Alex Trebek Suffers A Mild Heart Attack



We love Alex Trebek and watch him at least once a week on Jeopardy, but we could not help but indulge our particularly vicious sense of humor upon hearing that our favorite quizmaster suffered a mild heart attack (he's okay). We know -- why? What could possibly be construed as funny in that? What is the calibre of a mind that would find mirth in the suffering of Alex Trebek? Just then, truth be told, our comedic chi took over, and everything else went swiftly into autopilot. It was smashing. We imagined a disgusting little scenario in which Trebek begins to oscillate wildly -- arms moving in sloppy diagonals -- after rubbing his chest, in front of his staffers, all of whom probably looking to be in need of \a pagan dose of sunlight and a robust multivitamin.

One of the members of the Jeopardy team, ever alert to changes in his environment, prying his eyes from a copy of Chaucer's Canterbury Tales, observes, keenly, appearing not unlike a simulacrum of Rodin's thinker. "He's doing a four-dimensional situationist dance piece," says another, cooly, pouring himself a gin fizz. "Clutching his chest and massaging his shoulder at the beginning of the piece was a dead giveaway." Then, "inductive logic."

"Incorrect, you little Aristotle manque," interrupts another staffer, bolder, prowling over the fallen Jeopardy host, examining Alex's spittle, taking over the space. "No ... Clearly it's a work of modern dance; but it looks like Diaghilev" -- then, sotto voce, with eyes closed and hands framing his temples -- "Ballet Russes."

Rapid oxygen intakes for all the staffers in collective gasp, then a look of icy contempt spreads around the room. "I forgot to put it in a question form -- What is: The Ballet Russes." Warmth; Calm is restored; some clapping; then, without warning: "But, hey fellas ... is .. is his tongue supposed to hang out like that?"

Fin.

P.S.: We, of course, sincerely wish Mr. Trebek a return to full strength and health. And we hope his sense of humor is significantly less wicked than ours.