(image via sports.tom)
Wilmer Valderrama is a classy sort of douchebag. Oily, to be sure, but Top drawer. (Averted Gaze) He kisses and tells, but only on satellite (which, funnily enough, serves our purposes perfectly). On The Howard Stern Show this morning he noted, elegantly and publicly, that Jennifer Love Hewitt -- a woman whom he is rumored to have dated -- was "an 8." (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment) We also learn, among other things, that Hollywood starlets should have better taste than to fuck a guy who reduces them into integers. Some more of Wilmer's more colorful bon mots, via Marksfriggin:
"Wilmer said that his first celebrity date was with Ariana Richards when he was about 17 years old. Howard told him that he's like the Venezuelan John Stamos. Howard asked him if Lindsay's boobs are real. Wilmer said that they are ...
"... Howard read that Wilmer also dated Mandy Moore. After every name that Howard mentioned, Artie would say 'You fucked ___?!' He's nailed a lot of hot chicks from what they can tell. Howard asked him if he got Mandy when he was doing 'That 70's Show.' Wilmer said that the moral of the story is that everyone should get a sitcom because that's how all of this went down.
"... Howard said that he needs about 7 hours to interview this guy. He went through the list of the girls he's dated. He asked him about each girl after mentioning their names...
"Jennifer Love Hewitt - an 8 ... Howard asked Wilmer if he's got a huge penis or something. Wilmer said that he has been blessed. He said he does have a big penis and has more than 8 inches."
Too much information! We're going to stop here, on account of even we have limits. Cosmic limits, to be sure, but limits nonetheless. Get the rest of the incredibly filthy story here.
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