Picture Pages, Picture Pages ...



*Grunt* D'ya think I overdid it on the gel? (image via NYsocialdiary)



Ari's obsession with his buns of steel excercises began to have a deleterious effect on his longtime companion. (image via thecobrasnake)



The tyrant Hosni Mubarak wins another term, but this gentleman's hair is still "relaxed." God bless his corny ass. (image via thecobrasnake)



A Kosher ham? (image via thecobrasnake)



It's alright; don't panic; It's not a real punk show scene anyway, unless the lead singer OD's on-stage. (image via thecobrasnake)



Lil Bo Peep lost her weed. (image via thecobrasnake)

A Little of the Old In and Out



Kelly Klein. (image via NYSocialDiary)

In: NYSocialDiary. The Corsair's obsessions are are not all that great -- some fine wine, a good cigar, Couperin, the blog wife, and NYSocialDiary. According to our favorite social chronicler, David Patrick Columbia's Hampton's correspondent:

"Others enjoying (The Hamptons Classic horse show) were Kelly Klein ... Sharon Sondes wearing her Verdura pins ... Lady Sarah St. George ... Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos ... Also at the Classic: Dixon and Arianna Boardman and Pepe and Emilia Fanjul. Rumor of the day is that Kelly Klein's hunky/well-bred/Argentine polo player beau has been seeing his lithesome young stable mate Marley Goodman -- she's beautiful and loaded.

"Mai and Ridgely Harrison had a cocktail party. Anne Hearst had a fabulous dinner for her houseguest Diandra Douglas who is back from Majorca where she spent part of the summer with her new beau. She, Michael and Catherine Zeta-Jones share the Majorca property, but not together of course. "

Of course (Arched eyebrow). Pictures of the horse show at NYSocialDiary.

Out: Staying "On Message." The tragedy of Hurricane Katrina demands heartfelt, impromptu answers to hard questions (Which, incidentally, doesn't ecessarilyrily mean a fuzzy-wuzzy Clintonian "I-feel-your-pain" National address, either) -- to those, in particular, who lost their loved ones and their homes. This desire to have the President address the nation and connect emo-style has been building since before Katrina, even as crucial swing-state Ohio was hit hard in Iraq, and Cindy Sheehan gathers grassroots strength. The President cannot simply cast himself as a Churchillian Statesman without the attendant "Fireside Chats (so to speak)," which remind and resuscitate the commonweal during the tribulations of war. Unfortunately, what we are getting from the Administration -- Rove? -- is loads of strategic spin and emotionally deadening talking points that are, robotically, on message. You see, "democracy is on the march," and, "we will not falter," and, of late, anyone who asks of FEMA's response is "blame gaming (this is vintage Karl Rove stuff)" --but this cannot help but hurt the cause. Robert Novak, our favorite Dickensian villain concurs:

"Democrats have seized on the administration's performance in handling Katrina to bash President Bush, but Republicans are not much happier with him. The common complaint is that the president has let the lawyers take over. Chertoff, a former federal judge and assistant attorney general, is a quintessential lawyer who has surrounded himself at Homeland Security with more lawyers. Michael D. Brown, who as head of the Federal Emergency Management Agency is Chertoff's subordinate, is also a lawyer. Neither Chertoff nor Brown was experienced in politics or large-scale management before joining the Bush administration.

"Chertoff's inexperience was shown when he said 'I've got this down' into an open microphone, thinking he was safe because the cameras were off and not realizing his words were transmitted via satellite. He clearly saw himself as an advocate tailoring what he said to a lawyer's brief."



(image via wikipedia)

In: FEMA Into The Department of the Interior? The Corsair receivedeved a lot of email and blog-comments regarding Hurricane Katrina, and just what was our take on it (Racewise, blamewise, etc). Not to politicize the event, this blog will wait until more is known before blaming anyone or rushing into the "Crossfire" and descending into the opaque realm of the left-right continuum of mindless "chatter," that bane of an democracy in decline.

One thing is for sure: FEMA failed America. Leaving aside that lame political appointment of a clearly unqualified sub-cabinet official (Averted Gaze), as well as the utter incompetence of the Mayor of New Orleans (He was no rise-to-the-emergency/take-full-responsibility Giuliani, that's for sure)

A modest proposal: Why not enfold FEMA into The Department of the Interior. Homeland Security ought to be laser-focused on the War on Terror, and placing FEMA under their auspices, as we've just witnessed, is a terrible collabo. Interior, created in 1849, was a sort of hodegpodge amalgamation ofbureaucracyracy related, in fine, to the Westward expansion of these United States. As the 19th Century drew to a close, Interior expanded and evolved, taking on the thankless tasks of the US Geological survey, Census duties, and -- mirabile dictu -- the creation of dams (See where this is going?).

Nowadays, Interior is staffed with well-meaning but low-status environmenaficionadosados -- park rangers, geological surveyors, natural scientists, etc -- Who better to monitor and handle natural disasters than those in awe of geological, meteorological and cosmological phenomena? According to FEMA History, "FEMA ... is tasked with responding to, planning for, recovering from and mitigating against disasters. FEMA can trace its beginnings to the Congressional Act of 1803. This act, generally considered the first piece of disaster legislation, provided assistance to a New Hampshire town following an extensive fire."

And , keeping that in mind, the Mission of the Interior Department is, in part, "Resource Protection - Protect the Nation�?s Natural, Cultural, and Heritage Resources ... Resource Use - Manage Resources to Promote Responsible Use and Sustain a Dynamic Economy ... Serving Communities - Safeguard lives, property and assets, advance scientific knowledge, and improve the quality of life for communities we serve."

Now, doesn't that sound like a good fit for FEMA?



(image via worldpress)

Out: Robert Mugabe. Fuck Robert Mugabe; no, really (The Corsair gets surly; tosses fizzy drink across room), fuck his corrupt, tyrannical, paranoiac Sinophile ass (The Corsair rolls up the crisp sleeves of his Saville Row shirt). The gauntlet is thrown; I demand satisfaction! The Corsair detests African dicatators in particular, and dictatorships and double standards in general. According to -- of all places -- Liz Smith:

"Although (The Interpreter starring Sean Penn and Nicole Kidman) won mixed reviews and suffered the diminished fate of most movies over the last year, the stars have now been accused by the nation of Zimbabwe of being part of a plot to oust President Robert Mugabe. (In the movie there is a fictional despot named Edmond Zuwane who bears some resemblance to President Mugabe. The character, like Mugabe, is an octogenarian and one-time teacher who ruins his country by hanging on to power.)

"The Zimbabwe government, in all its paranoia, has just discovered the movie and calls it 'an imperialist plot.' They think the CIA was behind the movie, claiming the film was timed to "coincide" with the world leaders summit happening here in the city Sept. 14-16. I guess they don't know that the film came and went about nine months ago, soon after its release. (I thought it was great, by the way.)"

Charmed, we're sure. (BTW: CNN International reports poverty in Zimbabwe is worsening; lets see the mandarins of Beijing, who regard Zimbabwe of little strategic importance, help you out of that, "Your Excellency")



(image via upforanything.net)

In: Bill Clinton's Media Domination Tour (tm). Whose left? He's charmed George Bush 41, his former political nemesis, who apparently now has taken to calling Bill "Bubba" (Averted Gaze); he's "charmed" (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment) -- allegedly -- former Pakistani PM Benazir Bhutto and Canadian hottie-politician Belinda Stronach; he's charmed world leaders (as Jennifer Senior's wonderful NY Mag piece reveals) as well as cynical-perennial international players, like Dick Holbrooke. Now (sotto voce), according to Lowdown -- Rugrats are the new black:

"(T)he ex-President was sweeter than the candy. ... 'I'm not a huge Clinton person, but for 15 minutes he did not drop eye contact with me,' said the spy. 'I can tell how he charms people. He fixates on you and makes you feel like you're the only one there.'

"The 59-year-old Clinton regaled the gathering crowd, largely children, on all manner of subjects, including the best things about New York in the summertime (the state fair) and his favorite animal to visit at the zoo (the albino alligator)."



(image via gocontinental)

Out: John Travolta. Well, not so much ... "Out," per se (You'll see what we're sleazily implying in a moment). This, according to Radar Magazine:

"According to a press release from The Church of Scientology, the religion's second-favorite celebrity couple, John Travolta and Kelly Preston, swooped in to Baton Rouge and New Orleans on Travolta's jet Monday to join the approximately 400-member Scientology Disaster Response Team already in place.

"The couple visited shelters and doled out 1,200 tetanus shots to relief workers."

Although it may be the first time for Kelly, we guess -- allegedly -- that this isn't the first time that John Travolta has given an "injection" to a "relief worker." So to speak. *Allegedly*.



(image via twcmainesales)

In: TNT. Congratulations to Kyra Sedgwick, a fine, unheralded indie actress who always chooses her projects with the jewelers' eye and executes the roles with astonishing economy. It's about goddam time she had a hit; and, ancillary congrats to TNT (Ed Note: TNT had advertised on this blog), which made this happen. In The Corsair's Remote Control Diary, 2.0, we wrote of TNT, "Lousy with Middle aged Testosterone. A musky-smelling channel. Bruce Willis and Steven Seagal action flics and basketball. Big in New Jersey."

But now, this, from MediaLife:

"'The Closer,' a highly praised police drama about a neurotic female cop played by Kyra Sedgwick. That new take on an old concept made it the No. 1 original series of the summer on cable.

"And led by 'Closer,' TNT scored basic cables best summer ever, according to Turner Networks' analysis of Nielsen ratings. That paced a great summer for cable overall, which had a bigger household share than broadcast for the fifth straight summer. 'Closer's' 70-minute season finale Monday at 9 p.m. averaged 6.4 million total viewers, bringing the show's season average to 5.5 million total viewers. The older-skewing cop drama was also strong among 18-49s. In that demo, the season finale averaged 2.3 million viewers, bringing its season average to 1.9 million.

"Among adults 25-54, 'Closer' averaged 2.4 million viewers. That helped TNT finish No. 1 in primetime for all three demos, its best-ever summer performance."

Congrats.

Mark Cuban's Bold Hollywood Gambit



(image via Variety)

The Corsair is not really nor ever has been a Mark Cuban fan. Broadcast.com, first of all, was not worth billions (but hey, all is fair in love and business); His tastes are also impossibly louche -- Cuban is the slaphappy owner, in fact, of one Rysher Entertainment (a "savvy purchase," to be sure), whose library catalogue contains such "tv hits" as "Highlander," "Nash Bridges," and "Hogan's Heroes." And, perhaps worst of all, a social felony -- Cuban's eyes are, quite frankly, very, very creepy.

But this excerpt from Premiere Magazine on Cuban's new crusade to save Hollywood from itself through his distributrion company 2929 Entrertainment is, for lack of a better word, something wonderful. We found ourselves nodding our head to noone in particular. Dammit: Cuban is right:

"(The) traditional Hollywood mentality still puts theatrical at the center of the profit strategy. 'The problem is how much studios have to spend to get epople into the theater,' Cuban explains. 'Looking for ways to get epople into the theater is as much of a challenge as making great movies.'

"And as DVDs have grown in importance, studios have responded by creating those kinds of million dollar marketing campiagns all over again months later, when it comes down for the home video release, leaving them in the hole for many, many millions (without even considering the cost of actually making the movie)

"To tap into home video money quicker, studios are shrinking the time between a movie's theatrical release from five to three months. It's just this kind of Band-Aid solution that Cuban likens to 'shuffling deck chairs on the Titanic.'

"But Cuban, 47, and (partner Todd) Wagner, 45, believe that they have designs on a lifeboat. Their idea is to release films concurrently in theaters, on DVD, and on pay cable and satellite tv. This would not only consolidate marketing costs, but it would give the consumers a choice that might entice them to see more movies, more often.

"'It's five to ten percent of the population that goes to movie theaters on a regular basis,' Wagner says. 'So if there's ninety percent of the audience that's not going to the theater, if we can figure out how to get content to them and get them to buy it ..' His voice trails off, leaving one to ponder the millions they hope to make.

"'There's pent up demand for people who aren't going to get to the movie theater that weekend, and they'd like to see a movie while everybody is still talking about it,' he continues. 'It's a dangerous assumption to say, They'll wait five months and buy the DVD or rent it.'"

"'They won't,' Cuban says. 'Because they've lost the impulse to buy,' Wagner says."

Charlie Murphy's True Roosevelt Tales



(image via tcnj.edu)

From Mean Magazine, September-October 2005:

"Topher Sanders: You have a pretty intimidatinf presence about you and you're always talking about whipping somebody's ass, but have you ever gotten your ass whipped?

"Charlie Murphy: Of course, man. Anybody that tells you they haven't had their ass whipped hasn't had too many fights. (laughs) I grew up in Roosevelt in Brooklyn. Come on, man, of course I got my ass whipped.

"Topher Sanders: Can you recall a supreme ass whipping that you've recieved?

"Charlie: Whenever it came down to recieve a supreme ass whipping I was always blessed with superior running speed. (laughs) So I could escape. I tell you, my Gazelles came in handy like a motherfucker. However, when I was in the seventh grade I was in a gang and I was one of the rawest (dudes) in the gang. The leader of the gang was an old (dude), he was like 25 years old. He had a gang of 50 teenagers who were real scared of him 'cause he was 25 and a drug addict. So about once a week he would make us show up and pay dues. Whoever didn't pay dues, he would make the rest of the gang beat the (guy) down.

"Topher: Wait, wait. Your gang had dues?

"Charlie Murphy: Yeah, man. The gang had dues, 'cause the (leader) was a drug addict."

Picture Pages, Picture Pages ...



Occupation? Motherfucking magician. "Magic Man" over here singlehandedly turned a "Do Rag," into a fashion "Don't." (image via thecobrasnake)



After about, like, your 800th botox injection, its so much easier to just mainline the goddamned stuff with a Fuji water chaser on the side. (image via thecobrasnake)



This would-be hipster realizes, far too late, that this is indeed a tough area-code to crack. Even the pigeons here have strong opinions on fashion hits and misses. (image via thecobrasnake)



While yes, indeed, "Willie," your pimp hand IS strong, The Corsair would still suggest, if it's all the same, a nice hypoallergenic moisturizer to take away that pesky ashy skin problem. (image via thecobrasnake)



The oblivious crowd thought Brad's ruthless sleeperhold on Imelda was actually "Lambada: The Forbidden Dance" ... How wrong they were ... (image via thecobrasnake)



Note to self via crackberry: "Count Chocula eyebrows are the new black" (image via thecobrasnake)

ALT on The Influence of Mahogany



(image via chron)

As the Fashion Week party invites trickle in -- okay, okay, a single invite, leave us alone -- we thought we'd post this chestnut. The Corsair had to reinforce his coffeetable to support ALT's massive coffeetable book ALT. In it, he ruminates on the influence of Mahogany (And how, among other things, Diana Vreeland, honorary black woman, loved to watch Soul Train):

"(Diana Ross') role as Tracy in Mahogany, somewhat of a cult classic, is to me a breathtaking autobiographical film that makes you believe in the American Dream: the rise of a small town talent to the top of the heap who, on her own terms, rejects fame and fortune for love. What seems like a blink on the face of fashion is actually significant. In her collaboration with director Berry Gordy, Miss Ross made history -- she designed all the costumes. Looking back, her Kabuki-inspired collection, shown at the beginning of the film, is a precursor to the incredibly overwrought, yet sometimes fantastical fashion presentations so prevalent in Paris during the final decade of the twentieth century. If anything, her homage to Erte designs helped people like John Galliano, Alexander McQueen and Zac Posen realize their dreams."

A Little of the Old In and Out



Yummy. (image via theworldjournal)

In: DKNY Director�s Label Party. If only the Evangelical Christian Right were to argue that Helena Christensen was proof positive that an omniscient and benevolent Being was behind the evolution of the species, all conversation on intelligent design would end. Abruptly; quod erat demonstrandum. (Arched eyebrow cocked and loaded). Now, According to Fashionweekdaily, "Helena Christensen is DJing the DKNY Director�s Label party for Palm Pictures this Thursday."

Be still our blogging heart.



(image via peoples.ru)

Out: Monica Lewinsky. Now, from the sublime to the conspicuous: What do John F. Kennedy, Mick Jagger and Monica Lewinsky have in common? The London School of Economics, apparently. According to those intrepid Page Sixxies: "MONICA Lewinsky is leaving New York. 'I'm thrilled to be returning to London, a city I love,' she informed PAGE SIX yesterday. 'I am delighted I have been accepted as a candidate for a master's degree in Social Psychology at the London School of Economics.' The former White House intern said she was fascinated by psychology 10 years ago when she graduated from Lewis & Clark College in Portland, Ore. 'The same is true today, and with further education I hope to someday make a meaningful and significant contribution to the field.'"

No doubt (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment), but we cannot fail to note that her meaningful contribution to the "oral sex isn't really sex" debate already ranks her high in the, uh, annals -- no pun intended -- of Sociology. According to the website for the Institute for Social Psychology, their stated goal is, "... to understand, through theoretical development and empirical research, the social processes that emerge at the intersection between the individual and wider societal contexts. Thus for example, our research and teaching focuses on organisational behaviour and dynamics, risk in society, communication multiculturalism and discrimination, individual and social health and the community, decision taking and the social production of knowledge."

Let's hope this directed course of study by distinguished and powerful father figure types further informs the "education reforms" (Averted Gaze) Miss. L recommended to former President Bill Clinton in a previous incarnation.

Ah well, we all do stupid things in our twenties; so, honestly: best of luck.



(image via milikeninstitute)

In: Newscorp Internet Strategy. How fascinating it is to watch the flow of power distribute itself at Rupert Murdoch's mighty media empire. The drama at Newscorp unfolds with a rhythmic, ancient, ceremonial power, not unlike that of the winged guardian in Assyrian statuary. The firstborn son -- prodigal? -- leaves with a $15 million payout. A new generation arrives, almost Biblically (considering, to be frank, his age), thus adding to the dynastic intrigues of The Patriarch's future succession.

The pendulum swings; the medium changes. According to the Financial Times (link via iwantmedia):

"Rupert Murdoch has summoned his most senior executives for the second summit in seven months on News Corporation's internet strategy. The broadcasting and publishing group�s executive committee will gather this weekend near Mr Murdoch�s ranch in California.The summit comes as Mr Murdoch received an important show of support on Tuesday from Prince Alwaleed bin Talal�s Kingdom Holding Company. The Saudi prince, a long-time shareholder, converted his non-voting shares in News Corp to a 5.46 per cent stake of the voting shares and said he might buy more 'if the situation warrants.'"

The story continues:

"The summit is understood to involve members of News Corp's large executive committee, which meets only rarely, as well as outside speakers.

"... Although no big deals are expected to be announced at the US gathering, it will be seen as a sign that Mr Murdoch is eager to accelerate the company's internet investments.

"The summit in New York in February marked a distinct change in strategy for Mr Murdoch, who had cooled on internet investments after initial enthusiasm in the late 1990s when his son, James, was in charge of the group's new media strategy.

"He warned this year that media groups had to reinvent themselves to meet the demands of the 'iPod generation,' which was bypassing traditional suppliers by consuming news and entertainment online. Mr Murdoch's strategy was given a symbolic boost by the announcement by Prince Alwaleed, who expressed his 'utmost confidence in Mr Murdoch, his management team and his succession planning.'"



(image via stanford)

Out: Neal Shapiro. It would be an understatement of cosmic proportions to say, offhand, "the landscape of network news is changing." Of course it is. The aging of the Evening News demographic leaves something to be desired (like, say, the ability to advertise something other than a astonishing array of life-prolonging and penile erecting pharmaceuticals) We thought 'fer sure that Zucker would get his ass handed to him by NBC brass before Shapiro. Our man Zuck's future looked quite ... "opaque." According to MediaLife Magazine:

"Just whether Neal Shapiro is leaving his job as NBC News president entirely on his own is in debate, but there's no debate that his timing--he resigned yesterday after months of speculation-- is right on. Shapiro is leaving the news division with its three top shows all ranking No. 1, just as they were when he arrived four years ago.

"But whoever takes over from Shapiro will have a real struggle on his or her hands, and much of it will be in keeping the network�s once-impenetrable 'Today' show from losing further ground to ABC's 'Good Morning America,' with its lead over the latter having shrunk to a mere 40,000 viewers last May. It will be one challenging assignment, and it will take a strong manager indeed, as well as a tough, innovative thinker. It was a task beyond Shapiro, described by many as a nice guy who was more comfortable editing a story than managing troops, or perhaps more to the point, seeking ways to update the morning show."

The Salmon colored weekly on Shapiro here.



(image via journalists.org)

In: We: Media Conference at the Associated Press. The Corsair usually doesn't do conferences (Averted Gaze). They tend to be a magnum of chloroform (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment). However, we will be in attendance at the We Media Conference, because, well, it rocks (Ed Note: The Corsair guest blogged for the We Media's Morph on Tuesdays this summer). This, from the most excellent Gloria Pan:

"Al Gore, chairman of Current TV and former Vice President of the United States, will deliver the keynote speech at The Media Center's Oct. 5 We Media conference at The Associated Press.

"We are very excited by Al's participation because it will bring heightened interest to our conference, which is intended to be a major step in advancing The Media Center's mission to help create a better-informed society."

In addition to Gore, our Larry Kramer, President of CBS Digital Media, a man who we stalk often, but well within the bounds of any restraining order; Ana Marie Cox; Farai Chideya of Popandpolitics; Jessica Coen; Tom Curley, President of The Associated Press; Jason Calacanis; Nick Kristof, NYT Columnist. And more. This is hott; The Corsair is so there.

Information on registration: here

Jaron Lanier: The Physics of Ass



"What is the circumference of an ass cheek?" (image via edge.org)

The Corsair had almost -- almost -- forgotten about that slatternly Virtual Reality genius Jaron Lanier. Remember him? Oh, how could you forget, you, members of the chattering classes. Two words: "3-D Graphics."

In the age of irrational exuberance and Jolt soda, Lanier appeared on shows like Charlie Rose to expound upon, well ... we don't know quite why he was there, really, but he sure looked like a tech genius and talked a good game.

Jaron had that whole Star Trek loving, Milk Dud munching, sarcastic IT-guy 40-year old virgin vibe thing going, you know? There was something about him that fairly screamed techie visionary. If The Corsair had, say, a complicated computer question, Jaron Lanier would be the guy we'd turn to for some much needed aid. He so looks the part.

So imagine our surprise when we saw his post on the "HuffPost," stitching together, somewhat incoherently, nonexistent causal links between Supreme Court Chief Justice Rehnquist's death, Intelligent design, computer science and -- quixotically -- Hurricane Katrina! WTF?! And Lanier, to his credit, did so without even invoking the old CIA, the Freemasons or aluminum foil for that matter! Was someone, we ask, not taking their "meds" this morning?

Jaron Lanier sums up, solipsistically:

"These arguments are hard to sort out because the top-down/bottom-up dichotomy is genuinely puzzling. In computer science, we are constantly going back and forth about when a top-down or bottom-up approach will work better in a given information architecture or scientific simulation.

"A few weeks ago I was at a small meeting at a physics institute in which a Harvard law professor quizzed some scientists about such conundrums. Some of the most interesting physicists these days are interested in bottom-up approaches."

"Back and forth," "top-down," and "bottom-up" you say? At a "small meeting at a physics institute"? Well, hell: No surprises there. (The Corsair sparks a Galouises Blond) We are of the opinion that at any such "meetings" of "physics institutes," (Averted Gaze) after the initial conversational momentum of whether or not Captain America's shield could withstand the attack of Wolverene's claws wears off, inevitably and invariably (exhales), the conversation devolves into an sordid inquiry into the subject of Ass.

And, sustaining long distance relationships with girlfriends in Canada.

Huffington Post.

Picture Pages, Picture Pages ...



When asked what she did for a living, Shady Sadie gave up the international Braille sign for carpet cleaning. (image via thecobrasnake)



The party was, like, totally super-retro. Pre-Emancipation Proclamation retro, that is. (image via thecobrasnake)



Byron had disadvantages. He didn't live in the right zip code. He wore unremarkable watches. He dressed like an Israeli pimp. Finally, his sour countenance suggested evenings imbibing unrecommended dosages of Ex-Lax (Averted Gaze). But when the DJ played Kajagoogoo (A considerable pause) ... Byron ruled the night. (image via thecobrasnake)



Filthy ... dirty ... skanky, hip-swiveling -- Does (A slow, lascivious whistle) anyone know if this lady is seeing someone? (image via thecobrasnake)



The zeal with which the hipsters went after the viscous ... creamy frosting, suggests, alarmingly (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment), that these "party people" were not entirely unfamiliar with the judicious application of a little "collective suction". (image via thecobrasnake)



All is tension and chaos. Hectic. New Orleans may be under water, a Supreme Court Justice may have died, and the gas prices could be through the roof by tomorrow; but (pointing slowly, admiringly) that man's hair -- mirabile dictu -- that man's hair will remain "relaxed" through it all. God bless the lye on this guy. (image via thecobrasnake)

Juicy FCC Novak Complaints



(image via CNN)

Our favorite Dickensian villain, Robert Novak, drew some amusing responses recently to the FCC with regards to his mini-meltdown on CNN's Inside Politics. To these responses, The Corsair would like to add one, namely: Mr. Novak: Say it, don't spray it.

But we digress. You just know Carville-the-OverripePumpkinhead specifically calculated his attack to rasp The Prince of Darkness. Whatever the case, Pandora's box, in the form of ill-considered complaints to the FCC, was leashed upon a government agency. You know what that means. TheSmokinggun, FOIA; you figure it out:

"Robert Novak is no Howard Stern. Unlike the King of All Media, when the right-wing pundit decided to perform blue, he did it on cable airwaves not regulated by the Federal Communications Commission. But that didn't stop about 100 concerned citizens from sending e-mails and letters to the FCC complaining about Novak's August 4 CNN outburst. While facing off with Democratic strategist James Carville, the 74-year-old Novak responded to one Carville dig with, 'Well, I think that's bullshit, and I hate that.' He then walked off the 'Inside Politics' set (the on-air tantrum led to Novak's suspension from the network)"

Here are some chestnuts from the FCC complaints, via TheSmokinggun.com:

"I would like to file this complaint concerning the August 4, 2005 CNN broadcast of CNN Inside Politics where Robert Novak used profanity. This is very disturbing. What if my neighbors children were present when this was broadcast? Worse yet, what if my pregnant friend was here watching at the time? This precious, unborn child would have been irreparably damaged by hearing this word and it would have happened in my home."

Er, technically an "RV," which is where we imagine the letter writer lives, is more accuartely construed under the classification "transportation device" rather than, oh, say, "home." I'm just saying ... More:

"On today's Inside Politics, Robert Novak was obviously drunk, surly and he swore ('bulls**t') before he staggered off the set. This was during the time of day when children would be home, as well."

More here.

A Little of the Old In and Out



Celebreality guru, the great Michael Hirschorn. (image via edge.org)

In: Celebreality. Unfortunately, The Corsair could not get VH1's most excellent programming whiz and celebreality guru Michael Hirschorn for a quote on our valedictory Razor Magazine column regarding the subject of Celebreality (My deadline clashed with his schedule). The subject, though, is ripe -- overripe? -- for darts and laurels and, ultimately, the requisite right and proper ex post facto media vivisection once the zeitgeist has passed us by entirely. As Wowreport writes:

"Fenton Bailey writes: It's so weird. Two articles, about the same thing, side-by-side in the New York Times this weekend. One is what seems to be an unprovoked evisceration of E!'s reality shows, comparing them to porn magazines. The other is a piece helping VH1 spin their latest celebrity-baiting series Breaking Bonaduce in their blatant attempt at pre-emptive damage control. Advance word is that the series is a little tough to watch as Bonaduce unravels in a psychotic suicidal melt down."

It should be noted that VH1 actually stopped filming at one point, when things got rough, out of concern for Bonaduce's "health." On the phenomenon of celebreality in general (which we at once are curious about, as in the case of Bobby and Whitney, and equally dread, as in the case of The Canseco), The Corsair writes for Razor:

"'Can I impregnate you tonight?' coos the ever-eloquent Bobby Brown; his moist, canine eyes glisten expectantly. To this torrid, and, fortunately for us, televised request, his beloved wife and all-around 'tenderoni,' Whitney Houston (The Corsair makes an obscene spliff-huffing sound before icily averting his gaze), responds, matter-of-factly, 'You tried to impregnate me all last week.' Charmed, we�?re sure. (The Corsair pops open a fizzy bottle of champagne) On that classy note -- welcome, dear readers, to Celebreality: the lowest rung on the show business food chain, exalted. (The Corsair lowers his tricorn pirate hat with flourish as he bows)."



(image via illutration-agency)

Out: Bret Easton Ellis. We lost about 16 hours of our lives last month reading "Lunar Park." (The Corsair mourns with a robust Ginsburgian howl at the existential loss of irretrievable Time) 16 precious hours that The Corsair will never get back. Ever. 16 precious hours spent contemplating just what the fuck a "Turby" is (Y-Bret; Y?). You owe The Corsair, bigtime! (The Corsair draws his broadsword, testily) According to LA Social Diary:

"Bret Easton Ellis celebrated his new novel Lunar Park, his fifth novel, at a party at the Chateau, hosted by Uma and Andre. A glamorous group gathered to help Bret launch his book, including Sex and the City hunk, Jason Lewis, who�?s been tapped to star in the film version of Ellis�? 1998 novel, Glamorama, along with his steady girlfriend Rosario Dawson. In November Rosario will be seen in the eagerly awaiting film version of the hit Broadway show, Rent. "



(image via worth1000)

In: Fitty Cent: Stalked. And, no, Vivica Fox is no longer stalking Fitty; and no, the New York City Gang Intelligence Unit is not looking for the New York Times bestselling author --we think. Although he appeared on Howard Stern today, footloose and fancy-free, this time it is drug dealers hunting after Fitty, as TheSmokinggun explains:

"Rapper 50 Cent told federal agents that he fears for his life due to a long-running dispute with a New York drug dealer facing charges that he was the secret power behind one of hip-hop's leading labels. The performer (real name: Curtis Jackson) survived a 2000 murder attempt that investigators (and Fiddy himself) believe was orchestrated by Kenneth "Supreme" McGriff, a convicted Queens druglord. A 2003 search warrant affidavit for the Manhattan offices of the Murder, Inc. record label contended that McGriff was still trying to whack 50 Cent and that he 'communicates with Murder, Inc. employees concerning the target.' Excerpts from the document, authored by IRS agent Francis Mace ... 'McGriff is tracking 50 Cent's whereabouts through his network of associates,' Mace alleged, with his cronies sending ad hoc surveillance reports to McGriff's pager, which was provided to him by the rap label, headed by McGriff's boyhood pal Irving Lorenzo (aka Irv Gotti). One such urgent field report to McGriff--sent by Lorenzo's brother Chris--noted the performer's presence in his old Queens stomping ground: '50 is in the hood guy r. brewer!'"

Yikes! More here.



(image via cinecultist)

Out: The LES. The Corsair hasn't been back to the Lower East Side of Manhattan since he turned 30. Too many "trustafarians" entirely without flava are ruining the vibe; too many cops with itchy summons fingers; too many firemen enforcing the anti-dancing cabaret law at, like, 3AM (at least this was so a couple of years ago). We prefer to get our drink-on nowadays in Hell's Kitchen, at decidedly unhip but unselfconsciously lawless locales such as Siberia (Think, "Fort Apache: The Bronx"), Bellvue Bar or, better yet, our favorite watering hole -- Dave's Tavern, for ogling the pretty waitresses en route to oblivion. Evidently, Moby, also growing up, is oh-so-over the Les, according to New York:

"Moby is leaving his longstanding Lower East Side existence for an Art Deco aerie on Central Park West, far from the teeming crowds of hipsters. The vegan musician and tea-shop proprietor got in with the help of recommendation letters from Charles Rockefeller, Nina Griscom, and Bono (who used to live in the building). A rep from his office confirmed that Moby recently closed on a $4.5 million deal for an unusual five-level penthouse formerly owned by an opera singer."



(humiliating image via Hello!Magazine)

In: Humiliating Japan. The Mandarins in Beijing take particular joy in using the internal distrust of Japan within The Great Wall as an opportunity to heap beligerent humiliation upon the tiny but powerful island nation which regards such concepts as "honor," and "face," as hallmarks of good neighbor diplomacy. The purpose of Chinese humiliation of Japan are, for our purposes here, twofold: One, it presages China's climb from rising power to dominant regional hegemony (which is their destiny); two, it serves as a brilliant distraction against the terrible social and psychological forcunleashedhed by rapid Chinese economic development. "Blame Japan." As Asia Times online relates:

"Japan's defeat, which ended World War II 60 years ago, is still coming in handy for the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) to claim a unique mandate to rule the country, as well as to emphasize external political needs.

"A series of lavish celebrations centered on the 60th anniversary of Japan's surrender - on September 2, 1945, and the formal surrender of China by Japan a week later on September 9 in Nanjing - seem aimed at buttressing the legitimacy of the CCP's power, acquired half a century ago.

"The celebrations could also be interpreted as designed to send a signal to Tokyo that Japan's treatment of history is only part of the problem of worsening Sino-Japanese relations.

"In particular, Tokyo's staunch support for self-rule in Taiwan continues to be seen by Chinese leaders as a barrier to turning a new page in bilateral ties in a year of boiling hostilities between the two countries. Mixing nationalistic pride and political rhetoric, Beijing marked the victory of what it calls the 'Chinese People's War of Resistance against Japanese Invasion' on Saturday, with a massive ceremony on Tiananmen Square, featuring a 60-gun salute and wreath-laying procession. The ceremony was attended by state leaders and about 10,000 people, including war veterans and party and government officials."

More here.

Farewell, Razor



(image via massimobh)

RIP, Razor Magazine. If you don't already know, Razor is -- to paraphrase Gawker -- shutting down (The Corsair lowers his tricorn Pirate hate). That's the magazine business, folks. Alas, and with a healthy 200,000 circulation too; it was not enough, however. We will miss the column (Or, as we like to call it, the "paid primal scream therapy") and, of course, the comfy Contributing Editor gig wherein The Corsair gets story assignments for his pals.

And with that (some rich, modern melancholy Spanish guitar), The Corsair once again joins the bulging New York freelance writer ranks. So, if any of you editors out there who read this blog are feeling in a "pitchy" mood -- after September 11th, of course, when all the book proposal mess is out of the way, feel free to email The Corsair at papermag@yahoo.com.

Basta!

Princess Michael of Kent: "(Prince Charles) Married a Womb"



(image via authorsguild)

According to whom you believe, Princess of Michael of Kent is either being unfairly maligned in a media pile on (a view shared by our favorite social chronicler, David Patrick Columbia), is a crypto-racist (a view occasionally brought up) or, lastly, (a view shared by the British tabs) she is a rather sleazy bitch; take your pick. This story from the extrmely downmarket (but often surprisingly accurate) Newsoftheworld notes:

"MONEY-GRABBING Princess Michael of Kent has made a shocking series of deeply offensive revelations about the Royal Family in a grubby bid to sell her �6 million home."

Apparently, under the guise of a fake shiek (Averted Gaze; targeted gasface), the extremely downmarket Newsoftheworld got a tour of the home she is selling (Pretty sleazy method of gaining access, we know; but hugely effective), and some juicy morsels of Euroroyal gossip are let drop:

"The princess made the sensational accusations as she tried to sell her �6million mansion to the News of the World's famous Fake Sheik�Investigations Editor Mazher Mahmood.

"Displaying unprecedented behaviour for a member of the Royal Family, the woman nicknamed Princess Pushy because of her rampant ego claimed:

" ... CHARLES was deeply jealous of his first wife's popularity.

"CAMILLA WILL be crowned Queen�despite the Royal Family's insistence she'll remain Princess Consort �and Charles will NEVER step aside to let William be King.

" (Princess Michael) ... SPECULATES on the Queen's mental state as she grows older.

"REVEALS that the Queen still finds it difficult to accept Charles' marriage to Camilla.
And she casually discussed the LOVE-LIVES of Princes William and Harry as she tried to charm our man into buying Nether Lypiatt, the 17th century Cotswolds manor she has shared with her husband Prince Michael, the Queen's cousin, for 25 years.

Nice (Averted Gaze). A real class act, that Princess Michael of Kent (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment).

"We can also reveal how the 60-year-old princess was willing to go to almost any lengths to make money by callously trading on her royal connections.

"The News of the World sent in our scandal-busting fake sheik to probe the princess's behaviour after being tipped off she was using her royal status to try to shift the eight-bedroom property in Gloucestershire for an inflated fee.

And some of the taped conversation:

"PUSHY: (He was under) pressure from the press, pressure from the public. He had to have an heir. He couldn't marry the woman that he wanted to marry so he married what Napoleon said when he married Marie Louise, he married a womb."

"OUR MAN: He married a womb?

"PUSHY: A womb. In other words, somebody to give him children. You see in the past that would have been all right. That's what people did.

"She was in love with him. But his heart was somewhere else. And so unfortunately, this broke Diana's heart and made her strange. If she had been loved I believe she would have been a different woman, not the woman she became through bitterness."

Did Freud say that? Or was it Jaspers. And, later:

"'Women don't understand how men think,' she said. 'I don't understand it because I thought she (Diana) was wonderful...I was very close to her.'"

Sure sounds like it, what, with that bitter blanket you draped over her coffin. Anyhoo, the full story here.

okay guys (book proposal time), sporadic posting here on out until September 12 (next Monday). Happy Labor Day all. Cheers, R

Picture Pages, Picture Pages ...



O.G. "Blue Bludz" gangbangers Liam McMullan and Frances Hayward flash the gang sign for more Chablis. (image via NySocialDiary)



Robust Thai hookers or Cobrasnake party girls? (image via thecobrasnake)



Some corn on the cob for the rock snob. (image via thecobrasnake)



"Remember what the dormouse said: 'Feed your head..'" (image via thecobrasnake)



When Arthur finally encountered a concert beer that wasn't watered down it really threw his ass for a loop. (image via thecobrasnake)



"She's my PRIIVATE dancer/ A dancer for money/ She'll do what I want her to do." (image via thecobrasnake)

Where In The World is "Fats" Domino?



(image via eu-amazon)

Honorary Black Man Roger Friedman puts out an AP--motherfucking--B on the legandary "Fats" Domino, at Fox 411:

"New Orleans is a city famous for its famous musicians, but many of them are missing. Missing with a capital M.

" ... one of the city�s most important legends, Antoine 'Fats' Domino, has not been heard from since Monday afternoon. Domino�s rollicking boogie-woogie piano and deep soul voice are not only part of the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame but responsible for dozens of hits like 'Blue Monday,' 'Ain�t That a Shame,' 'Blueberry Hill' and 'I�m Walking (Yes, Indeed, I�m Talking).'"

We didn't know Fats Domino's real name was Antoine. Why didn't we know that to be thus? That's one of the discrete charms of reading the scribblings of a dedicated Africanophile like Roger -- AKA: Raj -- Friedman. You always learn something new about black culture, even if, to be sure, you're black.

In his next installment, Raj will instruct readers to "put down the swine" and haul your sweet black ass down to the 10th anniversary of ther Million Man March.

Jerry Bruckheimer Gets the Gasface



(image via cnn)

There are any number of things to be pissed off at Jerry Bruckheimer about. The nutritionally empty Amazing Race, for one. That godawful Pearl Harbor, is, of course, another unfortunate Bruckheimer act of intellectual pollution (Averted Gaze).

Sir Anthony Hopkins, it seems, has found himself a novel method of dummying up the proprietor of the Jerry Bruckheimer empire. In the September/October issue of Hollywood Life:

"Lawrence Gabriel: You make acting sound simple. Learn your lines, show up, get on with it. Is it really that easy?

"Anthony Hopkins: Yeah, yeah. I take the script, sit down with a bunch of pencils and markers and go through it very thoroughly until I feel relaxed inside. I learn the script. Then I go throught the preparation, the wardrobe, and I know where I am and what I'm going to do. If they start rewriting on the set I say, 'No, no. I've done my preparation, don't start rewriting it now.' I always make sure that the rewrites come in time so I can learn them. When I worked with Chris Rock on Bad Company, the producer, Jerry Bruckheimer, would rewrite stuff, and I said to him one day, 'Why do you do this? To torture us? I just want to let you know when you send me these new pages I throw them in the trash.' People were shocked: 'You talk to Jerry Bruckheimer that way?' Yeah, screw it. If he sends me pages on the day we're shooting , they go in the trash can."

"Lawrence Gabriel: Did he send you new pages after that?

"Anthony Hopkins: No."

(sotto voce) 'Why do you do this? To torture us?' Brilliant. So goddam brilliant it makes me want to pee myself like Fergie. On behalf of all of us who paid money to see Pearl Harbor, a heartfelt thanks, Sir Anthony.

A Little of the Old In and Out



In: The Red Cross. If you haven't donated a little already, The Red Cross is the best way to help our fellow Americans in this hour of need. Here.



(image via staciwilson)

Out: Vivica Fox. Vivica Fox, best known for stalking Fitty Cent, as if he were some suculent wild prey species, is at it again, this time ranting "crazy-ghetto stylee" (tm) on the late night talk show circuit. What could make the august thespian who so ably portrayed the complex, Oscarworthy role of "Lysterine" in that overlooked masterpiece on the fin de siecle urban dating scene, "Booty Call (Pronounced: "Boo-tee"; Averted Gaze)"

But we digress. After getting into a bit of a rhetorical brawl with ABC's resident frat-boy Jimmy Kimmell for doing some off-the-cuff Star Jones humor, Viv turned down the host's offer of an olive branch. Violently. With extreme prejudice. According to Lloyd Grove's Lowdown:

"'You know what? The four of us should get together - me, you, Star and [Star's husband] Al [Reynolds],' Kimmel suggested.

"Fox responded grimly: 'You would get your a- kicked.'

"'I'm sure I would,' Kimmel said. 'But that would be funny for you.'

"'It wouldn't be funny,' Fox vowed. 'I would have to take off my shoe and beat you down, brotha!'"

Either Vivica Fox is one of the most loyal (albeit "countrified") friends ever, or she is a wizard at garnering publicity. Think about it: when was the last time a "star" of a crummy Lifetime TV series garnered this much press. Either way: Viv's vivid.



(image via NYSocialDiary)

In: Alex Kuczynski Bashing. It's Thursday, so Alex Kuczynski is at it again, this time yammering on about "crisp New England autumns." Autumn shmautumn. We wouldn't be a proper media blog (wait: are we even a "proper media blog"?) without a little good-natured Thursday Styles Alex the K bashing, committed -- so ably -- by surrogates Choire Sicha and Tom Scocca in the salmon colored weekly's blog:

"Media Tom: Ask Alex Kuczynski to chip in to buy it. She's got cash to spend, it seems. Here's another thing you can do when you're Alex K.: defenestrate cash! 'I thought the sequined ribbon belts were overpriced at $58, but I bought one anyway.'

"The Transom: Some day there will be a store which features overpriced sequin belts and pudendal laser surgery. If only one could shop whilst getting permanently shaved bald down there.

"The Transom: Alex doesn't reveal much this week; Didn't we already know she plays golf and has bizarre, culturally fetishistic tastes in clothing?

"The Transom: Also, $138 sweaters are now listed as 'Relatively inexpensive,' which is a fantastically loose phrase. Relative to what, exactly? To the Thunderdome that is Prada?

"Media Tom: Relative to a secluded mountain retreat for a zillionaire?

"Media Tom: Relative to a light-lifting writing contract at the New York Times?"

Oh no he didn't.



(image via optics.org)

Out: The Communication Breakdown. What is it about America's repeated failure of communication in the face of a disaster? The inability of civil authorities to communicate with each other in the face of disaster reminds me -- oddly -- of Ingmar Bergman's Shame, a movie devoted to the artistic representation of what happens as communication dies (spoken like a true Gemini, eh?). D.C.-ologist Norm Ornstein sings for his supper today in HuffyPo:

"When the third plane hit the Pentagon on 9/11, emergency workers, fire, police and others streamed to the site to help, coming from several adjoining counties in Virginia and Maryland. They soon discovered a huge impediment to their rescue and recovery work-- they could not communicate with one another because their radios operated on different frequencies-- if they tried cell phones, they found the system basically frozen through overload in a panicked Capital region. So after 9/11, one of the high priority items on the agenda was making emergency communications systems interoperable across the country.

"This had been a longstanding problem, caused in part because of the failure of the federal government to allocate appropriate space on the electromagnetic spectrum-- the airwaves, that is-- for these services."

Sound familiar? Blogger Paul Kapustka writes, caustically:

"According to some government types, the Bush administration does have a national broadband policy. But as Hurricane Katrina rudely pointed out this week, there's still no coherent, nation-wide first-responders communications network, a technology failure that must fall, in part, at the current leader's feet.

"As some of us have said before, it's appalling that nearly four years after the terrorist attacks on this country, our elected officials still haven't found the political will to build communications networks that could help make us all safer in times of need."

Finally -- something positive -- Are satellite communication systems the way to go?:

"Communication is one of the most critical necessities during a disaster. Unfortunately for the public, there are few viable options when things go bad. Hurricane Katrina marks the latest example, as the flooding has ravaged the telecommunications infrastructure in the lower Mississippi and Louisiana region - particularly New Orleans. In that situation, most people, and even some businesses, are generally out of luck, since resources and attention are placed on providing communications for public safety agencies and the military. Still, there are some options out there and in development. They just aren't practical. The most dependable communications device is the satellite phone. These phones bounce their signals off satellites orbiting Earth, so any destruction to the infrastructure on the ground would have little effect on those devices."

Britney Spears' Colonial Complex



Eminent sociologist VF Calverton once wrote in the now forgotten classic The Liberation of American Literature that imitative behavior by a conquered people to its former or present colonial power is a "colonial complex." (The Corsair sips a chilled glass of Ugandan Waragi) Though these United States have ceased being a British colony for hundreds of years, you couldn't tell if you watched the daytime soap operas or visited the Conde Nast building. Now, as if to rebuff the efforts of General Washington, our favorite chicken-finger munching, cracker pop star chick does this (Averted Gaze), according to Hello!Magazine:

"Mum-to-be Britney Spears is planning to name her baby after the British capital. The pop diva, who is due to give birth in October, has revealed she is planning to call the tot London if it is a boy.

"Asked about possible names for the bundle of joy, the chanteuse replied: 'Ever since I was a little girl I thought London Preston. Isn't London pretty? And for a girl I love Addison Shye.'"

To quote Nabokov, "Why not Tofana?" They continue:

"Britney seems to be taking inspiration from England's most glamorous family when it comes to choosing a moniker. David and Victoria Beckham once joked that they named their first child Brooklyn after the New York borough where he was conceived. The American songstress meanwhile says she fell in love with husband Kevin Federline during a trip to the UK. The 23-year-old is widely believed to be expecting a boy after she was spotted splashing out thousands of dollars on male baby clothes. Speaking in an interview with Elle magazine, she said she still wasn't certain of the infant's sex, but she sensed it would be a boy and that it would be delivered by caesarean. 'I have a feeling I'm going to have an operation,' she said. 'I don't know why.'"

The Corsair has a feeling he is going to be ill; he doesn't know why.