Monday, December 29, 2008

Is Jesus Luz Just A Hunk Of Caramelized Beef?

Granted, the title of this post is most unkind. And it is probably high time that the obnoxiously stupid Fabio had company on his lonely media perch at the wee rings of the show business ladder. But what is it about Jesus Luz? All we hear of him is sexual, related to his value as a caramel-colored Brazilian hardbody. That can't be intellectually fulfilling. His claim to fame is thus far: a) He caught Madonna's cougarish gaze (apparently he is a fetching slice of "sweet-beef"), and, b) He likes to canoodle.

Is Luz even capable of rational thought? We assume he is, though that is not entirely evident from the blank, sylph-like gaze (see above) that seems only to invite a thorough ravaging and not, say, a thoughtful conversation about the methodology of Liebnitz (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment). Jesus Luz is like, canoodle-wise, a masculine version of Carmen Electra, built for naught else but bouncy-wouncy. Even the words used to describe his relationship with Madonna -- "ficando," as in, accordfing to P6, "Everyone knows they are ficando.." -- suggests thate is for play; he can only be properly construed as a glazed and honied man-ham.

Ficando, indeed, motherfucker.

Wouldn't it be swell, though, to hear of Madonna's boyfriend doing Ibsen Off-Broadway with Amy Irving? How pimp would it be if Jesus Luz were auditioninf for Checkov? Talking to Charlie Rose about the evolving Middle East situation? Or reading of Luz in an awesome Page Six SIGHTING, "Jesus Luz, arguing a philosophical point vehemently with Meredith Monk about something in his dogeared copy of Beelzebub’s Tales at 1Oak. That would be intriguing and we would feel as if following Jesus' exploits weren't a soul-deadening enterprise.

We are still waiting for signs of intellectual life from Jesus Luz to happen. But in the meantime we hear that Luz is -- as per a beefy brothiness -- appearing in shitty Brazilian TV shows, making out (Averted Gaze). From The Telegraph:

"Jesus Luz, 20, guest starred as Diogo, a jilted boyfriend, in the programme, titled 'Hostel.'

"He was seen being led by his girlfriend to a party, where he drank too much and got drunk, passing out on a chair.

"While Diogo was unconscious, his girlfriend was seen making love to another man.

"Candé Salles, the director of the programme, told The Daily Star: 'He acted very well. He is excellent.'"

We're sure he is. Then again, it is entirely possible that when you look like that one can be gainfully employed in semi-pornographic pursuits but without the imposition of insertion without ever having pursued the marvels of a modern education.

No comments: