A Little of the Old In and Out

(image via Greysquirrel.net)

In: John McCain, 2008. The Good Senator is finally saying out loud what we've already predicted (okay, so our "prediction" that the Liberal-Democrats would beat out the Conservatives in the UK for the second party slot, entirely unfounded and against the polls, was a tad off). According to Washington Times' Inside Politics (link via Wonkette):

"Sen. John McCain says that he 'absolutely' wants to be president and that he is qualified for the job, but that he is focused on his Senate duties and will 'wait a couple of years' to decide about a White House bid in 2008, the Arizona Republic reports, citing an interview in the June issue of Men's Journal magazine.

"'I have the luxury of being able to wait because I don't have to lay any of the groundwork. I don't have to go meet all of the state party chairmen -- I've done that before,' Mr. McCain, 68, told the magazine, which reaches newsstands today."

The Corsair salivates, closet political geek that he is, at the prospect of a bloody Tancredo-Frist-McCain primary, focusing on Southwestern immigration. And, parallel to that, a brutal Clinton-Bayh-Richardson-Kerry slugfest.

"He said Republican conservatives have become 'more accepting of me than they used to be -- not accepting but more accepting -- because of the fact that I worked hard for Bush's re-election.'"

"As for potential rivals in 2008, Mr. McCain said his friend Sen. John Kerry, Massachusetts Democrat, should try to curb his desire to run for the job at least for now.

"'It's pretty obvious, the way he's acting, he'd like to try it again,' Mr. McCain said. 'I'd advise him to be the best senator he could be and put those ambitions aside for a while.'"

Yes, like until the next Ice Age. Or, when Vanity Fair runs an African-American on the cover. Whichever comes first.

Out: Flavio, The Man, The Mantan. This is what it sounds like ... when the skanks collide (Melodic wooden instruments play). According to the 3AM Girls:

"IT'S that time of year again - Naomi Campbell has rekindled her on-off passion for the multi-millionaire Flavio Briatore."

Above: Briatore, supermodel magnet (via Vogue)

The Corsair emits a languid, questioning sigh.

"And to seal their love, the Italian is throwing her a 35th birthday party aboard his yacht in Cannes this Friday."

"Last spring we revealed that stroppy supermodel Naomi had reignited her romance with her Formula One ex-boyfriend - who she first split from in 2001 - after they were spotted snogging in Pangaea nightclub, London."

Yes, but "snogging" is just Naomi's way of saying "hello;" just as fathering illigitimate babies is Flavio's way of saying thank you. Two great tastes that go great together.

"... She and Flavio broke up soon after and Naomi dated 26-year-old US superstar Usher for three months. By March, she had fallen for 24-year-old Brazilian sex symbol Sergio Marone. But last month she found herself back in the arms of 54-year-old Briatore."

"Our source tells 3am: 'Naomi usually celebrates her birthday with a massive bash in St Tropez. Last year there were 850 guests but the birthday girl didn't even show up until after dinner. She was with the American actor Adrien Brody who she was dating then. But since getting back with Flavio, he told her that he'd sort out her party. It'll be more intimate this year with guests like Kevin Spacey who will be at the nearby Cannes Film Festival.'

"... Permatanned Flavio fathered a child with Heidi Klum after he split from Naomi in 2001. But he dumped Heidi in 2003, three months before she gave birth to daughter Leni."

After splitting from Naomi last year, Flavio was spotted with model Kat Mack, Jimmy Choo boss Tamara Mellon (since linked with singer Robbie Williams) and 24-year-old Liverpool-born model Marie Donohoe. Phew!"

The just-punched-in-the-stomach "phew!" sound emitted by the 3AM Girls was not so much one of exhaustion after the recounting a long list, but rather it is the explosion accompanying the catching of an inadvertent whiff of Flavio Briatore's skank fumes. Phew!

Above: Il Maestro with Jason Binn (image via southbeach-usa)

In: The Jason Binn World Domination Tour (TM). At what point does a mini-mogul become The Mogul, and has Jason Binn just crossed that Rubicon? Last summer, Jason Binn was sporting ambulance driver manque David Lee Roth around, like a bandanna on the knee, in the process of conquering Aspen. That done, Binn is presently set for world conquest, moving on to DC. According to Page Six:

"THAT Jason Binn has snagged Anne Schroeder away from the Washington Post to be executive editor of his new Capitol File magazine, which joins his other magazines: Gotham, Hamptons, Los Angeles Confidential, Boston Commonwealth and Aspen Peak."

Out: "Pork Wings." The Corsair ... does not eat "swine." We eschew ... the other white meat. In legislation and in our choice of la viande, The Corsair readily abstains. That having been said, What could be worse than a "pitchman" for pig? According to Page Six:

"IF PIGS could fly, Michael Strahan wouldn't be peddling 'pork wings,' the signature dish of his new line of porcine products, Michael Strahan Master Grill Foods. 'You hold it just like a chicken wing, but it's a lot bigger,' says the Giants sack king. 'It gives you a greater amount of meat. It's tasty. It's great for tailgating and barbecuing.' Strahan is also hawking pre-cooked St. Louis-style ribs and something called 'dinner bacon.' 'I call it bacon steak,' he said. 'It's a very thick cut. You don't need eggs with it. This is truly a meal.'"

A considerable pause.

"Strahan isn't concerned that his oinking edibles might turn off health-conscious shoppers: 'So long as you exercise, you should be able to eat whatever you want.' Looks like the grid star's indulgent attitude extends to his love life. Yesterday, The Post exclusively reported how Strahan flew in his alleged mistress, curvy Canadian Nicole D' Oliveira, while his wife, Jean, was stuck at home with their two infant daughters on Mother's Day."

We will refrain from any mention of "Canadian Back Bacon," or "Sausage Banger Rolls." That is so very beneath us.

In: Christina Applegate (image via NYPost). Sure, we harshed on "The Little White Haired Girl" from Married ... with Children something vicious (The Corsair snaps) ... "vicious," when we heard she was going to dance on a barely healed busted foot. We questioned her sanity; we tried to break her and we are glad we failed. The Corsair has fractured a toe, and we certainly would not have danced on it after a scant 5 weeks. She did; and now Applegate is a Tony nominee. Christina Applegate can do anything she sets her sights on. Er, or she's really exacerbating that foot injury. We are really pulling for the former and not the latter (Good luck on the Tony, you sweetest thing; via gawker).

Above: Frustrated, deathless entertainment industry vampire Q Delight Jones searches for a single untapped vain on Kimberly Hefner's body. His efforts will come to naught. "Hef" ... got there first. (image via Fashionweekdaily)

Out: Quincy "Delight" Jones. How ghetto is it to have your middle name be "Delight"? 57 years in the business, and he can still make us laugh, though. Although we are not sure Q's blog on the HuffingtonReport was meant to be funny. Right before he becomes, as usual, spiritually incoherent, he forever creeps out our memory of him as mentor/advisor to the young Michael Jackson in 1984, when he won all those Grammy Awards:

"Caught a little of the Elvis movie on TV. The kid from Dublin playing him was good; had the moves down.It got me to thinking about fame and massive success and about how some people can handle it -- and how for others it can be the most destructive thing in the world.

"It got me to thinking about Michael -- and how difficult it is to watch what's going on with him now.When we made 'Thriller,' he was the most beautiful person in the world. Just a beautiful little brother."

An uncomfortable silence. A meaningful pause. Hmm. Should The Corsair put on some soft, haunting rondino by Rameau and light some romantic saffron-scented candles, Q? Are you having a Michael Jackson "moment"?

In: La Dolce Musto. As always, we love La Dolce Musto; but we never love him more than when he just wrestles the deepest darkest secrets from his subjects, leaving them broken, writhing husks rolling around in the fetal position, like in this interview with Bai Ling:

"... The slow-blooming good-time gal learned the raunchy ropes the hard way. At 14, she joined the PLA, where, craftily enough, she'd loiter around the men's quarters --wouldn't you? --trying to grab a peek or a listen. But did she actually have, you know, sexual c-o-n-g-r-e-s-s? 'Of course!' she exclaimed. 'Many of them! Something when it's forbidden, it's human nature that you really want to do it.' (I know, Blanche, I know.)

"And did the frisky little soldier get down in the trenches, as it were, with the ladies too? 'Yes,' she blurted. 'Because we all live together! We all wash naked in front of each other. The leader's wife takes a bath first in a swimming pool. After that you can imagine how dirty that water is. I was a new soldier, so they asked me to undress first. They would tease me and push me inside the water. And then everyone jumps in. It was disgusting when I think about it.' Hmm, sounds hot! (Ed Note: The Corsair will cosign on that, Musto) Actually, I was utterly bewildered, but the bi Ling got me back on track by explaining, 'We developed friendship. For us to sleep in the same bed holding hands is a normal thing.'

"And that wasn't the end of the fabulous debauchery, honey. 'I was a little alcoholic in the army,' she confessed, giggling. 'It tasted like a sweet wine. I wrote an apologizing letter. I'm always apologizing.'"

Hey, bi Bai: (The Corsair moistens his lips lasciviously) Y'want some ... (Slow, seductive walk) "sweet wine"?

Out: Jocelyn Wildenstein. Enough said.

Kate Moss' Sexy Little Dance Show



Lord help us: Does that make The Corsair downmarket if he constantly links to the extremely downmarket NewsoftheWorld:



"Kate Moss put on a sexy dance show for pals on a luxury holiday then�for an en-core!�whipped off her bikini top."



"The supermodel was at the exclusive Chiva-Som spa retreat in Thailand with best pal Sadie Frost and a gang of friends including Sadie's lover Jackson Scott. "

And, best of all, she didn't bring her skanky ex-manwhore boyfriend.

"It was flamenco guitarist Jackson's rendition of the Gypsy Kings' classic Bamboleo that gave Kate, 31, the urge to strut her sexy stuff on the beach."

Bambolllleeeooo....

"Party animals Kate and Sadie checked in to the spa for a much-needed detox.

"After a week of pampering including massages, yoga and a diet of exotic fruit and vegetables, water and herbal teas, even the superslim Kate had apparently shed four pounds.

"... One guest said: 'Kate always looks fabulous, but she has a real glow now. All the healthy eating and pampering has done her the world of good.

"'She's even been working out on the cross-trainer in the gym and looks in great shape.

"And Sadie looked better than she has in a long time. She looked tanned and very happy."

Stop the presses! Sadie Frost?! As in "The Exquisite Melancholy of Sadie Frost (TM)"? Happy?

"But the girls couldn't quite ditch their wild ways.

"Both sneaked a cigarette on the balcony of their suites and on the beach, while Kate swapped her mineral water for the odd glass of red wine.

A Little of the Old In and Out



(link via ABC)

In: Literacy. While a democracy without an educated public is a sad thing indeed, TheSmokinggun's latest offering does not inspire confidence in the state of our union. Some of the letters sent in to the "city fathers" and police in Duluth, GA regarding the "Runaway Bride/Thief" with the saucer-eyed blank Paris Hilton gaze are downright scary, like this winner from one Randy McDonald:

"Hey you inbreeds The bride dident start the man hunt His family did If anyone should go to jail it is him. In the United States a adult should be able to go anywhere they chose without fear of a FBI manhunt. There is no evidence of a crime and yet you fools created one and are now going to try and hold her responsible for your overreaction? The way you guys think it is no doubt the south will never rise agien"

Sounds like a C-Span call in program. Yeah, that's the reason, Randy; although the Senate and House leadership would contradict that the South is in some fallen position. But we digress: Also cause for some mirth: The Christian, "...She best watch the good ole boys in these parts," and, "the woman got disoriented ... by the phallic wedding," finally, the preacher who calls it like he sees it: "cheapskate uncles and aunts dripping with dogwood blossoms."



(link via q101)

Out: Terry Hatcher Versus Mort Z. According to New York Magazine, all those photos of The Desperate Housewife and that tatooed guy were, well, here Jada Yuan explains:

"Desperate Housewife Teri Hatcher operates publicist-less, which means she has to go after the press herself. Last week, the tabs linked her to a 'boy toy,' fashion photographer Jim Macari.

"When we called to ask about rumors that he was mad about it since he has a girlfriend, she left a message: 'It would be lovely if you could be a human being that would actually print something true.' So what was wrong? 'First of all, I wasn?t with the people they listed, like Lizzie Guffman [sic]. I wouldn?t recognize them if you put them in front of me.' She confirmed she and Macari were dancing that night, but claimed she didn?t know his romantic status?though he did call her around nine on the morning of his paparazzi christening, shocked.

"'I literally answered and said, I'm so sorry, " said Hatcher, who was en route to a Tribeca Film Festival panel. Turns out Daily News owner Mort Zuckerman was there, and she gave him 'quite a bit of shit. You know, "How can your paper print an article that's completely full of erroneous crap?" And he goes, "Well, but look at how good you look in the picture.?"

Winner: Zuckerman, unbound and his unstoppable charm offensive (But he loses "CP" points for lack of loyalty to a very cool employee); but we'd still rather party with Terry Hatcher..



Above: Cin A, *Her Pimp Hand ... Is Strong!* (image via Boston.com)

In: Cindy Adams. Cindy Adams is a psychic, an oracle of splendiferous dish, a de-obfuscator; Cindy Adams is so clearly not a picklehead, like The Corsair previously believed:

"LAST week you read reports that Cameron Diaz was marrying J.T. ? which obviously meant her longtime kindergarten boyfriend Justin Timberlake ? in France next week. You then read their instant denials. You then figured: Aha! Oho! They're just deliberately putting everyone off the track with these rebuttals so mankind will not then believe said rumors. You big brains all thought to yourselves: 'These two think we're nitwits, right? They think they can pull the bull over our eyes, right?'

"Calm yourselves, kiddies. Mother will unravel this for you. In showbiz there exists another real live male with the same known initials. Name's Jonathan Taylor. Nickname 'J.T.' Executive producer of 'The Osbournes.' And he is getting married. Next week. In France. Only his lady's name is Annie. And, by coincidence, celebrities are attending. Like Sharon and Ozzie.

You're welcome.

Oh, Cindy. The Imelda Marcos and pro-right wing dictator shoutouts notwithstanding: How could we have been so wrong about you?

The Huffington Report



Ah, the anxiety of influence. To come after The Great One. To be an historian after the end of history. We were beaten to the punch and now must exist in the shadows of The Guardian's brilliant spoof (link via Romenesko via OJR) of "The Huffington Report."

Still, we'll give it the old college try. Perhaps we can add a facet to the polished diamond created by the Guardian. The Corsair has obtained a copy of some of the "celebrity bloggage" that will be seen on "The Huffington Report" -- wink, wink. Here it is:

Auspicious beginnings! posted by 'Ari' on Mon May 9 2005 at 09:00 PDT Greetings, everyone. Well, I am unusually excited to finally have for you here The Huffington Post, or as we call it "Being Huffy." But it's not all about me, only somewhat. As the weeks progress, we will have lined up more than 249 of the most creative minds in the country, plus Maggie Gylenhaal. Barum-bum. Plus: we will not be censoring any of the saltier "Mametspeak" posts by David Mamet. Enjoy.

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It's All About Power, posted by V as in Victory Jordan on May 9 at 08:55 PDT

Lots of power in the room. If I stop posting in midsentence, don't take it personal-like; there's simply someone richer than you who just crossed my radar screen. Neat little hustle, Ari's running. Corzine, Diller, Gyllenhaal. I'm Vernon Jordan, by the way, but my friends call me "Bubbles." You may remember me as the guy that the Clinton handlers wouldn't let drive Clinton in the golf cart because it looked too "Driving Miss Daisy." Hell, I'd toss Miss Daisy's salad with extreme prejudice and say it tasted like a '49 Mouton Cadet if she could get me some face time with the President or Warren Buffett. If power is an aphrodisiac -- dammit -- then get me a hotcomb!

The demystification of the American Dream, posted by Mamet on Mon May 9 at 09:21 PDT

Commercialism is rampant. Fer chrissakes. Everythings a scam, a house of games. We're constantly buying crap we don't need. And wasting time reading shit. Like this blog. Fucking product. Goddam internets. And television, 700 channels of stupid.

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What's New Pussycat? Posted by WarrenBeatty on Mon May 9 2005 at 13:09 PDT

I'll bet you think this blog is about me, don't you? Annette says it isn't really cheating if I blog online while wearing gloves. I insisted on the 3/4 profile lighting slightly shaded so my receding hairline's out of focus. How's my hair by the way? Too much "product"? Not enough? Great girl, my wife. Shoulda won the Oscar. Going to Bob Evans mansion tonight with Jack, "Pro," to relive memories. The 70s; all that ass we "Bullworthed."

Which reminds me -- give us a post, Halle. We'll do lunch. Chow.

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Cupping Posted by Gwynnie Paltrow on Mon May 9 2005 at 14:22 PDT

I'm wearing all Marc Jacobs tonight, and my husband, Chris Martin was just telling me how he missed by paradoxical pregnancy boobs, and, whatever, while we were, like, spooning, which is a lot less fun than "cupping," I must say in my best Madonna faux British by way of Spense School accent. Very 1950s films star, that.

But I'm not frosty or dismissive or anything, like Hepburn; God, that's such a misconception no doubt started by at Spense. I'm warm and fertile, bearing fruit, like "Apple." Ha-ha, get it?

Seriously, wow, there are like all these buttons and all on this "internets" concept. Crazy. And it says "Apple," which i like, and it's all interactive, kind of like The Theater, where those louche paparazzi folks take pictures. Imagine the cheek! One doesn't take pictures at The Theater, one simply gives oneself over to the experience.

Okay, so maybe I'm frosty and dismissive.So, yeah, like I'm on haitus with acting, and it's not because I've --like -- emitted tons of stinkers and Harvey decided Penelope was going to be his next muse or anything like that. Unfortunate that Miramax went belly up. It's all so Kabballa redstring.

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What's a Blog? Posted by L David on Mon May 9 2005 at 15:00 PDT

Did you ever wonder why this thing is called a blog? Why couldn't they call it something nicer, like "online notebook of zany, observational thoughts," or something. So, Arianna cornered me at some fundraiser or other that the wife drags me too and starts courting me in that sexy Greek accent of hers. I was trying to make a quick exit in my electric car, but Arianna does a wicked sprint. Do people still "court," by the way? What a crazy word, that "courting."

"Blog" sounds kind of like something you do in the bathroom, by the way. Are you typing this verbatim, Consuela? You can't find good help nowadays. I want you to type every word I say. Consuela, or I'll report you to immigration.

And, while we're on the subject: What is it about this internet?

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Bush in the Baltic



Only the historians of the future looking backward will have the data available on hand and the dispassionate jeweler's eye necessary that distance gives to make accurate judgments as to whether or not America could have possibly forged some sort of mutually beneficial alliance with Russia, out of our common interests, sometime during the optimistic but brief 1992-2005 corridor of possibility. Alas. It was not to be. Was it thus destined that we would be adversaries once again? Did it have to happen this way?

Perhaps ... the lingering antagonisms of the Old Cold Warriors in the highest reaches at "State" and "Defense" combined with Russia's quixotic flirtations with autocracy and what can only be construed as a "simian" strongman rule presented insurmountable obstacles to any such alliance. Perhaps. (The Corsair sips absently from 1949 Chateau Haute Brion, in the twilight, contemplating the melancholy limits to hyperpower, while listening to Couperin)

Whatever the case, Russia has gone over to the dark (read: China) side. Remeber the clueless Putin in Woodward's book, getting blown off on the phone by Bush, when he all but begged the President to come attend St. Petersberg's 300th anniversary celebration? As if International diplomacy were a photo op. Perhaps in the Russian political calculus it is.

The Russian Bear has presently withdrawn from it's Western flank, leaving behind it's "children," humiliated, and now going in for Asian intrigues, where, disturbingly, America is increasingly devoid of influence (Where, indeed, was "Iron Lady" Condi Rice when Hu Jintao was breaking Koizumi?) or voice (Is it really a "six party" talk? Or, is there only now just China, Dominant in the region?).

Of course, China will use Russia so long as Russia's sturdy ass can be of "service." China is currently leveraging it's Sino-African collabo in much the same manner, namely, for resources. In the case of Russia, however, the uses go more than purely natural resources for their rapidly expanding economy, but also for limited joint military activities, to indirectly threaten opposition movements in soi-dissant renegade provinces like Taiwan and, possible opponents to regional hegemony, like Japan (Which proved to be not so tough America, who is distracted in the War on Terror and Eastern Europe), thus, in the process, giving Russia that adolescent lifting sense of their "manly power," so louchely expressed by the padded shoulders in military uniform (Averted Gaze) and those high aggro steps while marching. Manly, to be sure. (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment) Ah, for a lady to marry a Russian in a uniform of "Hussars to the Guard; oh, to be invited to Prince Orlovski's Ball, now wouldn't that be something?"

But how else can Russia act being that its chief identifying fundamental characteristic as a nation is the desire to be a major military player on the world stage (Tchaikovski's March Militaire anyone?). Ah, to have the world fear and respect the Russian uniform, the military prowess, they dream (The people do so, alas, quite childishly, because their rulers are so thoroughly corrupt and infantile) Stung from the "Orange" and "Rose" Revolutions and the dramatic tensions presently smoldering in Moldova, Belarus ("Europe's Last Dictatorship" says Bush), Uzbekistan (Which, incredibly-dramatically just pulled out of a Soviet Republics Group in anticipation of the Bush visit), &c, Bush's trip -- while offering opportunities to smooth sticking points -- will cause more damage because the Russia visit is sandwiched between layovers in Baltic breakaways.

And let's be honest, the real reason for the trip is to shore up the 2nd Bush Administrations "mini-mandate" of securing democracy throughout Eastern Europe, cutting off Russia from The Great Caspian Oil Game. That mandate sets American foreign policy at direct odds with the Kremlin. And, according to 60 Minutes:

"On the eve of a meeting with President Bush in Moscow, Russian President Vladimir Putin responds to criticism of democracy in Russia, raising questions about the U.S. 2000 election and President Bush?s decision to go to war in Iraq."

This is not an unexpected outburst. Putin's abysmal ignorance regarding American electoral politics only highlights -- embarrassingly -- what a chilly provincial hack Putin makes of himself on the world stage when faced with the daunting prospect of a microphone and cameras uncontrolled by his charming little junta. The leadership in Beijing must fairly break into controlled hysterics after dealing with such a dolt. Also, regarding: Iraq; Russia has always been a friend/client/consumer -- since the Cold War and the UN's non-aligned block days at Turtle Bay -- of that embattled emerging democracy. The frosty relationship between Washington and the Kremlin only heightens that profitable Iraq-Russia friendship that goes, as they say, "way back." To CBS:

"In an exclusive interview to be broadcast on 60 Minutes Sunday, Correspondent Mike Wallace repeats criticism from the Bush White House about recent changes Putin has instituted in Russia.

" ... Putin tells Wallace he should question his own country's democratic ways before looking for problems with Russia's. The Russian president also says the United States shouldn't try to export its democracy, as it is trying to do in Iraq."

Well, "Pooty-Poot" is dead-on right there. President Bush is on page two of the Bush Doctrine. Page one was: "Democratize the Middle East." Now, the remix: Extend democracy throughout Eastern Europe, gain access to Caspian Sea black gold, overthrow tyrants (Not necessarily in that order). This trip is going to be brutal for Putin. Just Brutal. It will hallmark the essential broken-manness of Putin's Russia (Which is not a good thing to do, rubbing salt in a bear's wound, even if you are in the stronger position) What Bush is essentially doing can be compared to boldly taking the Czar's jewels in broad daylight. Sheer boldness. And Russians especially are fond of boldness as a twisted virtue (The Good) as opposed to a chumpy acquiescence (The Bad): very "ghetto," this, tres "street," this unhinged moral compass of Third World masculinity (For further reference, see the international machinations of Henry the K).

"Mr. Bush has called on Moscow to renounce its forced annexation of Latvia and the other Baltic regions and has noted that defeating the Nazis did not lead to freedom for the Baltics. The president says he'll bring it up with Putin when they meet, which is sure to irritate the Russian leader."

Is this visit entirely to irritate and humiliate Putin? Didn't we already accomplish this in Bratislava Castle? What gives? Is this some post-Cold War hazing ritual?

"Earlier this week, Putin protested Mr. Bush?s decision to visit Latvia on his way to Moscow. Mr. Bush and Putin are scheduled to meet over dinner before Monday's ceremonies in Moscow marking the 60th anniversary of the Allied victory over Nazi Germany. Administration aides have been downplaying expectations for this session, saying the two leaders are meeting for just an hour Sunday night at Putin's dacha, followed by a social dinner with their wives. "

"Wallace gets quite a reaction from Putin by asking him about a recent change the Russian leader made. Says Wallace, 'There was a time when the regional governors were elected, correct? And all of the sudden, Putin says, 'No, no, no. I shall appoint the governors.' That's democracy? That's not democracy the way I understand it."

"'The principle of appointing regional leaders is not a sign of a lack of democracy,' Putin retorts.
'You're absolutely wrong. For instance, India is called the largest world democracy. But their governors have always been appointed by the central government and nobody disputes that India is not a democracy.' The Russian leader then points to what he believes are drawbacks to America's own brand of democracy, including the Electoral College system."

Oh, please. Do tell us, Pooty:

"'In the United States, you first elect the electors and then they vote for the presidential candidates. In Russia, the president is elected through the direct vote of the whole population. That might be even more democratic,' says Putin."

Yeah, but, you know, in America opposition parties are given equal time, ya know? But The Poot is on a tear:

"'And you have other problems in your elections, ' he tells Wallace. 'Four years ago, your presidential election was decided by the court. The judicial system was brought into it. But we're not going to poke our noses into your democratic system because that's up to the American people.'"

Oh no he didn't.

"Putin also believes the U.S. democratic system does not travel well and that is precisely why he was against the war in Iraq from the beginning. 'Democracy cannot be exported to some other place ...'"

Anyway: for the rest go here. And check out 60 Minutes Sunday.The full interview airs Sunday, May 8, at 7 p.m. ET/PT.

A Little of the Old In and Out



(image via Fashionweekdaily)

In: Art and Fashion. Although the classical but temperamentally conservative Philippe de Montebello allegedly looks askance on any connections between "High Art" and the sordid world of haute couture (Averted Gaze, sniffs huffily), rogue intellectuals like Valerie Steele and Camille Paglia would "get it." What is "it"? This: On the legs of the Costume Institute's Party of the Year came Thursday night's Art Party at The Whitney where, according to Fashionweekdaily:

"'It?s incredible, walking in and having this young, sexy pick-up scene under the auspices of art,' described a very pregnant Rachel Feinstein (clad in Club Monaco and Marc Jacobs). Cynthia Rowley agreed. 'It?s just nice to see people dress up for art.'

"Certainly Feinstein wasn?t referring to Claire Danes, Julia Stiles, Anna Paquin, Bridget Moynahan (in Lanvin), or Emmy Rossum (in Ralph Lauren, of course), all of whom took time out from their busy magazine cover shoots and independent projects to come support a worthy cause. Even those still reeling from partying the night before made an appearance. 'I saw people here tonight that apparently were at my [keg] party the night before, but after six hours of tequila's, who knows?' said a Hollywould-clad Holly Dunlap ...

?'It has that Brett Easton Ellis vibe to it,' Gretchen Gunlocke noted of the black chandelier and wild light display ...

" ...Zac Posen, who dressed several of the evening's ladies, including Roopal Patel ... Zani Gugelmann, and Celerie Kemble, said he'd been going to the Whitney forever, since he was young. 'Last year it was only a quarter of the people you see tonight,' he shouted as the live performance from Ren� Risqu� & the Art Lovers went on. 'Oh this is so much fun,' Kemble added. 'I feel so dark, brooding, and sassy, and I'm not just referring to my dress!'" (more here)

Out: The African Tragedy NYTimes Magazine Story. The Sudanese Lost Boys, the Nigerian woman who was nearly stoned for premarital sex, then, Drawings from children in Darfur refugee camps, now (Averted Gaze), The Old Gray Lady serves us the latest little hors d'oevre in "The African Tragedy Drama"(TM) in tomorrows Lord's Resistance Army article on Uganda, a place where The Corsair was born.

Is there some perverse pleasure enjoyed by liberals in spending their Sunday afternoons feeling good about themselves because they can feel ... je ne connais pas ... shock at the plight of poor Africans in tragedy? Or is this just a Times Magazine thing. What the fuck is up with all the Scarlet-and-Burnt-Ochre-victim-charcoal NYTimes Magazine sketches of the soi-dissant "Dark Continent"? Is there not some subtler art with which to render the fleshtones of the verdant Africa, oh knowledgeable and wise Old Gray Lady?

What be of the Africa's great successes? There have been quite a few of late. Must the Africa stories always be of rape and war and murder and the saintly forgiveness that those long-suffering and inspirational people exhibit? Is the African existential reality really so fucking one-dimensional, Old Gray Lady?

Why not paint with it a lively palette, goddamn it! (The Corsair rolls up his sleeves and gets sassy) What about Botswanan growth? What about the intriguing yet problematic mechanics emerging out of the Sino-African relationship? The archaeological excavations at the continent's oldest University (circa 12th Century)? Or the return of the Ethiopian obelisk (Axumite Kingdom) from Rome? These are all positive stories that need to be told of Africa.

But -- No. Only far too many African stories of "numbness," of "laughter without mirth," of "sobbing" and, mirabile dictu (Averted Gaze), "beautiful praise" from Hillary Clinton. Swell.



Above: Sith Lord Nick Ashford of "Ashford and Simspon" fame with his new apprentice, Darth Van Zandt. (image via NYSocialDiary)

In: The We Are Family Foundation. We turn now to Our Favorite Social Chronicler, David Patrick Columbia, who writes in NYSocialDiary:

"The We Are Family Foundation held their 3rd annual celebration at Manhattan Center's Grand Ballroom at 311 West 34th Street. They honored Peter Gabriel with the Humanitarian Award, Dr. Maya Angelou with the Mattie J. T. Stepanek Peacemaker Award and Daniel Crown, CEO, Crown Theatres with their Visionary Award. The evening was hosted by Montel Williams and they celebrated with a musical concert by the B-52s, and Chic.

"... Nile (Rodgers) brought down the house by introducing Sponge Bob, who ignited what many consider to be the year's silliest controversy when Rev. James Dobson -- at President Bush's Inaugural Dinner -- condemned the We Are Family Foundation for including him in a video designed to teach kids about tolerance. (The video, which was just sent out to 66,000 elementary schools free of charge, thanks to a grant from the Toni Mendez Foundation and Fed. Ex, was co-produced by Nile Rodgers and Christopher Cerf, longtime Sesame Street veteran, and the co-creator of PBS's award-winning literacy-education show, Between the Lions.)It was a fantastic night, and all for a wonderful cause -- helping children learn to understand the concept of family, diversity, and respect."

Bravo.



Out:Topic A with Tina Brown. The Corsair means "Out" not in a bad way. So, Tina Brown is packing it in in late May, ending her association with Topic A, for a multimillion dollar Di Bio, according to Il Maestro, Richard Johnson and the Page Sixxies.

This is probably extremely un-PC to say out in the blogosphere, but The Corsair genuinely liked Topic A. There. We said it. Topic A with Tina Brown was a very smart and well edited show. Alas, we did did not make the "Hot Pick." (Averted Gaze) But we still thought it was smart, if even for this oversight. Now, why don't you put Arianna Huffington in that spot -- schnell! We cannot believe that the Dark Ms. Huffington doesn't have a weekly cable gabfest.

Paula Abdul: Secret-Lover-Undercover to "Do" SNL



(image via canada.com)

Wow. The custodial services are going to be busy sterilizing "40 Rock" immediately following tonight's skanktastic SNL performace -- all up in Lorne Greene's bitch (Eew) -- featuring former "Dumbass," ehr, we mean "Jackass" star, Johnny Knoxville as host (Eeew), and Paula Abdul, AKA, "The Estevez," (Averted Gaze) making a special guest appearance (Eeew).

Penicilin and tablets of Quinine Sulfate will be distributed to members of the studio audience as a precaution, as it is a medical fact that airbourne skank cooties advances pace at bacterial velocities. (And what's this Fashionweekdaily says of a possible "manorexic" Karl Lagerfeld appearance/moment on tonight's SNL?! WTF?!)

But The Corsair digresses: All microphones handled by either host will be immediately inspected and medicinally scrubbed down for signs of resistant strains of highly contagious Estevez-Knoxville skankteria. Says the Star Telegram:

"What's the best way to rehabilitate your image if it has taken a P.R. body blow? Either spill your guts to the nation's therapist and Grand Confessor, Dr. Phil McGraw, who'll feel your pain while lobbing potentially embarrassing questions (as he did with the master of penitence, Pat O'Brien), or make fun of yourself on Saturday Night Live. American Idol's alleged vixen, Paula Abdul, is doing the latter. According to The Insider (O'Brien's show), the petite celeb judge will appear tonight on SNL, which will be hosted by Johnny Knoxville with musical guest System Of A Down."

"Meanwhile, Abdul, who had kept mum on the allegations by former Idol contestant Corey Clark, has spoken up. Issuing a non-denial denial Friday, Abdul first offered 'my deepest appreciation to the thousands of people throughout the world [who expressed] their support for me. All my life, I have been taught to take the high road, and never to dignify salacious or false accusations,' the statement says. 'And I have been taught never, never to lie.'"

Uhm, what does that mean exactly? Be specific, as enquiring minds want to know. Did Paula "knead Corey like dough" or what?

"Clark got in his licks on TV's Extra: 'I did it because of this machine American Idol trying to exploit kids.' He added: 'This makes her [Abdul] bigger than the show, which is something that she wanted.'"

Don't you love it when someone really and truly "of the ghetto" (Of the unfortunate mentality, The Corsair means, not the physical locale) tries to score in the media utilizing "ethical" points?

Bitterness, and, quite possibly a carefully calibrated upwind of career lift -- yes, that registers, that we can see -- but not moral and ethical outrage from the likes of Corey Clark. Naah. "Exploitation of kids"? Perish the thought. These thoughts do not keep a Corey up at night.

What made Corey kiss-n-tell? Well, Corey didn't win even after he *allegedly* "hooked up with" and got "help from" Paula Abdul. That's what burns him up; that, and the fact that fucking nonentity Clay is so big he's doing "Oprah" May 10th. Did you hear that?

Is anyone -- I mean anyone -- buying the pseudo-morally righteous tone of Corey Clark?

Didn't think so. Even Clark bails out on his primary argument, fully aware of its intrinsic ludicrousness, as the story notes, when he adds, as an aside: "This makes her [Abdul] bigger than the show, which is something that she wanted.'"

So ... the confession was all about Paula? This "helps" her? Coughcough --"ghetto." -- coughcough, the Ch�teau la Coustarelle Cahors went down the wrong passageway. (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment) C'est tout.

No posts today. Allergies, pollen. Be back tomorrow.

A Little of the Old In and Out



In: The Ann Coulter Incident. Why is Ann Coulter's tush such an object of fascination and derision? What motivates people to want to "destroy her ass"? Why is "ass" always coming up when Ann Coulter's name is mentioned? What's the big ado about her object du ass? Ajai Prasad Raj was curious. Curious like a Capuchin monkey! See what he does, anyway: According to TheSmokinggun:

"... Coulter ended her lecture with a question and answer session during which attendees were invited to ask questions via microphone located approximately 15 rows away from the stage. Raj, who sat in the back row of the auditorium, approached the microphone and stated, 'so ... what do you think about conservative men that all they do with their wives is fuck them in the ass?' Raj then ran 30 yards from the microphone back up the aisle to his seat making a repeated motion with his right arm and hand, which was cupped in a circular shape, towards his crotch area .."

Isn't that -- like, punishable by death in Texas?



Out: Gemma Ward. You can't recreate the magic. Perhaps it's a Gemini thing with me. Always create, never go backwards. According to British Vogue:

"NOBODY could ever overtake the memory of Kate Moss in those timeless Calvin Klein Obsession ads, shot by Mario Sorrenti. Or so we thought until we saw IMG model Gemma Ward in the ads for the new Obsession Night � which are also the work of Sorrenti. Released in glossy magazines this month, the shots, which are bound to be traffic-stopping once they are plastered on billboards all over the world, prove the Australian catwalker's status as a bona fide star."

We prefer Kate.



Above: "Broken doll" Amy Fine Collins, wearing her traditional elven High Priestess costume, at the Central Park Conservancy.

In: The Women�s Committee of the Central Park Conservancy. Our favorite social chronicler, David Patrick Columbia in NYSocialDiary:

"This year Karen LeFrak, President of the Women�s Committee, opened the luncheon and asked the question: Where would we be without Central Park, and what would New York be without Central Park? Answer: (mine) Nowhere and Nothing. She also singled out Evelyn Lauder and the Estee Lauder Companies for their devotion, support and loyalty to the Conservancy, to Central Park, and to the FLO Awards Luncheon."

The Corsair could not fathom New York without Central Park. Or Amy Fine Collins without her peculiar magical elven qualities.



Out: John Kerry. Please. Stop. Apparently, John Forbes Kerry didn't get the memo. Allow me to read it out loud: It's over, Johnny. Head straight back to The Cape and knock back some Cutty Sark with the swell guys on the old sailboat. Northeastern liberals are unelectable nationally. Quod errat demonstrandum. Still, "JFK" persists on his quixotic quest. We understand why. Kerry is a creature of his past. He regards the 2004 loss as akin to his 1972 loss in the Fifth District of Massachusetts. The lesson he took away from which was, "try again next time, but more aggressively" As if America post 9-11 were Massachusetts, circa the 70s (Averted Gaze). He had his chance; he blew it. Now, step aside and let the other players have a shot. According to The Hill:

"The political team Kerry has hired to staff his new leadership political action committee, Keeping America�s Promise, indicates that he is gearing up for just such a showdown. Kerry has hired John Giesser, the No. 2 operative at the DNC in 2000 and 2004, to run it and Jay Dunn, who served as DNC finance director, to manage its finances.

�'Everything he is doing from a political standpoint points in that direction,' said Steve Grossman, who served as DNC chairman in 1998, of the likelihood of another presidential run for Kerry. 'That�s a very, very high-powered team that he�s keeping in place. You don�t generally spend those kind of resources and put that effort in building the A team to run for another term in the U.S. Senate.'"

Not again ...

In: Popbitch. In which, their latest issue, they write: "Guy Ritchie popped into the Versace store in Bond St the other day to buy some suits. The shop assistant asked him if he was also interested in trying on any of the Versace print shirts. Mr Madonna's response? 'No thanks ... they're for faggots.'" WTF?!

And, "The US producers of I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here contacted Tone Loc to see if he'd appear as a contestant. His reply was to fax them a copy of his 2004 tax return, showing more than $1.5m in post-tax earnings. Tone Loc credits George Hamilton for showing him how to build a well-diversified portfolio of commercial and residential property."

WTF?!!

Pitt-Jolie Hot Monkey Sex Tour, Part Deux



(link via thisislondon)

Both Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are powerless to stop the "hott monkey sex" that appears to have enveloped their entire lives and ensnared us all in the process. And more is coming. Great evolutionary forces are at work in the ground-of-being. Galactic energies inform their operations; the implications are cosmic in scale. Africa's fecundity generates necessitous "slap and tickle."

It is eminently logical that the two hottest people in the world "hook up" with "the hott monkey sex," and, if possible, ancillary to the moist noises and soiled sheets, replicate in order to save the world. We are watching classic "speciation" at work. The future of humankind depends upon their angelic progeny. In such a situation, only "juju herbs," can reverse the magnetic pull of planetary destiny. It is described by our favorite superhero gossip duo, Rush and Molloy:

"A week after their romantic interlude in Kenya, (Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie) hooked up in Morocco."

(Echoing across the veldt, frightening the animals) "What's in the booooooooxxxxx...."

"Saturday, the cast and crew celebrated the start of Pitt's next movie, 'Babel,' with a party in the North African kingdom.

"Pitt made sure to stop by, but he left after just one drink.

"He had a good reason for turning in early: Jolie was waiting back at his suite."

Pitt stop: Suite=Sweet.

"People magazine reports that, after wrapping up humanitarian visits to Ethiopia and South Africa, Pitt flew to London. There, he and Jolie boarded a private jet to Morocco. Befitting their status as the most-hunted game in Africa, the couple was transported to Pitt's hotel in a three-vehicle convoy.

"Their reunion was brief. Replenished with love, Jolie left the next morning."

No doubt satisfied (The Corsair squints his eyes), disheveled, with her hair all in ... "sex-dreadlocks."

Brad and Angela's Moist Hott Monkey Sex Tour (TM)



(image via VNN)

What is Africa? As Paper Magazine's Mr. Mickey once told me, dryly, Africa is "A freak with two 'A's'" Too true. Africa is "sessy," no two ways about it, with a touch of the freaknasty. Even if The Star (Averted Gaze; exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment) has an incredibly bad reputation -- with The Corsair at least -- on their ethics and attributions in print, but the overall sexiness of Africa, and the story, exonerates them. Africa. The lush vegetation, the animal noises, the verdant smells the ... sheer abbondanza of it all! (The Corsair sips some Ugandan banana liqueur, "Waragi")

It's enough to move even the world's most beautiful couple in the world make "moist, hot monkey sex" sounds, according to Page Six:

"BRAD Pitt and Angelina Jolie made so much noise during an animalistic sex session at their Kenyan love nest that security rushed to their room, Star magazine claims. The celeb-obsessed weekly � which breathlessly dubs the Pitt/Jolie affair 'the romance of the century' � quotes an insider at the luxury Alfajari Villas beach resort as saying the couple's loud lovemaking 'sounded like a wounded animal, like someone being killed!'"

Brad (Oscillating wildly under Jolie, who is slowly kneading Pitt like sourdough): Come on, Angie ... what's in the boooooxxxx! What's in the boooooooxxxx..... (Moist sounds of love)

Alarmed Guard: What is that, Mero?
Meroe: Dreadful. It sounds like a wildebeest being ambushed by hyenas! It is in great pain. We must do something.

(From the walls) What's in the boooooxxxx..

Alarmed Guard: (worried) Let us go check it out ...

"According to Star, 'worried guards grabbed their weapons,' rushed to Pitt and Jolie's suite and 'hammered furiously on the door with their clubs.' Suddenly, the screams stopped, and Pitt's voice was heard from inside the $2,000-a-night villa. 'Everything is cool guys,' he supposedly said. 'You can leave � we're OK.' Star reports it found an entry in the Alfajari's 'disturbance log' at 2 a.m. on April 20. 'People here have great respect for men with sexual prowess who keep their women pleased,' the mag quotes an 'onlooker.' Even better, 'another local' relates, 'Miss Jolie got so excited, the guards thought maybe Mr. Pitt was taking juju herbs to give him the strength of a lion.'"

How implausible does this story sound? "Juju herbs," indeed! Another case of "Star Magazine" ethics in journalism?

A Little of the Old In and Out



Above: Richard Johnson, investigative reporter, a cool guy.

In: Nicole Miller. When Page Six sagely told us in their best world weary "been-there-done-that" voice that, indeed, "most fashion models are too flat and bony for lingerie," we concurred, trusting in their expert knowledge, and assured in the fact that they would send a correspondent -- in the interest of research, of course -- to check out the Nicole Miller show at the ecdysiast palace that is "Scores West." According to Fashionweekdaily:

"So Taylor (Tomassi) packed into Scores West with a horde of other hauterflies for Nicole Miller's lingerie collection debut, a runway striptease starring the Scores Girls themselves. As Absolute style director Chris Campbell and fashion editor Rebecca Guinness crowded the bar, New York Post fashion editor Orla Healy fluttered through the makeshift front row, which included Lauren Ezersky, Hud Morgan, and Page Six scion Richard Johnson, who gamely applauded the 'models' with girlfriend Sessa von Richthofen.

" ... The Daily thought the Scores Girls looked a bit too experienced to be coeds, especially the steamy Daisy Rojas, who chose her stripper name 'Chelsea' because 'this is the closest I'm going to get to be the president's daughter!' In a well-received bit of improv, Daisy discarded the creamy silk demi-cup bra she was modeling to grin and bare it for the audience.

"... Backstage, a stripper rumble was apparently brewing. According to one cocktail waitress, Nicole Miller imported girls from Scores' original eastside location for the event, downgrading the Scores West girls to waitresses and after-party entertainment."

Why doesn't The Corsair ever get invited to these things? You do your thing, Richard Johnson. More Scores strippry, Rojas-ish fun (November 5, 2007): HERE.

Out: Food and Sex and Memory. Proust immortalized the strange connections between food and memory. Let's kick it up a notch. The Corsair has been, of late, utterly fascinated by the connection between food and sex and memory. Don't ask The Corsair why. We just are. Rosie O'Donnell provides exhibit A, on her blog:

"i first spoke to Chrissie in Betty Barnes's class
"i had seen her the day before in anthropology
"she had red sweat pants and a white sweat shirt
"no zipper - with a hood
"it had that worn out preppy non-flea-market look to it
"she had a blond ponytail,
"sky blue eyes
"and a Snyder's hard pretzel in her hand
"she was beautiful"

Ah. So, in the moment of exigency, it was the "Snyder's hard pretzel" sealed the deal, eh? "Hot cross buns" does it every time for The Corsair. And a girl with a pony keg and gravy fries. That's priceless.



Above: Michel Longchampt to Pierre de Ravel d'Esclapon: "Ooh-la-la, Pierre, in here it is, like -- how you say? -- "'Assachsetts'"

In: The Debs. According to NySocialDiary:

"Under the High Patronage of H.E. the Ambassador of France to Washington and H.E. The Ambassador of The United States to France, and in the presence of H.E The Ambassador, Permanent Representative of France to The United Nations, Bal des Berceaux 2005 honored Frederic R. Coudert, Chairman and President of the Board of Directors of Kips Boys and Girls Club.

"The newly choreographed presentation of the debutantes was seen for the first time ever at Cipriani, followed by a live auction by George McNeely of a Special Edition 'Royal Carriages' white Rolls Royce Silver Spirit, a gift from Mr. and Mrs. Rocky Aoki, which was won by Jacques and Mara Khodara."



Above: "It's the number one fact of life ... VD ... gets around." (Kidding)

(image via Defamer)

Out: Katie Holmes. Already the New Urban Tom Cruise (TM) is sapping the virginal purity out of Joey, Lestat-like, platelet by bloody platelet, and leaving a scabby crack 'ho husk in her place. Stop feasting on Katie Holmes' blood, Tom. On any day of the week you know you can go to a cocktail paty in the Hollywood Hills and have your fill of South American peasant plasma. If you're going to "drain" her, Tom, do it fast and painless. This slow media thing is just too cruel.
In: The Liberal-Democrats. The Corsair is going to go out on a limb and predict that the Liberal Democrats will beat the Conservative Party in tomorrow's British election. Tony Blair will be elected with a tiny margin, and will resign before the year is out, giving Gordon Brown the Prime Ministership.

The Lusty Leprechaun and the 70 Year Old



(image via USAToday)

Apparently, Colin Farrell is an equal opportunity masher. All ass is sweet ass in a place called Farrell. He'll ply hapless bikini babes with untold amounts of strawberry drinks and irresistible scenes of him playing with his son just as soon as he'll spend protracted amounts of time trying to get into the bloomers vaguely-titled British aristos. He's Old School like that. According to ThisisLondon (link via Drudgiepoo):

"At the age of 70 she may have thought her days of being romanced by Hollywood heart-throbs were behind her.

"But Dame Eileen Atkins says Colin Farrell - some 42 years her junior - spent more than two hours trying to seduce her.

"Dame Eileen, one of the creators of the classic television series Upstairs Downstairs, revealed in an interview yesterday that she was propositioned by the actor just a few months ago."

It must have been the "Masterpiece Theater" buzz. (Nods in sympathy). That's television royalty. You can't pass up historical ass like that. The Corsair can thoroughly relate. In fact, The Corsair wants to extend a sultry "pillow invitation" to Susan Hampshire of Masterpiece Theater's dramatic "The First Churchills." Age is unimportant. She made my childhood.

"Asked about her sex life on the ITV chat show Loose Women, she said: 'I was doing a movie and three weeks before my 70th birthday, a simply stunningly gorgeous big film star aged 28 years old, came into my hotel room for sex without strings.

"'I spent two and a half hours saying No. But it was pure bliss and it made me sail through my 70th birthday without a care in the world.'

"Asked whether she was tempted, she said: 'Of course I was!'

"She told how she followed the advice of another respected British actress, her friend Sian Phillips, and kept saying 'this is deeply inappropriate'."

Sian Phillips was the evil, "ultrasessy" Empress Livia Drusilla Augusta in I, Claudius, BTW (When is Trio going to do their yearly I, Claudius reruns?).

"Dame Eileen added: 'It cheered me up fantastically. I said No in the end because he said, "The reason you won't do it is because your body isn't as good as it was when you were young isn't it? That's why you're saying No. I don't care about that. I don't care".

"'But I'm too proud of how I looked when I was younger. My body is still the same weight, but it's all distributed in a different way!' The actress, who was made a Dame in June 2001, intended to spare Mr Farrell the embarrassment of having his rejection made public.

"But her agent said later: 'I can confirm that it is Colin Farrell that made an advance.'"

This leprechaun is lusty.

Russell Crowe's Thug Love



Testosterone-fueled thespian Russell Crowe is punchy again, offering up his own particular blend of "New South Wales Thug Love," meaning -- of course -- he must be in heat. Say hello to him the wrong way and you might get you a swift headbut to the kidney. The man with what Sting regards as a "surprisingly tender voice" proffers up what can only be construed as "a surprisingly tender punch" to a hungry playright. Nice. According to Rush and Molloy:

"The 'Gladiator' star is vexed by a new play, 'Killing Russell Crowe,' in which a fictional bartender gripes that he'd like to murder the Oscar winner because he never pays for his drinks and leaves only an unsigned headshot as a tip.

"The drama, which just opened in Burbank, Calif., has provoked Crowe to call playwright Jeremy Kehoe a 'desperate [expletive].'

"'It is with generosity I offer the author this tip,' Crowe told the Sydney Sunday Telegraph.

"'Take yourself outside and give yourself two uppercuts.'"

Oh, Russell; how generous. That reminds us when Snoop Dogg told a reporter to go out and slap himself after a rough round of questions. But when you do, Russell, it it is ... a thousand times more menacing. And you never bit your bodyguard's ear.

A Little of the Old In and Out



In: The Costume Institute Party. The LA-DC-New York power nexus got together in celebration of beautiful women (link via style via gawker). Selma Blair always wins this one, hands down. They ought to just rename the damn thing The Selma Blair Institute Party. The Corsair is such a fan of her aristocratic icy hottness. Mrs. Blair fairly reeks of sophisticated womanhood power. Rowwr. In other news: Lil Kim looked not unlike an ill put together "fembot;" Ivanna Trump was accompanied, as always, by her usual dubious, skanky-seedy "Italian Count"; etc. &c.. .



Out: Scarlett's VF Photo Shoot (image via jassebombscans). Vanity Fair, a magazine that has not had an African-American on the cover for, oh ... as long as The Corsair can remember, quite frankly (We vaguely recall a "Denzel on-the-beach" cover sometime during the Clinton Administration, or it may have been a dream), is not going with Scarlett Johansson photos already taken, despite the fact that she is blonde and hott (Sounds like a Graydon Carter covergirl to me, no?), according to the 3AM Girls:

"WHO would have thought that smoldering Hollywood starlet Scarlett Johansson could ever be described as boring?

"But apparently a �30,000 photoshoot she did for Vanity Fair magazine had to be scrapped because the results weren't interesting enough.

"One insider said: 'Scarlett said she didn't want to be seen as a bimbo and she didn't want to do anything too outrageous. In the end, the pictures just weren't interesting.

"'They were too boring.'"

In: Coachella. The Corsair is not at Coachella, but from what we hear and read (via email and via online), it's all good. Reznor post rehab buzz; The Arcade Fire buzz; New Order buzz.

Out: Ken Langone. Ken Langone's criticism of Goldman Sachs supposed conflict of interest over the increasingly dubious NYSE-Archipelago merger (and the sleazy Grasso payout) rings hollow. According to TheStreet:

"On the one hand, Langone -- an investment banker and Home Depot founder -- has a point. He is far from the only one criticizing the investment bank. After all, Goldman took the unusual step of advising both Archipelago and the NYSE in their pending merger.

"Some also point to the fact that NYSE CEO John Thain came over from Goldman. The investment bank's dual role strikes us as pretty brazen, notwithstanding Goldman flack Lucas van Praag's comment that 'life is filled with conflicts, some real, some imagined.'

"He went on to tell Bloomberg that 'in a situation where there is total transparency and the clients are happy, one would've thought the acid test had been passed.'

"By the way, Goldman owns 21 member seats at the NYSE, which have risen by $20 million in value because of the deal. Goldman and its subsidiaries also own 15% of Archipelago, a stake whose value has risen by $84 million. And Archipelago paid Goldman a $3.5 million advisory fee as well."

Fucking sleazy business, this; do they teach ethics where these "people" achieve their degrees? (The Corsair speaks entirely without snark here) The Greeks called it "Thumos," or "aggressive spiritedness," and it is an ... air ... which surrounds these aggro-payout-merger dealings like a sheen of oil, so entirely devoid of measure or moral geometry. The very aggressiveness of the pursuit is what strips the activity of an introspective sense of ethical balance, of what's "right" and "wrong" at each stage of the game. Naked ambition and sheer advantage. (Averted Gaze)



In: Bai Ling. And speaking of "naked," and speaking of "gaze." There is nothing more "sessy" (link via bulgarianlondon) -- to a heterosexual man, perhaps -- than the whole lesbo collabo thing, or any hint of such thereof. This Bai Ling quote from Page Six is scorching hott, "Naomi Campbell is sexy like a black panther. I love Kate Moss, who is like a cat ... The Olsen Twins are adorable and the fact that they are twins is a good omen. I'd like to hook up with both of them at the same time. Here is my shout-out: 'Let's get to know each other, Olsen Twins. Let's do a meet and greet together.' "



Out: Death. (Above) After polishing off his 83rd consecutive Beefeater gin cocktail, Death, in the grisly form of Africanophile Peter Beard, attempts to carry "Iron Man Drinking Champion" Anthony Haden-Guest off to "The Land of Milk and Kahlua." Instead, Haden charms him, after his usual fashion, along Lisa Melezhik. Soon he and Death are like old, swell boarding school chums. Later, a drunken Death is heard by partygoers slurring to Haden-Guest, "you're my bessst friiiend ..." In the end, a hungover Death grants Guest a stay of execution. (image via NySocialDiary)

In: Jason Calacanis and Jade. Congratulations are in order to my old boss, Jason Calacannis, who got engaged to Jade over the weekend. And he did it in Paris. Who would have thought the serial capitalist was a romantic at heart? Warm wishes to you both.

Lobbyists: John Ashcroft Still Plays 'A Mean Game of Basketball'



Above: Fallen Uberlobbyist Jack Abramoff's "pleading eyes" (link via NyTimes Magazine)



Above: Contrast Meryl Streep's Oscarworthy "pleading eyes" (link via impawards)

Charmed, I'm sure, in the knowledge that John Ashcroft still has his "B-Ball" skills to fall back upon, because he played a fucking piss-poor game of politics in his final days in power. First, there was the ignominious defeat at the hands of what can only be properly construed as "a dead motherfucker". (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment)

Then ... there was the draping of that slutwhore "Justice," for the sake of Judeo-Christian modesty (As opposed to what? Julio-Claudian idolatry?). Marble "busts" (Averted Gaze)apparently caused Ashy's button-down-one-track mind a rather severe case of cognitive vertigo, putting salt in his game, throwing him off.

That unfortunate judgment was followed by a single tumultuous term as Attorney General of the United States (And, most telling, not being asked to "come on back now, y'hear?" by Bush and Co.). The curbing of individual liberties, that came and went, and -- finally -- with an Ascroftian sense of timing, the start of a new conservative lobbying firm right as "Lobbyists" are in the firing line and their role in the Great Washington Food Chain is being reassessed.

Hasn't Ashcroft ever heard of the name Jack Abramoff? All but condemned, that man is. He of the "pleading eyes." Doomed! Washington is a cruel bitch of a city that demands the sacrifice of one pariah per news cycle. Abramoff's doomed pleading eyes are not unlike Meryl Streep's in "The French Lieutenant's Woman." (Compare and contrast the two above at your leisure) So drama, this; so Washington (The Corsair pours himself a "girthy" Loire Valley Red and softly chuckles to himself). The present is the worst possible time to start a lobbying effort (even with a Cheney lackey in tow), especially as John McCain on the Senate Indian Affairs Committee (And those myopic fuckers didn't think McCain would be able to score home runs on the "Indian Affairs Committee," did they? How wrong they were) is about to create a new orifice for Abramoff under interrogation, jumpstarting his 2008 run for the Gold. Quoth Thehill:

"Ashcroft, a former Missouri senator and governor, and David Ayres, Ashcroft's long time chief of staff, will be the principles of the Ashcroft Group, LLC. Juleanna Glover Weiss, a lobbyist with Clark and Weinstock, and formerly an aide to Vice President Dick Cheney, will join them.

"The firm's goal is to provide 'strategic consulting, security and internal investigative services, and crisis counseling' to corporations, political coalitions and trade associations. Ashcroft has not yet announced whether they have signed any clients, although the spokesman said they expect to grow rapidly. The group will be searching for office space in Washington this week.

"Ashcroft, who will turn 63 next week, suffered from ill-health at the end of his tenure as attorney general, but he is recovered and still plays 'a mean game of basketball,' according to the company spokesman, who spoke on the condition of anonymity."

Yes, anonymity is best. (The Corsair perambulates at a leisurely pace) The Corsair would not want to go on record as saying that Ashcroft has game. In the Judicial "Courts," unfortunately, yes, Ash had great game; but nonono -- not on the B-ball "court. "

No. Simply saying Ashcroft had game would imply bad things about one's own game: it would imply sweaty and close competition on the courts with the warbling evangelical. And who wants to be seen as being "taken to the zone" (Averted Gaze) on the basketball courts by an evangelical zealot freakboy.

A Justin-Cameron Wedding in Nice?



According to the extremely downmarket but astonishingly accurate British tabloid, Newsoftheworld (image via TheAge), Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz, stars of Shrek 3, are going to "Justify" their love by getting married and, apparently, someone in the Ozzy-Sharon Osbourne camp let the cat out of the bag. Like that's a surprise. The Corsair can believe the Osbourne part -- they are, after all, "hallucinogenic stew drugging," plastic surgery addicted crazymixedup Osbourne's -- but we are not so sure about the "Trousersnake" (kudos to whatevs) settling down at his young age. Anyway:

"(Timberlake and Diaz) have been planning the low-key ceremony in the south of France for months and were desperate to keep it a secret.

"But we can reveal they intend to tie the knot at the super-swish Grand-Hotel Du Cap-Ferrat in Nice on Saturday in what will be the showbiz wedding of the year.

"A source at the hotel admitted: 'It is fully booked for a special event next weekend. They have booked the whole hotel.'

"Justin and Hollywood actress Cameron fell in love with the venue when they stayed there during last year's Cannes Festival.

"A source close to the couple said: 'Justin and Cameron are used to living in the public eye but really wanted to be able to get married out of the spotlight. They knew if they did it in LA it would turn into a media circus so they went abroad.'"

But ... marrying at the outset of the Cannes Film Festival won't attract the attention of the world's press? The European papparazi at Cannes are better than the LA papparazi?!

"Only their closest friends and family have been told about the wedding for fear of it leaking out."

"This year's film festival starts on May 11. My source added: 'Justin and Cameron knew that stars from all over the world would be flying in for Cannes so people wouldn't ask too many questions.'

"Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne are guests and it was their camp that let the cat out of the bag."

The Corsair wouldn't tell the Osbourne's his middle name much less a secret of that import ..

"Asked why they wouldn't be watching daughter Kelly's gig in London next Saturday, they replied: 'Because they'll be in Nice for JT's wedding.'

"Justin, 24, and Cameron, 32, have been dating for two years. They split briefly last summer after Cameron decided he was too young for her. Pals say they are smitten once more."

Diaz' publicist says it's all "totally false," according to the wonderful cats at E! news.

And, a propos of nothing: Why is Sadie Frost always so sad? (The Delicious Melancholy of Sadie Frost)

No posts today due to writing deadlines. Be back tomorrow. Cheers, R