The Wigger Hall of Fame

The K-Fed fiasco reminded us that not all wiggers are created equal. Some, like Norman Mailer's hyposthetical "White Negro," seemlessly transition themselves into hipness -- for further reference: see, Eminem. Others, unfortunately, are encumbered by the ermine robes of their suburban beginings. Black people just like some white people like crazy. Some Lifetime Achevement Awards are in Order:



(image via eonline)

5- Brett Ratner. We know; we know: Why? The bloated budgets, the bloated face, all work against him, but the hook-up with Serena on the DL and being a protoge of Russell Simmons were mitigating factors. Let's face it: Brett Ratner is black. He probably smokes Newports, although we don't believe for a second that that's what burned down Robert Evans' pad (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment).



(image via kellyanncollins)

4- Christina Aguilera. We know that when the mood was convenient souldiva X-tina was not averse to recording Spanish and really played up the fact that her last name was Aguilera despite, quite frankly, looking a caucasian as Ed Begley, Jr. That having been said, despite her previous Vin Dieselesque indeterminate ethnicity , we now claim her, wholly and fully, as African-American. Have you ever heard her talk, or, for that matter, do a finger snap followed by neck-roll? Yeah, she's a sister all right.

In a past-life we can imagine that Aguilera ran a speak-easy down south. Her name was "Big Momma" and she was sassy, even going so far as to smoke a cigar.

-- Speaking of Cigars. (image via newsday)

3- Bill Clinton. He's probably eating the bannana pudding at Sylvia's in Harlem as we speak. He likes women, sometimes .. too much. He blows a mean horn. Recent heart problems over diet.

As Jay-Z once said: "He could be, like, my uncle." What do you mean could be. Hey Jay-Z, was your auntie in the Arkansas area in the 1960s?



Bill Clinton is so black, he's, like, Sudanese-complected.



4- Carmen Electra. One of these things just doesn't belong, Can you tell which thing is not like the others By the time I finish my song? Prince, B-Real, Dennis Rodman, or Dave Navarro.



(image via dga.org)

5- Robert Deniro. 2001 Essence Magazine Award winner. He received a standing ovation. Deniro likes his women like he likes his coffee .. and the women like him back.

Honorable Mention:



(image via gmh.edu)

John Brown, Abolitionist. Abgriest. Wigger. Ever.