Ben Affleck's Dick Tricks



(image via GQ)

What's up with Ben Affleck and his amazing "Dick Tricks"? Why can't he just sheath his horn of plenty? Once again, alleged *actor* Ben Affleck hath exposed some unsuspecting thespian to his dirty little "wenis" on the set of some film destined to stink up the box office something ferocious.

Poor Christina Applegate once had to endure the indignity of Affleck's "stuff" while filming that noxious "Surviving Christmas" (An mighty indignity all on its own, we cannot fail to mention). Now, according to those intrepid Page Sixxies:

"BEN Affleck can get a little nutty around his buddy Kevin Smith. The 'Jersey Girl' director tells Maxim U.K. that during filming of the 2004 flop, Affleck used to pull a prank called a 'Fruit Basket.' Smith explains: 'I'd be sitting in the director's chair and I'd be watching a playback, and he'd stand behind me. Every once in a while I'd feel something on my neck. I'd be like, What the [bleep] was that? And I'd turn around and he'd have his [scrotum] out and resting on my neck."
Why call that a "Fruit Basket" when the perfect opportunity presents itself to be stupendously pretentious as well as downright vulgar. "Fruit Basket," indeed. Rather, we'd call such an act ... bestowing an "Honore de Balls Sac"

"I was like, What the [bleep] is wrong with you, dude? What if it got out in the press that that's the kind of thing you do? He's like, No one would ever [bleeping] believe you, sir."

Oh, we believe it, freakshow *The Corsair shudders*: we believe it.