The Gloriously Evil Mitt Romney Stuns Everyone with His Haul



When the Jews return to Zion/And a comet fills the sky/And the Holy Roman Empire rises/Then you and I must die." from The Omen, Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney, The Desolate One. (image via Harvard)

Establishment frontrunner Senator John McCain's "anemic" $12.5 million chest would be a record in any other election year -- just not this one. The big surprise on the Republican side is the 1Q fundraising numbers of the gloriously evil and morally flexible Mitt Romney. He is matinee-idol good looking and delivers pitch-perfect speeches in silvery, dulcet tones; Romney has, according to the Gray Lady, several hundred million dollars in his personal fortune. From WashPo:

"Former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney provided a jolt to the Republican presidential contest yesterday, reporting a haul of $21 million in the first three months of the year, as Sen. John McCain of Arizona posted a lackluster third-place finish that even his campaign manager called a disappointment.

"As campaigns release their first meaningful fundraising figures in what appears certain to become the most expensive presidential campaign in history, McCain's $12.5 million total also put him behind former New York mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani, who leads the Republican field in public polls and reported taking in $15 million in the first quarter."

We have, in the past, written of Romney:

Oh there is such Glorious Evil in Mitt Romney ('His power is stronger than stronger!'), former Governor of the Commonwealth of Massachsetts ('His might shall last longer than longer!'). Cue to the Theme from The Omen. There is something so gloriously and unapologetically evil about former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney -- sotto voce: 666 (Averted Gaze)-- that it's almost refreshing in it's black audacity. Even his name pronounced trippingly on the tongue tastes like blood (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment).

-- Not since Lucifer fancied himself more competent at Galactic Administration than that Invisible Sky God of Abraham has a political player been so, well, so positively frisky and effortlessly successful in his Black Devisings. But why are we "hating" on the brother; Why is The Corsair trying to nip Romney in the bud? Check this out on The Governor's "evolving" (Averted Gaze) views on abortion choice for women, from Boston.com:

"Governor Mitt Romney recently told USA Today he is 'in a different place' on the subject of abortion. He declined to elaborate, but the ''place' he is in is a confusing one and has been for a long time.

"As a recent article in the conservative American Spectator concluded: ''As the 2008 GOP nomination contest approaches, many Americans will be watching to see if Mitt Romney is another abortion waffler, or if he has just been holding back all these years.' The Spectator labels Romney pro-choice, but the author expresses the hope that Romney's position was nothing more than a ruse to win election in liberal Massachusetts."

"Altogether now, say it with me then *shudder*: 'Eeeevill (Could this man be President?).' But wait -- there's more (The Sound of cloven hooves defacing a Marble flor). Although Romney's wife suffers from Multiple Sclerosis: Mitt Romney vetoed a stem cell research bill in Massachusetts. That's right. The veto was, to be sure, perilously close to his Presidential run, a run that would entail support from the christian Right. And so when weighing the electoral necessities against his martial bond, well, you know who won ("-- Hail Satan!').