A Little of the Old In and Out

In: Paris Hilton. SkankyCryptoracistpornstar (whew, it felt good getting that off the old Corsair barrel chest) Paris Hilton wants to get hitched in the worst possible way, and, we assume, it would preferably be to a card-carrying member of the Aryan race (Averted Gaze, haughty sniff-sniff), according to Ananova:

"Paris Hilton says she wants to be settled down with a husband and children within the next two years.

"The hotel heiress and star of A Simple Life tells US broadcaster Barbara Walters despite what people might read about her she is not a party girl.

"'If it's like a birthday or something, I'll go,' she says."

-- Or a Bat Mitzvah, quite frankly, or Arbor Day (Audible sigh), or Veterans Day, or (Counts on his fingers) Flag Day, but, she wants us all to know -- definitely not Kwanza.

Out: A Daughter for a Smoothie. Nothing fleshes out the unfathomable mysteries of the Father-Daughter bond quite like the spectacle of pimpin out your baby's booty for some tooty fruity smoothie (okay, that's not as crisply witty as we'd ordinarily like, but we are so hung over). According to the Page Sixxies:

"Insiders say Britney Spears is upset with her Dad, Jamie, because he is 'trading off of her name to make his yogurt smoothie shop in Malibu a success.' Jamie, who admitted going into drug rehab last year, has cleaned up his life and started the smoothie shop several months ago. Insiders say he promised his investors his famous daughter would stop by three times a week to help promote the shop."

In: John Travolta, Author, 2006. He dances, he flies jets, he names his kids after jets, he acts -- which is (ahem) debatable, and, well, he, (air quotes) "Scientologizes" -- but now he's actually going to pick up the pen and scribble some Weighty Travoltean Prose (TM).

Our favorite nightlife chronicler, David Patrick Columbia, attended the Museum of the Moving Image John Travolta black-tie party, and found out -- in between sips of pure, heavenly, undistilled Armenian peasant blood -- that Travolta is writing a book, but not just any old celebrity "pseudo-autobiography" (wink wink), as DPC writes:

"I ran into Will Schwalbe, the publisher of Hyperion Books, as I was leaving. I asked him what he?d been doing out at something like this on a Sunday night.

"'Johns writing a book for us,' he told me.

"'Whos writing it?' I asked, knowing from personal experience that a stars autobiography/memoir is usually not 'written' by the star but by a hired writer (now called collaborators).

"'Johns writing it,' he answered.

"'Johns writing it without a writer?' I asked, not sure of the answer.

"'Yup.' To be published in the fall of 2006."

Pimptastic!

Out: Damon Dash. Control freak mogul Damon Dash not only executive produces his actors, he executive produces their actual wardrobes as he did right before The Gotham Awards ceremony, as Fashionweekdaily so lamentably relates:

"Damon Dash was in attendance rooting for The Woodsman, which starred Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick who also were both at the gala ... Bacon apparently looked to Dash for more than just screen advice though. He showed up wearing a suit made by 'Damon Dash for Kevin Bacon' (whatever that means!). 'I told him I cant wear that baggy stuff and he put this together for me.'"

In: Geeks. That socially inept geek in the AV Squad whose lunch you probably ate all through school? That geek could probably own your ass. In fact, he probably does own your ass, you just don't know it, if this Rush and Molloy item is any indication on how the world works:

"The never-married Microsoft co-founder has been dating 'Mulholland Drive' beauty Laura Harring for about six months."

The Corsair quietly eats his milk money-fortified heart out ...

"The two got to know each other at the Cannes Film Fest back in May. By last week, at the L.A. premiere of 'The Aviator,' they were holding hands.

"'They looked very tight,' says a spy. 'Paul was introducing her to everybody.'

"Harring, a 40-year-old Elite model, is divorced from German Count Carl von Bismarck (but still retains the title of countess).

"Allen 51, has been linked with tennis champ Monica Seles and Mick Jagger's ex Jerry Hall."

And the geek shall inherit the earth ...

Out: Anna Nicole Smith. My blog wife, the magnificent Miu Von Furstenberg, gets the scoop on the anti-socialite, former chicken joint employee and current TrimSpa pitchwoman, Anna Nicole Smith. Here.