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Friday, June 03, 2005

Jerry Springer Hearts Natalie Portman

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(image via the Sydney Herald Sun)

Curious that someone as thoroughly lowest-common-denominator louche as "Jer" Springer (Averted Gaze) would get his panties in a twist over a natural aristocrat like Natalie Portman. But, to paraphrase Woody Allen, "the loins want what the loins want." Or something to that effect.

Why would someone as oily as "Jer" want to soil so elegant a wildflower such as La Portman? Hasn't Springer already done enough to this once-proud democracy? Isn't everybody's IQ just a little bit lower since the introduction of the future Ohio Senator's talk show? Are there no more men who marry horses to occupy Jerry's dance card? Does Springer have a congenital inclination to despoil all that is infused with the beautiful on this "big blue marble"? Leave her alone, we say! According to Lloyd Grove's Lowdown:

"Does Jerry Springer nurse a forbidden lust for Natalie Portman?

"At Wednesday night's party for his new weekday Air America show, 'Springer on the Radio,' the 61-year-old trash-television host sounded positively gaga over the 23-year-old 'Star Wars' starlet.

"'Natalie Portman is really bright, and if I was allowed to have one crush, it would be her,' Springer told Lowdown.

"Portman's PR rep responded: 'I am not going anywhere near this whole thing.'"

Even in the most vicious of rejections, Our Natalie remains demure.

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