Media-Whore D'Oeuvres

"President Barack Obama and his allies have increasingly focused on income inequality as a top policy challenge for 2014. A recent tweet by Ian Bremmer, a leading expert on the intersection between international relations and finance, seemed to provide some fuel for Obama’s concern.
Bremmer is the president and founder of the Eurasia Group, an international research and consulting firm, as well as a global research professor at New York University. On Jan. 4, 2014, he tweeted, 'US: Change in Income, 2009-13. Top 1%: +31.4%. Bottom 99%: +0.4%.' We thought we’d take a closer look at Bremmer’s numbers. We struck paydirt when we looked at the most recent data compiled by Emmanuel Saez, an economist at the University of California who has spent years studying inequality, most often with Thomas Piketty, a French economist. In his paper, Saez found that between 2009 and 2012, the top 1 percent’s incomes grew by 31.4 percent while the bottom 99 percent’s incomes grew by 0.4 percent -- the same numbers Bremer had tweeted. This means, according to Saez’s paper, that the top 1 percent 'captured 95 percent of the income gains in the first three years of the recovery." (Politicfact)


"To this point, Chris Christie has treated the George Washington Bridge closure story as a joke, and national reporters have regarded it as a minor irritation. The public release of e-mails among his staff changes all that. The e-mails prove that Christie’s loyalists closed the bridge deliberately as political retribution, not as a 'traffic study' as claimed. They display an almost comical venality bordering on outright sociopathy. And they will probably destroy Christie’s chances in 2016. The bridge story itself, while small in nature, reveals a political culture around Christie of people who have no business holding power. Bridget Anne Kelly, a deputy on Christie’s senior staff, e-mailed David Wildstein, a Christie appointee on the Port Authority, which runs the George Washington Bridge, instructing, 'Time for some traffic problems in Fort Lee.' The resulting hours-long traffic jams worried public officials and created a safety hazard." (NYMag)


"Yesterday I went to lunch at Swifty’s with Jean Hanff Korelitz. Before I go any further: Jean, as you may or may not know, is an author. Her novel 'Admission' was made into a film released last March starring Tina Fey and Paul Rudd. She has a new novel coming out next month, 'You Should Have Known' about a marriage counselor married to a pediatric oncologist at a major cancer hospital, who writes a book by that aforementioned title and discovers her own perfect life with Doctor Right is a mirage. " (NYSocialDiary)


"Throughout last year I got happier and happier. In fact, it keeps getting better and better and at times I think there must be something very wrong with me. But I should not dare fate, nor the gods, because one’s fortune can change more quickly than an Italian government. What it comes down to is that the mystery of joy does not pose a problem for me. I treat it as a constant rather than a fleeting experience. Is it a Norma Desmond-like delusion? I don’t think so, because joy is not only a way of life, there is also a trick to it: anticipation. Can anything top the feeling just before an assignation with, say, my latest crush Amber Tamblyn? (I have never met her, but now that I’m a Hollywood star…Seduced & Abandoned…just read Deborah Ross.) Like the poet said, 'Never such innocence, never before or since.' Or the marvelous feeling and uncontrollable joy of overcoming the odds of old age at a sporting event? Taking the six-foot-eight Bo Swenson out at the judo world championships late in 2012 made my day for all of 2013. My daughter’s engagement to a wonderful Englishman brought even more pleasure, and I didn’t even have to sweat for it. A great drunken afternoon in London and the bacchanal that ensued throughout that night was as good as it gets, and leading up to Christmas, my party in New York at the Waverly Inn, my New Year’s Eve blast in Gstaad, and the dinner for Andy and Mandolyna three days later rounded up a perfect season." (Taki)


The New York Times also got their hands on a copy of Gabriel Sherman’s much-anticipated book about Roger Ailes. Apparently, Mr. Ailes said 'I want to elect the next president' and called Bill O’Reilly 'a book salesman with a TV show' (and there is plenty more gems like that: the book is 560 pages long). But a Fox News spokesperson is already calling all charges in the book false, despite not having read the clearly unauthorized biography. (The New York Times via The Observer)





"I went down to Michael’s for lunch. The traffic was gridlock on all the downtown avenues, except for Fifth, with few people walking. When I got to Michael’s, there were security people outside as well as a couple of big black Escalades and a squad car. Inside, in the garden, Paramount Pictures was giving a luncheon for its Oscar nominees. There were security guys in the restaurant also. I was told the security was for Leonardo DiCaprio, whether or not that was true. Shortly after I took my table, Leonardo came into the restaurant. He was well turned out in a grey suit and tie, as he passed our table, he noticed Martin Scorsese sitting at Table One in the bay with Brian Williams of NBC Nightly News and Henry Schlieff,  and went over to greet them all." (NYSocialDiary)


"The jewelry-designer niece of fashion icon Ralph Lauren forced a trans-Atlantic flight to make an emergency stop in Ireland when she pitched a mid-air drunken fit— and then insulted the Irish cops who hauled her in, telling them, 'Can you say that in English, please?' as they told her why she was being arrested. Jenny Lauren, 41, who went berserk on a Barcelona-to-New-York flight Monday, was arrested and held overnight at Shannon Airport. She had an unusual-by-American-standards arraignment Tuesday — in a makeshift court in a pub near the airport because there’s no courthouse in the area. Clad all in black, Lauren looked haggard and disheveled as she tried to hide her face from photographers outside the Brian Boru on the Hill tavern, and wept before appearing before the judge.
Her lawyers said the Upper East Sider would plead guilty as charged on Wednesday to three counts, including 'exhibiting drunkenness severe enough to pose a danger to herself and others.' JFK-bound Delta Flight 477 was diverted to Shannon and delayed for several hours on Monday due to Jenny’s alleged alcohol-induced antics, which weren’t specified during the hearing." (PageSix)

"Officially, Hillary Clinton's main concerns right now are working on her memoir, pressuring Chelsea to make her a grandmother, and deciding whether she wants to keep her new bangs. But while we're still many months away from an announcement on her plans for 2016, it's increasingly obvious that Clinton's camp is working to make sure she'll have a sophisticated presidential campaign at the ready. The super-PAC Ready for Hillary, which bills itself as a 'grassroots' effort to get Clinton to run, regularly offers schwag to those on its e-mail list, but Time reports a message on Sunday offering a free 'I'm Ready For Hillary' bumper sticker was different. The return address was 'info@hillaryclinton.com' and a spokesman for the super-PAC confirmed that it rented the e-mail list from Clinton's 2008 presidential campaign. It isn't unusual for former campaigns to rent out their e-mail lists – Clinton's list has already been rented to groups including Barack Obama's campaign and EMILY's List – but the move is a sign that Clinton camp approves of the group's efforts, which was in question at one point. Certainly, Clinton is happy to have groups laying the groundwork for a potential run, but according to an extensive Politico report on the 'shadow campaign,' her team already had to step in to sort out the rivalry between outside groups vying for the job. Though Clinton has tried to maintain distance between her closest advisers and the super-PACs to avoid issues with coordination if she runs, Politico reports that at some point last year she was informed that the animosity between Ready for Hillary and Priorities USA, the main PAC supporting the reelection of Barack Obama, was boiling over. The latter was considering morphing into a pro-Hillary organization, and the two super-PACs were targeting the same donors and had 'wildly different' ideas on how to proceed before Clinton was officially running." (NYMag)

"For a little while in my teenage years, my friends and I read David Brooks columns. It was fun. I have some fond memories of us all being uninformed and feeling superior together. I think those moments of uninhibited self-righteousness deepened our friendships. But then we all sort of moved away from it. I don’t remember any big group decision that we should give up reading David Brooks. It just sort of petered out, and, before long, we were scarcely reading him. We didn’t give it up for the obvious reasons: that his ideas were repetitive and self-evident; that citing a Brooks column at a dinner party is a good way to get yourself mocked; that young people who read Brooks go on to join the College Republicans and perform patronizing monologues about “elitism” that are themselves elitist. I think we gave it up, first, because we each had had a few embarrassing incidents. People who read Brooks do stupid things (that’s basically the point). I read his column one day during lunch and then had to give a presentation in Economics class. I stumbled through it, incapable of putting together simple ideas, feeling like a total loser. It is still one of those embarrassing memories that pop up unbidden at 4 in the morning. We gave it up, second, I think, because one member of our clique became a full-on 'moderate Brooks-style Republican.' He may have been the smartest of us, but something sad happened to him as he sunk deeper into hypocritical, moralizing life. Third, most of us developed higher pleasures. Brooks was fun, for a bit, but it was kind of repetitive. Most of us figured out early on that Brooks doesn’t really make you more informed or more aware (academic studies more or less confirm this)." (VanityFair)

"Here's a story I've been telling for years, because I love it. New York City, maybe seven or eight years ago, a man living with a female roommate on Tompkins Square Park became famous for serving soup to the homeless. This man made enough soup to feed all the homeless for days on end and news crews came out in force and hailed him a hero. As a result of the intense media glare it became apparent ...that the hero's female roommate was missing. Got it? Roommate Soup. Totally true story. Today I was regaling my friend C, a poet and a traveler. However, just as I said 'Tompkins Square Park' C raised her blue inked hands with tattoos of dog paw prints and squiggles, and waved them, she was already giggling. I was a little annoyed because this tale is a real favorite and momentum is best not interrupted. 'Let me finish!' I begged , hoping to quieten her. 'No!' C was laughing loud. 'I was there! I ate the roommate soup!'" (Christina Oxenberg)

"Word comes from Los Angeles that Philip Van Rensselaer the socialite/memoirist and biographer died last week in Los Angeles in a convalescent home. He would have been 86 this year. Mr. Van Rensselaer was something of a media celebrity when I first came to New York out of college. A well known man about town with a very old family name in a world where that still had gravity in society and in the press.The Van Rensselaers were Dutch, and acquired their land grant in 1631 in what is now New York State and part of Massachusetts. It was 48 miles long by 24 miles wide. It extended up the Hudson and as far east as what is now the Western part of Massachusetts. The first Van Rensselaer who was Lord of the Manor was Kilian. He was a founding member of the East India Company that settled New Amsterdam as part of their business plan. He never came here to this country but managed his property like a major investment from Holland. His son came to visit but his grandson was the first to live on the ranch (my word, not theirs of course): Jon-Baptiste Van Rensselaer. These domains were not like your ordinary land ownership. The Van Rensselaer tract was theirs and you were a guest who lived according to and by their rules which were those of a colony. They were independent with their own police and judicial forces. They had great power in the New World. Once when Peter Stuyvesant got into a serious disagreement with the first Mr. Van Rensselaer, he said that the only way to win with a Van Rensselaer was to go to War with them.When the British took over 'New Netherland' and renamed it 'New York,' the Van Rensselaers got to keep theirs." (NYSocialDiary)

"There was some uppercrust controversy at the annual Palm Beach Coconuts bash.  The exclusive all-male Coconuts gang, which currently includes David Koch and Leonard Lauder, has thrown the area’s hottest New Year’s Eve bash since the ’30s. Guests traditionally wear black-tie while the dapper Coconuts don white dinner jackets and red carnations. But new chairman, sugar baron Alex Fanjul, has deep-sixed the look. 'We broke with tradition as Alex ditched [white jackets] for traditional black,' said a Coconut. 'A great time was had by all.'  But an insider griped: 'There was not much to change in the Coconuts . . . but people feel they have to do away with tradition.'" (PageSix)

The Corsair Predictions 2014

Every year around this time for many, many years The Corsair gives some predictions on politics, culture, media. In 2012 this blog made many predictions -- a lot of them close. Some of them were wa-a-ay off. Like: "Charlie Rose will be forced to cut back on his hyper-media schedule due to health concerns. Walter Isaacson will replace him on his late night talk show." That's humbling.

But this blog also got some predictions near correct, like, in 2012: "ABC's Good Morning America will come within a whisker of tying NBC's Today, leading to some consternation among the suits at 30 Rock as to whether or not Ann Curry was a good replacement for Meredith Vieira." Also, in 2013 The Corsair predicted: "Samantha Power will be nominated to become United States Ambassador to the United Nations;Susan Rice will be named National Security Advisor."

Media-Politics-Culture Predictions for 2014:

Robert Redford and Sandra Bullock will win the Best Actor and Best Actress nods at the Oscars this year for their largely lonely performances, leading to talks of an "existential" drift in American cinema.

In Spring, in the "Mile High City," Hillary Clinton will give a serious, but occasionally funny argument on why marijuana should be legalized ("while it is not for me ... government should not stand in the way of the pursuit of happiness of millions of Americans"), signaling her intent to run for President.

Chuck Todd will replace David Gregory as host of Meet the Press.

The war between the neocons and the libertarians and the Establishment Republicans will leave the party damaged. Further, the Pope will visit the US right before the elections in the Fall, delivering a message that will help Democrats -- in PA, OH particularly -- nearly take back Congress. The near loss of the House will result in Eric Cantor being elected the next Speaker of the House.

Ann Curry will join CNN. Dan Rather will host an interview program on Al Jazeera America. 

Donald Trump will not run for anything, but will milk the free publicity.

Jerry Brown, Governor of California, will make moves to run for President, holding speeches in Silicon Valley (wooing the $$$). He will eventually run -- to the left of Hillary Clinton.

The Arab Spring will finally hit Pakistan as protesters march against the military, looking for a stronger judiciary role in the government as a hedge against the Generals and Intelligence.

NY Governor Andrew Cuomo will offer Bill de Blasio $250 million in targeted state monies for pre-K spending as an olive branch instead of pressuring Albany to raise taxes on the city's wealthy.

Brooke Shields will become a daytime talk show host for a major network by mid-year.

Rand Paul will quietly, behind-the-scenes, become a very effective Senator. He will not cut a large public profile, hoping, instead, to craft serious legislation across both sides of the aisle, waiting for Ted Cruz to implode and then strike, eventually winning the GOP nomination in 2016.

Chris Christie will lose so much weight by the summer of 2014 that late night comedians will pile on, ribbing him about his ambition and his declining waistline. His wife will parenthetically joke, perhaps to Oprah, "sometimes it feels as if I am cheating on my husband with this slim stud." Christie, perhaps aware of the increasing profile of Ted Cruz, will attack his inane public persona on late night TV -- Colbert, Stewart, Leno -- throughout the latter half of 2014.

Al Gore will huff and puff throughout 2014 about making a run ... but then decline.

Waiting tables will continue to be seen a very cool vocation among working class hipsters, particularly as jobs will remain scarce for entry-level young people. Several reality shows and sitcoms will be based on waiting tables by mid-year.

Jerry Seinfeld will get involved in a minor car crash while filming Riding in Cars with celebrities. No one will be hurt. 

Melissa Harris-Perry will be suspended from MSNBC for two weeks for the ill-advised Romney granchild attempt at humor on her panel.

Rob Ford will handily lose re-election as Mayor of Toronto in October 2014. The word "buffoon" will be bandied about in post-election editorials.

John McLaughlin will quietly retire from The McLaughlin Group after a series of embarassing gaffes, showing an increasing senility, go viral in the middle of the year.

Elizabeth Spiers will be named editor of New York magazine after Adam Moss steps down from his successful editorship. Spiers will focus on digital, expanding their offerings, and hiring an impressive roster of talent to expand NYMag's already formidable stable.

Media-Whore D'Oeuvres

"Seven months ago, the world began to learn the vast scope of the National Security Agency’s reach into the lives of hundreds of millions of people in the United States and around the globe, as it collects information about their phone calls, their email messages, their friends and contacts, how they spend their days and where they spend their nights. The public learned in great detail how the agency has exceeded its mandate and abused its authority, prompting outrage at kitchen tables and at the desks of Congress, which may finally begin to limit these practices. The revelations have already prompted two federal judges to accuse the N.S.A. of violating the Constitution (although a third, unfortunately, found the dragnet surveillance to be legal). A panel appointed by President Obama issued a powerful indictment of the agency’s invasions of privacy and called for a major overhaul of its operations. All of this is entirely because of information provided to journalists by Edward Snowden, the former N.S.A. contractor who stole a trove of highly classified documents after he became disillusioned with the agency’s voraciousness. Mr. Snowden is now living in Russia, on the run from American charges of espionage and theft, and he faces the prospect of spending the rest of his life looking over his shoulder. Considering the enormous value of the information he has revealed, and the abuses he has exposed, Mr. Snowden deserves better than a life of permanent exile, fear and flight. He may have committed a crime to do so, but he has done his country a great service. It is time for the United States to offer Mr. Snowden a plea bargain or some form of clemency that would allow him to return home, face at least substantially reduced punishment in light of his role as a whistle-blower, and have the hope of a life advocating for greater privacy and far stronger oversight of the runaway intelligence community." (NYT)

"Start angling for an invite. Vogue Editor-in-Chief Anna Wintour hinted at some details of the impending nuptials of her son Charlie Shaffer in her January editor’s letter in the fashion bible.
Touting a feature about sugar heiress Emilia Fanjul Pfeifler’s Locust Valley home, Wintour writes, 'I can only hope my own Long Island gardens are as exquisite as Emilia Fanjul Pfeifler’s when my son, Charlie, gets married in June.' Wintour’s country home is in Mastic, LI. Very private Shaffer is believed to be marrying his longtime girlfriend, fashion exec Elizabeth Cordry. In June, Charlie’s sister, Bee, posted photos of him and pal Nick Brown at La Grenouille with the caption, 'My brother and his best man.'" (PageSix)

"Now that a new year is here, we may say that we're going to read more or go to the gym, but really we're just waiting for TV to get back in full swing. Last year was a great year for television, but 2014 could be even better. If the networks and shows listed here follow our simple resolutions, that is. Hopefully they'll be better at sticking to these than we are to ours. WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD. Homeland: Become a great spy show and stop trying to be deep. We can only imagine how heady those early days of critical acclaim must have been, but it's well past time to move on. Brody is dead, Dana is gone (thank God), and 9/11 was a long-ass time ago, so now's your chance to completely reinvent the series as the Carrie and Saul show (with a heaping side of Quinn, please). Whether or not you decide to leave Carrie in Istanbul (not a bad idea if it limits the number of scenes where she has to awkwardly contend with the fruit of her and Brody's loins), and whether you decide to have Saul operating inside or outside the Agency, your audience wants to see one thing above all: our heroes, solving mysteries, chasing bad guys, and acting loopy. Have all the fun you want with everyone's complicated motivations, but steer clear of family drama! Game of Thrones: Keep on killing off major characters. It's working for you, and the old and new gods alike know there are enough damn story lines that no one will mind dropping a strand or two. Just keep your hands off Daenerys, Arya, and Tyrion. They're off-limits, do you hear me?! OFF-LIMITS, I SAY! The Walking Dead: Try to get out of Georgia, maybe? What are the zombies like up north? Are there beach zombies? Mountain zombies? Find out! The prison was fun and all, but things got stagnant. So move along, please.The CW: Make fewer Tomorrow Peoples and more The Carrie Diaries. Smart, believable teens are way more interesting than magic teens." (VanityFair)

"In St. Barts, Diane von Furstenberg celebrated her birthday on husband Barry Diller’s yacht Eros with guests including Streisand and Universal honcho Ron Meyer. Floating nearby was George Lucas, as well as David Geffen, who hosted Robbie Robertson, Carole Bayer Sager and Jimmy Iovine on his yacht, Rising Sun. Aby Rosen and Samantha Boardman hosted a fireworks show for Alex Rodriguez, Larry Gagosian, Vladimir Doronin and Robert Downey Jr., among others. Later, island faithful including Marc Jacobs, Brian Grazer and artist Richard Prince headed to the luxe Hotel Taiwana for a dinner co-hosted by Michael Fuchs and Tico Mugrabi.After midnight, McCartney brought the house down by spontaneously jumping onstage to sing Wings’ tune 'Goodnight Tonight,' and luxury developer Izak Senbahar accompanied him on bongos." (P6)

"A year in movies is often split between stunning works of art and jaw-droppingly awful films. For example: 12 Years a Slave hit theaters on the same day as Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger’s wait-this-actually-happened? team-up Escape Plan. So as Vulture celebrates the finest films of 2013 (you can see critic David Edelstein’s top ten here), so must we celebrate the worst. Welcome to the seventh edition of our annual worst-movies roundup, as voted on by critics, where soon-to-be-forgotten misfires earn a last turn in the spotlight. This year, Vulture polled film critics on the year’s most torturous moviegoing experiences (some publications submitted collective ballots). Those responses, combined with a number of notable worst-of lists published elsewhere, added up to 42 lists, which were tallied to produce the final ranking of the ten worst films of 2013. It was a tight race, with critically maligned mainstream disasters (Gangster Squad, R.I.P.D., The Hangover Part III) rubbing shoulders with polarizing auteurist efforts (Paul Schrader’s The Canyons, Terrence Malick’s To the Wonder) just outside the bottom tier. Below, see the official ten worst of the worst for 2013, then peruse all of the individual critic ballots." (NYMag)

"At its core, the modern calendar is an attempt to track and predict the relationship between the sun and various regions of the earth. Historically, agricultural cycles, local climates, latitudes, tidal ebbs and flows and imperatives such as the need to anticipate seasonal change have shaped calendars. The Egyptian calendar, for example, was established in part to predict the annual rising of the Nile River, which was critical to Egyptian agriculture. This motivation is also why lunar calendars similar to the ones still used by Muslims fell out of favor somewhat -- with 12 lunar cycles adding up to roughly 354 days, such systems quickly drift out of alignment with the seasons.
The Gregorian calendar, introduced by Pope Gregory XIII in 1582, was itself an attempt to address the problems of its predecessor, the Julian calendar, which had been introduced by Julius Caesar to abolish the use of the lunar year and eliminate a three-month gap that opened up between the civil and astronomical equinoxes. It subsequently spread throughout the Roman Empire (and beyond as Christianity spread) and influenced the design of calendars elsewhere. Though it deviates from the time it takes the earth to revolve around the sun by just 11 minutes (a remarkable astronomical feat for the time), the Julian system overly adjusted for the fractional difference in year length, slowly leading to a misalignment in the astronomical and calendar years. For the Catholic Church, this meant that Easter -- traditionally tied to the spring equinox -- would eventually drift into another season altogether. By dropping 10 days to get seasons back on track and by eliminating the Julian calendar's excess leap years, the Gregorian calendar came closer to reflecting the exact length of an astronomical year (roughly 365.24 days) -- it is only off by 26 seconds annually, culminating in a full day's difference every 3,323 years. But what was perhaps most significant about Pope Gregory's system was not its changes, but rather its role in the onset of the globalized era. In centuries prior, countries around the world had used a disjointed array of uncoordinated calendars, each adopted for local purposes and based primarily on local geographical factors. The Mayan calendar would not be easily aligned with the Egyptian, Greek, Chinese or Julian calendars, and so forth. In addition to the pope's far-reaching influence, the adoption of the Gregorian system was facilitated by the emergence of a globalized system marked by exploration and the development of long-distance trade networks and interconnectors between regions beginning in the late 1400s. The pope's calendar was essentially the imposition of a true global interactive system and the acknowledgment of a new global reality. Despite its improvements, the Gregorian calendar preserved several of the Julian calendar's quirks. Months still varied in length, and holidays still fell on different days of the week from year to year. In fact, its benefits over the Julian calendar are disputed among astronomers. Nonetheless, its widespread adoption and use in trade and communication played a fundamental role in the development and growth of the modern international system." (STRATFOR)

Tenth Annual The Corsair 2013 Year End Pirate Awards

Another Year's End, dear readers (The Corsair sips, Auld Lang Synish, with a touch of romantic melancholy, a Chateauneuf du Pape 1999). For the tenth year and running -- has it really been that long? -- we present you with The Corsair Pirate Year End Awards (Part I; the rest, my dears, as the last days of December unfold ... stay with this blog). Every blogger/Tumblr worth their salt nowadays has year end awards and 'this thing of ours' is no goddam different. It's in the kool aid that we all drink from. 'Tis the season to be snarky, and all that jazz. So, without further ado, The Corsair presents The Pirates -- more credible than the Golden Globes, and able to leap tall Publicists in a single bound -- my 2013 year end awards. Basta!

Literary Mystery: Gore Vidal. Was Gore Vidal a pedophile? In these United States of Amnesia -- as Gore Vidal used to call it -- we love a good redemption story. Even Scarsdale doctor murderer Jean Harris got a second act. There are however, two crimes that are unpardonable: serial killing and pedophilia. This year even though Christopher Buckley destroyed his father's "secret 'Vidal Legal' file" on Gore Vidal (which is odd, considering Bill Buckley considered himself a libertarian), the rumor that it contained alleged proof that Vidal was a pedophile actually made it into the NY Times. Two members of Gore Vidal think that there might be merit to the allegations; many friends deny the claims. It might be noted -- at least Gore would want it to be noted -- that a literary critic at the Gray Lady was so enraged by the gay subject matter in The City and the Pillar that he banned reviews of his next five books. The mystery remains.

Why? The George Zimmerman celebration. Whether or not one agrees with the legal arguments for the acquittal, one thing is for certain: he wasn't a hero. Even if you believed that under Florida law he was not guilty of murdering an unarmed 18 year old named Trayvon Martin, he was not worthy of the valorization -- and there really is no other way to put it -- that he received from the opinion hosts on Fox News (and the fools who bid on his "art"). A heroes welcome was what the piggish swine-man received, and didn't deserve especially as we learn more about his deeply flawed character. Wonder why minorities and young people and suburban moms have so much trouble with the Republican party at the national level, hmm?

Political mood: Polarized. In the corner to my left, weighing in at 47 percent: The Tale of Two Cities! And in the corner to my right, weighing in at making over $500,000 a year: The libertarian zeitgeist. As the two parties moved further into their respective corners, the vital Center -- even in the United States Senate -- evaporated. The moderate Republican as well as the moderate Democrat (think Daniel Patrick Moynihan) is rapidly becoming an extinct creature. And ... that's not a good thing.

Image of the Year: The College of Cardinals went in an entirely different direction. Who could have forseen such a radical departure from the most conservative institution on the planet eart? Pope Francis, from Argentina, stood against the Libertarian wind of selfishness-as-a-virtue, showing that -- in the words of the wonderful Emma Snowden-Jones, goodness and kind acts still have value in this world. This image of him embracing a severely disfigured man is truly one for the ages.

Origin of the feces: In one of the most scatological of incidents in 2013, the Carnival Triumph -- ! -- the so-called cruise from hell, ended up stranding passengers on a five day excursion into what can only be properly construed as a hot port-o-potty. From the intrepid LA Times: "Debbie Moyes, 32, of Phoenix said she was awakened Sunday by a fellow passenger banging on her door, warning people to escape .. 'People were hoarding food -- boxes and boxes of cereal, grabbing cake with both hands,' she said. Toilets stopped working and the 3,143 passengers and 1,086 crew had to urinate in sinks, she said, and eventually red plastic bags. She saw sewage dripping down walls. Sometimes people slipped on it, she said. Soon, the ship began to smell. 'It was like a hot port-o-potty,' Moyes said, and when the ship tilted, 'it would spill.' She scrawled a message in mascara on a sheet and held it aloft upon her return 'Triumph RIP: Rest in Pee.'" Charmed, I'm sure! Sounds positively delightful.

The Don Quixote Quixotic Move: tie to Elliot Spitzer and Anthony Weiner. Instead of waiting things out, these relatively youngish men -- in American politics, at least -- decided to throw caution to the wind and run for political office in 2013. As a result, the press in the media capitol of the world was merciless. We learned, quite frankly, a whole lot more about their danky sex lives that we really ever wanted to know. Both lost (of course). And, finally, one cannot help but wonder if they had waited, say, a half a decade or so, would anyone really have cared about their disgusting voodoo as much? Then again, neither Spitzer nor Weiner are known for -- how does one put this kindly? -- self-control (Averted Gaze).

Book of the Year: Donna Tartt's The Goldfinch. We loved Donna Tartt's Secret History so much that it influenced our choice of Philosophy and the Classics as a college major in New England. Then, after a lackluster second novel, we wondered if she could live up to all the hype. Donna Tartt did. Tartt came back with The Goldfinch, the must-read of 2013. "Tartt’s title 'character' is not a fictional person but rather a 17th century Dutch trompe l’oeil painting of the same name," Victoria Zhuang of The Crimson writes. "Before the novel begins, readers are greeted in the title pages by a scaled-down color print of the 9x13” piece: a lone goldfinch, chained to part of a wall, quietly stands and returns the gaze of its viewer. Like this painting, which glows modestly but lacks the full fire of a large Old Masters tableau, the novel is impressive but not overwhelming in artistry." A gorgeous novel. We cannot wait to see what Donna Tartt does next.

Cinematic Trend of 2013: Existentialism. Robert Redford -- who probably did not have a "scrotal lift" -- and Sandra Bullock both turned in Oscarworthy performances, alone on the screen for the full length of their respective films, against harsh, forbidding landscapes. Are we living in a golden age of character development? Several new films are about to be released that focus, intensely, on single characters. Riddick, on the minimalist end of the character-development spectrum, was released few months ago. On the maximalist end of that same spectrum, Sandra Bullock performs in Gravity, Robert Redford performs in All is Lost and Mia Wasikowska performs in Tracks – all soon to be released. Riddick is driven by special effects and one-dimensional bravado; Gravity, All Is Lost and Tracks all take character-development, in its rawest forms to the outer limits. A schedule this top-heavy with these levels of character development is quite rare. If Bullock and Redford get nominations and the "king of all knickknacks" then what does this say for the future of films? It says, for one thing, that existentialism is on the rise.

Digital Rumor of the Year: Nick Denton is "buying" Business Insider. There are some overlaps, particularly with Valleywag and some of Gawker's media content, but, no. How did this rumor even get started? There were never any facts. Apparently, Denton and the obscenely pink Henry Blodgett once sat down at Balthazar. Huh? This blogger has also gone to Balthazar with Nick Denton, but "rumors" of him "buying" The Corsair never materialized (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment). It must have been a slow day for the digeratti ... Methinks Blodgett and Denton were having a little fun at the expense of the gossipers.

Strangest Foreign policy Move: Navigating the Scylla of neoconservatism and the Charybdis of realism is ... Dennis Rodman. "The Worm" popped up in, of all places, the DMZ for, representing all instisutions, Vice. In one of the most surreal episodes of foreign policy, Rodman, an ex-of Madonna, palled with the Hermit regime's dictator over b-ball and instigated himself in complicated nuclear relations. 

The Instant: Marco Rubio does Poland Spring. Why did this go viral? Mainly it went viral because it ahows that the bloodlessness with regards to the poor notwithstanding, teabaggers are actually human beings that are possessed with the same hungers and bodily needs. Teabaggers are not cold, unfeeling mandroids, no matter how they vote on the floor of the US Senate!

Epic Rant of the Year: Kanye on Jimmy Kimmell. This intrepid blogger was once of the opinion that Kanye was the "better half" of Kimye. That might not be the case. the supposedly more media sophisticated of the KimYe collabo went off script in one of the most mesmerizing televised moments of 2013 in the Fall. Jimmy Kimmel, one of the more interesting television personalities of the year, was wise enough to sit back and shut the fuck up. Borborygmus was the ensuing yam-yam.

Tragedy of the Year: South Sudan. On the Occasion of their becoming an Independent nation I tweeted: "To the nation of South Sudan, a Republic, if you can keep it." Prognosis at present: Bleak. The youngest and poorest nation in the world might have to become in the coming year a Protectorate of the United Nations, like East Timor before it. It would seem that the racist Arab regime to the North is not the greatest enemy of South Sudan: it is the South Sudanese themselves. Truly sad. Runner Up: porn "star" Farah Abraham.

Comedy of the Year: Butt Naked. There is nothing remotely amusing about a warlord who recruits child soldiers and believes that bullets bounce off of his forces. Except, of course, when he calls himself "General Butt Naked." There is, politically speaking, a very thin line between coup attempt and slapstick comedy (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment).

Yours to Lose: Hillary Clinton. As Secretary of State Hillary Clinton solidified her credibility in the one blank space left in her already formidable resume: the matter of foreign policy. Further, she showed, in working with the man who defeated her in a bitter primary, once and for all, that the Clintons now recognize that the party is bigger than the family. Hillary Clinton, clearly, is qualified and -- I would add -- deserves the Democrat nomination next time around. The only thing that stands between Hillary Clinton and the Presidency now is, perhaps, Hillary Clinton. The Presidency in 2014 is yours to lose -- or to gain.

Asshole of the Year: Bibi Netanyahu. Ally or alleged ally? They just don't get any more assholish than Bibi (several years ago the boorish PM actually-literally lectured the President publicly on the Middle East, in front of cameras). After essentially breaking the venerable tradition of never directly getting involved in another country's Presidential elections, Bibi all but campaigned for Mitt Romney. After getting his ass handed to him (Averted Gaze), Bibi had to make an immediate election night supplication to Obama in the form of a telephone call (if I had been a fly on the wall..). One might have thought that this, finally, would finally put to rest the intense dickishness and thorough disrespect that Bibi has shown Barack throughout his Presidency -- but no! Bibi has repeatedly given Barack Obama -- and, by virtue of that, the US -- the finger. Payback, unfortunately, may be a bitch. Undistinguished Runner-Ups: Charlie Gasparino, Tila Tequila, Vladimir Putin, Bob Woodward, the Koch Brothers, Martin Bashir and Harvey Levin.

Party of the Year: The Vanity Fair Oscar Party. The sheer unprotected starfuckery that goes on -- Oprah once declaring her love for Sidney Poitier, Scarlett Johannsen hooking up with Benicio -- it is, pound-for-pound, the best party around. "For all of the magnetic bodies that swirl around the Vanity Fair Oscar party—award winners, mega-producers, billionaires—there is one focal point of power in the room. It’s not the person toting the statuette for Best Picture (although Ben Affleck did cause a stir wherever he, wife Jennifer Garner, and Oscar turned up that night). And it’s not even Graydon Carter, the host of the weekend’s most exclusive event and Vanity Fair’s fearless leader," writes VF, in a rare moment of self-reflection "No—the locus of energy is a place, a specific spot exactly twenty paces from the front entrance of the Sunset Tower Hotel, just past the photo booth. It’s just far enough away from the pleading photographers and screaming fans outside, but not too far into the party that a person standing there could miss anyone important as he or she entered the room. It is, in short, where everyone wants to look."

Don't Let The Door Hit Ya Where The Good Lord Done Split Ya: Historians of the future may regard 2013 as the year that CBS' venerable property 60 Minutes finally jumped the shark. John Miller's 60 Minutes story on the NSA. We obviously need a national security infrastructure. How else are we to anticipate and erase threats to our security? But in this libertarian age, so many voices -- far left and far right -- are all but calling for the end of all espionage agencies. Thanks to wikileaks and Edward Snowden, the paranoiacs are winning the debate. Enter: 60 Minutes (Averted Gaze).

Instead of offering a down-the-middle balanced look at intelligence post-Cold War in the terrorist age, they offer up for public consumption an infomercial. "The CBS newsmagazine was true north on the compass of TV journalism for me — proof that doing good journalism could also be good business in the world of commercial TV," As David Zuarick writes, more in sadness than in attack mode. "As is usually the case with loss of faith, it didn’t happen overnight. These days, everyone is ripping '60 Minutes' for the Lara Logan report on Benghazi that it had to retract in November, the infomercial-like report Charlie Rose did earlier this month with Jeff Bezos about his drone delivery plans for Amazon, and correspondent John Miller’s in-the-tank piece last week on the National Security Agency. In the case of the latter two, it wasn’t just that they were beneath the usual standards of '60 Minutes,' they were beneath the standards of shows like 'Access Hollywood' or 'Entertainment Tonight,' which will do anything to gain access to people they think viewers will tune in to see." 

our favorite man-freak

Favorite Freak: Olivier Zahm. There is something oddly endearing about Olivier Zahm. He is more charmingly oily than disgustingly filthy, he is more buttery escargot than inky squid. He is sort of like Terry Richardson but far, far less disturbing. There is a human component to Olivier. No one could ever imagine a skeev like Terry Richardson capable of falling in love, or even crying publicly over lost love. Olivier does, and his crie du Coeur is downright distinguished and essentially manly, albeit in a French sort-of-way. From NYMag: "Even in the dead center of a Paris winter, when the sun hasn’t been out for hours, if not days,Olivier Zahm’s eyes are all but invisible beneath the Coke-bottle-thick prescription amber lenses of his Ray-Ban aviators. Seeing him in public without them would be like spotting a unicorn in the Jardin du Luxembourg.'I like the look,' he explains. 'I also have a problem with migraines. I’m sensitive to the light. But the world is much more beautiful in color.'Zahm is sitting at his desk in his office on Rue Thérèse, a few blocks from the Palais-Royal and just down the street from the apartment he shares with his girlfriend, designer Natacha Ramsay-Levi, and their 6-week-old son,Balthus Billy. 'I’m not a baby fan,' he says, 'but when you have one, it is very joyful. I change diapers. It takes two minutes.'" If Olivier Zahm did not exist then we would have to invent him.

A Pregnant Pause: Prince. A Prince of what? A Prince of FREAK. Now I know why there are so few interviews with Prince. He sets ridiculous conditions and believes the ridiculous excuses he makes. Reporters cannot tape record Prince because Prince -- so impossibly narcissistic -- thinks reporters will "sell his voice." Who the fuck would be in the market for a tape recording of Prince? Also: Price frowns on reporters taking notes. So -- how the fuck is the interview supposed to get communicated to the public at large. Essentially, if you interview Prince -- like this reporter from Billboard does -- you have to recreate the fucking conversation in your head in the hotel room afterwards. Finally, according to the awesome Alexis Tirado, Prince said, while humping the floor at a recent concert, "I just got my own self pregnant." Quod Erat Demonstrandum.

A Dangerous Game: Can you say along with me geopolitical clusterfuck? Saudi Arabia is playing an incredibly dangerous behind-the-scenes game in the Middle East. Because they no longer trust President Obama to safeguard their interests they are: a) in a de facto alliance with israel, Turkey and the Emirates against Iran, b) in a proxy war with Iran in Syria, and, c) are actually funding Al Quaeda elements in Syria even though one of Al Quaeda's main goals is the overthrow of those whoring, whisky-drinking infidels, the House of Saud. But .... they can't trust President Obama. As we are at present trying to figure out the Daffy Duck espionage methodology of the House of Saud, they are probably sipping 24-four year old single malt off the fake breasts of 24-year old Russian hookers. Go fucking figure.

Change. President Obama. I know it is fashionable to say, without any hint of irony, that Obama is no different than Clinton or Reagan or -- to take things to the nest level of ridiculousness -- say, George Washington. To wit: Obamacare, the Asia Pivot, the end of the Iraq war, the wind-down of the Afghanistan War and the historic engagement with Iran. Obama really is different, clearly, than the last four administrations. Also: look at how he behaves at his inaugurations. Further, note this from p6: "President Obama led a conga line, took part in a 'Gangnam Style' dance-off with Usher, and even did the electric slide at his celebrity-packed inauguration bash at the White House." Would George Washington dance off Gangham style with Usher? Quite the contrary: George Washington would order Usher whipped for lack of productivity on the plantation! Change we can believe in!

Best in TV: Homeland, Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, Masters of Sex and Boardwalk Empire. Each of these shows is a superlative example of good television after their own fashion. If this blogger had to pick one we'd probably go in for Breaking Bad, because the show is over. But there is also Boardwalk Empire, the sepia-toned historical drama that had an incredibly compelling narrative this season, and some of the most richly drawn and played characters on all of television. Runner Up: The melancholy conclusion of Treme.