No posts today. Be back Monday. Cheers, R

Picture Pages, Picture Pages ...



Aging, Old school pimp "Wild Irish Rose" eschews the icy pimp chalice, the hype gear and the requisite Bentley for a more modest, grandfather from Astoria flavor. (image via thecobrasnake)



Could you be any more demure with that frozen Yoplait, Miss Fuckingdisgusting? (image via thecobrasnake)



"Suckle from my nip, little one, that you too may partake of my innate hipness." (image via thecobrasnake)



Investment Bankerboy and his girlfriend, we'll call her Annoying Girl, like to role play while he's on the cellphone making "duckets," by using a massive see-through dildo. (image via thecobrasnake)



Annoying Girl, later, in feline repose. (image via thecobrasnake)



"(breathless, smitten) He had me at the backwards Vegas visor." (image via thecobrasnake)



Veejay, the hipster in the soiled Mickey Mouse shirt (Averted Gaze), felt that he was not only drinking, but actually living the Miller High Life. (image via thecobrasnake)

A Little of the Old In and Out



(image via NySocialdiary)

In: Mr. Mickey. Cheers to The Corsair's former colleague Mr. Mickey of Paper Magazine, who just celebrated ten years there as a columnist (Mickey has been at Paper for 13). The Corsair met Mr. Mickey years ago, back when we were the "virtual bouncer" for Papermag.com's chat room, and we occasionally wrote for the magazine. Paper's cluttered offices were above a Soho tanning salon which played the cheesiest 80s music throughout the day.

Before we hosted the chats -- with, among others, Todd Oldham and Betsy Johnson -- Mickey and The Corsair would meet in the seedy bathrooms of Paper Magazine, as Flock of Seagulls or, more often than not, Dexy's Midnight Runners would play from the tanning parlor, and plot out our chat questioning strategy.

It all sounds so sordid now, as The Corsair writes it out, but it was anything but. It is a running joke between us that we "used to meet up in the bathrooms at Paper Magazine." Those were good times, even though Rudy Giuliani did his best to fuck up the mellow downtown vibe. Congrats on 10 years, Mr. Mickey, my friend. According to our favorite social chronicler in NYSocialDiary:

"The night before last they held a tenth anniversary party at Jeffrey Chodorow's 'Garden of Ono' in the Gansevoort Hotel in the heart of the Meatpacking District for Mickey Boardman and his column 'Ask Mr. Mickey' in Paper. It was a nice steamy night in Manhattan and for those who think that everyone needs air conditioning to chill, this group begged to differ. First of all, I love the Meatpacking district, especially on a quiet summer night in New York when the Upper East and the Upper West Sides are so quiet they practically roll up the sidewalks after 7:30. The Meatpacking District is happening; the joint was jumpin. Kim Hastreiter and David Hershkovits, editors/publishers of the magazine of Noo Yawk fashion hipdom hosted the bash for their boy, along with Johnny Knoxville, Helen Lee Schifter, Jake Shears of the band, Scissor Sisters, and the New York's glam girl of the moment Tinsley Mortimer. Mrs. Schifter was unable to attend but her husband, SportSac creator Tim Schifter was in attendance."



(image via outsidethebeltway)

Out: Mike Tyson, Porn Star. The Corsair's inaugural Razor Magazine column called for Mike Tyson to quit the sport of kings, and, soonafter -- god bless him -- he did. Now, our favorite superhero gossip duo, Rush and Molloy, report that Tyson may take up ... smut movies? Oh, dear lord, please -- no:

"Mike Tyson might be turning from his fists to another body part to make a living.
The former champ says he's been approached by reps for porn star Jenna Jameson to co-star in a X-rated movie.

"The free-spending pugilist, who was pummeled recently by the tax man, says he told Jameson's people, 'I need the money up front.'

"Boxing writer Pedro Fernandez recalled in Zoo magazine that, 'according to court documentation from Tyson's rape trial, his member is at least 14 inches long. If Tyson brings out some of the ferocity that made him a champion, he could definitely become a successful porn star.'"

14 inches?! (Low, astonished whistle) Looks like Tyson doesn't need anything more "upfront," if you know what The Corsair means: God gave him plenty more than enough. And, while we're on the subject, isn't the termsuccessfulful porn star" sort of oxymoronic?



Paul Provenza and Penn accruing buzz at Sundance. (image via hollywoodreporter)

In: The Aristocrats. Comedians know how to get publicity. All last week, on every talk show and gossip column and web site were items and segments involving what must be the most publicized indie movie of all time (Ed Note: The Aristocrats advertised on The Corsair blog). According to Indiewire:

"Foul-mouthed doc 'The Aristocrats' attained an orgy of box office returns last weekend, becoming the second highest per screen winner this year, and one of the biggest since this column began in indieWIRE. The feature easily took the prime position on the chart, ranked on a per screen basis, after opening at several locations.

" ... THINKFilm's 'The Aristocrats' by Paul Provenza trashed the weekend specialty box office with a stunning $60,949 per screen average, grossing $243,796 from four screens. The film became the second highest specialty grosser this year, behind Woody Allen's 'Melinda and Melinda,' which opened one New York theater in mid-March with a $74,238 gross."



Gotcha. (image via tinner.dk)

Out: David Scwimmer, Cheat. Jude Lawlessness is catching! Boys will be boys. The 3AM Girls drop a dime on David Shwimmer's cheating, greezy ass:

"HE'S a long way from home so you can't blame David Schwimmer for trying to make new Friends.

"But we don't think current squeeze Rochelle Ovitt will be too thrilled to learn the actor has been playing tonsil tennis with another woman.

"Just last month the 25-year-old actress and model confirmed she and David were dating.

"And David, who played Ross in Friends, then attended the London premiere of his latest film Madagascar with the Hawaiian actress."

The Corsair plays some dramatic plinkety-plonkety notes on the Playel harpsichord to change the mood.

"But our spies tell us that David, 38, was getting very friendly with a mystery brunette at London's Boujis nightclub on Tuesday night.

" ... Our well-placed spy said: 'David seemed like he wanted to be as discreet as possible, but wearing a baseball cap pulled very low over your face is guaranteed to get you noticed.

"It wasn't long before girls were dancing provocatively in front of him trying to catch his eye.

"At one point even glamour model Alicia Duvall tried to talk to him but he wasn't having any of it.

"He had a private booth and was dancing away with an army of admirers all trying desperately to catch his eye.

"'Only one girl took his fancy, though, a very attractive mixed-race woman. They got chatting and it wasn't long before they were sitting in a corner getting to know each other better.'

"And he's obviously got his pulling technique down to a fine art because we're told the pair soon shared a lingering kiss.

The full story here.

Rock and Roll Royalty



(image via Hello!Magazine)

Scowls, evidently, can be inherited. According to Hello!Magazine:

"Thin and lanky with a rock star sneer, Theodora Richards seems to be emulating her Rolling Stone father Keith as she fronts a new fashion campaign. Striking a series of poses for High Street chain Morgan, 20-year-old Theodora, whose mum is Seventies supermodel Patti Hansen, confidently clutches an electric guitar just like dear old dad.



Theodora, Patti Hansen, Alexandra. (image via rollingstones.net)

"'We wanted to play on her rock and roll heritage,' said a spokesperson for the retailer. 'She's sexy, trendy and young.' Theodora has previously teamed up with fellow rock offspring in the name of fashion, including starring in a Tommy Hilfiger campaign with Sting's son Jake Sumner among others, and showing off Marks & Spencer underwear in ads alongside Mick Jagger's model daughter Elizabeth."

Picture Pages, Picture Pages ...



"Bad touch is if someone touched you, like where your bathing suit covers you." (image via thecobrasnake)



Like their namesakes, both pimp Beaujolais and his cohort (out of frame) the notorious "Champale" are well-known for their moderately priced "product." (image via thecobrasnake)



Is it the corpse-like pallor, the Bay City Roller's jacket or the "I Heart Desperate Housewives" t-shirt that makes this man so damned delicious? (image via thecobrasnake)



... And the odd thing is she never told me why she pummeled me with such extreme prejudice. She only kept screaming, over and over, "What's the frequency, Kenneth?" and then I blacked out. (image via thecobrasnake)

Chappelle's Show: Gag It With A Fork, It's Done.



(image via thebosh)

So, does this mean that we can officially say that David Chappelle turned down $50 million? That's kind of a crackhead move if you ask The Corsair, but we haven't hear his side of the story to be fair. The always-forthright Charlie Murphy puts the final nail in the coffin of that significant turn-of-the-millennium phenomenon known as The David Chappelle Show, at least, of course, until E!TrueHollywoodStory gets a hold of the corpse and disturbs its eternal slumber.

Is there a jinx on hugely anticipated African American comedy shows? They always seem to blowout just before the magic has naturally run its course, unfortunately.

Murphy tells the embattled TV Guide, among other things, that the cast and crew had already shot 6 episodes -- half the season -- and the executives at Comedy Central liked what they saw. Murphy believes, eventually, Comedy Central will sell them as DVDs. From TVGuide:

"TV Guide: So is that it for Chappelle's Show?

"Murphy: Chappelle's Show is over, man. Done. It took me a long time to be able to say those words, but I can say it pretty easy now, because it's the truth. There's no way to get around it. It's a new day. I'm disappointed it ended the way it did, but I'm not angry with anybody. Chappelle's Show was like the Tupac of TV shows. It came out, it got everybody's attention, it was a bright shining star, but it burned out and for some strange reason, it burned out quick. The two seasons I acted on that show made me a star. Now I can go out and do stand-up. I'm getting movie offers. It's off the hook. Me getting to the next level or whatever's going to happen is going to come from the next things I do, but Chappelle's Show served its purpose and I'll always be grateful."

And, they provided much needed PR for psychiatric institutions in South Africa (or, if you must, "spiritual retreat,").

The full interview here.

A Little of the Old In and Out



(image via cnn)

In: Whither, Ohio? In 2000 the mantra went, as Florida goes, so goes the Presidency; in 2004, the mantra went, as Ohio goes, so goes the Presidency -- so, what now? Maintaining Ohio is key to Republican control of the White House, as Matt Bai so presciently predicted in his first cover story for The New York Times Magazine, "The Multilevel Marketing of the President."

But Ohio is a fickle All-American brew, pro-Union during the Civil War, but, we cannot fail to note, keeping Kurt Andersen's intriguing red-state/blue-state thesis in mind, that Ohio has had it's fair share of unjust wars against Native Americans.

But I digress. Let's ground this meandering, abstract conversation withing the terrestrial framework of an actual Congressional District, namely Ohio's second. According to TheHill:

"Republican Jean Schmidt narrowly defeated Iraq War veteran Paul Hackett (D) in today's special election to fill the seat recently vacated by former Rep. Rob Portman (R-Ohio).

"The close election in the staunchly conservative district suggests the war may be a growing problem for Republicans heading toward the midterm elections, Democrats said.

"Hackett's campaign manager, David Woodruff, predicted shortly before 10 p.m. that the Democrat would lose by about 2,000 votes. Chris McNulty, the state Republican Party's executive director, estimated Schmidt, a former state legislator, would get 52 percent of the vote versus Hackett's 48 percent.

"Hackett is the first veteran of the war to run for Congress. He sought to make his military record, and his opposition to President Bush's policies, the centerpiece of his campaign.

"That record gave Hackett's campaign traction, Republicans said. But in the end, the district, which backed Bush over Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass.) last year 2 to 1, proved too conservative for him."

Still, it would appear that the unpopularity of this war is wearing on Republican strength in Ohio. Then again, perhaps that's just a big glass of Rahm Emmanuel's spin kool aid. We report, you decide ...



(image via diesel)

Out: Yvonne Scio. We all know that Naomi Campbell is a tad ... punchy. She likes to cold clock people, right. She has a fast left hook, smooth footwork, and a crisp and devastating left that reeks of "bad intentions."

It's best for all involved to just give Naomi a wide berth if you spot her at a party, or she just might knock you the fuck out. According to those intrepid Page Sixxies:

"SYBARITIC supermodel Naomi Campbell just can't stop smacking people around. Yesterday, Italian newspapers reported Campbell attacked Yvonne Scio, the sexy Italian actress who was once involved with Rocco DiSpirito, last Saturday night at the Hotel Eden in Rome, sending her to the hospital. A source told The Post's Braden Keil that Scio and Campbell were getting ready to go out for the evening when they got into a vicious catfight. Scio says she was kicked and punched, suffering a badly cut lip. She filed a complaint with police and hired a lawyer. Campbell's European rep denied the allegations."



(image via ocregister)

In: Comedy Writers. (Confidentially) The Corsair has this killer idea for a sit-com pilot involving a clever Ugandan-born single magazine writer and blogger who drinks copious amounts of booze, flirts shamelessly with the ladies and gets into hijinx around New York City. We'll call it: "Ron." He's the blogger with a heart of gold. Pass? (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment) Anyhoo: According to Hollywood Reporter (link via Drudgie Poo):

"Attention comedy writers: NBC wants your passion projects. Quickly. That's the message the struggling network is putting out around town, according to sources, to get a glance of good material in advance of its competitors. With its lineup undisturbed by any new hit comedies, NBC is seeking to fast-track at least one spec script to a pilot order for midseason consideration. Submissions deadline is Sept. 15. The initiative is an extension of the aggressive strategy entertainment president Kevin Reilly has implemented at NBC since the network unveiled its fall schedule to advertisers in May and promised to bring in new material by any means necessary."

After the sucky overnights for "Meeting Mr. Mom," who can blame the Peacock network (Still, at least they "get" digital convergence). Maybe this hurried announcement also has something to do with this, from Ken Auletta's New Yorker Couric article, which everyone is still talking about:

"For the primetime season ending in May, NBC became the first network ever to fall from first to fourth place; it lost eleven percent of viewers between the ages of eighteen and forty-nine."



(image via jsonline)

Out: Current TV. Poor Al Gore, he can't do anything right, can he? Remember when Gore's team -- the same team that actually hired Naomi Wolfe to teach Gore how to be an "alpha-male" -- basically told Bill Clinton, the most popular Democrat of his generation, to sit out the campaign? Poor Bill, rendered irrelevant, had to content himself with campaigning for his wife, who was already far ahead of the overly aggressive Rick Lazio. All that wasted momentum (The Corsair shakes his head and lights a Bolivar cigar).

Who would be so inept as to undertake such a campaign without the backing of a popular sitting President? Presently, the former Vice President's godawful new venture is taking hits in media precincts where, in fact, he should be finding staunch allies. According to James Wolcott:

"If old is the new young, as Tom Watson insightfully argues after being subjected to those awful Ameriquest Rolling Stones commercials, is young the new tired?

"That's how Current TV strikes me, so determinedly, shinily, creamily, fake-casually, hang-loosily, self-cooingly Young that it already seems patronizing and homogenized, despite the ethnic mix of the hosts. They're simply varieties of the same brand of soy yogurt. It's as if all the marketing 'cool hunters' got together in a conference room, sent out for Red Bull and Listerine mint strips, and brainstormed into the night to create a channel appealing to MTV viewers looking for a little extra somethin'-somethin'. Current TV doesn't have shows per se; it runs first-personal nonfiction featurettes called 'pods' in heavy rotation.

"And I do mean heavy. The channel only launched yesterday and I've already seen snippets of the pod about the young hip pretty female minister four times while channel-surfing. Who's going to sit and watch a channel where the same segments are repeated like hotel in-house informercials?"

So, can we now officially call him Al Snore, or would Al Bore be better? The full post here.



(image via scu.edu)

In: Summer Reading. There never isn't a time that The Corsair isn't involved in some book, however slowly --in winter -- the pace. So far this summer, The Corsair has barreled through Harry Potter and the Half Prince (In one sitting), Somerset Maugham's Theater, Simone Simmons' dishy Diana: The Last Word (A must read for those who want to know what really went down between Di and JFK, Jr), Katherine Harrison's super-intense Envy (Couldn't put it down), and am currently sloughing through John Irving's Until I Find You, and Maria Fairweather's Madame de Stael biography, which David Patrick Columbia hipped me to a few weeks ago. The Corsair recommends all of these books. In today's Observer, Tom Wolfe weighs in on his summer reading, saying:

"The Abs Diet by David Zinczenko. Here's the thing: I never really had sharply defined abs, even when I was an athlete. I always wanted them to look like a cobblestone street. That was before six-packs; they didn't have six-packs, but they did have cobblestone streets. My wife said, 'You have cobblestone streets, but they've been paved over.'"

Charmed, we're sure.

On Jodie Foster



(image via amybrown)

The Corsair rather likes Jodie Foster. For one, she's ridiculously smart for Tinseltown (Who the fuck majors in Literature nowadays? What does she think she is: An "intellectshual"?). Also, Anna and the King notwithstanding, Jodie Foster has rarely made a cinematic misstep. Third, she's a survivor: Jodie has been high up in the Hollywood firmament since she was a child.

As a survivor of Hollywood from back in the day, she has tales. Until now, she hasn't been open to telling them. Premiere's September 2005 issue changes that. In a remarkably candid interview with Sean Smith, she discusses the Hinkley episode and, more important for our purposes, Bugsy Malone:



(image via amazon)

"Premiere: I'm amazed at how sexualized you were in movies as a kid. Not just in Taxi Driver, but also in The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane and Bugsy Malone. Did it seem weird to you?

Jodie Foster: "No, it didn't. You know, I lived a good girl life. I went to private school. I didn't wear make-up. I didn't take drugs. But I was exposed to all of it. My mom was very liberal and open about things. We'd get ice cream and drive down Hollywood Boulevard: 'Oh look, there's a teenage boy prostitute.' (laughs) So making a movie about those things was sort of like writing a book about them. It doesn't mean you're that way. The reason I was well cast in those movies is that I was not the Hillary Duff type. I was a tough little ... so, like Bugsy Malone, if you put me in hair and costumes, it has a completely different spin. I love that movie."

"Premiere: Bugsy Malone?

Jodie Foster: "Yeah. I don't know if you could get away with that now, with the guns and the boys wearing mustaches and the girls flirting with them. That was the first movie I did with all kids, and it was treacherous. I was the only actor who had acted before, and most of the kids were English, these tough little dancers that they brought in from Manchester and Leeds. It was like going to prison. And I was the girl who hung out with the cute boys, like Scott Baio, so (those girls) hated me.

"They would pull out the fire extinguishers off the walls, and you'd be going down the corridor, and suddenly there'd be like five of them, and they would be like, 'What's the password?' And if you didn't know it, they would (makes sound like the spraying of a fire extinguisher and laughs)

"Premiere: Are there scenes in your movies that unlock specific memories?

Jodie Foster: "Oh yeah. There's a little pot-of-gold moment on every movie -- somebody I was in love with and trying to impress, or a certain moment with an actor. For a scene in Hotel New Hampshire, Rob Lowe and I got to spend the entire day naked in bed, and when everybody went out to eat lunch we ordered in and talked about our lives and played music and laughed and fell asleep. It was such a great little brother-sister moment. I always think about that when I see that movie. "

Later, on the subject of destiny and Tom Cruise:

" ... It's funny, I think destiny is just a fancy word for psychological pattern. I look at Tom Cruise's career and I have a really good sense of this strange destiny that's pushing him. He aspired to the life he has. He planned it. Maybe not the media scrutiny, but I think he wanted to have his own plane. I think the idea of having a billion dollars, to him, is really attractive, because then he can think of ways that he can give it away. My feeling is, why don't I just have, oh, $100 million and then not have to give any of it away. (laughs)"

Picture Pages, Picture Pages ...



Wanted: Drunken hipster fuckhead who shits behind sofas at parties. Do not confront this man, especially if he is full of cruddites. Consider him constipated and dangerous.(image via thecobrasnake)



"It's not all that hard, really. My exposed skeletal grooves make it impossible for the hoola-hoop to actually fall." (image via thecobrasnake)



Blake wasn't initially sure that he even needed a personal stylist, until he saw comitment in the form of a tattoo of the stylist's craft on Adolphe's inner forearm. (image via thecobrasnake)



Very few black men can pull off the Isaac Asimov-mutton chop look. Arguably, Asimov himself couldn't pull it off. (image via thecobrasnake)



There was a man who lacked for pussy, until he met a man with no ass. (image via thecobrasnake)



Postmodern ironist and Secretary of the Treasury Snow doing his one-act show "Sluggish Economy." (image via AP)

Rosie O'Donnell on Art



(image via hallmark)

Art is a subject that has engaged the greatest minds in the history of the world -- Heidegger, Rameau, Aristotle, Gurdjieff -- now, make way for: Rosie O'Donnell (The Corsair sips at a glass of Grappa di Prosecco, clearly unimpressed).

Rosie discourses on Art on her blog (Averted Gaze), which increasingly sounds like the incoherent musings of the developmentally disabled character she played in that crappy Hallmark special "Riding The Bus with My Sister":

"i use i photo first
"i make an album full of the pix i like
"i put them in an order sometimes color
"sometimes their expressions
"sometimes actual sequence

"i open i movie - i choose photos
"they all appear - tiny icons
"i place then one at a time
"in the bar beneath

"i have a song in mind
"usually b4 i start
"but if u dont just choose one
"that fits the mood

"hit the music button
"ur i tunes library will come up
"click on the song
"hit play

"ta dah
"art"

Or something like that.

A Little of the Old In and Out



(image via strangecosmos)

In: The Ken Auletta-Katie Couric Article. Nut-brown mantanned media scribbler Ken Auletta does a portrait of Katie Couric in thousands and thousands of cascading words in this week's New Yorker. For those with ADHD, this is what it all boils down to: Katie is no longer a Katie, but not quite yet a Katherine, ya dig? All those untold millions in salary and perks have created a disconnect between her current incarnation and Middle America.

(Note: Auletta's article is repeatedly punctuated with brutal smackdowns in parenthesis noting the absolute irrelevance of CBS' The Morning Show)

Replacement time? --Can you say Kelly Ripa?



(image via BBC)

Out: The Game. Is The Game over? According to the 3AM Girls:

"We hear the protege of Dr Dre was due to attend a party for clothing kings Projekts NYC at London club Attica on Saturday.

"But when the venue's owners got wind of his 'gangsta' reputation, they got cold feet. A source tells us: 'Blue's Simon Webbe had been hanging out with The Game and called the party's promoters to ask if he could bring someone along. He was told it would be fine but when Attica's owners found out, they asked door staff to bar him.

"'They heard that The Game had a reputation and an enormous entourage, and they didn't want any sort of trouble.'"



(image via secondtuesday)

In: Musto on The Wedding Crashers. Frankly, The Corsair skipped The Wedding Crashers on the grounds that we never quite got the whole concept of Vince Vaughn. The Godlike Michael Musto, who gives a favorable review to The Aristocrats (Ed Note: The Aristocrats is a Corsair advertiser), then gets all Roger Ebert on The Wedding Crashers' slatternly ass:

" ... I just belatedly caught up with Wedding Crashers and found it a somewhat overrated romp suffused with an obligatory dose of gay panic. The comedy has a gross, psychotic (if at least artistic) queer character who blindly dives on VINCE VAUGHN as Vaughn curls his little nose in revulsion. (It's true, JANE SEYMOUR's character does pretty much the same thing to OWEN WILSON, but he ends up sort of cottoning to the idea.) What's more, the film panders to its audience by working horrid remarks into the script and then discounting them�a clever way to have your bitter cake and eat it too. 'Homo!' shrieks the demented granny character about the aforementioned psychofag, and the audience howls with glee. 'That's no way to talk,' instructs a younger character, making it all OK."

You tell 'em, Musto.



(image via jsonline)

Out: Jose Canseco, Man-Beast, Damned, Dirty Ape. Has Jose Canseco -- he of the jutting horsejaw -- even even attained the upright posture? Doubtful. He seems Neanderthalic, monosyllabic, bestial, oily, devoid of higher thought, -- Schwarzeneggerish even -- but not quite human. Jose Canseco is an intermediary life form between man and simian. And yet, as testament to the fetid decline of Western Civilization, Canseco-beast has a bestseller, a VH1 show, ogling groupies (AKA, "low-grade pieces of ass"), and, now, once more, largesse!

It boggles the imagination. It drives us to distraction. According to those fabulous Page Sixxies:

"THAT as soon as Jose Canseco showed off his naked torso on 'The Surreal Life,' the casting director for 'Charmed' called the retired slugger to book him for a guest-star spot. His manager, Bob DeBrino, is also mulling offers from producers who want to make a movie version of his best-selling memoir, 'Juiced'"

Canseco probably has all sorts of original animal senses and "rib busting ox-strengths" that we, as homo-erectus, gave up when we left the treetops and became civilized. He must emit some sort of pheromone cocktail that is irresistible to media executives.



(image via reelparadise)

In: Reel Paradise. The Corsair cannot wait to go to this screening. It looks to be an indie sleeper. According to Indiewire:

"Steve James' latest documentary 'Reel Paradise,' featuring indie guru John Pierson, his wife Janet, and their two children, will debut theatrically in New York later this month before expanding to theaters in Los Angeles and then other markets. Wellspring is opening the movie at the new IFC Center in Manhattan on August 17th. IFC is close to a deal to handle the cable debut of the doc, which premiered at the Sundance Film Festival this year before screening at SXSW and other festivals this spring and summer.

"The Miramax film has followed a rather unique route to theaters since James visited the Pierson family in Fiji where three years ago they ran the small 180 Meridian Cinema offering free screenings for locals in remote Taveuni.

" ... Pierson family friends Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier of View Askew executive produced the doc (Pierson repped their debut film 'Clerks' more than ten years ago, making a deal with Harvey Weinstein that led to a long-term relationship between the Weinsteins and View Askew); Miramax financed the film but last year the Indiewood company ultimately agreed to sell it off as big changes took place inside the company and the Weinstein brothers announced their departure. Cinetic Media stepped in to broker a deal and at SXSW this year, Wellspring's Marie Therese Guirgis and Ryan Werner saw the film, met with the Piersons, and began pursuing a deal for the movie.

" ... The film not only offers the story of a family, but also gives a unique look at the impact of popular American movies on people living in a remote village. Crediting James, John Pierson explained back in March that what he likes about 'Reel Paradise' is that it 'allows people to enter a world and not necessarily come out feeling exactly the same about it.'

"'Certainly one of the defining characteristics of 'Reel Paradise' is the honest - sometimes joyous sometimes painful - depiction of their lives in Fiji,' added James in his directors statement. 'The film is neither a Pollyanna portrait of the Piersons nor, for that matter, of the Fijians. The film shows that life is hard there in differing ways for both the family and locals.'"

We're so there.



(image via ananova)

Out: Joe Jackson. No, no, no -- contrary to rumor: Joe Jackson did not shoot Bubbles the chimpanzee after catching him and his son in a post-coital embrace. But, yes, he did beat Jacko with a "switch and a belt" when he misbehaved. Perhaps that's why Michael decided to diss his pops. From WorldofWonder:

"(Michael Jackson's father) so framed the Berlin Estrel hotel, telling them all his family, including Michael, would attending for his 76th. They got him 120 rooms including the president's suite for free, the mayor throw a reception, the media even was buying the story Michael would move to Berlin since he was looking at property. But then a day before, Michael send a 'sorry I cannot come, but love u all' message from Bahrain. Janet and LaToya claimed to have missed their flights. In the end Joe was sitting with Jermaine in a big ball room, eating golden eggs and on stage was a Michael impersonator, who sung: 'Happy birthday daddy.' Then he got a tart with a female stripper jumping out and he was signing her bare breasts. It was so sad."

Not if those eggs were sunny side up.

Fergie Urinates on Stage



(link via gawker via Lukas Kaiser)

That Fergie of the Black Eyes Peas is quite a catch, right? A real peach, huh? Well, a real "wet peach" in any event. According to FemaleFirst:

"Black Eyed Peas star Fergie ... has confessed she chews the skin on her hands and wrists when she gets nervous or bored.

"She admitted: 'I bite my skin, too.'

"When she was younger, Fergie's mom tried to stop her habit by smothering her hands in bad-tasting cream. But it didn't work because Fergie, real name Stacey Ferguson, liked the bitter flavour.

"She explained: 'I like the chemical taste.'"

And, evidently, she also likes the sour, sad and wet feeling 'neath the loins. According to LukasKaiser (via jessica and jesse at gawker), who took this off the White Stripes message board:

"The reason why the Black Eyed Peas took the stage so late is because they claim to have been 'stuck in traffic' and that security wouldn't let them in.Anyway, after they took the stage, it was very clear that they were all very hammered.

"So hammered, in fact, that Fergie decided to piss RIGHT ON THE STAGE. No joke. According to radio reports, she moved over out of the spotlight at some point in their set, and just let it go. Without taking her pants off, either."

So, like she needed a private moment to evacuate her bowels. It's not rock and roll unless the lead singer posses herself, right?



(image via LukasKaiser via gawker)

"So, sure enough, when she got back in the spotlight, it was obvious what she'd done. And she just kept on going as if nothing happened."

More photos here.

In other diva bowels reporting from Contactmusic, Whitney Houston preambled the dropping of a "deuce" (link via Drudgereport):

"(Houston) showed off her bloated stomach and affectionately told her husband, 'I'm about to do the doo. I'm about to drop it on the one - a boat load.'"

We're so happy for you, Whit.

Fresh new posts, daily, staring May 1, 2007 (The Corsair)

CBS News' Public Eye



(image via sfgate)

The Corsair once again diligently stalks CBS News Digital's Larry Kramer, who is, IMHO, the most intriguing figure in the rapidly changing digital news space. These changes remind The Corsair of Hegel's spectral "Geist" unfolding in the pages of Phenomenology of Spirit. He's doing bold, risky things at CBSNews. Borrowing from the momentum of the rise of cameraphones and citizen journalism (Of which, Al Gore's Current TV, which launched on Monday, is the most fully realized example), Kramer is establishing a "conversation," of sorts, via the new CBS "Private Eye" blog, between the viewers of CBSNews and the executive staff. According to CJR (link via iwantmedia):

"The main change (at CBSNews.com) was the entire CBS News operation was committed to work on CBSNews.com. So all 1,500 people at CBS News now also contribute to CBSNews.com."

This means, in essence, that CBSNews.com is now, for all intents and purposes, no longer the farm leagues (As online news divisions were back in the day The Corsair worked at Silicon Alley Daily), but full partners in the production of the network news. Incidentally, this trend extends into hard print. The New York Times is doing the same thing, integrating NYTimes.com and the Old Gray Lady. As Bill Keller and Martin Niesenholtz put it in their joint memo today (link via Gawker via Romenesko), "Over the past ten years the newsroom of Nytimes.com and the newsroom on 43rd Street have been partners at a distance -- separated administratively, culturally, geographically and financially. We have built bridges -- most notably the Continuous News Desk -- and we have admired each other's work, but we have not been full collaborators."

They continue, "Until we move into the new building, we cannot physically merge the newsrooms, but we are looking at ways to promote much more side-by-side cooperation in conceiving and executing journalism. Web producers should routinely participate in the daily conversations where coverage is launched. Senior editors of the Web should be a presence at all of the meetings where the masthead, department heads, feature editors, enterprise editors and others hatch plans. In the newsroom at 43rd Street, everyone should come to regard the website as his or her responsibility."

Larry Kramer goes on in CJR about the integration of CBS News and CBSNews.com, in what could very well be an addendum to the New York Times memo:

"That's a massive sea change for a television news operation, and the reason we're able to do it, one of the reasons, is [CBS doesn't] have cable [news]. So whereas an NBC correspondent who files from the field for, say, the NBC 'Nightly News,' also files from the field for MSNBC and CNBC, our correspondents don't have those other outlets.

"What we did was we created the new outlet -- a 24-hour outlet for them -- we just put it on the Web. And we argue, and I think convincingly, that if MSNBC and Fox and a number of the news networks knew ten or fifteen years ago what they know today, they might not make the same investment in building a cable news operation, because with the advent of broadband on the Web, the Web is really a much more attractive place to get news, even news video, now."

That sounds just about right (For further reference on the vicissitudes of cable news, see this). The integration of the online with the offline may just stem the bleeding of mainstream media by the internet (and gaming).

But what of Vaughn Ververs's position at CBS News as "nonbudsman," and how his new job of this era of digital news will differ from the traditional position of "ombudsman," to wit:

"An ombudsman in most cases actually writes and criticizes the news coverage of the newspaper. So if you look at most ombudsmen, look at some of the papers doing it, they make judgments about [coverage]: 'We could have done this better, we could have done that better.' We're not asking him to do that."

This -- again -- is a major development in reporting for which we may want to pause. As a result of RatherGate, CBSNews is going to introduce internet commentary into the news reporting process. Kramer elaborates:

"We're asking (Ververs) to go out and find out what the public is saying about our coverage, and what others are saying, and then we're asking him to pick the most intelligent commentary he sees out there about how we're covering the news -- and there is a lot of it -- or how news in general is being covered, not just by us (like 'Why is the press covering the Runaway Bride so much?'), and then his job is to then go into CBS News, and get the opinion of the top management or the correspondents involved at CBS News as to what's going on with that story, why we're doing it, and moderate that discussion.

"So he'll post the criticism from the outside, he'll post reactions from the CBS News people, and he'll be a moderator. He'll be like the moderator on 'Crossfire.' He won't be a columnist who's asked his own opinion. His job isn't to give us his opinion. His job is to get the intelligent discussion on the outside world exposed to CBS, and have CBS react to it, and let people on the outside throw out their criticism of what we're doing. So he's meant to moderate that discussion."

The Crossfire reference was indeed unfortunate, but the idea is exciting. The full CJR interview here. The New York Times memo here.

Jude Law Wants Sienna to be his BabbyMomma



(image via usaweekend)

Clearly aware of the fact that his Q-Ratings are on the line -- at least with women, men already hate his ass -- Jude Law is launching a charm offensive the likes of which includes the creation of petite offspring. According to Newsoftheweek:

"JUDE LAW is trying to woo back SIENNA MILLER with baby talk.

" ... A pal revealed: 'Jude has begged Sienna for forgiveness and says he wants her to have his baby."

And who, pray tell, will play the Nanny in that impending tragic-comic operetta?

"'Sienna was stunned when he raised the subject, but Jude insisted it would prove his commitment to her."

An age old story, still, go on:

"'He loves Sienna more than anything in the world and he really believes that a baby would seal their relationship if she could only bring herself to forgive him.'"

And -- cynically, we know -- save his reputation as a viable warm-and-fuzzy romantic lead in Hollywood, in the process (We told you we were cynical).

" ... The friend added: 'Jude is riddled with guilt. He's told Sienna he'd never cheat on her again.'

"The pal added: 'He's desperate to convince her he would make a great dad if they had a little son or daughter together and that he would always be there for her.

"'Jude's appealing to every instinct a woman has and he can be very persuasive.

"'He's doing his best to paint a vision of their future together."

The full article here; it's a pisser.

Alcee Hastings to Replace Harman on House Intelligence Committee?



(image via zogbyblog)

As a bleary-eyed Corsair sipped wanly on his own personal recipe Kenyan blend coffee while watching, with arched brow, "The Chris Matthews Show" on Sunday, a nougaty morsel of Hill gossip was thrown -- we believe by Joe Klein of Time -- into the fray. In the "Tell Me Something I Don't Know" segment, it was said that Nancy Pelosi wants to replace Congresswoman Jane Harman with former impeached judge Alcee Hastings on the House Intelligence Committee.

"Pelosification" continues apace (Pelosification, n, the act of applying slight cosmetic change -- i.e. "framing" -- to a situation of extreme ideological crisis).

From Alcee Hastings, Plaintiff, versus, United States of America, et al, Defendants:

"Judge Alcee Hastings, a federal district court judge, was removed from office by the United States Senate after he was convicted on articles of impeachment on October 20, 1989.

"Impeachment is an extraordinary remedy. As an essential element of our constitutional system of checks and balances, impeachment must be invoked and carried out with solemn respect and scrupulous attention to fairness. Fairness and due process must be the watchword whenever a branch of the United States government conducts a trial, whether it be in a criminal case, a civil case or a case of impeachment.

"[1] The key issue in this case is whether a life-tenured Article III judge who has been acquitted of felony charges by a petit jury can thereafter be impeached and tried for essentially the same alleged indiscretion by a committee of the United States Senate consisting of less than the full Senate. This Court determines that the answer is no.

"The plaintiff is a former United States District Court judge. He has brought this action against the United States of America, the United States Senate, and several individual federal officers claiming that he was impeached, convicted and removed from judicial office in violation of the Constitution."

Aren't there better candidates to serve on the House Intelligence Committee during this war on terror?

Melissa Gilbert To Leave SAG: President Tom Hanks?



(image via indiadaily)

As if it weren't bad enough that the AFL-CIO were cleft in twain, SAG President Melissa "Half-Pint" Gilbert will not seek another term.

The exasperated former "Little House on the Prairie" star appeared on AMC's Sunday Morning Shootout with all guns ablazing. Gilbert, who is nonsalaried, spoke of the non-earners who dominate voting in SAG elections. Barely able to maintain a veneer of political correctness, she referred to the 70 percent of actors who have earned less than $1,000 in the past year as thespians as "those people," "bitter," "unemployed actors," and "non-earners." Gilbert sees that voting bloc as embittered by the Hollywood process that didn't grant them their dreams of celebrity.

Melissa Gilbert painted an apocalyptic scenario in which those actors could, within the next two years, shut down Hollywood to revenge themselves against perceived slights by agents and producers. "It has a potential for dire consequences in ... the wrong camps." We cannot fail to add that Melissa Gilbert pronounced the words "wrong camps" in a manner which suggested that the all inclusive "motherfuckers" might be the more accurate description.

Intriguingly, the outgoing SAG president suggested that either Tom Hanks or failed blogger George Clooney -- top earners, both -- should take her place.

The Corsair likes the sound of Tom Hanks (Warren Beatty, who has been mired in loser dust of late, might also be an interesting choice, IMHO). How many untold Oscars, how many top-billing movie posters and how much "Hasselhoff money" does the man goddam need anyway to achieve ever-elusive self-acceptance. Tom Hanks could do so much more for America by presiding over the dysfunctional SAG, dispensing folksy wisdom, after the manner of Reagan.

President Tom Hanks?

A Little of the Old In and Out



(image via thereeler)

In: NBC Universal-Dreamworks? Despite the funky weekend box-office stink emanating from "The Island," the Uni-DreamWorls deal procedes apace, with billionaire power players David Geffen and Ron Meyer doing a cautious vertical mambo, a dance remenscent of what can only be properly construed as "the funky capitalist chicken" with a touch of the tarantela. According to Variety (link via cinematical) " ... As the NBC network stumbles and the broadcast business as a whole faces a host of challenges ...":

"... General Electric's board of directors gave Bob Wright's NBC Universal a formal nod Friday to pursue an acquisition of DreamWorks.

"A purchase would include DreamWorks' 60-title library and would safeguard and expand lucrative distribution deals with DreamWorks (for live-action pics) and DreamWorks Animation.
"Still, one Universal insider figures there's less than a 50% chance the two sides will be able to agree on price.

"Wall Streeters think DreamWorks is looking for top dollar, between $1 billion and $1.4 billion. They also said U would like to lock in Steven Spielberg for one or two pictures a year, and it's not clear whether that's an option."

Isn't that amazing? A billion-dollar media deal could turn on whether or not Steven Spielberg, whose DreamWorks attention span appears to have wandered, feels he owes it to the company. Spielberg is like the pretty girl in high school that everybody wants -- or was that the lascivious Paul Allen on Graydon Carter? We can't keep up with quotes in this meta-media universe.



Oily "R-Lister" Matt Dillon presents Mercedes Cup, and, quite possibly, a raging case of herpes. (image via Hello!Magazine)

Out: Bridgehampton Polo. Polo, once the sport of Kings has devolved, alas, into a sport of jokers -- at least in Bridgehampton. Choire Sicha and Lizzy Ratner warned us, now Hello!Magazine supplies the physical evidence of the demise:

"Silver screen hunk Matt Dillon was on hand to present the winner's trophy at this year's Mercedes Benz Cup in the exclusive summer resort of the Hamptons. He wasn't the only heart-throb in attendance, though, as Argentine model Ignacio Figueras was competing in the event. The 28-year-old, who has just signed as the new face of Ralph Lauren's Polo Black fragrance, has been playing professionally for over a decade.

"Kill Bill star Vivica A Fox meanwhile seemed more taken with her pet pooch than the excitement unfolding on the field. The high-kicking actress, elegant in a wide-brimmed hat and halterneck dress, was photographed cuddling with her furry friend in one of the hospitality tents."

Wow, like Vivika Fox, Matt Dillon and an Argentine model; what, was Lou Ferrigno unavailable (Averted Gaze)?



In: Angelica Houston. Excuse us our oversight in not praising Hollywood royalty Angelica Houston enough lately. In A Life Aquatic, Houston was magnificent as the sophisticated jet-setting occupant of Gore Vidal's pad, La Rondinaia, sporting, we cannot fail to note, sexy blue streaks in her hair (Geminians love women with multi-colored hair, and, if humanly possible, multi-colored personalities to match); we were too much in utter awe of Bill Murray back then (Why doesn't this man already have a fucking Oscar? Our mission in life is to help him achieve one), to give Houston the requisite props.

Houston took the Hollywood "lemon" of being an actress over 40, and thus radioactive as an onscreen lead, and made gelato di limone, appearing in edgily-nuanced and perfectly form-fitting independent film roles. But now, according to British Vogue, her "juice" is getting celebrated beyond the independent screen:

"HARVEY NICKS hosted a serious ladies' luncheon last week, when Sabrina Guinness brought a stylish few together in honour of Angelica Huston. Much drinking, laughing and smoking ensued, as the likes of Marie Helvin, Bianca Jagger, sculptress Emily Young, Hannah Rothschild and Nona Summers chatted and reminisced about what is, in some cases, 30 years of friendship - as their fellow lunchers looked on in awe. The fun went on until well after 5pm, we're told'?"




The 90s were not kind to Tori Spelling. (image via janhoo)

Out: Tori Spelling and Dustin Diamond. Yuck. If Darwin were indeed correct about the theory of natural selection, then the formidable forces of the universe would be acting in concert -- aggressively -- to keep these two "looks-challenged" pseudocelebrities as far apart as possible, in case of mitosis. According to Fashionweekdaily:

"Tori Spelling admits her first on-screen kiss was with Screech, aka Dustin Diamond, on Saved by the Bell?"

Now -- The Corsair dares you -- try and eat lunch with that pernicious image floating around in your noggin; we defy you.



(image via aeronautics)

In/Out: Ambassador Bolton, Interim Appointment. The Corsair, who is of a United Nations family, and having attended the UN School, was not entirely averse to the proposition of a Bolton Ambassadorship on the grounds that, a) John Bolton could provide a workable link between the Neoconservative cabal in Washington and the rest of the increasingly skeptical players in the international arena, b) John Bolton would light cacophonousus firecracker under the collective, flabby bureaucratic asses down at Turtle Bay, c) John Bolton would have the support of a Republican majority in Congress -- a very rare occurrence, indeed, and, finally, d) That John Bolton would have the ear of the President, something most UN Ambassadors from the US have rarely even come close to having (In the psychology of a dominant superpower, the invitation to diplomacy is considered, quite frankly, to be an admission of weakness).

Well, a, b, and d are "jake," only: the all-important c) never happened, because -- quixotically -- the President decided not to supply the necessary documentation (which, arguably, could be construed as Biden-in-2008 stalling), to the highly charged Foreign Relations Committee in the Senate. So, according to CNN:

"'This post is too important to leave vacant any longer, especially during a war and a vital debate about U.N. reform,' Bush said from the Roosevelt Room at the White House.

"The move bypasses the confirmation process in the Senate, where Democrats had blocked the nomination in a dispute over documents and accusations that Bolton lacks the temperament to hold the U.N. post.

"'A majority of United States senators agree that he's the right man for the job,' Bush said. 'Yet because of partisan-delaying tactics by a handful of senators, John was unfairly denied the up-or-down vote that he deserves.'

"Senate GOP leaders twice failed to muster the 60 votes needed to break a filibuster and move Bolton's nomination to a floor vote.

"Although the split was largely along party lines, one Republican on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, Sen. George Voinovich of Ohio, joined Democrats in opposing Bolton's nomination."