Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Charlie Gasparino Versus Me

During this season of holiday bonuses, of libertarian wind, this kind of set me the fuck off.

Now: Journalists and writers have been going through a rough time. We all know this. The profession, whether or not you agree with a particular writer's political bent, is pretty noble. We convey information and are trying, mightily, to navigate the Charybdis of celebrity gossip and the scylla of cat gifs. The fourth estate and all that. How does one convey accurate and important information in an age when people would rather look at Kardashian listicles? So Gasparino tweeting that, smarmily, drove me a bit crazy. I lost my temper online. The cowboys who nearly brought the global economy to its knees were feeling their oats, and it was up to me to slap them back down to size in the digital arena. And respond I did:

is there a bigger douchebag in the media biz than ?

To which he replied:

ill be REALLY pissed if i lose this contest keep my updated on what you find out through your rigorous reporting today

Oh, it's on: IT'S ON LIKE GRAY POUPON! Enter into the gladiatorial arena The Corsair. To give Gasparino a little credit, however, he is clearly a superlative example of thumotic overreach -- the guy is spirited in his defense of all of capitalisms excesses. He is more in tune with Ayn Rand than Pope Francis, That having been said, he is quite brave to get into a Twitter spat out in the Wild West when laboring under the rubric of a mega-corporation. Most television personalities don't get into public Twitter spats with nothing to gain and everything to lose. So -- kudos; kudos senor dickface. To which:

i hear im still in the lede

My answer:

In the lede, ensorcelled in your own crass

Okay, I had lost my temper at this point. I was swinging wildly -- but connecting. An overhand right here; a left cross there. To which he circles back to his whole journalists-don't-make-a-ton-of-money thing, answering:

either that or he's looking for work

As a freelance writer with some regular gigs, I am always looking for more work. But Gasparino, again, seems to have this smarmy idea that money equals victory. "He who dies with the most toys wins." There is some intellectual coherence to this -- if you are a true materialist there is some logic in saying that financial success is the meaning of life, that which allows one to live most comfortably, most protected from hazard, and fuck everyone else. In fact his initial tweet -- attacking journalists because they don't make as much as his expense account -- heralds that sort of smarm-philosophy. The thing is, Gasparino is extrapolating his world-view, projecting it onto his environment. No one enters the writing profession to become rich. That, in essence, was what made his first tweet sound so ridiculous.


not(sic) if you cover "culture politics"

I do not cover "culture politics." My Twitter profile says" Ugandan born, Brooklyn based writer on media, culture politics" But it should read "media, culture, politics" -- there was a missing comma. Mistake. But I am a little puzzled, to be frank, by what Gasparino means by "culture politics." I will not entertain the possibility that good old Charlie was getting a little racial there in a roundabout greasy sort of way.

He signed off, finally, tweeting:

my last nasty tweet before i hit the gym: did attract any bidders on "small biz saturday? (btw i do luv u guys)

In conclusion I cannot fail to note that it is just perfect that Gasparino signs off by going to the gym. Killing endangered species would have been better by a half, but beggars cannot be chasers. To tweet that he, the Gaspariner, a knuckle-dragging, over-macho swine, needs to pump some iron after a twitter spat is golden. That gym will smell just a little muskier as a result of our combat.

It was fun, a learning experience. My Twitter follower count grew. Got some virtual high-fives for standing athwart the libertarian wind. Those who know me know that I don't easily lose my temper. But Gasparino exemplifies everything I stand against. He may be rich, but, as evidenced by the above exchange, money can't buy class.

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