The Corsair's Emmy Thoughts



Wouldn't a tasteful, moist catfight between Candy and Tori Spelling over the Spelling millions on live teevee have been the most appropriate tribute to Aaron "Jiggle TV" Spelling?

The gang on "Entourage" were right: Jeremy Piven is passed the expiration date.

Emmy Math: Is the circumference of Warren Beatty's head greater than or equal to the circumference of an overripe pumpkin?

Did anyone else notice Steve Carrell's freakish flop-sweat as the names of the nominees were read for Best Actor in a Comedy series?

We could evangelize from here to next Sunday about the positively fuckiness of Evangeline Lilly. Testify!

Does anyone have Youtube footage of Paula Abdul on the E! aftershow wrap-up? She looked thoroughly fucked up on the sauce, with that far-away cracked look in her reptilian "Hollywood's-Been-So-Hard-On-Me" eyes.

Fucking Barry Manilow and his fucking frosted head of hair -- were those bangs? -- stole Colbert's Emmy. We'd like to Copa=ca-bang him right on his nose.

The Eva Longoria-James Woods presenter combo has left an oily coating on the tv screens of millions of viewers.

Larger than Life Master of the Universe Jerry Bruckheimer -- he of the manly, if Amish-ish beard -- has appealed to his Lord, Satan, to cockblock any reality show other than the unwatchable "Amazing Race" from achieving the Emmy.

Is it jusy us or does Julia Louis-Dreyfus get, like, hotter, with the passage of time? Or is it just the slow but smart accumulation of showbiz power and influence. We are quite confused.

The Excellent Helen Mirren said -- elegantly but not explicitly -- what we all know without actually saying it: Women over 40 have a hard time getting meaty roles in Hollywood. Why else would brilliant actresses like Glenn Close and Kathleen Turner and Mary Louise Parker and CCH Pounder be doing cable TV and not major motion pictures? The balls now in the writers' court. Bravo, Helen Mirren.

Farah Fawcett in her measured farewell to Aaron Spelling almost persuaded us that she was not as crazy as she appeared in the Shatner roast, the bizarre Playboy nude, bullet-nippled body-painting spread, and Joe Eszterhas' book (where -- rememeber -- he has her defecating en plein air). Almost.