Monday, September 26, 2005

Sienna Miller's Six Commandments


(image via flavinscorner)

Around 1300 BC, in the remote antiquity of the Middle Bronze Age, The Mosaic Code of Ten Commandments was an instrumental -- and pathbreaking -- moment in the history of the Jewish people.

Similarly (The Corsair sips a glass of Coro Mendocino), around the time the tabloids went daffy, in the Middle Brangerlina Age, Sienna Miller -- according to The Daily Mail -- issued forth her "Six Commandments" to the lawless Jude Law, conditionally, in order to "Reform" him after his much-reported romp with The Nanny (Whom, we cannot fail to note, was hardly in Sienna Miller's league, although, we archly surmise, The Nanny was probably a Sorceress 'tween the silky sheets).

But we digress. Of course, as Murphy's -- as opposed to Jude's -- Law dictates, These Six Commandments got leaked to the press. How could they not have been? They are -- if one is not one of the parties involved -- fucking hysterical.

Sienna's Six Commandments are -- we took some liberties, of course -- the following, the penalty for breaking These Holy Laws is, we imagine, a robust smiting:

1) You shall not make for yourself an on-the-side scrumptious piece of ass, whether in the form of any Starlet that is in Los Angeles, or Nanny that is on the London, or Model that is in New York:

Thou Shall Never to be unfaithful to Sienna Miller again

2) You shall not covet your ex-wife. You shall not covet your ex-wife, or her friend or Nanny, her oxen or donkey, for that matter, or anything that belongs to the social circle of your ex-wife. Thou Shalt stay away from ex-wife Sadie Frost and her friends.

3) The protection, love, instruction and discipline of the girlfriend are essential parts of a healthy relationship, and the girlfriend's authority to hold the relationship intact must be preserved. Thou shall romance Sienna Miller again before considering marriage

4) Anger destroys relationships and injures innocent spouses and their fragile egos. Thou shall stop losing Thine temper

5) You shall not make wrongful use of the career of the SIENNA , for SIENNA will not acquit anyone who misuses her career. Thou shall let Sienna Miller make her own career choices

6) Finally, SIENNA, who brought you out of the lugubrious lands of Sadie Frost, out of the house of melancholy; Thou shall let Sienna see her friends when she wants

No comments: