A Little of the Old In and Out



(image via dbonogallery)

In: Jack Nicholson. Jack Nicholson is "cheeky," and we mean that quite literally but in the best possible way. Directors ... shouldn't enable their charges. This leads to on-set anarchy, especially when ass cheek is involved. According to Rush and Molloy, our favorite gossip superduo:

"Martin Scorsese doesn't let every actor rewrite his movies - but then, not every actor brings so much life experience to a role as Jack Nicholson.

"Word is the two-time Oscar-winner has been tinkering with the script for Scorsese's 'The Departed' - including the sex scenes.

"'Jack didn't feel there was enough Jack in his character,' a spy tells us.

"So Nicholson, who plays a Boston Irish gangster named Costello, called for a polish to William Monahan's script.

"... 'Jack suggested using a [prosthetic appendage],' adds the source. 'He also wanted to dust the [posterior] of one of the actresses with cocaine. Marty said, 'Go for it!'"

Hmm. Those wouldn't be the same buttocks of the actress whom a certain "Butterscotch Stallion" spent two hours tonguing down? That act of narcotic "bunninglingus" might explain the lazy surfer speech patterns of a ... certain actor. Enquiring minds and all that ...



(image via wattfarm)

Out: Geeks Can't Hang. In your heart of hearts, you know they can't. You can force the angelheaded hipsters to commiserate with the mathletes, but you cannot make them "cousins." It's unnatural. The Page Sixxies have this interesting report from the deck of Microsoft gazillionaire Paul Allen's massive yacht, The Octopus, in Venice:

"Allen alienated several major players in the art-dealing community after he failed to make sure they got home safely following a party on his 413-foot yacht, the Octopus, which is equipped with two helicopters and a 60-foot submarine.

"Art dealers Tico Mugrabe (who used to date Rena Sindi), Nick Acquavella (son of William Acquavella) and Diana Widmaier Picasso (granddaughter of Pablo) were invited along with a host of other art world A-listers to the soiree.

"'It was an OK party,' said our spy. 'After a few hours, [Mugrabe, Picasso and Acquavella] wanted to go �? but Paul kept hitting on the Picasso woman. It got later and later, and by the time they went to get a water taxi, it was too late. It was 3 a.m. and nothing was running, all the taxis were off.

"Paul had gone to bed immediately after [his guests] said they were leaving, and security refused to let them back inside. A guard made them stand on a small part of the outside area of the yacht waiting for two hours until the water taxis started running again. He refused to wake up Paul �? and the guard wouldn't let any of [Allen's smaller boats] take them in."

Geeksleep. Those tiny slices of "power off," how I loathe them. That surreal zone of the noosphere where androids dream of electric sheep, meanwhile, elsewhere, Picasso's weeping woman waits for a water taxi. Priceless.



(image via CBS/AP)

In: Hillary and the Art of The Bipartisan Press Conference. We have been overly harsh on The Clintons in the past. Damned hard. But we have to give credit where credit is due: Hillary Clinton is an astonishingly effective political player. Fucking unbelievably good. Hillary bestrides the world stage like a colossus; Hillary is the perfecmuscularar Democratic Party analog to John McCain.

She is especially good at romancing conservative players. Perhaps even better than her husband, although, of course, she owes her current fast-track to the Democratic Party nomination to his Augean labors.

Our favorite Hill pimp move (tm) is when she partners up and ropes in a conservative in decline or, more likely, one of marginal influence, or even -- once in a while -- a real player. It's like alchemy! A woman in need of some aid is catnip to a Southern Christian conservative gentleman.

Plus, not to be too cynical: there are benefits. Hillary owns health care. The conservatives soften their image by Hillary association and she gets to present her "Moderate Face." Hillary batts her political eyes, flirts lasciviously by dangling public policy, then, duly suggests a cozy joint press conference for the "hook up," and then, as if by magic ... she goddamn fairly rocks your world. (The Corsair smokes a post-coital cigarette) The Senator knows just how to ... position herself ... in every ... photo sessionso asas ... just ... so. It's so masterful the way she does it, BTW. Hillary does joint bipartisan press conferences better than anyone in the western world. Perhaps she is anticipating McCain? Whatever the case, TheHill notes today:

"Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) was having trouble last year drumming up support for his bill to offer full-time benefits to military reservists.Then, about 20 minutes before he was to hold a news conference announcing the bill, Graham�?s staff got a message that Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.) wanted to become his chief co-sponsor, an idea that caught Graham entirely by surprise. Graham agreed, and when Clinton arrived at the press conference a few minutes later, Graham recalled, 'It seemed like a tornado came through. �? Cameras started clicking like crazy because it was me and her.'�?



Out: Batsweat. Whatever glandular secretions bats emit (eew), whatever ... unguents of insidious viscosity leak from that aerial vermin ... two stars of the new Batman movie say it is too much. According to an interview with Moviehole, both Gary Oldman and Morgan Freeman were startled by the amounts of batsweat Christian Bale exuded on the set of Batman. We think we are going to heave our sashimi right about now:

"Moviehole: What was it like working with Christian Bale?

"Morgan Freeman: Chris? Bale? Kind of a slimy character (Oldman laughs). Full of himself, you know, just, I don't know why-

"Gary Oldman: Oh, you caught him on a good day, then (laughs).

"MF: Oh, dear. You had to work actually with him, Well, I guess we had the same amount of time-

"GO: About the same amount of time, but only he's in the mask, of course, when I work with him.

"MF: Oh, well, he must have been totally insufferable then (laughs).

"GO: At least you got him- he didn't smell too good when I worked with him and he was in that suit.

"MF: I understand that when he was in that suit, sweat would just drip off of him where they had to have holes in the gloves or something.

"GO: He would stand and there was like-

"MF: -a puddle- GO: -a puddle where it was just coming through his shoes.

"MF: He worked hard.

"GO: He did work hard."



(image via OldGrayLady)

In: "Gay Vague". The Times Style section took on the subject of "gay vague." Charts are involved, because, to be sure, at the Old Gray Lady, they are a bit "slap happy" about charting their emerging trends. (Averted Gaze) And TMFTML takes it one step further. (link via lindsayism).