Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Republican Whack Ass Shit

I've been fascinated by the Village Voice's RNC blog, especially the one with the waitress at a strip club analyzing the Republicans that come in, summing up the whole scene. In today's entry she writes:

"... the straw hat contingent of the club was partying away. There was not a still dancer in the place?and not a hint of shame, either. I remembered reading that the Boston strip clubs had sat empty throughout the Democratic National Convention?not because the Dems are more virtuous, I think, but because they can't afford the political risk.

"The Republicans, meanwhile, seem to believe they're invincible. When I asked one table of guys whether they were coming from the party for delegates, one said, 'No, we would never do that.' He looked at his friends and laughed. 'Yeah. But hey, don't tell anyone, OK?' His voice seemed devoid of anxiety.

"As I was leaving the club tonight, I saw Mr. Pioneer's stripper. 'Hey, did you do all right?' I asked.

"She shook her head. 'It took so long to get him in there, and then when I got him in he tried to do all this whack-ass shit to me.'

"I wish I could reveal what exactly 'whack-ass shit' entails, but strip-club etiquette is to not ask.

"On balance, I have no complaint with Mr. Pioneer. He told me he knew how hard my job was and left me a 35 percent tip. Appropriate, really, because Tuesday's convention theme is the compassion of the American people."

I could totally understand if these guys were Libertarian, or even Page Six Republicans, as there is no hypocricy there, but don't you know that these assholes trying to do "whack as things" to a stripper are the type that legislate extreme family values back home in bumfuck?

Anyhoo: Here are our guesses as to what precisely "whack ass shit" entails:

some comp-ASS-ionate conservatism, you know what that is
An Orgy, also known as "the Majority Party"
A Golden Shower, also known as the GOPee
"The Axis of Evil," also known as a Dirty Sanchez
"Regime Change," also known as an Angry Dragon
"No Child's Left Behind," is, uhm, too graphic to be discussed here
preemptive Strike, untilateral "action"

(yeah, you guessed it. slow week. everyone is on vacation except me)


2 comments:

Anonymous said...

This was excellent! ~ bluepoppy http://bluepoppy.omworks.com

Ron said...

Thank you, sweetie. I am so self conscious as this is the slowest week I've encountered since I started blogging.