sure I don't know what you mean.

Maya: Come on, girlfriend. Warren Beatty was one of the friskiest alleycats of all time. Give us the 411 (leans in confidentially), How'd you tame him? Is he neutered?

Bening: (Clearly annoyed) I beg your pardon.

Maya: Is that Carly Simon song "You're So Vain" really about him?

And so on.

SKIT #2: I'm Not Mad That I Haven't Won and Oscar. Annette is sort of like the Susan Lucci of Actors. She's definitely in Scorcese territory, being acclaimed but Oscarless. Nominated twice for Best Actress for American Beauty and Being Julia, both times being beat out by Hillary Swank. It might be funny to see her handling the SNL cast on that issue.

Seth Meyers: Annette, glad to have you on.

Annette Benning: Glad to be on, Seth. You guys have really made me feel at home.

Seth: yeah, glad to have you. And -- sorry about that Oscar thing with Hillary Swank.

Annette (Deflated): Yeah, right.

In the dressing room

Lorne Michaels: We are glad to have you on, Annette. I'm really looking forward to your appearance.

Annette: Me too, I ...

Lorne: And sorry about your losing the Oscar both times to Hillary Swank. Chow (Closes door revealing a dart board target with Swank's face).

Annette Benning: Million Dollar Hussie.