Paris Hilton: A Bad Operetta



Vixen! And We thought, wrongly, that we could escape from it all: let the week go by without doing a post on Paris, be Above-It-All.

Didn't happen.

Cuff her, and stuff her: says We. Oh, and BTW: The "fruit cocktail" sterno that, no doubt, she will be offered for her favors? It will not taste like her usual pink lemonade and vodka.



Paris, with wet cheeks; and, for the first time in her adulthood, these "wet cheeks" are facially situated. (image via thisislondon)

We laughed SO HARD when we read the account of Paris, veal-like, screaming at the Judge in the courtroom "IT'S NOT RIGHT!" ha, ha. We goddam CACKLED. Imagine the moxie. Paris: On" Justice". And we weren't aware that through all of our jadedness we were capable of producing such cackling.

It is indeed hard to muster tea and sympathy over the alleged claustrophobia of someone who has repeatedly used the N-word, earns tens of thousands of dollars to appear at parties and having, quite frankly, the flattest ass in the porn business (Averted Gaze).

Payback, as they say, is a bitch. Those same vacant eyes that laughed, absently, to the bloated "Greasy Bear" calling Lindsay lohan "Firecrotch" are now crying bitch tears, Paris.

Tears .. of Bitch (casts a level gaze of utter distaste).

And we, hungover, can only laugh and laugh -- ha,ha! ooh-la-la -- at all the fun, curious African-American "Friends," and "Acquaintances" and "Special Associates" that Paris will duly make in the pokey, asking for all sorts of favors and presents and commisary goods. The "Simple Life" just got a whole lot more complicated. Sure, there will be book deals afterwards, but for now, Paris is going to have to earn her pain. And Right here's where she starts paying ... in sweat! (Someone cue up the Irene Cara)

One final word of advice to Paris: Do NOT cut in front on the bathroom line. Prison, dear, is not Bungalow 8. Class dismissed.

The Prince of Lowest Common Denominator TV to Come to NBC?



His Satanic Majesty, the Impish, Desolate One. (image via cnn)

Lots going on at NBC of late. Personnel changes, desperation. It comes as no surprise that the network has never quite recovered from the loss of "Friends," or, for that matter, the astronomical sums of money they paid out of their asses for that last season (And the disasterous "Joey," which but the kibosh on the profitable NBC "Must-See-Thursday" Franchise; Brandon Tartikoff, BTW, is spinning in his grave).

Since then, the Peacock net has been looking to "Reality" programming (i.e. People making fools of themselves), which is cheap and buzzy and has high returns. If you want high-quality teevee, look to cable -- most notably antihero-friendly "FX."

Enter: Mike Darnell, Satan to teevee purists like The Corsair (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment). He is the physical embodiment of the United States of Amnesia's Lowest Common Denominator virus. And, alas, NBC wants him. Like Paris Hilton needs her Valtrex. From Variety:

"Fox's dark prince of reality TV could be bolting to another company, possibly NBC Universal.
Mike Darnell, the net's longtime head of alternative programming, has been talking to Ben Silverman about coming to the Peacock in order to launch his own company, three people familiar with the situation said. The conversations come as Darnell and his reps are also talking to Fox about renewing his deal at the network, which expires shortly.

"Darnell has become closely associated with the Fox brand, thanks to a string of audacious audience grabbers from 'When Animals Attack' and 'Temptation Island' to more recent hits such as 'Hell's Kitchen' and 'Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?' He's also overseen the development of TV's biggest overall smash, 'American Idol.'"

We're still stuck on "When Animals Attack," but you might remember him from the trailer trash-tastic "Who Wants to marry a Millionire." Expect another "man-Verus-Beast" fiasco. We guess on the nets it is all about the ratings.

Popwatch: "Oprah is still maybe the biggest single cultural force of our time"



Never underestimate the power of "The Oprah (tm); we try not to, after our own fashion (The Corsair pops a Pouilly-Fumé Baron de L 2002). Entertainment Weekly, which, for some odd reason does not link to this magnificent blog (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment), makes today a pretty strong statement -- they, of the Time-Warner-funded pop-cultural credibility (Averted Gaze)-- say that Oprah Winfrey, our Oprie, is "still maybe the biggest single cultural force of our time." And what was the proximate cause of these lachrymore tears of mirth from such a snarky precinct more inclined towards peals of theatrical laughter?

Cormac McCarthy's The Road, arguably the best novel of 2006. From Popwatch:

"In 2005, I loved Oprah.

"But we didn't make her our Entertainer of the Year (she lost out to Lost), and in early 2006, I didn’t like it when she filleted A Million Little Pieces' author James Frey on national TV, so — since I tend to be relatively busy from 4 to 5 p.m. — I stopped paying so much attention to her. But on Tuesday, she won me back. That’s when she used her Oprah powers to get Cormac McCarthy — the great and reclusive 73-year-old literary lion who’s only been interviewed twice in 40 years, and never anywhere NEAR a television camera — to talk to her about his astonishing novel, The Road, selected by Oprah for her book club a couple of months back. At the top of Tuesday's show, she related how she called the writer and asked him to be on her show. He said, 'No way am I gonna do that!,' and she said — presumably in the same soft but undeniably arm-bending tone that coaxed poor James Frey off the cliff when she nailed him for making up his memoir — that she was gonna give him 48 hours to reconsider, and would call back at EXACTLY ten minutes to 3 in two days’ time. Even though by the sound of it he’s barely talked to anyone even vaguely reeking of media in 40 years, how could McCarthy resist? It was OPRAH. When she called back, he said yes."

We have to admire Oprah's mix of low with, occasionally, a dash of high culture -- the literary world. It would be so easy for Oprah to stick with the tried-and-true New Agey-Hollywood chat formula that causes the shut-ins to squeal in ecstasy (so brilliantly parodied on SNL by comedic-goddess Amy Poehler), but, damn it, she doesn't. And we are all better for it. Here's to you Oprah -- on this EW -- which, shamefully ignores us -- and The Corsair agree. (Popwatch)

Corsair Classic

Media-Whore's D'oevres



(image via kleincreative)

"Time Warner Inc. chairman and CEO Richard Parsons on Thursday signaled more clearly than ever that he might drop at least his CEO title in the next year or two and again backed president and COO Jeffrey Bewkes as his heir apparent. Speaking at a Merrill Lynch media investor conference in London, he also said TW expects to be in a position to make a decision on the future of its AOL unit by year's end and said the world's largest media conglomerate could completely sever its ties to majority-owned Time Warner Cable in about five years or so, even though no such decision has been made. Parsons also shot down continued Wall Street talk about a sale of the Time Inc. magazine unit, signaled that the TW board likely will vote for a new stock-buyback program and promised that the conglomerate's dividend would grow 'modestly but predictably' over time. (TheHollywoodReporter)

"Cable nets: (Dick) Parsons: 'We’re still thinking about how to make TNT and TBS more online-friendly. ... 'I’m going to say something I shouldn't say. I worry about CNN more now than I do about CNN.com.'" (Paidcontent)

"All you need is love, right? That and a little Hervé Léger, the designer of choice at Wednesday night’s fifth-annual Whitney Art Party, sponsored by BCBG Max Azria, to celebrate the museum’s newest exhibit, Summer of Love: Art of the Psychedelic Era .. Fortunately, music and entertainment were already accounted for, thanks to Joshua White from the Joshua Light Show and VJ Honeygun. Even host committee member Arden Wohl hopped in to the DJ booth to spin things up with fellow documentarian and DJ Jauretsi Saizarbitoria. The MisShapes’ Leigh Lezark was also on hand just in case, and toured the room with Max Minghella, who looked more beatnik than boho. 'I didn’t get the hippie chic memo,' he admitted .. But not even the city sidewalks or the late night hour could keep the diligent shutterbugs from showing Ivanka Trump more amour, trailing her down the block as she exited with her squeeze, The New York Observer’s Jared Kushner. Ah, young love!" (Fashionweekdaily)

"Va-va-va-voom! Fred Thompson’s wife is a hottie. Do a Google image search for the name 'Jeri Thompson' and check out the photo of her in the blue dress standing in front of a purple backdrop with her husband. If that woman doesn’t strike a note with red-blooded American men, I don’t know who would." (TheHill)


"There are two kinds of books about Clinton. The first tries to prove that she’s really much worse than you think she is, the second that she’s really no worse than you think she is. Bernstein has apparently mellowed since his Watergate days, and his book belongs squarely in the latter camp. Even as he chronicles one fabulous misstep after another, he describes the former First Lady as 'well-intentioned' and 'principled,' motivated by deep religious faith and a passionate sense of caring. He characterizes the 'so-called Whitewater matter' as 'overblown almost from the moment the New York Times first wrote about it,' and relates Clinton’s various self-justifying comments—'If I wanted to destroy these things, I would have”—with
Jeff Gerth and Don Van Natta, Jr.,’s 'Her Way: The Hopes and Ambitions of Hillary Rodham Clinton' (Little, Brown; $29.99) is the other kind of Clinton book." (ElizabethKolbert)

"Well get ready: Hostel: Part II joins that rare group of fright sequels like Evil Dead 2 and Dawn of the Dead that not only reinvents itself and ups the ante but crosses over into hard core horror art as well. Eli Roth is a rarity among genre directors. He has an affinity for horror but is smart enough to shape his films into something original, darkly funny and disturbingly visceral .. And then to throw the legendary Italian director of Cannibal Holocaust -- Reggero Deodato -- in a scene right out of a Lucio Fulci’s 1988 Touch of Death is demented and too wonderful for words. This is a true horror movie classic." (Papermag)

"WE HEAR... that tomorrow's New York Post will report that Paris Hilton is throwing a big old house party tonight to celebrate her 'freedom.' Or at least her freedom to stay home for 40 days and contemplate her new jewelry." (Gawker)

But ..Isn't Marx Dead? "Harvey Weinstein recently became an investor in a new West Village lounge named Socialista, along with Cipriani heir Giuseppe Cipriani and Mrs. Sting, Trudie Styler. The lounge, located at Jane and West Street, is the brainchild of Bungalow 8 doorman Armin Amiri, who is functioning as Socialista's public face: 'What I'd like to be done is a socialism as far as the door,' said Mr. Amiri, who grew up in Persia and later Vienna, and speaks with a slight accent. 'What socialism really means is, I give you this and you give me that.' .. According to food blog Eater, Amiri does not have ownership of his own restaurant. Instead, Amiri pretends to be the restaurant's proprietor when in reality, he is a salaried employee of Giuseppe Cipriani." (FishbowlNY)

"Paris Hilton's parents, Kathy and Rick, showed up at their daughter's West Hollywood home this afternoon and were greeted by a swarm of paparazzi. The beleaguered parents could barely make their way to her front door through the pack of paps! Meanwhile, famed author Dominick Dunne mulled around outside. He told reporters that he was in town for the Phil Spector trial, but just had to check out the scene at Chateau Hilton. Dunne actually expressed a twinge of regret about Paris leaving jail early, saying, 'I think she should have served out the whole thing. I think she could have come out a heroine. Man, I don't know, this sounds like rich kid stuff.'" (TMZ)

Will John Edwards Take a Beating In The Sunday Times?



(image via msnbc)

Sundays are for relaxing, laying doggo on the couch with the relaxing Kenyan blend coffee after an evening of sordid events to much adult beverages, and, finally, becoming ensorcelled in this thing of ours called The Sunday New York Times.

On the Real:-- If we don't come up for air after an hour being nestled in the forgiving ink of the Book Review, then call in the cavalry. Come Sunday, however, the schizophrenic Times, which seems at times to both love and hate the dollar Billary campaign takes some time off to tee-off on John Edwards and his poverty crusade. It sounds, quite frankly, ugly. You've got to feel for the guy, he was wooden in his last campaign in 2004, but now he has really surmounted the Learning Curve, even sounding positively potent on foreign affairs (Which, The Corsair has always maintained, needs about 10 years of serious study to sound competent on) From Firstread via BenSmith:

"We got our hands on an upcoming New York Times magazine cover story examining Edwards and his poverty platform. Some highlights of the piece:

"-- 'What stands out the most about Edwards’s antipoverty ideas is their familiarity. It’s as if he has taken most of the proposals that have been talked about in policy groups and at university forums since the 1990s and thrown them all together into one comprehensive and expensive package. The individual proposals themselves, far from being radical or populist, basically sound — there’s no other way to put it — Clintonian'"

Ouch. More, much more (FirstRead)

Media-Whore's D'oevres



The Usual Machers: "..We were most interested to catch up with Star Jones who slipped in after most of the crowd had begun tucking into their Cobb salads. The svelte and smiling Star told lunchtime chronicler Diane Clehane that she's thrilled about her yet to be titled Court TV show set to debut on August 20th. 'They're calling it The Star Jones Project for now," she said over her lunch of soft-shelled crab ... (Table) 3. Jonathan Tisch ... (Table) 4. Two-time Oscar winner Michael Caine ... (Table) 12. Janice Min (looking a bit dour all in black) with Esquire's David Granger" (FishbowlNY)

Blind Item: "WHICH fashion editor insists on leaving extra budget for 'photo assistants' on destination shoots? The assistants, of course, are the beautiful (and young!) boys that the editor picks up for a few weeks of play, which includes airline tickets to whatever place she's using as a photo shoot location." (Fashionista)


"CBS has been preaching audience and tonight Nina Tassler, president of CBS Entertainment, backed it up by bringing back a canceled series with a vocal and demonstrative community. (Sending thousands of pounds of peanuts to the network is an attention-getter.) Shows and characters have been saved before by fan outpourings but this particular effort coincides with other CBS interests. In a message sent to several blogs, Tassler outlined an interactive proposition: she’s bringing back 'Jericho' for seven mid-season episodes and promised to back it up by, among other things, rebroadcasting the series on air, streaming episodes and clips across the upcoming CBS Audience Network, and continuing the series 'in the digital world'—then warned that happens next is up to the fans.' (Paidcontent)

Okay; Enquiring minds want to know -- Did Paris Hilton or did she not Spread Her Ass Cheeks? "TMZ has learned that Paris Hilton DID have to undergo a cavity search as part of the booking process at the jail. The NY Post reported this morning that Paris was not required to undergo the customary 'bend over and cough' search for contraband upon checking in to jail. Not true!" (TMZ)

Run, Al, Run: "In an event that felt more like a campaign appearance than a book signing, Al Gore's visit to Chicago this afternoon brought the usual speculation about another presidential bid.'Run, Al, run,' some chanted on the third floor of the Borders on State Street, where some of his biggest fans started arriving before sunrise for an event that started shortly before 1 p.m." (ChicageTribune via Drudge)

Picture Pages, Picture Pages ...



P Diddy admires Uma's Thurman's. (image via fashionweekdaily)



Oblivious to everyone else in the room, media moguls Michael Bloomberg and Rupert Murdoch engage in an existential game of stare-eyes contest to determine who gets the Wall Street Journal. (image via observer)



The machoest playwright ever, Sam Shephard savors a glass of distilled Panamanian peasant blood. (image via nysd)

Media-Whore's D'oevres



(image via wwd)

Presumably, Chris Rock won't be asked to dress as a Clown: "It's going to take more than one coffee table to carry July's Vanity Fair, since there will be 20 editions of the Condé Nast monthly for consumers to collect. The Bono guest-edited Africa issue will hit newsstands today .. Annie Leibovitz shot all the covers to capture what looks like a game of telephone among international icons discussing the crisis in Africa. The list of subjects read like a who's who of Africa awareness: Warren Buffett, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Desmond Tutu, Oprah Winfrey, Djimon Hounsou, Chris Rock, Muhammad Ali, Jay-Z, Bill and Melinda Gates, and Iman, to name a few." (WWD via Jossip)

"Hilton skipped a humiliating cavity search routinely done on all incoming prisoners, sources said. 'Paris didn't have to go through the cavity search. When bent over, she didn't have to cough,' said Saul Reyes, who does maintenance at the women's jail as part of a work-release program. 'She didn't have to spread 'em.'" For the officers, at least; the "romance" comes later, over some fruic cocktail sterno in the Gen Pop Rec room. (NYPost)

"Howard (Stern) said that Eli (Roth) was always kind of fascinating to him back when he first met him. he didn't know that he was going to end up like this though. Eli's new movie 'Hostel Part 2' opens this Friday. Howard asked him who the biggest prick he's ever worked with was. Eli said that Raquel Welch was probably one of the worst. He said he had to run around and find her some apple juice one time and it was a nightmare. He told that story and also said that he got fired from 'Meet Joe Black' for not being a good stand-in. He said that he was fired by the director when he said that he was an untalented stand-in. He ended up getting hired back as a production assistant and got stuck turning air on and off during the filming .. Artie told Eli that he had a worse job than he ever did. He said that he was an actor in 'Mystery Men.'" (Marksfriggin)

"CFDA president Diane von Furstenberg brought her glamour and panache to the table Monday night, when she presided over the council’s 25th anniversary fashion awards at The New York Public Library .. And let’s not forget the parting of the publicists, assistants, and security guards as she stepped onto the red carpet, which had some comparing the queen of daytime television to Moses as photographers chanted 'Oprah! Oprah! Oprah!' But in the end it was worth it; upon spotting Lauren waiting for her at the top of the steps, in a true Cinderella moment, she darted up, heels and all, shouting, 'Oh, there’s Ralph!' as her knight in shining armor embraced her in nothing less than Oscar-caliber style (not to mention the ultimate photo op)." (Fashionweekdaily)

"Two weeks ago, House debate over the war in Iraq pricked the Boehner dam. Back in February, talk of the war did it again. And when Rep. Tom DeLay (R-Texas) said his goodbyes on the House floor a year ago, Boehner also choked up .. The Bush family men alone give Boehner a run for his tears. They have reportedly wept over dogs, the Oak Ridge Boys and the National Anthem -- not to mention George H.W. Bush's breakdown last December, as his son Jeb was stepping down as governor of Florida." (Politico)

"When Dave Chappelle spotted a couple of photogs waiting for him outside Swingers coffee shop in Los Angeles late last night, he asked if they were spies from Comedy Central .. Intrigued by photog's uncanny ability to sniff out a star from a mile away, the comedian asked, 'How do you guys know people are going to be places?'" (TMZ)

"Last night’s debate didn’t match the hype, especially with all the pre-fight back-n-forth between Romney and McCain. But if there was any news, it was McCain. It felt as if he owned the first 45 minutes of the debate -- from Iraq to immigration, the candidates essentially were point-counterpointing with McCain. They even followed his lead in walking up to the audience during the sitdown part of the debate." (FirstRead via TVNewser)

"Washington, D.C.-based style arbiter Sally Quinn was poised to present Washington Post fashion editor Robin Givhan with the Eugenia Shepherd Award. 'There should be combat pay for covering the collections,' Quinn cracked, while Givhan admitted, 'I can’t say the fashion world embraced me; they tolerated me.'" (Fashionweekdaily)

Cuba Gooding, Trauma Expert



Stupendously crappy actor Cuba Gooding, Jr. who shucked and jived so marvelously en route to fetching his Oscar (Averted Gaze)knows something about quick thinking in an emergency. According to our pal gatecrasher:

"Actor Cuba Gooding Jr. is being called a hero after taking quick action that may have saved a shooting victim's life.

"The 39-year-old Oscar winner was waiting in his car outside a Hollywood restaurant 'when he heard four gunshots,' says a source.

"'Cuba was picking up dinner for his family on the night of Memorial Day,' says the spy. 'He saw a young kid holding his head and walked toward him. The kid was bleeding from his neck and collapsed.'

"Gooding cradled the victim, described as a man around 20 years old, and called into the restaurant for towels. 'They came out with paper towels and he said, 'No, we need real towels!' says the source."

No doubt Gooding mastered the Art of Sangfroid in a Battlefield Scenario from having participated, unfortunately, in so many Hollywood "Bombs.(Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment)."

Why Anderson gets More Time



Our favorite pumpkinhead -- Larry King -- wondered aloud testily why Anderson "Rilke's Panther" Cooper gets more air-time than he. Beauty before Age? Some reasons off the top of our head:

--The tragically beautiful Anderson "Bust of Dying Alexander" Cooper does not toss softballs (On-air, at least)

--The continued on-air presence of Larry King reminds us of the disturbing truth that he regularly blasts loins with his long-suffering trophy wife Shawn Southwick (Karmic retribution, no doubt, for Shawn having spent a proximate lifetime as a Third World dictator, QED).

--Anderson "Michaelangelo's David" doesn't smell of .. sadness.

-- Do the rumors that Larry King wears "adult undergarments" factor into the on-air time debate? Depends.

-- Larry King, quite frankly, makes our eyes bleed (Mama says wha-a-at?!).

--If Larry King were indeed "Man-candy (Averted Gaze)" -- which he most certainly isn't -- he would be a moist Tootsie roll compared to Anderson Cooper's crunchy, chewy $100,000 bar (Two snaps and a neck roll for that one).

--Anderson Cooper doesn't reek of scam.

Just .. off the tops of our head.

Judith Regan's Coffee Enema



(image via msnbc)

You may have asked yourself -- like so many members of The Chattering Class -- just What is Up Judith Regan's Ass? Not much, apparently, but coffee rinds. This little chestnut from today's Howard Stern Show. FGrom Marksfriggin:

"Lisa asked Robin if she's going to have a coffee enema. Robin said that is part of the program so yes, she will. She added that Judith Regan told her that it gave her great clarity after she had it done. Howard wondered why that was. Robin said she apparently does it before every show she does. Howard said maybe she needed to do that before she signed OJ to write the book that got her fired."

And what precisely does that "galactic" operation entail? "Dr. Roni said that they put in about 3 inches of tube into the rectum and then they start to flush out the system. "

Charmed, I'm sure.

What is it about Crazy Girls?



So hott. (image via newsoftheworld)

Intellectually, emotionally, ethically we know that when we were ogling those randy pics of Lindsay Lohan -- blind drunk, natch -- engaged in risky knifeplay with, of all people, Vanessa "Vanilla" Minillo we ought to have been outraged. Outraged! Any civilized, college-educated man ought to have been. And Yet -- the first thought that came to our depraved and bloggy minds is: Burning Hott.

But that doesn't make us a bad person.

Bijou Philips, for instance: Nutty as an Almond Joy. As, to be sure, is Naomi Campbell. We would gladly help Mariah Carey expand her five octave range in the boudoir if that dish-tossing freak would allow us. Courtney Love? We'd blast that. Bald-headed, crazy-Ass Britney? Blastworthy, to be sure; although she might just slide a shiv into our "sweetbread."

And yet, the very fact that they might -- just might -- throw a right cross to one's chops if one tried to break up with them? Hott.

God Bless Lisa "Left Eye" Lopez's crazy-ass soul (The Corsair intones "Allelueujia"). Burnt Andre Rison's house down to the ground. Sorry -- Hott.

We've always maintained that men who come from fucked-up backgrounds and don't overcome trend towards violent crime while women in similar situations head towards the San Fernando Valley (For further reference: see Jenna Jameson). Or Hollywood. Or Marilyn Manson's turgid bed (Eew). Not much difference with regards to the degredation Index.

No doubt a strong portion of this thusness of the attraction to the crazy has to do with the sex. Who knows of what a crazy chick is capable? Girls who throw punches at guys and weild cellphones like the jawbone of an ass prolly won't be prudish in bed. It is not improbably that that is how the rusty trombone was created.

Britney "Crazy Eyez" Murphy might just eat your liver with a fine Chianti while you are sleeping.

Still -- Hott.

So, let's all hoist one for the Crazy Girls.

Media-Whore's D'oevres

"After a long but glorious ceremony, the fashion crowd dispersed after the CFDA Fashion Awards to what seemed like party upon party .. The most voluminous bash was Sean 'Diddy' Combs' celebration at Marquee. The man himself was present and accounted for, as were Aubrey O’Day and Tinsley Mortimer, both of whom danced on banquettes while Richie Rich and Robert Burke shared a table and Hilary Rhoda paraded around in her Marchesa gown." (Fashionweekdaily)

"Sam Waterston may be a getting a 'Law & Order' promotion. The actor is negotiating to step in as the show's New York district attorney, replacing co-star Fred Thompson, a source close to the production said Monday. Thompson, a former U.S. senator, is weighing a presidential run and asked to be released from the NBC drama." (FoxNews)

"HBO announced a new lineup of four top corporate officers yesterday to succeed Chris Albrecht, the chief executive who resigned last month. The group will be led by Bill Nelson as the chairman and chief executive. The channel elevated three other executives — Richard Plepler, Eric Kessler and Hal Akselrad — to the new title of co-presidents, all with specific duties at the pay cable channel with its 30 million subscribers. Additionally, HBO named Michael Lombardo as president of its programming group and head of its West Coast office." (BillCarter)

Liveblogging the Debate: "8:33 PM Huckabee totally nice pastor guy with enormous tie. If only 'nice' mattered. I believe that he prays. Giuliani, on the other hand, shakes his fist and curses the skies." (AnaMarieCox)

The Wonderful World of Barbara Walters



(image via thefloridaforum)

Barbara Walters is a riddle wrapped up in an enigma wrapped up in surgically-tightened skin (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment). And we are fascinated by every botoxed inch of her. She is a creature of the ABC News division, yet she doies such ludicrous fare as "The View." She asks world leaders what kind of tree they would be. She likes billionaires, yet she allegedly "blasted" Richard Pryor -- though she steadfastly denies it (But Paul Mooney, a Pryor amigo, said Richard told him to "take it to the grave").

Such contradictions.

We were not surprised to learn from Howard Stern today that he dined with Barbara. From Marksfriggin:

"That led to (Howard) telling Kathy (Griffin) about his dinner with Barbara Walters. She didn't believe it at first so Howard filled her in on the details and she said she was shocked that they liked each other. Howard said he was pretty sure that she was really into him and would have fucked him if he wanted to. Howard said he'd have to do her from behind, in the dark, if he was going to do her."

Kathy Griffin, who listened intently, offering no defense, may have ruined her chance at "The View."

New posts: June 7, 2007 here: (The Corsair)

Peter Bacanovic's Coming Out Party (June 14)



(image via timeinc)

You didn't get an invite to Bacanovic's coming out party, June 14th? Apparently we have not seen the last of Peter Bacanovic, shutterbug, who has friends in high places (Like the ballet). According to Liz Smith:

"ON JUNE 14, Barbara Walters will re ceive her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. After the sidewalk ceremony, Barbara attends 'The Pool Party' gala at the Beverly Hills Hotel, benefiting L.A.'s Center Dance Association. This fete, sponsored by Yves Saint-Laurent, is being put together by Liane Weintraub (Barbara's goddaughter) and Peter Bacanovic of Martha Stewart fame. The handsome and popular Bacanovic has kept a low profile since his involvement with Martha pretty much ruined him on the East Coast. The event is kind of a 'coming out' party for Bacanovic, who hopes to put his charm and fund-raising abilities toward elevating dance in his new hometown. While living in N.Y.C., he was a big supporter of ABT. And everybody I know simply adored him."

He took one for the team, we guess he deserves some love.(LizSmith)

Media-Whore's D'oevres



(image via nymag)

"Oscar de la Renta and Jack McCollough & Lazaro Hernandez of Proenza Schouler: decades apart in age but both winners of the Council of Fashion Designers of America’s 2007 Womenswear Designer of the Year Award. Presented at the New York Public Library Monday evening, Ralph Lauren, who was honored with the first-ever American Fashion Legend Award, took home two trophies, garnering a win for Menswear Designer of the Year. Derek Lam, meanwhile, snagged the Accessory Designer of the Year Award from Michael Kors and Marc Jacobs." (Fashionweekdaily)

"Ralph Lauren ended up taking home the Menswear prize to warm applause, along with the first-ever American Fashion Legend Award, presented by another legend, Oprah Winfrey. 'I did a tribute to icons at my home and Ralph is the definition of the word,' she said before the ceremony. 'He’s an example that you can achieve your dreams.' One way to do that: hard work. 'I took a few hours off this afternoon, but that's about it,' said Lauren ...The International Award winner (Pierre Cardin) made what sounded like a lovely acceptance speech, but it was delivered in a rapid-fire burst of French. Standing offstage, CFDA president Diane von Furstenberg half-seriously urged presenter and Paris resident Marc Jacobs to interpret." (Style)

"All the death and destruction on this final season of The Sopranos is taking even Spike Lee by surprise. 'It shook me up,' he said today after accepting a Peabody award for his HBO documentary about New Orleans, When the Levees Broke. 'Michael Imperioli and I, we’re friends. And when he went out, I was not good for two days after that. In fact, I had to call him up. I said, 'You still alive?'" (JadaYuan)

"There’s nothing wrong with Paris Hilton that a little public ignoring wouldn’t change overnight. But it’s the public that won’t ignore. That’s not Paris’ fault. It was her fault that she was driving without a license and while not in such good shape. This is bad stuff. And bad stuff that quite a few people of all ages that I know have indulged in at one time or another ... What might this do to Paris Hilton? Might sober up her public performance a bit. For her sake. She may not be a rocket scientist but she knows how to keep her eye on the main chance. After all, here’s a career made out of Just Standing There. They’ve been reading about her going to jail in newspapers all over the world. Thank you Andy Warhol." (NYSD)

"MTVN is finally moving to fill a position left vacant since Ben White left for Sling Media; the official announcement is due later today. Dan Hart, who joined MTVN in 2004, has been promoted to SVP/GM of MTV Digital from VP-online games strategy and operations for MTVN ... (Paidcontent)

"BABY-oil heiress Casey Johnson showing off photos of her newly adopted baby girl from Kazakhstan at the Friends of the Family benefit at the Beverly Wilshire." (PageSix)

"'So I have met personally with dissidents and democratic activists from some of the world’s worst dictatorships – including Belarus, Burma, Cuba, North Korea, Sudan, and Zimbabwe. At this conference, I look forward to meeting other dissidents, including some from Iran and Syria. One of these dissidents is Mamoun Homsi. In 2001, this man was an independent member of the Syrian parliament who issued a declaration asking the government to begin respecting human rights. For this entirely peaceful act, he was arrested and sent to jail – where he spent several years beside other innocent advocates of a free Syria .. Another dissident I will meet with here is Rebiyah Kadeer of China, whose sons have been jailed in what we believe is an act of retaliation for her human rights activities.'" (President Bush via Drudge)

Montebello-a-No-Go: "Though Philippe de Montebello, 71, has made his intention to remain in his job as director of the Metropolitan Museum abundantly clear (even boasting to author Danny Danziger that 'I’m the institution to a level I’m not sure is healthy; the institution and I have totally merged'), the art world buzzes nonetheless with speculation about who will succeed him." (MichaelGross)

Blind Item?



(image via nndb)

Our pal Ben Widdicombe's Gatecrasher runs this interesting "Don't Shoot the Messenger" piece today:

"Which designer is the subject of rumors within his own company that his latest stint in rehab was just a cover while he healed from cosmetic surgery?"

Hmm ... Oh, and BTW: Accordiing to those intrepid Page Sixxies, Marc Jacobs recently returned from rehab with -- mirabile dictu! -- "the initials "JP" permanently inked above his navel."

We wonder if, by chance, he had anything else done. We're just saying.

(Page Six)
(Gatecrasher)

Jeff Koinange Out At CNN



(image via cnn)

We are really, really bummed at the news that Jeff Koinange, whom we have previously regarded as being one of the most dazzling investigative reporters on the African continent, is out at CNN. Apparently, there is a messy matter of his personal life -- and alleged sexual harassment of interview subjects -- that made his position at CNN untenable. (Although there were, always, Questions -- both pro and con -- raised about his reporting on the Niger Delta rebels: Was it staged? It was certainly Dramatic). From TVNewser:

"First on TVNewser: CNN Africa correspondent Jeff Koinange is suddenly out of a job.

"'Jeff Koinange is no longer employed by CNN,' a spokesperson confirmed today. She said CNN will have no further comment, saying "we do not discuss personnel matters."

"Koinange was seen on CNN as recently as May 18, in a 360 special titled 'Africa: Dispatches from the Edge.' Staffers started wondering about his status last week. The move may be related to a new blog allegedly published by a jilted lover that's getting a lot of attention online. '"

And we don't feel so good ourselves, to be honest. Not a good day for investigative reporting on the continent. (TVNewser)

Media-Whore's D'oevres



(image via elista)

"Things were predictably bacchanalian aboard the Austrian Airlines flight carrying the design team Heatherette and friends—including Tinsley Mortimer, ex–’N Sync–er JC Chasez, and Amanda Lepore—to the Life Ball, a massive open-air AIDS fund-raiser in Vienna. At the preflight check-in there was surprise and concern that passengers might be asked to provide prescriptions for the abundance of Adderal and Percocet in carry-ons, and worry that the airline might object to smoking (it didn’t). The other ex–’N Sync–er onboard, Lance Bass, estimated that twenty people either joined or renewed their membership in the Mile High Club that night, but declined to say if he was one of them. 'My friend Rob joined the club with his boyfriend, and I’m jealous,' said Richie Rich, swigging Champagne. Strangely enough, porn star Jenna Jameson slept through the craziness, and awoke refreshed for the ball." (Intelligencer)

"Condoleezza Rice seems in control of everything—except events. As she paused for a few minutes in the cabin of her Boeing 757 last week, winging her way to her 63rd country in two and a half years (Spain this time), the secretary of State calmly swatted away questions about the apparent stalemates she faces on so many fronts ... Administration officials universally acknowledge that her views are dominant in Washington. But the rumbling has been getting louder. A NEWSWEEK investigation shows that Cheney's national-security team has been actively challenging Rice's Iran strategy in recent months. 'We hear a completely different story coming out of Cheney's office, even now, than what we hear from Rice on Iran,' says a Western diplomat whose embassy has close dealings with the White House. Officials from the veep's office have been openly dismissive of the nuclear negotiations in think-tank meetings with Middle East analysts in Washington, according to a high-level administration official who asked for anonymity because of his position." (Newsweek)

"Flashing some of that legendary chest hair, David Hasselhoff emerged from a Los Angeles County Superior Court, visibly excited about what happened in front of the judge a short while ago, but unable to talk about it per the judge's order. Instead, he did what any star with a major TV show debuting tomorrow night would do -- he plugged like champion!" (TMZ)


"Mr. Brooks ... did modestly well, proving that Kevin Costner is not box office poison. But he ain’t Liquid Schwartz, either. The film averaged a little over $15,000 at 9 theaters here in Manhattan. It took the fourth spot both locally and nationally. It was sandwiched in between Shrek the Third and Spider-Man 3, both of which continued their stomach-turning drops from their record-breaking box office highs." (Observer)

"For all the scrutiny of Clinton’s vote, an important moment has been lost. It came several hours earlier, on Oct. 10, 2002, the same day Clinton spoke about why she would support the Iraq-war authorization. In her remarks on the Senate floor, she stressed the need for diplomacy with Iraq on the part of the Bush administration and insisted she wasn’t voting for 'any new doctrine of pre-emption, or for unilateralism.' Yet just a few hours after her speech, Clinton voted against an amendment to the war resolution that would have required the diplomatic emphasis that Clinton had gone on record as supporting — and that she now says she had favored all along." (NYTimesMagazine)

Harold Ramis, Newest Member of The Hollywood Comedy Cartel



(image via nndb)

Harold Ramis is certainly not new to the Hollywood Comedic Establishment (tm). Ramis, though occasionally raunchy, cemented himself as a Comedy icon by directing "Groundhog Day," which, curiously -- with its theme of Love-Conquers-All -- mirrors the sweet, couples-friendly comedic stylings of newbie American comedy superhero Judd Apatow. From Variety:

""Jack Black is starring in 'Year One,' a comedy Judd Apatow is producing for Columbia. Harold Ramis, who appears in a small role in Apatow's 'Knocked Up,' will direct and co-produce, and Michael Cera, who stars in "Superbad," another Apatow production for Col, is also attached to star. Ramis co-wrote the project with 'The Office' scribes Gene Stupnitsky and Lee Eisenberg, based on his story. Owen Wilson will exec produce." (Variety)

Ramis has, to be sure, been a comedic legend since Bill Murray and the "Stripes." He cut his comedic chops on "Ghostbusters" in the 80s. But the Left Coast's Comedy Mafiosos -- The Butterscotch Stallion, Stiller, Apatow, et al -- an intensely nostalgic bunch of Gen Xers, has recognized Ramis with comedy geek honors by bringing him into their fratty fold.

The 21st century Rat Pack? And .. who'se the Sinatra?

Media-Whore's D'oevres



"Howard (Stern) read a story about Bijou (Phillips) getting into a fight with another girl one time .. Howard read that she got into a fight with Naomi Campbell as well. Bijou said that was true and that was because she had been calling Sean Lennon and leaving messages for him. She said she ended up getting into Naomi's face and scared her. Howard said that chick is the wrong one to mess with. Bijou agreed." (Marksfriggin)

"Our favorite element was that grim hideout at the end, with Tony left to cuddle in bed with his own gun, a detail Melfi might have relished if she hadn't been too busy scurrying away from the scene of her own crime. After seven years, she's concluded that she is a dupe and an enabler. So motivated by — what? Pique? Fear? Shame? — she takes it out on her patient, delivering the cold Freudian version of a targeted whacking. In the end, though, she gives Tony his own shot: a well-earned therapeutic punch line. 'As a doctor,' he tells her as he goes out the door, 'I think what you're doing is immoral.'" (EmilyNussbaum)

"Many women at the Los Angeles County jail where Paris Hilton is expected to arrive any day are already angry at the socialite, a former inmate said.
Susannah Johnson, who was released Saturday after a one-day stay at the jail, said inmates were angry at Hilton, believing officials were making room for the starlet at the expense of other inmates already coping with crowded conditions in the 2,200-bed jail. 'The only advice I could give her when she comes is to shut her mouth and do the time,' said Johnson, 35, of Claremont." (Britbart via Drudge)

"According to conservative columnist Robert Novak, Rep. Jerry Lewis will not be seeking re-election to his San Bernardino County-based district. If he retired, it would mark the end of a near-30 year House career as one of Congress’ leading appropriators. Lewis served as House Appropriations Committee Chairman from 2004-2006, and is now the committee’s ranking member. He would also be the first member that Democrats have targeted as ethically challenged to step down." (Politico)

Meditation on The CNN Democrat Debate



It was indeed difficult to recognize Wolf Blitzer who, at last night's CNN Presidential debate uncharacteristically played hardball. Blitzer, as we have noted in the past, has tossed more soft balls in his career than Clay Aiken.

But Wolf threw fire last night, hitting the candidates soft underbelly (Eew), rankling, getting them to expose their positions openly and -- dare we say it? -- shredding spin, actually doing honor to his given surname (Heartfelt apologies to Brian Lamb, our favorite magnum of chloroform). National geographic would be proud.

Some observations:

--Hillary and John Edwards no like each other (Is it about make-or-break-Iowa?).
--Elizabeth Kucinich is, by DC standards, a "long, cold drink of water."
--Were Hillary's effusive compliments of Bill Richardson a secret "You'd-Make-a-nice-Secretary-of-State" Valentine?
--Joe Biden's cri-du-coeur on the Darfur genocide compelled us to forgive him for condescendingly calling Senator Obama "clean, articulate, bright."
--Bill Richardson got stronger as the night went longer.
--Chris Dodd, a long shot at best for the Presidency, made a total ass of himself saying he would not support a US boycott of the Chinese Olympic games if they didn't stop supporting the Darfur genocide in a Democratic party debate.

Not bad for the wait for "the Sopranos"

The White Oprah Gets "E!" Show



Look at Meeee! (image via xinhuanet)

Oprah has so much buzz-juice that even someone going by the sobriquet "The White Oprah" can get a media outlet -- or, whatever E! Entertainment television actually is -- to Do-Their-Thing. Ironically, this White Oprah, "Whoprah," or, as she is also known, Dina Lohan, was "fingered" for her show at around the same time that her daughter, LiLo, is decidedly at an existential low point. Ferocious was Dina's campaign to get that show. The self-proclaimed "Mom-ager" wasn't apparently, looking after her daughter's interests. From those intrepid page sixxies:

"Dina .. has been trying for more than a year to get an on-air TV job. She most recently appeared on "Entertainment Tonight" to give the show 'exclusives' with troubled Lindsay - once when she was in the Wonderland rehab center and the other time at the 'Georgia Rule' premiere.

"Dina failed to return our calls and e-mails, and so did reps for E! and Lindsay."

And adding ever more irony to the situation is the fact that "Knocked Up," a Judd Apatow comedy about an E! Entertainment Television reporter actually caring about the fat of her unborn baby is getting some amazing reviews.

Of course, the very concept of an E! Entertainment television "personality (Averted Gaze)" actually being portrayed as NOT being a sleazy Los Angeles bottom feeder can only be properly construed under the category of comedy.

Charmed, I'm sure Dina Lohan (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment), she of the hiked up skirt under the napkin shenanigans.

Arkie and Jemima Khan



(image via newsoftheworld)

FINANCIER and hedge fund legend Arpad Busson, in a previous incarnation Mr. Elle, has a penchant for robust brine-flavored seaside jet-set starfucking. The pause that refreshes (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment). But -- the question, and we do have one -- How does one follow up a marriage to a supermodel? Why, with an extraordinarily hard-bodied Billion-heiress, silly.




Jemima Khan, previously Mrs. Imram Khan -- the Pakistani soccer star (circa 1992) and up-and-coming politician.



(image via smh)

From the extremely downmarket Newsoftheworld:

"The former lover of Elle ‘the Body' Macpherson is now floating the boat of Hugh Grant's gorgeous ex, Jemima Khan.

"he pair were spotted ducking out of glamorous London nightspot Raffles on Wednesday just four days after being snapped sunning themselves on a luxury yacht.

"oored off the coast at Cannes, Swiss tycoon Arpad casually sipped an ice-cold drink as the fit 33-year-old stripped down to a pink and black bikini.

"'or a long time it looked like she only had eyes for Hugh,'said a friend.

"'But she and Arpad are spending more and more time together, and she looks to be having a ball.

"'They certainly seem relaxed in each other's company. They are clearly close companions and have been going out together late into the night.

"'Arpad is a very lucky man. She whipped off her kaftan on the deck of the yacht and looked fabulous."

(Newsoftheworld)

Al Gore's Assault on Reason Debuts at Number One



Possibly-Maybe Presidential candidate Al Gore's new book weighing in on America's assault on reason debuts at the top spot on the NYTimes Bestseller list. All he needs now is a Nobel Prize. From MyDD via HuffPo:

"Al Gore's new book, The Assault on Reason, has been pinned at the top of Amazon's non-fiction #1 non-fiction book from the day it was released last week. Word has now hit the street that The Assault on Reason will debut on the NYT's non-fiction best-seller list at #1 this coming Sunday."

Is Governor Richardson in Political Meltdown?



His astonishing political CV notwithstanding, the conventional wisdom among the DC Chattering Classes is that after a disastrous "Meet the press" appearance, New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson's Presidential campaign has exhausted itself if, indeed, it ever even had any jet propulsion to begin with. The Corsair will admit that the Richardson campaign has about it an improvisational, undisciplined quality about it, and a central theme has yet to be even established. Our favorite Dickensian villain, Robert Novak, of course, is one of the many in today's NYPost:

"NEW Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson's declining prospects for moving up from the lower tier of Democratic presidential candidates hit bottom after Tim Russert's grilling on NBC's 'Meet the Press' last Sunday.

"As the only sitting governor and Hispanic-American running for president, Richardson earlier this year appeared an excellent prospect for vice president and a presidential dark horse. But the same insiders who were interested in Richardson in January saw him stumbling in May and have fallen away.

"He may have been done in by what old hands say may be the worst 'Meet the Press' showing of all time. He seemed unprepared for Russert's questions on Iraq, immigration, gun control and his own record, culminating in his declaring he is simultaneously a Red Sox and a Yankee fan. Old Richardson-watchers say he has been flying by the seat of his pants his whole career, and this time crashed and burned."

How many people actually saw Richardson's appearance, though? Not including political junkies? Not that many, even with the advance of DVRs to bolster the anemic Sunday Morning political junkie contingent. The race is still early with things not heating up in earnest until September. To the political junkies, Richardson is not doing well, but to most Americans -- they simply don't know any of the second tier Democrat Party candidates. yet.

His political pluses are massive: He has won statewide elections in New Mexico, a red-state; He is Hispanic, part of a population that the Republican Party has been courting since 2000; He has impeccable diplomatic credentials in an era where America is low on soft power; Dictators listen to him in an era where Dictators are on a race for "The Bomb."

And let's not forget The Governor's resume.

Richardson is the most qualified man to run for the President ever, with the possible exceptions of George HW Bush and John Quincy Adams. On second thought .. Richardson might not want to bring up those two names as superlative examples of what political experiences can bring to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Chris Matthews, Crooner



(via fishbowldc)

On the question of whether or not Chris Matthews can belt out a tune we say, Hell, that Matthews is the best political interviewer at slicing though even the most carefully wrought spin.

While, yes, it is sweet that Chris Matthews is willing to bear a little part of his soul for the sake of a friends' wedding And imagine our surprise to find that soul portion not to be coal-black). Politics has not entirely killed off his belief in romance. That having been said, our ears are still bleeding and we can never regain the excruciating minutes worth of existential pain that came watching this clip.

Chris Matthews .. he's no Luther Vandross.

Media-Whore's D'oevres



Whoopsie!(image via chadmuska.org)

Paris' Pop Career Fizzles: "AS if facing 23 days in the slammer isn't bad enough, Paris Hilton has now been dropped by her record label. We can exclusively reveal that the 26-year-old socialite has been given the boot by Warner Bros. She is said to be gutted after learning of their decision this week. A spokesman for the record label confirmed: 'We are not expecting any new Paris Hilton material in the foreseeable future.'" (3AMGirls)

"Democrats collected 75% of the $1.1 million in presidential campaign contributions by top hedge-fund executives in first quarter, according to Absolute Returns magazine and PoliticalMoneyLine…. Senate Banking chairman Dodd led with $347,000 received…. Most generous fund was Fortress Investment Group, which gave ex-employee Edwards $226,000." (WSJ via BenSmith)

At the FiFi's, Media-Whore extraordinaire P-Diddy embarasses himself as only a grown man going by the handle "P-Diddy" could: "Sean 'Diddy' Combs followed on stage to give his speech, in which he explained that his perfumery skills came from his days as a kid when he would 'mix different flavors of Kool-Aid to create custom flavors.'" (NYPost)

"Then it was upstairs to the White Room for a podcast with Bob Geldof on Africa - Africa, a quarter-century compulsion of Bob's and a solid 10-year enthusiasm of Tony's. Then it was downstairs to the long table and a multinational convocation of bishops. Power has been described as a drug, an aphrodisiac, a "filthy venom" (in the words of Maxim Gorky); it is also, for much of the time, carcinogenically boring. Like all politicians, Tony has seven or eight kinds of smile. Smiles two and three would do for the bishops. When he is making the rounds of a crowded room, his smile, towards the end, is a rictus, and his eyes are as hard as jewels. All the boredom is what the world doesn't see - the hidden, humble toil of dosing and humouring, of giving face and jollying along. It is this that keeps politics halfway honest, and impedes the process that Bob Geldof alluded to, up in the White Room: 'It's a bit naff, isn't it? What happened? The politicisation of celebrity or the celebritisation of politics?' And the question arose: what will Tony be when he quits? An ex-politician?

"'No,' he said. 'I'll be a former celebrity.'" (Guardian)

Who said NBC was weak on Drama?: "NBC Universal is expected to dump Angela Bromstad and tap Katherine Pope as the head of its studio arm. Pope has been the frontrunner for the gig since Tuesday, when NBC U TV Studio co-chair Marc Graboff made it clear he wanted Pope to remain with the company. Pope's future at the conglom was in doubt over the Memorial Day weekend after she and NBC U supremo Jeff Zucker clashed when Zucker apparently reneged on promises to put Pope in charge of all studio development. In fact, Zucker was negotiating to bring Silverman into the company, with he and Graboff taking oversight of both the studio and the network. Zucker and Pope made up, and Graboff said she was welcome to stay at NBC." (Variety)

"'Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson and wife Dany Garcia Johnson have separated, they have announced in a statement to PEOPLE. While certain aspects of our relationship have changed, we are both vitally important to each other's lives,' their statement reads." (People)

"Well-armed with all your great questions, I interviewed Al Gore over the weekend. After talking with him and reading his book, The Assault on Reason (which will debut at #1 in the New York Times on Sunday), it was clear that he is obsessed with two kinds of pollution -- the pollution of our planet, and the pollution of our politics and culture. In other words, the toxicity of the atmosphere and the toxicity of the public sphere." (AriannaHuffington)

A Jersey Cheer for that flop-sweaty Pseudo-front runner? "Supporters of Rudy Giuliani for president are changing New Jersey's longtime proportional representation rules for allocating national convention delegates to winner-take-all, seeking a coup to give the former New York City mayor the lion's share of the state's 52 votes. A June 14 meeting of New Jersey's Republican State Central Committee is expected to adopt a Feb. 5 presidential primary procedure giving the first-place finisher all three delegates in each of the state's 13 House districts, and the statewide leader all 13 at-large delegates." (Rovak)

Paula at the FiFi's



(image via queerty)

One might expect exemplary behavior at something called "The FiFi's (Averted Gaze)." It goes without saying, if you go in for that sort of thing (Slightly lifted eyebrow with an almost imperceptible recoil), that something called "The FiFi's" suggests .. a swishy affair. Enter: Paula Abdul, who, herself is not to be tossed aside lightly -- She must be thrown with great force. Says those intrepid Page Sixxies:

"At Thursday night's Fragrance Foundation 2007 FiFi Awards, held at the Winter Garden, the upbeat 'American Idol' judge was slotted to open the evening - but she arrived 30 minutes late, and a spy told Page Six she 'was so completely out of it' when she finally showed.

"'They had to delay the show for her to get there, and it was almost impossible to understand her . . . her eyes were half open,' the source said. 'She had to have two guys help her to her seat after she left the stage.'"

If the vacant, creepy smile permanently affixed to her slack maw wasn't enough of a tell of severe pharmacological excesses, it ought to have been the woozy public appearances or -- most recently -- the nose-busting chihuahua episode and, not to be fopgotten, the "whine and cheese" caught on tape that ought to have set off alarm bells.

Intervention? As Barbara Billingsley put it so charmingly in Airplane: "Chump don wan no help, chump don git no help." (NYPost)

Media-Whore's D'Oevres



(image via eriksedge)

"African art has it all: beauty, brio, inventiveness, moral gravity, emotional depth, practicality, sensuality and humor. It’s hot and cool, high and low, chastening and consoling, endlessly varied, surprising always. So why do our big museums still give us so few African shows? And why, when they do, are those shows so often packaged the same way? Third-tier Western artists get solo retrospectives; entire African cultures are squeezed into art-of-a-continent surveys." (NYTimes)

"Across town in the Meatpacking District, Anderson Cooper, Ellen Barkin, Calvin Klein, and Vogue's Anna Wintour joined Diane von Furstenberg in a toast to her new all-white store and HQ. "The first time I saw Diane was in a magazine photo spread, where she was very casually topless in a dressing room," said Sandra Bernhard. 'It was around 1972, I was living in a kibbutz, and I thought, 'This woman is very cool.' " (Style)




?!!!???!!! (image via holamun2)

"Which still-closeted former boy-bander was making sure nobody got pictures of him with his handsome Spanish escort at a recent European charity event?" (Gatecrasher)

"(Mitt) Romney is the most perfect iteration I've seen of the television-era candidate. At one point, I squinted a bit and saw him in the middle distance: blue suit, white shirt, red tie, high forehead, slick black hair, tan, tall and ramrod straight — he could have been an exhibit in some future Museum of Natural History: Politicianus americanus." (Time)


"On July 7, 2008, Al Gore and a galaxy of entertainment superstars, a worldwide army of idealists, and 2 billion concerned citizens from seven continents will take a stand on global warming that will advance a new political era of optimism and hope. Sooner than people realize, Americans are going to be astonished and amazed at the rekindling of American optimism and the can-do attitude that good people who care passionately can make a difference. In recent years American politics, culture and media have been so drenched in negativity, pessimism and civic poison that our institutions of political and media power have lost sight of the classic American spirit of can-do optimism. On July 7 the Live Earth concert will fire a cannon of hope that will be heard around the world." (TheHill)

Entourage: Scripted Show or Celebreality?



Entourage's Season 4, which begins in mid-June took advantage of the celebrity clusterfuck that is Cannes. Are the writers just being colosally lazy or does this whole veering-across-the-line of scripted program into the gauze of celebreality have some merit? From Variety:

"After episodes filmed on Main Street in Sundance and Variety's offices on Wilshire Boulevard, how could the fourth-season finale of 'Entourage' take the show to a whole new level? Producers decided to go global and take the show to the Cannes Film Festival, where they could take advantage of stars and plenty of extras as backdrop.
It was an obvious choice for exec producer Doug Ellin.

"But it wasn't an obvious choice for Cannes. Despite numerous indies and documentaries having filmed there, the festival had never brought its ceremonies to a halt or closed off locations to the public for the sake of a film.

"But then, this is 'Entourage,' which is used to breaking the rules and blurring the lines between fiction and reality.

"Ellin imagined the boys taking their arty movie 'Medellin' to the granddaddy of film fests. Season four, which begins June 17, kicks off with the gang getting a greenlight for 'Medellin' and concludes with its presence on the Riviera."

The Riviera. Vegas Strip Clubs. The Playboy Mansion. Brett ratner's Benedict Canyon home (AKA, "The House of 1,000 Pleasures." Those guys need to stop working so hard and learn to have fun once in a while. Jesus. (Variety)