A Little of the Old In and Out



(image via beatsandrants)

In: Dave Chapelle. According to Defamer, Dave Chapelle is slowly getting back into the swing of things via a touch of some revitalizing stand up comedy. How else to deflect those pesky "Crazy in South Africa" stories than by showing up to dispel the non compos menti whispers. To wit, via Collegehumor:

"(Chapelle) joked easily about his disappearance as well as the many rumors that surrounded the situation. 'When I see people they pretend that they haven't heard anything about this whole thing. Then I'll say something like I'm not crazy and then they'll say Oh yeah, that's right. I read something about that'"

"... He talked candidly about his future prospects saying that Hollywood is a forgiving place, but that he wasn't sure what he was going to do next. But when someone in the crowd answered that statement with a suggestion of doing 'Half Baked 2,' Dave was as quick as ever saying, 'If I do Half Baked 2, you'll know I've run out of money.'"

What to do next, though? Hmm. Difficult. Hey, how about, oh, say -- Season 3 of The Chapelle Show?! We're still waiting for that. Anyhoo: The Corsair wishes Dave the best of luck on his return and impending protracted legal brawl with Comedy Central.



Out: Cindy Adams. It's like she's taunting us. Harridan! Does Cindy Adams read this blog? Does she know how much that little dog of hers gets under our skin? Not only are we treated today to a lengthy meditation on Cin Adams' latest obsession with the niece of that fundamentalist ass-autocrat, Bin Ladin, but the picklehead "breaks us off a piece" in an astonishing ode regarding that lapdog we do so loathe, namely Jazzy Jr:

"TUESDAY was my dog Jazzy's second birthday. It's only a matter of time before Congress declares it a national holiday. One friend gave this 41/2-pound Yorkie a Yankee pinstripe jersey made exactly for his size."

A considerable pause. Careening waves of existential nausea. We continue.

"The perfect, perfect fit. A precise replica of George Steinbrenner's uniforms with the buttons and sweater cuffs. And, because Jazzy has a selfish 31/2-pound killer attack dog sister, Juicy, a navy and white bandanna for her that says 'Yankees.' As they, in tandemlike Clydesdales in their Yankee outfits, marched up Park yesterday to Dr. Berman, Jazzy's vet, for his checkup, some cocker spaniel growled at them. A doorman eyeing us intently said: 'Must be a Mets fan.'"

There are so many angles and avenues in which we could approach this story. So many. This story is kind of like Paris Hilton's leathery "coochie," that way. But in deference to the artistic logos and eidetic perfection involved in this ... this ... thusness (The Corsair gestures broadly with his arms after the Italian manner).

We're going to just let these words stand. We leave you with the arresting image of "Jazzy" and "Juicy" all dolled up like some ... (Averted Gaze) stinking little Yankee accoutrements (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment). And, not far behind, their pampered Park Avenue Mommy, proudly shlepping them in tow. Priceless.



(image via NyTimes Magazine)

In: The Abramoff Mess May Inflict Damage on Both Parties. Great! Swell and lovely, The Corsair says, quite frankly. Both parties are fevered and could use some goddam reform, schnell. What we need are more radical moderates. Everyone knows that the manner in which the parties collect their filthy lucre from the lobbyists of K-Street is intolerable. Even the mild McCain-Feingold reforms have been circumvent the sheisters. According to the Washington Post (link via Wonkette):

"Lobbyist Jack Abramoff and an associate famously collected $82 million in lobbying and public relations fees from six Indian tribes and devoted a lot of their time to trying to persuade Republican lawmakers to act on their clients' behalf.

"But Abramoff didn't work just with Republicans. He oversaw a team of two dozen lobbyists at the law firm Greenberg Traurig that included many Democrats. Moreover, the campaign contributions that Abramoff directed from the tribes went to Democratic as well as Republican legislators.

"Among the biggest beneficiaries were Capitol Hill's most powerful Democrats, including Thomas A. Daschle (S.D.) and Harry M. Reid (Nev.), the top two Senate Democrats at the time, Richard A. Gephardt (Mo.), then-leader of the House Democrats, and the two lawmakers in charge of raising funds for their Democratic colleagues in both chambers, according to a Washington Post study. Reid succeeded Daschle as Democratic leader after Daschle lost his Senate seat last November."

To be continued ...



(image via TheBosh)

Out: Tom Cruise, Freak of the Week. That high pitched whistling sound you hear across the chattering class landscape? Tom Cruise's career deflating like a balloon. How did he become such a freak (link via WorldofWonder)? Of The Cruiser we have written in the past:

"Tom Cruise's on-screen persona, which Artie Lang, the Howard Stern sidekick, acutely observed, was 'too contrived,' wore on our last nerve as well.

"Too much fucking vanity was being projected from those hawkish eyes and that studied, plastic, boyish-cocky grin. It was indeed time for a makeover.

"Tom Cruise was Brian Flanagan, the best damn drink slinger; we knew him as Cole Trickle, the best damn race car driver; he was fucking Maverick, and, as we all know, 'Mav' was the best damn fighter pilot in the US Air Force (Averted Gaze); he was Ethan Hunt, the best damn covert agent; he was even Detective John Anderton in Minority Report, the best damn detective, with the help of those eerie Precog's (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment); let's face it, throughout the 80s and 90s, Tom Cruise was the best damn everything. So mighty was his desire to be worshipped as "lo ultimo" by the hoi polloi.

"Of course, there is a backlash to wanting -- needing, really -- to project oneself onto the American consciousness as an icon of perfection, the epitome of excellence, and the backlash is a bitch. We, infected with the virus 'democratic leveling,' as the eminent American observer Alexis Henri Charles Maurice, Count de Tocqueville, described it, wanted to tear him down. That is a drawback of a democracy that emphasizes equality over an aristocratic hierarchy and the concept of excellence."

This goes a long way in explaining why Tom Cruise's media meltdown is the conversation of all manner of precincts high and low in America.



(image via fashionweekdaily)

In: Dom Perignon's Vintage 1998 bottle. Equinophile Karl Lagerfeld and Helena Christenson attended the unveiling of the vintage bottle of the bubbly. According to Fashionweekdaily:

"Leave it to Lagerfeld to make a fashionably late entrance. 'I'm waiting for Karl,' quipped one photographer who had been there since the event started. 'I spend half my life waiting for Karl.' And soon after the evening's most celebrated guest arrived and took his seat at his center VIP table, the center of the bar rose amidst trumpets to reveal the night's other VIP guest: the new bottle. And surrounding the new bubbly were a dozen or so life-sized images that Lagerfeld photographed for Dom Perignon at his ornate home in Paris. 'He certainly captured some of my sensual sides,' said a Chanel-clad Helena Christensen."

(The Corsair swoons) We ... also would like to, as Helena put it, "capture her sensual sides."



(image via ilgorp)

Out: "The Theme is Team." What is with CBS News' experimenting with multiple anchors? Is this some sort of homage to postmodernism? Is CBS News "evolving" like Governor Mitt Romney's position on abortion? Of course it will fail. How could it not? Just put on Jon Stewart already. Or a show with rotating bloggers discussing the days news. The Corsair is free, coincidentally, between 6 and 6:30. According to the LA Times (link via Iwantmedia):

"Speaking at the network's annual affiliate meeting here, (CBS News President Andrew Heyward) said CBS would begin experimenting this summer with new elements to build on changes already made by interim anchor Bob Schieffer. Heyward said that Schieffer's folksy give-and-take with the network's correspondents offered a hint of what CBS would ultimately unveil.

"'The strategy for reforming and revitalizing the evening news begins with a simple idea: The theme is team,' Heyward said. 'We are showcasing a team of experienced, energetic journalists who present the world from multiple points of view, not a dominant anchor surrounded by a bunch of people you don't know and don't care about.'"



Above: The ultimate New York power couple. (image via Nysocialdiary)

In: Power Couples. Power couples are all around us, dahling, sucking up all the oxygen out of the room. There arenaissance a rennaissance in "power coupling." The previous generation's "trophy wife" is to be eschewed for the socially equal partner in generating media buzz.

Look over there: There's that fountain of "poised, creamy insincerity," Diane Sawyer, who is almost the undisputed alpha female of the morning and her husband, Oscar-Emmy-Tony award winner Mike Nichols(That bastard has 14 goddamn nominations for Monte Python on Sunday's Tony's). There's Beyonce and Jay Z and Justin and Cameron. In Washington there's the ubiquitous Mary Matalin and her outspoken fella James Carville. And who can forget Baby Boomer power couple Bill and Hillary Clinton. The Senator, by the way, had an "event" -- cough, cough "Presidentialfundraiser," cough --- at Warner Brothers chief Alan Horn's pad for the Hollywood Monied set.

There's Ellen and Portia, television power couple. There's Hollywood royalty Brian Grazer and Gigi Lavigne Grazer. But most of all there is the uber Power couple, the prototype of the genre: Les Moonves and Julie Chen. Power couples are in, baby.