A Little of The Old Out and In



Out: Britney's Barefoot Bathroom Habits. Oops she did it again, Britney Spears once again has gone to a public restroom barefoot, suggesting that the peanut buttery gob of crystal meth does not fall far from the motor home. Oh Britney, please refrain ... refrain! How skanky is this? How "trailer trash" is this? What next? Is her fiance Kevin Federline her cousin?

In: Presidential Bling. Anyone can be President. Sure. But it helps if you believe in God. Are male. Are white. Are straight. And have untold millions at your back. VH1 sizes up the -- no pun intended -- "Presidential booty" in the "Bush vs. Kerry Bling-Off." It's got to be better than "I Love the 90s."

Out: "He did it/ Do you think He's gone too far?/ He did it/ Guilty as charged." We are going to continue with the solid waste angle today, as Steven Saban of WorldsofWonder reports:

"What's that smell? Clean, bland, hilarious indie rocker Dave Matthews, his band, and his tour-bus driver have been accused by Illinois' Attorney General's office of unloading 100 gallons of raw human waste from the bus onto the Kinzie Street Bridge in Chicago. Last month, passengers passing under the bridge on a sightseeing boat got a busful of shit chucked on them. The act of loosing feces willy-nilly into the environment as the state claims Matthews did is a violation of both water pollution and public nuisance laws."

In: Republican Party Civil War. A little birdie close to the Kerry campaign told me via email that internal campaign polls show the Senator is pulling ahead in swing states, and, in some places, leading President Bush by double digit margins. Which means:

"All this uncertainty, writes conservative commentator and onetime Presidential candidate Patrick Buchanan, can only mean one thing: A 'civil war is going to break out inside the Republican Party along the old trench lines of the Goldwater-Rockefeller wars of the 1960s, a war for the heart and soul and future of the party for the new century.'"

"... 'If Bush wins, you?ll see a decent Republican field with a lot of the usual suspects,' said Republican consultant Rick Davis, who has worked for Mr. Giuliani and Mr. McCain. 'If Bush loses, you?re going to see every damn Congressman and his brother out there. You?re going to see the circular firing squad.'"

Out: Anti-Semitism. The always excellent David Patrick Columbia's NY Social Diary exposes ugly anti-semitism among the WASPY set in Bridgehampton:

"On the more sober side of life (or crumblin? crusts), out there where sober usually means the morning after, the local sotto voce topic of discussion in one of those communities where dwell en masse the rich, the chic and the shameless, is whether or not someone is going to be building ... a synagogue ... in the not so distant future. There?s talk of a 'petition' of protest going around because one very oldtime member of the community is thinking of selling the family property to ? a rabbi."

"There are those who consider themselves to be just a cut or two above the rest of us, people whose crust is now less upper than crumblin? from lingering too long on now frayed family coat-tails, who object to such real estate transactions. These individuals have been warning the would-be seller that she won?t have a friend left (this is after living there for a half century) if she goes through with it. Another self-considered upper-crustacean, a relative new-comer, hardly Old Guard, and one who fancies herself a 'Christian,' warned that the might-be seller would be followed forever by a 'curse' for ?contributing to the holy war in the town' if she sold. Geez."

Unbelievable.

In: Matt Damon, Slurping Francis Ford Coppola's Swill. According to something called "Vitals" Magazine, "(Matt) Damon doesn't touch hard liquor, but he has a taste for full-bodied red wines, including those by Barolo, Brunello, Opus One and Coppola. He gets a discount on Coppola -- Francis Ford Coppola jump started Damon's career when he cast him in The Rainmaker -- and buys it by the case for Christmas gifts."

What Matt, no Coppola 2002 Sophia Blanc de Blanc? Peasant! (Averted gaze)

Out: Lisa Whelchel. The actress formerly known as Blair Warner is an evangelical Christian. No problem. But she has a blog. A sing-songy Pollyanna-ish blog. And in this week's installment, she goes off on the subject of education, bragging really, about how she homeschools her kids. But, maybe, just maybe, she could use a little homeschooling:

"... The school principle (sic) scared me half to death with a strong caution regarding the challenging school work load the kids would need to get used to this year. Having Fridays available for extra study time will give my kids a bit of a buffer and hopefully make the school year less stressful. Then the Lord reminded me about the lessons He has been impressing on my heart to write in the 'Mom Burnout' book, (whenever I eventually write it.) I ended up deciding that less busy evenings with all of us at home for dinner were more valuable in the long run for our family than football or volleyball. The first week of school was a huge success. The best part was meeting so many like-minded families who live close by. We?ve lived here a year and although the kids have made good friends at church, most of them live 20-30 minutes away from us. I remember driving Tucker to a friend?s house a few months ago and saying to Steve, 'I don?t understand why God had us move so far out and away from the church He would choose for us and the friends the kids would have.' Now I know! Because of this school that is only minutes away. The kids have even made friends in the neighborhood and they can ride their scooters down to the association pool together. We are ecstatic."

Association pool? The Mom Burnout Book? Did The Facts of Life all of a sudden turn into Leave it to Beaver?

"Yes, the school work is challenging but I think we are up to the task. We are all learning to keep things simple and focus on our priorities. Many people look at my schedule and wonder how Im able to keep it all going. The truth is I dont. But I am learning that in order to do the God things I have to say no to a lot of good things. My non-negotiables are my morning devotions, 'window time' with my kids at night, speaking on the weekends (which doubles as 'date nights' with Steve,) homeschooling, church and youth services, and my MomTime group. ... Ive also taken a picture of a scrapbook page that I made for Haven while she was at school her first day. (I made identical ones for Tucker and Clancy to put in their 'Faithbooks.') I just love school even when it is lived vicariously through my children."

Oh dear Lord, read more saccharine chatter at her site; how the mighty Blair Warner has fallen.