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Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Three Arthouse Films I'd Love To See In 3D (Theoretically, At Least)

Everything nowadays is all about the 3D. Avatar powered NewsCorp earnings to unforeseen heights. 3D movies are hugely profitable events, to be sure, because ticket prices go up incrementally by a few dollars. Plus, families love to attend, which means more ticket sales and more nachos and sodas being sold (the most profitable area in a theater). But 3D is almost exclusively part and parcel of the action film genre. Iconic sci-fi remakes -- as in the case of "Clash of the Titans" --- are assumed to go along with the 3D genre like peanut butter goes along with jelly. It doesn't always have to be that way, but it almost always is.

What's my point? There are so many other films that could work in 3D, so many other genres. The Hollywood "suits" would rather drive the remake route to death before trying something new, creative, interesting. Here -- with a little tongue in cheek -- are some films that I, personally, would love to see re-made in 3D (wink, wink):

My Dinner With Andre

Listen to me, hear me out on this before you categorically decide I am thoroughly mad in this suggestion of making a 3D film over a hyper civilized discussion of theater and experience at a perfectly normal New York restaurant. Take deep, cleansing breaths in order to smooth your head out. Feel free to assume the Zazen posture if that will help. Okay? We on the same page? Willing to listen to reason?

You have to admit that this would be an compelling 3D remake. You would be curious, at the very least, if the use of the principle of perspective would endow Wallace Shawn with a discernible neck, something that he at present sorely lacks. If 3D can solve this cinematic conundrum then even perhaps Roger Ebert might come to love it. I can already see the tagline: "My Dinner with Andre: 3D: So real the unresolved questions look like they literally fall into your lap."

My Left Foot

How insane would this be? The claustrophobic working class family, the cerebral palsy, the genius -- I'm fairly sure though not positive that these states of Being can all be rendered even more vivid by 3D. The tagline for this would be easy: "Beware that Kick." Imagine the uneasiness in the front row as they reflexively throw up hands every time the lead character punctuates a dramatic point with a crisp, jerking motion. Observing the front rows reactions to the sharp and sweeping diagonal strokes and unintentional savate kicks would be meta-theater within the theatrical event itself. How postmodern!

That, arguably, wasn't particularly politically correct observation. Still -- Daniel Day Lewis is infamous for the raw intensity that he infuses in his characters. His "Bill the Butcher" in Gangs of New York was so hideously greasy that as a viewer I almost wanted to wipe the screen of the wretched excess (Averted Gaze). What was up with all the unguent? It seriously offended my delicate sensibilities.

Anyhoo: Lewis is rumored to have stayed in role throughout the filming of "My left Foot." So imagine if that twitchy, frustrated, Oscarworthy intensity of a genius confined to a flawed physical existence could be captured in 3D ...Finally ...

Aguirre the Wrath of God

Aguirre, der Zorn Gottes would be a fascinating study in higher dimensionality. On the real. In Aguirre, monstrously amoral Teutonic film director Werner Herzog find his Muse in the equally monstrous and amoral Teutonic film star Klaus Kinski in what can only be properly construed as "some gruesome movie." Real pagan shit, yo. Perfect for the 3D tip.

This arthouse-y cult film is the story of the Spanish soldier leading a band of conquistadors down the lush, very 3D-friendly Amazon River in South America in search of El Dorado and some booty. Because even a 'ho's got to eat! The soundtrack, which was sick, was composed and performed by German progressive/Krautrock band Popol Vuh and it heavily influenced Apocalypse Now. It would, seriously, be a fantastic arthouse 3D remake.

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