Wednesday, June 23, 2004

A Little of the Old In and Out

In: Prince. Last week his CD Musicology made 95,000 "sales," although they were really given away to fans that baught tickets. Clever. An innovator in music, and, it appears, an innovator in business.

Out: Joan Rivers. Rivers will be exiting the low rent E! telvision, where she her bitchy red carpet show was one of their highest rated, to go to the television ghetto known as "the TV Guide Channel." As if that weren't appalling enough, Rivers will be performing in Vegas. At her age.

In: The blog's blind items, to wit:

"If a newsmaking relationship between two fine-looking famous names stars implodes with warp speed, you can bet your bottom Dolly the old green-eyed monster caused the split. See, the male member (you should pardon the expression), whose career isn�t exactly going places these days, is mad jealous -- and so suspicious of his hot mama, he demands that she carry a Blackberry, cell phone and pager at all times so he can check on her whereabouts. As if that weren�t wacky enough, he insists that her appointment schedule be faxed to him daily. Now he�s even secretly hired private goons (mostly his out-of-work actor and musician friends) to tail her wherever she goes. The other afternoon, while she was getting waxed, massaged and pampered at that low-profile, celebrity-studded spa, Mr. Insecure phoned and beeped her so many times, the management ordered her to switch off her toys or hit the road. Have you guessed the punchline to this sickly obsessive tale? That�s right, the suspicious dude is actually the one who�s cheating, with an up-and-coming singer/actress."

The posters are saying Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe. I'm not so sure about that.

Out: Ashley Olsen. Our favorite socialite, Miu Von Furstenberg, lets the cat out of the bag: "According to Mary Kate's therapist's sister's cousin's housekeeper, Ashley has been secretly stealing Mary Kate's food for years."

In: Page Six snagged Pat O'Brien's parting Access Hollywood email:

"PAGE SIX has obtained an eviscerating e-mail O'Brien sent to (Shaun) Robinson after he accepted his new job last week. Here are some highlights:

"'Shaun . . . Your behavior to me over the past few years has been a sickening joke. From the day you called [former NBC Enterprises president] Ed Wilson and said I was creating a hostile situation . . . to last week when you went postal on my friend and accused me of an affair . . . and talked to me like a five-year-old gang member.

"'I have never known anybody so disliked in a newsroom and it's well deserved. You push people to the limits and you are so needy and demanding . . . it is scary.

"'This is tough love, Shaun. You have the worst reputation I've ever seen in the business . . . and your constant attempt to get me fired was such a joke to everybody it was hard to contain the laughter.

"'But now I am gone . . . and you made my departure so easy . . . I've never worked with anybody so conflicted and sad and insecure and so needy. They all know it . . . and it must be sad for you to realize that you are literally hated by most . . . Don't you EVER EVER make things up about me. Don't you EVER EVER tell your friends I'm a bad employee . . .

"'People laugh at you. But they are afraid of your always taking the race card . . . You'll always be a little person that people feel sorry for . . . You cannot believe how much you are disliked. Try and repair it . . . or you'll be back in local news before you know it . . . with no wardrobe people to yell at every day. 'Did [co-host] Nancy [O'Dell] get that, I WANT THAT.' Pathetic. BuhBye . . . And have a great, miserable life. Pat.'"

Damn. How is Pat ever going to become Governor of South Dakota -- a job he secretly covets -- with that cosmic degree of bitchiness going on?

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