Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Brett Ratner's Travolta and Olivia Newton John Tapes

Imagine, for a moment, my blogger mellows, that you are Brett Ratner, auteur du cinema, cineaste, man-toy of celebrity Jehovah's Witness Serena Williams (and, ancillary question -- do Witnesses actually "put out"?). Interestingly enough, Ratner was Serena's first kiss, which The Corsair finds kind of sweet.

You are a part of a swishy social set of young Hollywood Lions, and you, true believer, are a swell guy -- all the magazines say so. But you grew up worshipping the Gods of Old Hollywood, and, so your language is often peppered with names -- names of the Yesteryear, they drop from your lips, spilling like celluloid off the reel, so that what was once considered pretentious is just commonplace Tinseltown chatter, only just a little bit dated. That is how Brett Ratner's namedropping sounds in his interview with Jimmy Jellinek for the brand new October/November 2004 Complex Magazine (which, apropos of absolutely nothing, has an extremely hott photo of a newly blonde, leggy Rosario Dawson -- not Eve -- in a red dress and black panties on the cover *The Corsair shudders*):

"Ratner sits in the executive area of the Universal Commissary, where the latest Atkins-friendly offerings are available. He talks about his $3.5 million mansion while stabbing a piece of chicken with his fork. 'It's under renovation,' he says with a touch of excitement. 'Ingrid Bergman used to own it, later the director of Grease installed a crazy 70s disco. I have secret tapes of Travolta and Olivia Newton-John partying."

And while The Corsair would love to see that 70s decadence, Ratner's next lines are quite interesting.

"During the renovations, Ratner has moved in with his Hollywood hero, Robert Evans, the legendary former coke snorting, starlet banging creator of The Godfather, Love Story and subject of the award winning The Kid Stays In The Picture. At 74, Evans has mellowed but still enjoys being the center of attention. 'He runs a kind of salon for young Hollywood,' says Ratner, whose learned much at the producer's knee. 'My favorite Evansism is never go to a doctor whose plants are dead.'"

The Corsair's favorite Evansism is shower promptly after you pay the hooker for pissing in your hair.

Ed Note: The Corsair is taking a few days off. No blog Thursday or Friday. Remember:It's not that I'm pushing you away from me, I'm just pulling me closer to me. Be back soon.

Cheers, R.


Anonymous said...

not to be a pill, but i think it's Eve, not Rosario, who's blonde on the cover

Anonymous said...

Ratner is as moronic as his videos. His house used to belong to the late, great Alan Carr, who produced (not directed)"Grease."

The Corsair said...

no, it's rosario, although eve is yummy too

The Corsair said...

my dear pseudoRobert Evans, I may joke around about the Evansisms, but I have seen the Kid Stays in the Picture about 11 times. Golden Showers or no, Evans is a Hollywood God, and I would proudly sit at his knee in those salon thingies learning from The Master. And, it is Rosario on the newest, latest just-on-the-newsstands October/November issue. Trust me. I have the issue right here in front of me. You're elaborate ruse to get me out of vacation mode almost worked. Now, I have Cutty Sark and Vermont maidens to imbibe.

Anonymous said...

almost 2 days without my Corsair.... wtf.

The Corsair said...

be back tomorrow, promise.