Ladies and Gentlemen: Heere's Grace!



Incoming! (image via thisislondon)

Before there was the punchy Naomi Campbell, swinging her rhinstone-studded gizmo like the jawbone of an ass, there was the awesomely flat-topped Grace Jones, androgynous ass-kicker, no technology required. (The Corsair hoists a glass of Chateau D'yquem) We imagine that her endless engagement to The Viscount might have exacerbated an already, ehr, tense woman. It has. And some roving paparazzi that got too close caught a beatdown. As he should have.

Unfotunately, Grace Jones' meat-on-bone percussions interrupted that austere thespian Patrick Swayze (Averted Gaze). He's like the wind, you know. Folks, we couldn't make this shit up if we tried.

From thisislondon:

"Wearing a ski hat and a top made out of what appeared to be black clingfilm, Grace Jones produced a bravura performance to overshadow Patrick Swayze's opening night in the West End."



(image via amazon)

"The singer/actress was invited to the aftershow party in Soho and her act was pure Jones. One eyewitness described her look as that of a 'Smurf gone wrong'. Some suggested that next time the diva gets dressed she should take off the dark glasses first.

"Then she performed her trademark slap - the one that decked chat show host Russell Harty - not just once, but repeatedly. This time, the target of her affectionate punching was a young photographer.

"After hitting the paparazzo with her customary vim and vigour, she gave him a kiss and a cuddle.

Grace must be cruel to be kind ...

"Then she pulled out a middle finger and waved it around - no doubt testing wind direction and speed - before appearing to delve into her blouse and threatening to display her left breast.

"Jones was accompanied by Viscount Wimborne, to whom she has been engaged for two years. Aged 41, he is 17 years her junior and has earned the soubriquet "Edward Scissorhands" for his unkempt appearance."

And how, we ask, does one maintain the perfect coiff, when sustaining a constant battery of lethal blows about the brow? (Averted Gaze)