A Little of the Old In and Out



(image via piratehaus)

In: Pirates! Ahoy! The Corsair is a benevolent Pirate. We chase after "booty" within the well-defined precincts of international law. But all pirates are not so virtuous. Quite the contrary. According to the AP, pirates hijacked a UN-chartered vessel. Look for hundreds of pounds of bureaucratic documents to be filed in every conceivable language accomplishing nothing. Ah, that impotent United Nations (Averted Gaze): They really know how to make and enforce those Laws of the Sea, no?

"A UN-chartered vessel carrying aid for Somali tsunami victims has been hijacked off the coast of Somalia amid a flurry of new piracy warnings for the area, the World Food Programme (WFP) said.

"The freighter hauling 850 tonnes of Japanese and German food aid was seized by unidentified pirates on Monday between Haradhere and Hobyo, about 300 kilometers (185 miles) northeast of Mogadishu, it said in a statement.

"'It is against international humanitarian law to hinder the passage of humanitarian assistance and there is no justification for hijacking,' the WFP said."

We are sure that with the pirates are duly shaking in their boots.



(image via sps.sanouville.free.fr)

Out: Liz Hurley's Dog. Euro-grifter Liz Hurley's dog is missing. And we're not talking about "Serving Sara," either wiseguy. But we can understand how anyone could make that mistake. We won't entertain the possibility that Jemima Goldsmith put a hit out on the old pooch. We simply won't. But you can, if you so desire. According to ThisisLondon:

"Liz Hurley was distraught today over the disappearance of her eight-month-old black labrador.

"... The 40-year-old actress called police after puppy Emily vanished close to her home in South Kensington.

"Hurley's lover Arun Nayer, 41, stopped people in the street as the couple searched for the pet.

"Passer-by Helen Elliot, 28, said: 'Arun came running over. He was sweating badly."

The Corsair allows this to pass in bemused silence. Too easy.

"'He asked if I had seen his black labrador and begged me to let him know if I saw it.

"'He was stopping lots of passers-by. Liz was sitting in a Mercedes looking fed-up.'"

(The Corsair makes whipping sound)



(image via nichemediallc)

In: Young Hannibal. The Weinstein Company is coiled, like the cobra, ready to pounce! The Weinstein Company is kind of like Ben Affleck's penis on a movie set that way. Anyhoo: according to Liz Smith:

"THE WEINSTEIN Company (we just have to get used to the fact that Harvey and Bob are no longer Miramax!) have acquired Tom Harris' coming book, 'Behind the Mask.' This is the prequel to the author's famous Hannibal Lecter series �? the tender formative years of the serial killer. The movie is to be directed by Peter Webber. It will be called �? what else? �? 'Young Hannibal.' This could make for an interesting casting search. What 20-ish actor out there has what it takes to convince us he'll eventually turn into the charismatic killer so famously portrayed by Sir Anthony Hopkins? And who has such chilling blue eyes?"

Hmm.



(image via harvard)

Out: Congresswoman Katherine Harris. One of the more interesting stories coming out of the hill is that the White House is opposing the astonishingly ambitious Katherine Harris' flirtation with a Senate run. It is interesting because, a) Harriresplendentant in Krump-style makeup, was instrumental in Bush's first Administration getting into office in the first place, and: b) Harris stepped aside in 2004, showing her loyalty to the party, allowing Rove to successfully run Mel Martinez to a Senate seat she had a fairly good chance at winning. According to TheHill:

"Frustrated with the White House and a key Republican, supporters of Rep. Katherine Harris' (R-Fla.) 2006 Senate campaign lashed out at the administration yesterday for seeking to convince another prominent GOP official to enter the race.

"'It's unimaginable that the White House folks and the National Republican Senatorial Committee would be so disloyal to Katherine Harris, especially after all she has done for the Bush family and the Republican Party,' a Florida political operative who supports Harris said.

"'It's unconscionable and a stab in the back.'Harris backers are irritated that State House Speaker Allan Bense met with White House chief of staff Karl Rove and NRSC Chairwoman Elizabeth Dole (R-N.C.) this week to discuss challenging Sen. Bill Nelson (D-Fla.) next year. The operative added, 'If it is true, they should be ashamed and embarrassed, considering she stepped aside at their request for the president and Sen. Mel Martinez (R-Fla.) in 2004. It's her turn.'"



(image via explayboybunny)

In: Roberto Cavalli Updates the Bunny. According to British Vogue:

"ROBERTO CAVALLI has been picked to update the Playboy Bunny Costume for the first time in 25 years. The sexy new uniform, which will be granted a trademark registration by the United States Patent Office, will be launched to celebrate the new Playboy tower at the Palms Casino Resort & Spa in Las Vegas which is expected to open next year. Cavalli will unveil his new interpretation of the iconic look later this year and it will subsequently be worn by select Bunnies alongside their traditional costume. Worn by 25,000 Playboy Bunnies and celebrities including Lauren Hutton and Deborah Harry since its inception in 1960, the costume began simply as a one-piece swimsuit with a collar and cuffs, ears and cottontail.

"... Today, both the Chicago Historical Society and The Smithsonian boast one of the costumes in their permanent collections. 'The Bunny Costume has undergone only modest changes over the years, so as to maintain its identity and special character,' said Playboy's chairman and ceo, Christie Hefner. 'Roberto Cavalli is the perfect designer to reinterpret the magic of the original design as he too embraces the good life, inspires an aspirational lifestyle for a jet-set crowd and of course celebrates beautiful women.'"

Is Bill Maher really "jet set," Christie Heffner? Judging the Miss Hawaiian Tropic beauty contest (Averted Gaze) ... does not automatically entitle anyone to an invitation to the best parties on Mustique. Not to be cruel -- okay, maybe to be vaguely cruel -- but, can the Playboy Mansion be construed as anything other than a secure location the quick hump-n-dump? I'm just saying ..



(image via hermeticabooks)

Out: Terry McMillan and Jonathan Plummer. Author Terry McMillan and her toyboy Jonathan Plummer are divorcing after 61/2 years. There's more to the story, of course. According to CNN (link via Socialitelife):

"Author Terry McMillan has filed for divorce from the man who inspired the 1996 novel 'How Stella Got Her Groove Back,' which chronicled the romantic adventures of a 40-something woman who falls for a guy half her age.

"In papers filed in Contra Costa County Superior Court, McMillan, 53, says she decided to end her 6 1/2-year marriage to Jonathan Plummer, 30, after learning he is gay. The revelation led her to conclude Plummer married only to get his U.S. citizenship, she said. McMillan met Plummer at a Jamaican resort a decade ago.

"'It was devastating to discover that a relationship I had publicized to the world as life-affirming and built on mutual love was actually based on deceit,' she said in court papers. 'I was humiliated.'

"In response, Plummer maintained McMillan treated him with 'homophobic' scorn bordering on harassment since he came out to her as gay just before Christmas."

Wow, talk about dedication to your craft. (The Corsair claps hands and strikes a flamboyant pose) This man is, like, an intense performance artist. He's like fucking Brando.

Give this man a goddam Screen Actor's Guild membership! Let's recap: His "craft" inspired a bestseller and a hit movie. Terry shouldn't be mad, she should be buying adspace in Variety, offering her husband up, "For Your Consideration." Seriously, Academy-- you better recognize.