Of The Stone Age, Armitage Knows Whereof He Speaks



Isn't he adorable, he looks just like a baby gorilla. (image via suededasein)

Teeming with rib-busting ox-strength and built like a silverback gorrilla, the former Deputy Secretary of State should not be tossed aside lightly. He must be thrown with great force (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment).

When an Evolutionary Throwback like Richard Armitage threatens things Neolithic on your unsuspecting ass, you'd better pay heed and smooth yourself out. Check out that jutting brow and those adenoidal barn-door delts. He looks like the protagonist in the first fifteen minutes of Kubrick's 2001 (Averted Gaze); Armitage could easily pulverize a fortified bunker. His build suggests -- nay, screams -- that knows the stone age intimately. With those bandy legs tucked neatly 'neath his plump hindquarters, Armitage is, we cannot fail to note a hefty man; a man not unfamiliar with huskiness.

Still, more likely than not, Armitage is telling the truth. When forced to chose between an animated hunk of meat like Armitage, or an oily dictator like Musharaaf, we'll go with the red, the white, and the blue every time.

Besides, Musharaaf's confessional -- on "60 Minutes," is convenient. He gave an interview to Steve Kroft recently and conveniently managed to leave that info out. Fancy that only after the whole Plame-Novak affair, with Armitage vulnerable, that Pervez leaks like Paris Hilton post-coitus (The Corsair sips Napoleonic brandy).

Musharaaf has been playing his internal dissenters against US military and financial support, walking a dangerous tightrope. And, of course, the report that Osama bin Laden -- Musharaaf's safety net -- might be dead, on the Pakistani side of the Afghanistan border, goves one pause. So convenient for Musharaaf; charmed, I'm sure.